The Depression Thread

Raymond Luxury-Yacht · Dec 8, 2021

I’m really struggling today. I really haven’t been the same since losing my brother-in-law, I think about him every day and see him in my dreams all of the time. Now with me being due on soon and all the worries associated with upcoming Christmas I feel even worse. It seems like my life has no meaning.

bamboo98 · Dec 8, 2021

Is it ok for me to join in?
I’ve suffered with depression for years, I start feeling better for a while and them bam, back to square one. I’ve just admitted defeat and sent off a self referral to a therapist to see if that will help. I’m not much of a talker, I avoid it due to anxiety so I’m not sure if it’ll even help but at this point it’s worth a shot.

TapToBoreMeRigid · Dec 8, 2021

Trying to stabilise on new med, husband also mentally ill, mum being tested for cancer, me being tested for autoimmune conditions, our dog having breast cancer and now we have found out my FiL has been being abused by family.

Additionally we have no money and the idea of Christmas makes me sick.

Happiness everywhere I look and it is so jarring.

Sending love to all

TheGlossy · Dec 9, 2021

I really hope everyone on this thread gets relief from whatever it is you are personally going through

Does anyone feel like crying but physically not even shed a single tear even though you have that feeling in your chest that just wants to come out but simply can't? It's as though there is a disconnect between emotions and your body. Crying would bring me a lot of relief, but my body is not following.

Raymond Luxury-Yacht · Dec 9, 2021

TheGlossy said:
I really hope everyone on this thread gets relief from whatever it is you are personally going through

Does anyone feel like crying but physically not even shed a single tear even though you have that feeling in your chest that just wants to come out but simply can't? It's as though there is a disconnect between emotions and your body. Crying would bring me a lot of relief, but my body is not following.

Do you take any meds? It happened to me when I first started taking fluoxetine. I wanted to cry but couldn’t, but it has since passed.

TheGlossy · Dec 9, 2021

Raymond Luxury-Yacht said:
Do you take any meds? It happened to me when I first started taking fluoxetine. I wanted to cry but couldn’t, but it has since passed.

Nope, I don't take meds, not even birth control or aspirin.

Kiki13 · Dec 10, 2021

Can I join please?

Suffered with depression since a teen, so well over half of my life. I thought I was on an even footing for a couple of years, and my things like relationship/friendships/work all going well. But then a couple of months ago my relationship broke down (honestly all of a sudden and at once) and it's stirred up so much childhood trauma around rejection and abandonment and sent me back down the spiral.

I can barely get out of bed most days, I do because I have a dog and that boy has saved me because I have to get up and look after him, but I'm cancelling plans with friends, volunteering etc (things that usually bring me joy) and just sleeping. I used to love exercise but I haven't moved in weeks. I "go to work" (WFH) and do enough to get by but I feel like I'm failing there too.

I just feel so alone and hopeless. My ex wants to work on things but I'm paralysed with depression and don't know what to do for the best, so I can't even confront yes or no, which I guess also keeps me in limbo of not being able to start to heal.

I started therapy again, but I don't feel I can reach out to friends, who I suspect will think I am being "too much" as it's been months.

Sending care to everyone <3

or JusRollWithIt · Dec 13, 2021

TheGlossy said:
I really hope everyone on this thread gets relief from whatever it is you are personally going through

Does anyone feel like crying but physically not even shed a single tear even though you have that feeling in your chest that just wants to come out but simply can't? It's as though there is a disconnect between emotions and your body. Crying would bring me a lot of relief, but my body is not following.

TW: death mentioned

I felt that for a good part of the year at the start of the pandemic. Friends around me were upset and would tell me they’d cried etc. And I felt upset by many things too but was physically unable to release it by crying. I kept thinking something must be broken inside me. I wasn’t on meds. I’m not sure of the reason, I think it’s maybe a stress response, or even a self-preservation mechanism to disconnect after a trauma. I know people feel that way after losing a loved one, where they feel guilty about not being able to cry for the loss. I can relate to the feeling of wanting that release and I hope it comes for you. In the meantime, maybe there can be other outlets like exercise or speaking with someone?

Gullri · Dec 13, 2021

I am sorry guys you all feel bad. Keep on fighting even though it is so hard. I have gotten strong anxeity partly from getting an chronic illness. I keep on criticising myself even though i feel ok in the early part of the day. As soon as it turns dark here around three I get angry with myself. I have started taking half a sleeping pill in the afternoon to calm me down, it helps for anxiety but is strictly firbidden to do that. I just want to feel alright. Even though I have done no wrong I pick apart memories of the days social interaction. I feel ashamed if I have gotten my way and think I have gone too far. I say hateful things in my mind to myself. I pretend to be tough ok cool even, and I seem to fool myself. I don’t want anyone to know how I dislike myself. Then when I am back at home alone the picking apart starts. I just have an urge to ask for forgiveness for nothing. I really just project my thoughts on myself. It’s my mums fault. She taught me to be like this. Now I should be happy I am still ok and not in a wheelchair anymore but I just feel so unhappy. And I am angry with myself for not being happy. Sorry I just needed to went my crappy feelings

Underhiseye · Dec 13, 2021

Jumping in again. Feeling really low. Just had a friend round but didn’t say anything as she was annoyed about something. Can’t talk to my other friend cause she’s happy and feeling festive, don’t want to bring her down. I have a few other friends but just don’t know what to say. I feel so alone I hate this. I’m sick of waiting for these low phases to pass, they just come back worse than ever

Kiki13 · Dec 13, 2021

Underhiseye said:
Jumping in again. Feeling really low. Just had a friend round but didn’t say anything as she was annoyed about something. Can’t talk to my other friend cause she’s happy and feeling festive, don’t want to bring her down. I have a few other friends but just don’t know what to say. I feel so alone I hate this. I’m sick of waiting for these low phases to pass, they just come back worse than ever

Just came to say, I'm sure your friend would much rather you spoke to her than didn't. She can support you and still be festive. Infact we want to look out for our loved ones especially at this time. You are worth it. I know it's hard to believe that of yourself though, I struggle with that too.

Kim Mild · Dec 14, 2021

TheGlossy said:
I really hope everyone on this thread gets relief from whatever it is you are personally going through

Does anyone feel like crying but physically not even shed a single tear even though you have that feeling in your chest that just wants to come out but simply can't? It's as though there is a disconnect between emotions and your body. Crying would bring me a lot of relief, but my body is not following.

I have felt this . Often I feel like I don't have time to cry , nor do I have the privacy . Crying is something that would release , and it's not something that should be stopped during the process beautiful someone is trying to comfort you.

anything at all · Dec 15, 2021

Posted on this thread over a month ago now
And I’m sadly still in the same place.. if not worse

this time of year isn’t helping and making things worse for me I swear … on top of how I’m feeling I’ve got people hassling me about Christmas plans and I honestly don’t want to know or take part in anything. Had people asking me what I want for Christmas etc, Ive already tried to say let’s not do gifts this year save your money.. but it’s just ‘oh no we can’t do that, what would you like…’ it’s such a hassle to come up with any suggestions as I don’t feel like anything brings me joy. Then I get made to feel like I’m being awkward..

Last time I spoke with the NHS well-being service they were wanting me to attend their webinars but I’ve spoken to them since and they’ve agreed that I’m not in the right place for that so it likely wouldn’t work or help me. They’ve referred me on for counselling instead but said it would likely be over the phone or a video call. Feel a bit hopeless as there is no way I would be able to talk or get my feelings out. I don’t have anywhere private at home to chat and my partner works from home and that’s not even the main problem..I have terrible phone anxiety which I keep repeating to them but they don’t listen.

They recommended that I should reach out to my GP and ask if I could try antidepressants - the last time I mentioned to my GP that I thought I was depressed it went ignored, so I’m hesitant to bother them about it again. I also had a bad experience on one antidepressant in the past so I’m unsure if I want to try any again. But I’m not managing well on nothing here? Is it worth a go..

If anyone made it this far through my rant
Question:
If you’re taking any medication, how did you know if you needed it?

I do think the main thing that’s stopping me going to my GP again is my previous experience when I mentioned how I was feeling before but there’s no other GP to register to here and it’s all online and you don’t know who you will get ..

EddyDarling · Dec 15, 2021

anything at all said:
Posted on this thread over a month ago now
And I’m sadly still in the same place.. if not worse

this time of year isn’t helping and making things worse for me I swear … on top of how I’m feeling I’ve got people hassling me about Christmas plans and I honestly don’t want to know or take part in anything. Had people asking me what I want for Christmas etc, Ive already tried to say let’s not do gifts this year save your money.. but it’s just ‘oh no we can’t do that, what would you like…’ it’s such a hassle to come up with any suggestions as I don’t feel like anything brings me joy. Then I get made to feel like I’m being awkward..

Last time I spoke with the NHS well-being service they were wanting me to attend their webinars but I’ve spoken to them since and they’ve agreed that I’m not in the right place for that so it likely wouldn’t work or help me. They’ve referred me on for counselling instead but said it would likely be over the phone or a video call. Feel a bit hopeless as there is no way I would be able to talk or get my feelings out. I don’t have anywhere private at home to chat and my partner works from home and that’s not even the main problem..I have terrible phone anxiety which I keep repeating to them but they don’t listen.

They recommended that I should reach out to my GP and ask if I could try antidepressants - the last time I mentioned to my GP that I thought I was depressed it went ignored, so I’m hesitant to bother them about it again. I also had a bad experience on one antidepressant in the past so I’m unsure if I want to try any again. But I’m not managing well on nothing here? Is it worth a go..

If anyone made it this far through my rant
Question:
If you’re taking any medication, how did you know if you needed it?

I do think the main thing that’s stopping me going to my GP again is my previous experience when I mentioned how I was feeling before but there’s no other GP to register to here and it’s all online and you don’t know who you will get ..

GPs can be really shit when it comes to mental health, especially depression, so I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
I'd say it's 100% worth making another appointment, do you feel you have it in you to be a bit more firm about it all?

Raymond Luxury-Yacht · Dec 15, 2021

Underhiseye said:
Can’t talk to my other friend cause she’s happy and feeling festive, don’t want to bring her down.

You won’t necessarily bring her down, she might appreciate knowing about your struggles and thoughts. I know I would if something was going on in my friend’s life. Hope you are okay

anything at all said:
If you’re taking any medication, how did you know if you needed it?

I just understood I could not cope on my own, I was tired, unhappy and suicidal. I’m on my second round of fluoxetine, it hasn’t sorted out all of my problems but it makes me calmer and kind of numb, and at this point I’d rather be numb than suicidal.

mindlessness · Dec 16, 2021

anything at all said:
Posted on this thread over a month ago now
And I’m sadly still in the same place.. if not worse

this time of year isn’t helping and making things worse for me I swear … on top of how I’m feeling I’ve got people hassling me about Christmas plans and I honestly don’t want to know or take part in anything. Had people asking me what I want for Christmas etc, Ive already tried to say let’s not do gifts this year save your money.. but it’s just ‘oh no we can’t do that, what would you like…’ it’s such a hassle to come up with any suggestions as I don’t feel like anything brings me joy. Then I get made to feel like I’m being awkward..

Last time I spoke with the NHS well-being service they were wanting me to attend their webinars but I’ve spoken to them since and they’ve agreed that I’m not in the right place for that so it likely wouldn’t work or help me. They’ve referred me on for counselling instead but said it would likely be over the phone or a video call. Feel a bit hopeless as there is no way I would be able to talk or get my feelings out. I don’t have anywhere private at home to chat and my partner works from home and that’s not even the main problem..I have terrible phone anxiety which I keep repeating to them but they don’t listen.

They recommended that I should reach out to my GP and ask if I could try antidepressants - the last time I mentioned to my GP that I thought I was depressed it went ignored, so I’m hesitant to bother them about it again. I also had a bad experience on one antidepressant in the past so I’m unsure if I want to try any again. But I’m not managing well on nothing here? Is it worth a go..

If anyone made it this far through my rant
Question:
If you’re taking any medication, how did you know if you needed it?

I do think the main thing that’s stopping me going to my GP again is my previous experience when I mentioned how I was feeling before but there’s no other GP to register to here and it’s all online and you don’t know who you will get ..

Definitely go back and see your GP again. Even if it feels hard. Make sure to be upfront and honest about your symptoms too. Tell them you've had a hard time previously with that previous antidepressant and ask for an alternative.You can do it. You deserve support and healthcare.

I knew I needed an antidepressant when talk therapy alone wasn't working. Went on my first AD nearly a decade ago now I think? But I had been dealing with anxiety and depression for years before that. I've cycled through a number of them since! I haven't been on an AD for a year now. My psychiatrist has me focused on lifestyle stuff (routine, therapy, food, exercise, sleep, hobbies etc). But if he thought I needed to go back on one, I wouldn't hesitate. In the past medication has really helped me get to the point where I can make an effort with all the lifestyle stuff that can improve/lessen the severity of my depression.

Libbylulu · Dec 16, 2021

anything at all said:
Posted on this thread over a month ago now
And I’m sadly still in the same place.. if not worse

this time of year isn’t helping and making things worse for me I swear … on top of how I’m feeling I’ve got people hassling me about Christmas plans and I honestly don’t want to know or take part in anything. Had people asking me what I want for Christmas etc, Ive already tried to say let’s not do gifts this year save your money.. but it’s just ‘oh no we can’t do that, what would you like…’ it’s such a hassle to come up with any suggestions as I don’t feel like anything brings me joy. Then I get made to feel like I’m being awkward..

Last time I spoke with the NHS well-being service they were wanting me to attend their webinars but I’ve spoken to them since and they’ve agreed that I’m not in the right place for that so it likely wouldn’t work or help me. They’ve referred me on for counselling instead but said it would likely be over the phone or a video call. Feel a bit hopeless as there is no way I would be able to talk or get my feelings out. I don’t have anywhere private at home to chat and my partner works from home and that’s not even the main problem..I have terrible phone anxiety which I keep repeating to them but they don’t listen.

They recommended that I should reach out to my GP and ask if I could try antidepressants - the last time I mentioned to my GP that I thought I was depressed it went ignored, so I’m hesitant to bother them about it again. I also had a bad experience on one antidepressant in the past so I’m unsure if I want to try any again. But I’m not managing well on nothing here? Is it worth a go..

If anyone made it this far through my rant
Question:
If you’re taking any medication, how did you know if you needed it?

I do think the main thing that’s stopping me going to my GP again is my previous experience when I mentioned how I was feeling before but there’s no other GP to register to here and it’s all online and you don’t know who you will get ..

I agree some GP’s are terrible in treating mental health. If you aren’t strong enough to put up a fight can you take someone with you? Strength in numbers

nothanksbabes · Dec 16, 2021

Anyone else feel shit and then just... do ridiculous shit and make bad decisions and ruin their own life?

I've been sabotaging a good career for nearly two years because I can't sort my head out and nobody seems to give a shit, and it's a job at a level where I can't and don't expect hand holding, but also... My brain is mush and I can't concentrate so I just shut down.

I drink way too much at the moment. Always been a drinker but never to blackout/can't stand levels, until now. Always had a good tolerance and been a nice drinker and the life and soul but now I'm just a chaotic crying nuisance.

Same for drugs, need to give my brain a chance and in my head I want a quiet life but I'm just chaotic sometimes. I'm lonely and do stupid shit and risky things with inappropriate men who probably don't even like me.

I'm 36 and should have a life by now. I left an abusive relationship 4 years ago and had some therapy but I still feel like I've never had and will never have a normal life and maybe I'm not really a person and I've done something horrible to just be stuck. I've tried really hard over the last few years to not repeat the same old shut as before and what I'm doing now is no better. It all just seems very pointless. Sorry for the essay, maybe just saying it out loud will help.

butterfliesandhurricanes · Dec 16, 2021

I’m dreading Christmas. If I’m completely honest I didn’t think I’d be here. Not sure how I survived this year. I just want the whole festive period to be over.

TapToBoreMeRigid · Dec 16, 2021

Anyone else find Christmas lights and music really jarring with how they feel? So much happiness and I can't understand how people can be happy.

This is the first year I am not going to spend any part of Xmas with the person who sexually abused me. That's the only good bit. I am completely ignoring Xmas rather than trying...trying would make me feel worse.

I'm increasing Sertraline to 150 from 100 tomorrow.

Sending love to all. You aren't alone. This mind virus is affecting our ability to see the good. There is good. I've seen good before. I have to believe I will see good again.

The Depression Thread

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