The Birds + The Bees

[HanB33]

I want to hear all of your embarrassing (or not so!) moments of when you realised what sex was and how you told your parents (or if they gave you the talk)!


I remember first getting a computer and I had an older friend round as they'd never used one and they told me to type sex into the internet address bar....so up came sex.com and I was HORRIFIED. She told me it's what my parents do and I was LIVID. DISGUSTING. OLD PARENTS. SEX. NOOOO!!!

I confronted my parents that night, sat them down in the living room and burst into angry tears screaming "I KNOW WHAT SEX IS AND I KNOW YOU DO IT!!!!!" - I cannot express how fricking angry I was, I stormed upstairs and slammed my bedroom door and my mum came up shortly after to tell me about sex, why it's not such an awful thing because it made me and that its it's okay for me to know about it. It just made me worse. I shoved her out of my room and told her she was disgusting took me a few days to calm down...

Okay - shared mine, your turn!!!!

 

[ChloChlo]

I was about 6, I couldnt sleep so opened the living room door, my dad was laying on his back on the sofa, my mum had no clothes on. She told me to go to bed but for whatever reason I just stood there in the doorway. Then my mum runs over naked, 38HH tits smacking her in her own face and shouts I should be back in bed and pushes me towards my bedroom.

I knew what they were doing because we lived in a high rise council estate and the spray paintings/words on the stairs were quite educational.

 

[moimoi]

Not technically the birds and bees, but in primary school, I was probably 8 or something, and other kids starting throwing around the word 'masturbating' as a joke. All I understood was that masturbating is when you touch your privates. My dad was one of those blokes that always 'adjusted' himself (not with his hands down his pants!) so I saw him touch it all the time, and that's what I thought masturbating was.

One evening, I just burst into the living room with my mum and dad and said 'Mum, do you know when dad touches his willy it's called masturbating?' and my mum nervously laughed 'WHAT? Where did you learn that word from?!' I said school and carried on with my day.

 

[ChloChlo]

Periods I was never really taught about either. My mum left the marital home shortly before I hit puberty and I didnt see her for some time. My dad just didn't have the correct emotional tools to approach the subject with his teenage daughters.

When it first happened it was scant and brown and it just kept appearing in my underwear. I was so confused and embarrassed because I thought it was shit and werent wiping my arse properly. Me and my siblings were ruthless for roasting eachother and I thought great, shitty pants will be like the crown jewels, I would never live this down so kept throwing them in the bin, making sure they were strategically buried by other things.

 

[Bleurghgram]

My mum did the period and sex talk as one, she’d arranged for everyone else to be out and for us to put the Christmas decorations up together as she explained.

To this day I hate putting the tree up.

 

[HelloStereo]

My dad left me in a hotel room by myself (I was 7) and I accidentally switched on the pay per view. It was a woman giving a man a blow job. For years after i thought that sex in its entirety was a man sticking his penis into a woman's mouth.

Served my dad right for leaving me in a hotel room on my own as he had to fork out for a massive pay per view bill the next morning.

 

[Platypusfattypus]

Kind of connected:

What age have people had these talks with their own kids? My daughter is 7.5 and I’m pregnant with our 4th, and I’m wondering how much detail to go in to when she starts asking questions. I don’t want to freak her out for life, but I want to be honest, as I don’t feel my mum did a very good job with me.

Ive always been up front. I'm of the opinion if they are old enough to ask the question then they are old enough to know the answer. My kids know no subject is off limits and that it will be answered honestly but appropriately. They are currently 14 and 12 but we've spoken about things such as different sexualities, grooming, sexual assault, pregnancy and abortion, STDs, masterbation, all conversations led by them. From a very young age we talked about consent, I always asked first before washing them in the bath, that their bodies are theirs etc. I'm a midwife so think it's so important my children feel comfortable with their bodies and know about healthy sexual relationships. I also used to work with sex offenders and think it's important my children know correct words for body parts and about consent.

 

[moimoi]

I never had the period talk neither, I was so confused. My mum came into my room knowing I'd started and asked if I had learned about it at school, I lied because I was mortified and said 'yeah :/'. Then my mum gave me a box of Milk Tray, pads and that was that.

I swear most of my sex ed came from secretly watching Eurotrash every Friday night on Channel 4 after South Park.

 

[Facehugger]

My parents gave me an illustrated book when I was about 11 which was pretty informative, but I topped up my knowledge by investigating all the rude passages in their books (D H Lawrence obviously, and John Updike was pretty filthy). Also I would nose around their bedroom and read their hidden-away copies of Forum (a sort of sex magazine/manual). I went to an all-girls’ school and we were shown a pretty gruesome film of a lady giving birth; a couple of girls fainted. Apart from that there were the likes of Jackie magazine and the ”Dear Cathy and Claire“ letters page for gleaning advice on snogging and crushes etc.

My mother was very old fashioned, I was given a book too (it was called Peter and Pamela grow up ). I was also given a packet of bloody doctor whites with loops on and an elasticated belt! I was told to ask her if I had any questions after I'd read the book

I did laugh years later when I went to work for a retired vicar and his wife as a home help...... their names were Peter and Pamela.

 

[ChloChlo]

My parents gave me an illustrated book when I was about 11 which was pretty informative, but I topped up my knowledge by investigating all the rude passages in their books (D H Lawrence obviously, and John Updike was pretty filthy). Also I would nose around their bedroom and read their hidden-away copies of Forum (a sort of sex magazine/manual). I went to an all-girls’ school and we were shown a pretty gruesome film of a lady giving birth; a couple of girls fainted. Apart from that there were the likes of Jackie magazine and the ”Dear Cathy and Claire“ letters page for gleaning advice on snogging and crushes etc.

My older cousin read More magazine and I thought it was so mature as a pre teen, it was a far cry away from the likes of Bliss and Smash Hits. I once spirited away a copy to take home from my cousins room. This one had a spread out of an illustration of a womans body with all the orgasmic points, all these juicy agony aunt stories which were always quite juicy and sex tips/embarrassing sex stories which always involved a fanny fart. I had it rolled up and hidden and would indulge in reading this stolen magazine like it was lost scriptures. All the pages were torn and it was falling apart I came home to my bedding changed and it was gone!! I couldnt look anyone in the eye for months over it.

When I was finally into my adulthood and reminisced over a More magazine I found it quite juvenile

 

[Hodgies]

I got told nothing by my mum. I must have had a talk at school about periods as I knew what they were but when they started I didn't tell her as I was embarrassed. I developed really early too and was the first out of my friends to start which didn't help. I think I just used toilet paper for ages until period started and I leaked through my clothes one day...always remember they were blue and white striped shorts She then had to acknowledge it but all she said was "have your doodah's started" She used to leave a packet of pads on my bed every month and that was it.

Absolutely no discussion about sex. Everything I found out was through books (Thank You Judy Blume!), magazines and more knowledgeable friends but I was totally clueless really. It wasn't even so much the lack of knowledge about sex but about relationships and "life" that would have made my teenage years less tortuous. I always pretended I knew about stuff when people talked but in reality I was ignorant of it all.

My experience has made me determined that my children will not be the same. I have boys so haven't got into much detail about periods but will always be open about sex and relationships etc.

 

[Platypusfattypus]

Not me, mine was very boring and my mum told me all I needed to know. But when my eldest was 3 she asked me how mummies grew babies. I told her that daddies gave mummies a special seed that joined up with an egg in my tummy and a baby would grow from that. She was all "OK" and I smugly congratulated myself for answering the question appropriately. The smile was wiped off my face when her dad came home and she excitedly ran over to him shouting how she couldn't wait till he put a special seed in her tummy so she could grow a baby. His face was a picture and I had to tell her that it would be a daddy of her baby, not her daddy.

My youngest was enthralled by my text books when I was a student midwife but that didn't go down to well with the nursery who had to ask me to ask her not to teach the other children that babies came out of vaginas or that she had run a surgery to cut babies out of her friends tummies. She's almost a teenager now but can't believe me and her dad have had sex 3 times (I have three kids).

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

I once asked my mother what an ‘orgasm’ was (I’d have been about 14)
she told me it was ‘like a sneeze-nice but you don’t want it all day,everyday’
it took me YEARS to work out that you don’t sneeze during sex!

 

[chocolate choux]

I don’t remember not knowing what sex was. Obviously I didn’t know the specifics when I was very young but I had a vague idea about it being something private that adults did. Probably learned about it through TV as no one told me

However, I remember being told about periods which genuinely felt traumatic. It wasn’t explained very well, just something about bleeding so I could have babies. I was horrified at the thought of bleeding so often and cried so much even though I was 9 or 10. Also didn’t understand why I had to bleed every month if I wasn’t planning to have a baby for years (I stand by this part ). Basically I had a massive tantrum over it as if puberty could be stopped

I also remember looking at women’s bodies and finding it weird I would have a similar ‘womanly’ figure one day... still waiting for that and I’m 26!

My daughter is almost two and I want to try to raise her knowing about this stuff (age appropriate level of course) as I would hate for her to be so shocked and overwhelmed by it all

 

[XXSJPXX]

My older cousin read More magazine and I thought it was so mature as a pre teen, it was a far cry away from the likes of Bliss and Smash Hits. I once spirited away a copy to take home from my cousins room. This one had a spread out of an illustration of a womans body with all the orgasmic points, all these juicy agony aunt stories which were always quite juicy and sex tips/embarrassing sex stories which always involved a fanny fart. I had it rolled up and hidden and would indulge in reading this stolen magazine like it was lost scriptures. All the pages were torn and it was falling apart I came home to my bedding changed and it was gone!! I couldnt look anyone in the eye for months over it.

When I was finally into my adulthood and reminisced over a More magazine I found it quite juvenile

You've reminded me of when i used to flick through my older cousins Cosmopolitan & Glamour magazines. I was a pre-teen at the time but was so baffled at all the sex tips/positions that they had in those magazines. I also once saw a two page spread in Cosmopolitan on their top-rated Rampant Rabbits!! At the time I thought they looked terrifying

 

[ChloChlo]

You've reminded me of when i used to flick through my older cousins Cosmopolitan & Glamour magazines. I was a pre-teen at the time but was so baffled at all the sex tips/positions that they had in those magazines. I also once saw a two page spread in Cosmopolitan on their top-rated Rampant Rabbits!! At the time I thought they looked terrifying

I used an image of dildos advert in a magazine as a coping strategy once

I remember my parents acting amicable and taking us all on holiday, I was on. So it was my first tampon experience else I wasn't allowed to go swimming. I was sat on the caravan floor in the shower room trying to insert it every way possible whilst my mum was standing outside asking if it's in yet and I kept picturing dildos thinking if people stuck those enormous scary, dancing, ribbed things up, why cant I get this poxy tampon in. I got it half way in. I was waddling around with it so uncomfortable for the entire day with it half sticking out, thinking that was how they were meant to be. We didn't even go swimming in the end.

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

Not sex but my mum always told me babies came out the tummy, when I was about 5 I was looking through a medical journal and found a picture of a baby being born and it certainly was not coming out the tummy I was traumatized!

 

[HowlOwl]

My parents gave me an illustrated book when I was about 11 which was pretty informative, but I topped up my knowledge by investigating all the rude passages in their books (D H Lawrence obviously, and John Updike was pretty filthy). Also I would nose around their bedroom and read their hidden-away copies of Forum (a sort of sex magazine/manual). I went to an all-girls’ school and we were shown a pretty gruesome film of a lady giving birth; a couple of girls fainted. Apart from that there were the likes of Jackie magazine and the ”Dear Cathy and Claire“ letters page for gleaning advice on snogging and crushes etc.

 

[GlitteryKitten]

I remember a VHS tape we watched in Year 5 or 6 which showed an entire family completely naked and honestly, I'm still traumatised at 27!
I also distinctly remember hearing the phrase "Fit together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle" in regards to sex and it will never leave my mind

 

[Eltonjohnsflorist]

This is a great thread! I also knew about sex and periods way before my mum told me (Judy Blume I think) so I’ve tried to just make periods especially part of life for my girls so I don’t really need to tell them as such.
They know they periods are monthly bleeds, that you use a tampon to catch the blood and that the blood is an egg being released that could make a baby. They know that tampons go into your vagina, and they know the vagina is inside their Minnie (cute word we use for pubis) as I hate it when woman don’t seem to know where their vagina is.

sexwise, they’re too young to understand genuinely (I’ve tried!) so we go with mummy and daddy do a magic cuddle. They also know that a gay couple can have a baby by going to a doctor to help them.

they do think babies can come out of your tummy or your vagina, which is From reading this thread I now think is potentially abit confusing because it sounds like it’s a choice but I’ve had 2 c sections so had to explain to my eldest what had happened when the youngest was born.

i think the bigger challenge will be telling them about consent/ respectful relationships and enjoying sex.
I started my periods very late (16 I think) so knew exactly what was going on by then