The Depression Thread #2

Agent Cooper said:

I’m definitely in the ‘sod the bank holidays’ camp! I’ve had a few but instead of making me feel merry, alcohol made me so much more miserable. Being myself, I am just wallowing in this misery and purposefully making myself feel worse. I really wish I had someone who would tell me to stop.

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Hey @Agent Cooper

Stop wallowing

Get a glass of cold water, step outside in the dark and just take a moment to just breathe.

Or, take that glass of water up to bed, but some quiet music on, wash your face, brush your teeth, and get cosy xxx

I want to share a positive thing. Yesterday on another thread we were talking about art and galleries, and there was so many interesting conversation that came from it.
I love art, and yesterday I actually felt really excited getting to chat about it with other people. It’s been a while since I’ve felt anything like that, but it was really nice to realise my real-self is still here, and that it’s not all my depressed self.

Pollyanna263 said:

Hey @Agent Cooper

Stop wallowing

Get a glass of cold water, step outside in the dark and just take a moment to just breathe.

Or, take that glass of water up to bed, but some quiet music on, wash your face, brush your teeth, and get cosy xxx

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I know you mean the wallowing in a good sense, but sometimes tis hard, a few years ago, I spent nearly 2 months in bed, I still have days like it now,

Pollyanna263 said:

Hey @Agent Cooper

Stop wallowing

Get a glass of cold water, step outside in the dark and just take a moment to just breathe.

Or, take that glass of water up to bed, but some quiet music on, wash your face, brush your teeth, and get cosy xxx

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Thank you so much Pollyanna! I just had that glass of water, but before that I made myself shower, brush my teeth and paint my nails. I’m going to get some sleep, wake up early and try to have a good day tomorrow. Thank you, I appreciate it more than you know

@Sideboard Bob I really have to ask, your user name on here, where did that come from?

Maid22 said:

@Sideboard Bob I really have to ask, your user name on here, where did that come from?

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I originally came to tattle to chat on the Jack Monroe threads, which inspired my user name. She pretends to be poor but is notorious for spending a lot on Cotswald sideboards, and sometimes posing on them! That, combined with Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons!

How about you, is there a story behind your user name?


And to keep it on topic, Monroe will often claim she’s depressed, but it’s usually a shield against criticism. I guess it’s a problem with social media and influencers in general, the way the some of them talk about mental health makes it harder for those of us who really do struggle to be taken seriously.

Sideboard Bob said:

I originally came to tattle to chat on the Jack Monroe threads, which inspired my user name. She pretends to be poor but is notorious for spending a lot on Cotswald sideboards, and sometimes posing on them! That, combined with Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons!

How about you, is there a story behind your user name?


And to keep it on topic, Monroe will often claim she’s depressed, but it’s usually a shield against criticism. I guess it’s a problem with social media and influencers in general, the way the some of them talk about mental health makes it harder for those of us who really do struggle to be taken seriously.

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I had no idea who jack Monroe was!! Nadia sawalah brought me to tattle, dreadful woman!! My name maid is a Cornish endearment xx

OK so I don't know where to start but , I've always had bouts of anxiety and been an over thinker I used to have the odd panic attack outside but it wasn't frequent. Anyways fast forward to last year and I started to have them nearly everytime I'd do go out even just to local shop. Now I don't go out at all take bins out I'd get to the end of the street and start feel the attack rise and I'd run back. So through not going out I started to get more down I haven't been out properly in about 4 months the panic attacks are very bad and avoid me going out my heart pounds my chest feels tight I feel tingly and numb racing thoughts it's awful .I feel so down I'm a mother of 2 and have a partner he's just been recently diagnosed with mood disorders and ptsd and started medication from docs it has me thinking I should ring the doc from myself and try out meds but I'm anxious to take them (side effects) . But I'm facing another challenge. A move. We're moving back to Leeds where my partner is from (I'm from Scotland and we live here). Due to noisy neighbours upstairs that we have been dealing with for 5 years and hasn't helped our mental state. His sister has been very supportive ( she also has been through alot and can understand and encourages meds). She says she can sort things out for us when get to Leeds and help us out . Which I'm grateful for because we don't get much help here.. but the thought of sitting in a car for 4 hours makes me panic . I feel very down I just want to sleep all the time I have not get up and go sorry this was a brain dump...

Maid22 said:

I had no idea who jack Monroe was!! Nadia sawalah brought me to tattle, dreadful woman!! My name maid is a Cornish endearment xx

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Cornwall is my happy place, the only place my heart feels calm

Pollyanna263 said:

Cornwall is my happy place, the only place my heart feels calm

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Am Cornish and proud to be, but I'd move in a heartbeat, I really fancy Yorkshire!

Just to say I’m trying to read everyone’s posts, but I’m not having any luck replying beyond the really superficial.

My brain is just exhausted.

Hope everyone is doing okay. I will catch up properly soon

Pollyanna263 said:

Just to say I’m trying to read everyone’s posts, but I’m not having any luck replying beyond the really superficial. W

My brain is just exhausted.

Hope everyone is doing okay. I will catch up properly soon

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I'm the same, that's why sometimes I don't post, but just leave we all understand xx

Didn’t get out of bed today, just felt so numb. Didn’t put on the tv, didn’t watch TikToks, just lay in bed and slept from 11am-5pm even though I had a full nights sleep last night. I feel like sleep is my only escape, I never feel well rested or energized but at least when I’m asleep I don’t have to think. When I come home from work during the week I have to fight with myself to not just go to bed at 7pm.

Going to sleep again now and try enjoy tomorrow.. I’m determined to get up and do a self care shower

Pollyanna263 said:

Just to say I’m trying to read everyone’s posts, but I’m not having any luck replying beyond the really superficial.

My brain is just exhausted.

Hope everyone is doing okay. I will catch up properly soon

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Hope you are okay too Pollyanna I always enjoy your thoughtful posts on here x

newaccount2022 said:

I feel like sleep is my only escape, I never feel well rested or energized but at least when I’m asleep I don’t have to think.

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I can relate to that. When I hit my all-time low last autumn, I started sleeping for 11-12 hours straight. I go to bed at 1am and get up a 1pm (I work and study in the evening). When I wake up, I don’t feel refreshed but groggy and miserable. I think it’s something to do with the stages of sleep, it takes me ages to fall asleep and I have very vivid and chaotic dreams so I guess I just wake up during the wrong stage. Are you the same? I’m trying to introduce better sleep hygiene, will report back if it works for me x

2 failed relationships ( one cheated, I dumped him and the other decided I wasn't for him as I had low self esteem, I did too much for him and his daughter and I had put on weight !!!) , stressful job, a miscarriage in the mix finally took its toll. I've been on anti depressants now for 4.5 years, an 8 week stay in St Pats Dublin in 2020. Straight into lockdown once I came home. I live alone so I definitely feel last few years have been tough!

Currently on sick leave from work. Attended my psychiatrist a few weeks ago and said I'm still not feeling great finding the mornings so tough. Low motivation, no energy etc. So I'm currently weaning off venlaflaxine ( was on max dose 375mg) along with citalopram 20mg.
In 2 weeks or so I will be starting zyban 150mg, has anyone been on this (its normally used to wean off cigarette addiction)
Thanks for reading

Agent Cooper said:

When I wake up, I don’t feel refreshed but groggy and miserable. I think it’s something to do with the stages of sleep, it takes me ages to fall asleep and I have very vivid and chaotic dreams

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This is me!
I have flashbacks in the day and nightmares and/or ridiculous vivid dreams at night. Sometimes I message my friend to tell her about them and she is stunned!

I wake up feeling exhausted. Never rested.

My psych has prescribed Topiramate for me to try, which he says is amazing for helping with the crazy dreams.

I'm so depressed right now. Infertility, grief and trauma are kicking my arse. Sorry to post out of the blue

Agent Cooper said:

I can relate to that. When I hit my all-time low last autumn, I started sleeping for 11-12 hours straight. I go to bed at 1am and get up a 1pm (I work and study in the evening). When I wake up, I don’t feel refreshed but groggy and miserable. I think it’s something to do with the stages of sleep, it takes me ages to fall asleep and I have very vivid and chaotic dreams so I guess I just wake up during the wrong stage. Are you the same? I’m trying to introduce better sleep hygiene, will report back if it works for me x

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Thanks for your wisdom xx

I have definitely always struggled with sleep, even back when I was a child! In the past year or so my depression has definitely hit a new low and that’s when my sleeping habits changed - I was going from never sleeping, getting probably 4-6 hours a night, always going out and getting up at the crack of dawn and feeling so giddy/like I couldn’t sit down. Now I am physically, mentally, emotionally wrecked and all I want to do is lie down and sleep. If I can fit in 10-12 hours I definitely do, but like you I never wake up feeling rested or energized. I also suffer from horrible, vivid dreams where nothing visual really happens but it’s more that I have intense panic/fear and wake up in that state.

For better sleep hygiene - I definitely need to start getting in and out of bed at the same time daily, and not getting back into bed at 10am on a Saturday like I did yesterday! I’m hoping to also walk home from work from now on to get some evening exercise in and hopefully this helps.

For today.. I’m up, went for a walk and got a coffee, I’m showered, and feeling much less panic stricken than yesterday thank god.

Fanny Muchmore said:

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Maybe your medication needs tweaked if it's not working so well anymore?

Sending love and hugs.

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It was tweaked, but I still have no energy. I don't know whether it's the meds or the depression or me just never being able to do anything.

After over ten years of struggling with this, I really don't know what the truth is anymore. The doctor told me to go for a daily walk and I can't even do that. Being unemployed for so long doesn't help my mental health either. I'm just so tired. And it still feels like such a small thing compared to other people. That it shouldn't be this hard. That I should just get over it.

I read here quite often but need to get my feelings out. I'm finding life difficult and have been for a while. I haven't felt truly happy and can't seem to find happiness anywhere. I feel stressed about the future and generally disatisfied in every aspect of life. Sometimes I'm not sure why I'm bothering, everything feels like a lot of effort and just very overwhelming. Even doing small things feels a lot sometimes and minor inconveniences can cause me to breakdown. At the moment I feel like I'm just surviving and I can't see anything to look forward to. I make plans and think of ways to make time move faster so I can just get through life. Even if I am enjoying something in the moment, I can switch very easily and feel on edge, waiting for something to go wrong. In these moments I get the feeling that enjoying something is pointless anyway because we all die in the end. I'm consumed by my thoughts because I'm alone, with no one to make me feel worthy, cared about or loved.

I was away this weekend with a big group and it should have been great, but I'm back now thinking about all the people who seemed happy, carefree, not constantly worried and those that were coupled up. My self confidence is shot as no one ever has any interest in me so there must be something wrong with me but I'm not mentally prepared to hear what it is.

I have booked my first counseling session this weekend but wish it was sooner. Every day is a struggle and I just don't want to keep having to drag myself though each day. Im a nice person so surely deserve some happiness and not to feel like I'm being beaten into the ground all the time.