The Chateau Diaries #23 Turning viewers into tattlers

[lalablahblah]

Thank you @Milre
@Linus was a close 2nd. Both great titles.

Dear crock flock. Having recently returned from the Joel Osteen seminary I am now back at our beloved Lalande. Covid rules be damned this is for religious purposes. I have souls to corrupt save. We are in need of a new hymnal to fleece inspire the faithful. Kat the choir director has plagerized that old Canada favorite O Tanumbaum. The new verses are O Scamming Bums O Scamming Bums. We are in need of the sheet music for Brother toe.
In a PR nightmare brother Tea Bag has had his picture taken with a hooker issues while on mission in Madrid. Remember the teachings of High Priestess Skankadankadingdong if there isn't any pictures, video or recording it didn't happen.

In line with the scamming teachings of the great Joel Olsteen our new moto is Doesn't it feel good to give a little money to Stephanie.
Many Thanks and Blessings
All Hail Spode

 

[Joy no toile]

[



Thank you @Milre for the new title and @sandro37 who provided the foundations for the Lunatique Centre.
Thank you lalablahblah for new thread.
Thanks to @ploppityplop2 for the intro!
Thanks to @MojoDublin and @Rory for Glossaries.

Yup needs a few edits. Sigh.

Glossary

CD - The Chateau Diaries
Tarts boudoir - Chateau de Lalande
HMN - heap in the middle of nowhere
Flat 34B - bolt hole SJ

LOTL/LOTLL - Lady of the (Lost) Lake, aka Stephanie (b.1975)
SSB- She Who Shouts from the balcony, SJ
QBC- Queen of bed chambers - SJ
MB - Madame Boneyparts -SJ
SJ - Stephanie Jarvis
Fanny - Stephanie Jarvis

MMAF - Mad Man's Arse Face, i.e. mummy
Mini Apron - Isabelle Jarvis (nee Biggio, b.1942) married 1962/3 to Derek Jarvis, widowed 2009, married to Percy Atfield year???

Potty/MP - Michael Potts
Cinder-Ruth- MPotts current squeeze Ruth Kelly (b.1981)

Nitti/Nutty - Nati Oliveto

Floral Roadkill (FRK / RK) - Marie Wiik (b.1991)

BJJ - Baby Jesus Jeans, aka Philip Janssen
PP (Nostril of Lalande) - Prince Philip
UH - Uriah Heep - Philip
Renfield - Philip

MP/MP2/MPK - Michael Petherick (b.1986)
MOLD: Man Of LOST Design - Michael Petherick
Crybaby - Michael Petherick
Sir Trotter BDSM - Michael Petherick
Teabag Trotter - Michael Petherick
Master - Swedish director of Elias Truedsson
BS - Billy Spielberg - Billy Petherick (b.1990)
Trotter, Petherdick - any Petherick family reference
Ma Trotter - Sherrie Petherick
Pa Trotter - Mr Petherick Esq
PILF: The only Petherick I'd like to be filmed with - Pa 'Mick' Trotter

Dear Brenda/BG - Brenda Gibbons (superfan/Facebook admin) from Donegal Ireland
Karen Cbomb - other superfan/admin, Canada
Jumpsuit Jill - rabid serial deletor of unfan comments on premier chat - Jill Scott, New Zealand

Donegals - Limericks (renamed in honour of Dear Brenda)
Agents - Tattlers who find out juicy background info

Chat O (or variations) - Chateau (how Brenda says it)
“BuyMeACoffee” - give me money (no, really, give me money, I really need it)

MBNS;GF - more boring narc stuff; gimme facts

PSDFHB - princess shouting down from her balcony
PRSDBP - princess in her robe shouting down from her balcony at the peasants

Wet Blanket - Fun hoover
Mickey Dodger - Woman who avoids sexual encounters

Thanks to @Rory for the SSB Main Squeeze Glossary:

1. Gregory Mason Clark - Husband and boyfriend, on and off at uni. SJ approx 18
2. Nic Larkin - apparently just friends at uni (but also dated according to CB?)
3. Married Husband 22-24??? (wedding registered in July 1999, she was 23 at the time)
4. Michael Potts met through Oliver Strong on and off 10 years. Open relationship in the end. Buys Chateau 2005 during relationship age 29.
5. Edmond Fokker van Craayenstein (player in tight trousers who pretends to be an aristocrat-BF with guy who said "let the 80 years-olds die off")
6. Mason Dwinell on and off (last we heard he is still staring at the sun?)
7. Ludwig Norweigner (otherwise known as Nordic Weirdo, alcoholic friend unceremoniously dumped at the train station without a ticket)
8. James Jardine (turned out to be "too much" for the girl who never has enough)
9. Daniel Hengeveld (nicknamed Druggy Daniel, because of his not so secret habits. IJ was furious about that romance and the fact that he introduced narcotics into the shat-o. Christmas 2016)
10. Various volunteers ad nauseum (bread oven guy Walton, Christian We etc.)
11. BJJ (any port in a storm, eh Stephanie?)

Artwork @Linus


I hope you don't mind @Linus
Last edited: Wednesday at 9:49 AM

Omg

Château Dictionary courtesy of Hercule P

Unfortunately ran out time couldn't attach, mea culpa.

Thank you for compiling our dictionary.


Dadification: The attribution of Derek's nature or characteristics at each and every opportunity. @Jeeves

A Fouquet: as in to pull a Fouquet. The act of using public funds to finance once lavish lifestyle, in honour of the Great Nicolas Fouquet, Louis the XIV’s finance minister and builder of celebrated Château of Vaux-le-Vicomte (the most ostentatious Château of its time, pre-dating the Versailles renovations) who finished his life in jail being accused by the King of mismanagement of funds. @justcommonsense

Gustavo: male prostitute with expensive tastes @HerculeP

Madrid syndrom: stricto sensu, long journey to have some bedroom activities in a very expensive hotel in the middle of a pandemy
Flexible version, long journey to have some bedroom activities in a very expensive place @HerculeP


Stephanese: What would be your definition? @mummydearest


To Versailles: to behave like Marie-Antoinette (Sofia Coppola’s dancing, dressing-up, gambling, romanticising nature version of Marie-Antoinette) As in They Versailled again all night yesterday! @justcommonsense

To Versailles up: to make Versailles-inspired design choices that, depending on taste and budget, may result in a nouveau-riche or tat-like look. As in They Versailled up the entrance, it looks [insert preferred adjective]! @justcommonsense

To be continued
Don't forget "Stephfending" I cannot remember who said it, but it made me laugh!

 

[Phoenix Richards-Bingham]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................so good to have a new thread!!!!

 

[Joy no toile]

Father O'Malley think I sinned. Took it upon myself to add somethings. After 7 edits, well sigh. I'll begin to silently watch, no posts til I forget this debacle.

 

[Coffee Bean]

Long time observer here, but your thread #23 does not appear under the 'forums' tab, I could only access it from your link in thread #22 page 54. Maybe you haven't 'published' it or made it active? I don't know how creating new threads work. Just pointing it out as there has been no activity for awhile.

 

[Moderator]

Thanks for the report, moved this from lifestyle Instagrammers. Threads need to be created in the same forum, you can't randomly move it to an obscure forum

I have no idea what category we are posting in to start a new thread. Whoever knows what category to use let me know. I'll give starting a new thread a shot.

You put it in bloggers as that's where every other thread is!

 

[FrenchGirl123]

@Stroppy Do you know this tree surgeon (with his missing front teeth) ?

@lalablahblah Thanks for the new thread.

 

[Milre]

Created my first ever gif, especially for you tattlers

 

[Mrs O]

Stop press ... stop press ... Stop press ... Stop press

Dutch newspapers are reporting that the producers of a new musical have finally been successful in recruiting the last remaining vacant role to their new show. The production, a musical version of the old Laurel and Hardy film ‘Sons of the desert’, is a combined effort between Abba and Webber-Rice. Producers had been searching throughout the world for someone to fill the last role in the show when an ASM, Tomas, had the idea to google ‘Camel’. The name of Philip Jannsen was prominent in many hits. He was finally tracked to a run-down decaying chateau in a poor, rural region of France. Producers said he was so difficult to track as the owner of the house, a 45 year old, single unemployed, immigrant woman, was constantly using the broadband connection to download items to YouTube.

Philip has, allegedly, known fame before as a member of a one-hit Dutch boy band, whose name no one can remember.

The Director was initially a little disappointed by the fact that Philip wasn’t a real-life acting camel, but had, allegedly a very good camel-toe. In desperation they agreed to hire the out of work actor/upholsterer/driver/musician as he demonstrated, at his virtual interview, that he could hold a good tune and his snorts were parfait! The part of the camel was initially a non-singing, non-speaking role but the director said he was open to offers!

Rehearsals will commence immediately and it is hoped that the opening show, in Amsterdam, with be next month - providing people adhere to Covid 19 regulations over the Easter period and further lockdowns are avoided.

When questioned, Philip told our reporter that he felt he had been saved from a fate worse than death. The call, he continued, from the producer, had given him an excuse to leave the chateau, where he had be forced, by the owner, to constantly film her throughout the day and night, drive her to Brocantes and climb into old cess pit under the building. All this work without pay ... just promises!
The producer, on hearing Philip’s plight, had immediately indicated that he would write another musical with Philip as the lead. His assistant politely pointed out that a musical had already been written of ‘Sunset Boulevard’!

 

[Joy no toile]

Created my first ever gif, especially for you tattlers

The penitent sends regards.

 

[FrenchGirl123]

Created my first ever gif, especially for you tattlers

Good job Tattler !

 

[arthur]

re : title #23

always know tricky Stefiie's found the philosopher's stone = the worthy successor to Bacon-Dee-Ripley & al.
After transmuting crap into gold, she has some sort of draw on people. Yes, indeed, mag(net)ic power !!
Never thought I'd see that in my life

Reminds me the chorus "Brass (money) in pocket" (the Pretenders)

 

[arthur]

re : title #23

always know tricky Stefiie's found the philosopher's stone = the worthy successor to Bacon-Dee-Ripley & al.
After transmuting crap into gold, she has some sort of draw on people. Yes, indeed, mag(net)ic power !!
Never thought I'd see that in my life

Reminds me the chorus "Brass (money) in pocket" (the Pretenders)

now i've to binge-reading all #22

re : title #23

always know tricky Stefiie's found the philosopher's stone = the worthy successor to Bacon-Dee-Ripley & al.
After transmuting crap into gold, she has some sort of draw on people. Yes, indeed, mag(net)ic power !!
Never thought I'd see that in my life

Reminds me the chorus "Brass (money) in pocket" (the Pretenders)

sorry read known (mistake in my hurry)

 

[Clara Burnett]

Oh, Father O’Malley, may I plead for your guidance?
In researching the origins of our beloved doctrine of grabbing and grifting, I stumbled upon these messages that were send out to the public by our own mother Mary, our holiness Lady Isabelle, the birthmother of all we hold delightful. They seem to be completely contradictory to the scripture that’s been currently taught, in fact so contradictory they either entail a subliminal message I as a simple yet faithful follower can’t fully grasp or it’s a sign of those righteous trolls invading our universe. Could you kindly lead me into the right direction? How am I to interpret these awful temptations into this antithetical morality? Might her lesson be that hypocrisy is in fact a cleansing virtue?

 

[TheTaxInspector]

SJ: the Goddess of Greed and the Cult of Nothingness

Like a Hindu goddess, the Goddess of Greed, whose only sustenance is other people's money, holds in her many hands various properties, 'presents' from 'Cack at the Shato' sessions, and the various tools for scrounging - Patreon, YT, Instagrab, etc.

 

[Mrs O]

Oh, Father O’Malley, may I plead for your guidance?
In researching the origins of our beloved doctrine of grabbing and grifting, I stumbled upon these messages that were send out to the public by our own mother Mary, our holiness Lady Isabelle, the birthmother of all we hold delightful. They seem to be completely contradictory to the scripture that’s been currently taught, in fact so contradictory they either entail a subliminal message I as a simple yet faithful follower can’t fully grasp or it’s a sign of those righteous trolls invading our universe. Could you kindly lead me into the right direction? How am I to interpret these awful temptations into this antithetical morality? Might her lesson be that hypocrisy is in fact a cleansing virtue?

Note to Father O’Malley: when you issue a summons to Mother Mary of the ShiToo to attend the consecrated/de-consecrated Chapel of St Joseph, politely request she brings her sleeping attire, a bed and refreshments as you anticipate her stay will be somewhat greatly extended in the confessional box!

——————-
irony. Noticed the dates pre-GAG (grab a gift) YT and Patreon.

What would they be now - just about to start

 

[Pansygirl]

@Marquis de Potpourri Live Chat 14.41 on the last vlog. Michael Morrison tells Donna Davis Art that he is thinking of buying a property in Connecticut. He later tells her it’s a stunning property sure to be filled with treasures. Furthermore, he feels this may delay their trip to France. Yes, the one where he was going to take several of the ‘live chatters’ In his famous father’s private plane. So...an apartment on 5th Avenue and a stunning property in Connecticut?..

 

[ploppityplop2]

@Marquis de Potpourri Live Chat 14.41 on the last vlog. Michael Morrison tells Donna Davis Art that he is thinking of buying a property in Connecticut. He later tells her it’s a stunning property sure to be filled with treasures. Furthermore, he feels this may delay their trip to France. Yes, the one where he was going to take several of the ‘live chatters’ In his famous father’s private plane. So...an apartment on 5th Avenue and a stunning property in Connecticut?..

Catfish!

 

[Gibson]

Oh, Father O’Malley, may I plead for your guidance?
In researching the origins of our beloved doctrine of grabbing and grifting, I stumbled upon these messages that were send out to the public by our own mother Mary, our holiness Lady Isabelle, the birthmother of all we hold delightful. They seem to be completely contradictory to the scripture that’s been currently taught, in fact so contradictory they either entail a subliminal message I as a simple yet faithful follower can’t fully grasp or it’s a sign of those righteous trolls invading our universe. Could you kindly lead me into the right direction? How am I to interpret these awful temptations into this antithetical morality? Might her lesson be that hypocrisy is in fact a cleansing virtue?

The founding principles of our beloved leader! Merci. I will await the awakening of Stephanie and her wise guidance at the Shittoo this evening.
I have been doing penance waiting for the long promised Vlog of our brother at Basimignee ...
As per instructions from Father O'Malley and consultation with Bishop Selmar, I have found the stash of Terry's Chocolate orange helped during the long lonely nights waiting. They may also help you sister, whilst contemplating the teachings of our venerable Mother.

 

[Pansygirl]

Apparently it’s in Greenwich Ct. this one?