The Birds + The Bees

[HanB33]

I want to hear all of your embarrassing (or not so!) moments of when you realised what sex was and how you told your parents (or if they gave you the talk)!


I remember first getting a computer and I had an older friend round as they'd never used one and they told me to type sex into the internet address bar....so up came sex.com and I was HORRIFIED. She told me it's what my parents do and I was LIVID. DISGUSTING. OLD PARENTS. SEX. NOOOO!!!

I confronted my parents that night, sat them down in the living room and burst into angry tears screaming "I KNOW WHAT SEX IS AND I KNOW YOU DO IT!!!!!" - I cannot express how fricking angry I was, I stormed upstairs and slammed my bedroom door and my mum came up shortly after to tell me about sex, why it's not such an awful thing because it made me and that its it's okay for me to know about it. It just made me worse. I shoved her out of my room and told her she was disgusting took me a few days to calm down...

Okay - shared mine, your turn!!!!

 

[ChloChlo]

I was about 6, I couldnt sleep so opened the living room door, my dad was laying on his back on the sofa, my mum had no clothes on. She told me to go to bed but for whatever reason I just stood there in the doorway. Then my mum runs over naked, 38HH tits smacking her in her own face and shouts I should be back in bed and pushes me towards my bedroom.

I knew what they were doing because we lived in a high rise council estate and the spray paintings/words on the stairs were quite educational.

 

[chocolate choux]

I don’t remember not knowing what sex was. Obviously I didn’t know the specifics when I was very young but I had a vague idea about it being something private that adults did. Probably learned about it through TV as no one told me

However, I remember being told about periods which genuinely felt traumatic. It wasn’t explained very well, just something about bleeding so I could have babies. I was horrified at the thought of bleeding so often and cried so much even though I was 9 or 10. Also didn’t understand why I had to bleed every month if I wasn’t planning to have a baby for years (I stand by this part ). Basically I had a massive tantrum over it as if puberty could be stopped

I also remember looking at women’s bodies and finding it weird I would have a similar ‘womanly’ figure one day... still waiting for that and I’m 26!

My daughter is almost two and I want to try to raise her knowing about this stuff (age appropriate level of course) as I would hate for her to be so shocked and overwhelmed by it all

 

[moimoi]

Not technically the birds and bees, but in primary school, I was probably 8 or something, and other kids starting throwing around the word 'masturbating' as a joke. All I understood was that masturbating is when you touch your privates. My dad was one of those blokes that always 'adjusted' himself (not with his hands down his pants!) so I saw him touch it all the time, and that's what I thought masturbating was.

One evening, I just burst into the living room with my mum and dad and said 'Mum, do you know when dad touches his willy it's called masturbating?' and my mum nervously laughed 'WHAT? Where did you learn that word from?!' I said school and carried on with my day.

 

[ChloChlo]

Periods I was never really taught about either. My mum left the marital home shortly before I hit puberty and I didnt see her for some time. My dad just didn't have the correct emotional tools to approach the subject with his teenage daughters.

When it first happened it was scant and brown and it just kept appearing in my underwear. I was so confused and embarrassed because I thought it was tit and werent wiping my arse properly. Me and my siblings were ruthless for roasting eachother and I thought great, crappy pants will be like the crown jewels, I would never live this down so kept throwing them in the bin, making sure they were strategically buried by other things.

 

[HowlOwl]

My parents gave me an illustrated book when I was about 11 which was pretty informative, but I topped up my knowledge by investigating all the rude passages in their books (D H Lawrence obviously, and John Updike was pretty filthy). Also I would nose around their bedroom and read their hidden-away copies of Forum (a sort of sex magazine/manual). I went to an all-girls’ school and we were shown a pretty gruesome film of a lady giving birth; a couple of girls fainted. Apart from that there were the likes of Jackie magazine and the ”Dear Cathy and Claire“ letters page for gleaning advice on snogging and crushes etc.

 

[ChloChlo]

My parents gave me an illustrated book when I was about 11 which was pretty informative, but I topped up my knowledge by investigating all the rude passages in their books (D H Lawrence obviously, and John Updike was pretty filthy). Also I would nose around their bedroom and read their hidden-away copies of Forum (a sort of sex magazine/manual). I went to an all-girls’ school and we were shown a pretty gruesome film of a lady giving birth; a couple of girls fainted. Apart from that there were the likes of Jackie magazine and the ”Dear Cathy and Claire“ letters page for gleaning advice on snogging and crushes etc.

My older cousin read More magazine and I thought it was so mature as a pre teen, it was a far cry away from the likes of Bliss and Smash Hits. I once spirited away a copy to take home from my cousins room. This one had a spread out of an illustration of a womans body with all the orgasmic points, all these juicy agony aunt stories which were always quite juicy and sex tips/embarrassing sex stories which always involved a fanny fart. I had it rolled up and hidden and would indulge in reading this stolen magazine like it was lost scriptures. All the pages were torn and it was falling apart I came home to my bedding changed and it was gone!! I couldnt look anyone in the eye for months over it.

When I was finally into my adulthood and reminisced over a More magazine I found it quite juvenile

 

[XXSJPXX]

My older cousin read More magazine and I thought it was so mature as a pre teen, it was a far cry away from the likes of Bliss and Smash Hits. I once spirited away a copy to take home from my cousins room. This one had a spread out of an illustration of a womans body with all the orgasmic points, all these juicy agony aunt stories which were always quite juicy and sex tips/embarrassing sex stories which always involved a fanny fart. I had it rolled up and hidden and would indulge in reading this stolen magazine like it was lost scriptures. All the pages were torn and it was falling apart I came home to my bedding changed and it was gone!! I couldnt look anyone in the eye for months over it.

When I was finally into my adulthood and reminisced over a More magazine I found it quite juvenile

You've reminded me of when i used to flick through my older cousins Cosmopolitan & Glamour magazines. I was a pre-teen at the time but was so baffled at all the sex tips/positions that they had in those magazines. I also once saw a two page spread in Cosmopolitan on their top-rated Rampant Rabbits!! At the time I thought they looked terrifying

 

[ChloChlo]

You've reminded me of when i used to flick through my older cousins Cosmopolitan & Glamour magazines. I was a pre-teen at the time but was so baffled at all the sex tips/positions that they had in those magazines. I also once saw a two page spread in Cosmopolitan on their top-rated Rampant Rabbits!! At the time I thought they looked terrifying

I used an image of dildos advert in a magazine as a coping strategy once

I remember my parents acting amicable and taking us all on holiday, I was on. So it was my first tampon experience else I wasn't allowed to go swimming. I was sat on the caravan floor in the shower room trying to insert it every way possible whilst my mum was standing outside asking if it's in yet and I kept picturing dildos thinking if people stuck those enormous scary, dancing, ribbed things up, why cant I get this poxy tampon in. I got it half way in. I was waddling around with it so uncomfortable for the entire day with it half sticking out, thinking that was how they were meant to be. We didn't even go swimming in the end.

 

[Rbarb-bkini]

I never had the sex talk from my parents, school pretty much covered it when I was about 10. I remember they played a video about sex that made it look very clinical and formal so my perception of what sex was ended up being a bit skewed from that until I was a bit older.
However, we were on holiday in Portugal when I was about 8 and I saw a notice in the bathroom that said not to flush tampons down the toilet and I asked my mum what a tampon was. So she sat me down and gave me this big talk about how when I'm old enough I will start having periods monthly and it won't stop until I'm in my 50s and I had a massive tantrum about it screaming about how it wasn't fair and I didn't want to bleed every month
She told me on that holiday about how when she first got her period, her mum had never told her about it so she was freaking out! And that when she first tried to put in a tampon she thought she was dying! Thanks mum
I'm quite glad she was so open with me about it, and that I was the last of my friends to get mine, because by the time I got it, it didn't freak me out and I was quite happy to tell my mum and didn't feel embarrassed at all.
Still can't use tampons to this day though.

 

[Youre a wizard Harry]

I don’t remember my parents having a talk with me or a specific time that I realised I knew what sex was.
Embarassing moment though- I do remember when I had my first boyfriend (I was 15), he came to my house to see me for a few hours and later that evening after he left, my younger sister asked what we had been up to and my mum told her off for asking and said that she shouldn’t ask someone of my age that question younger sister just looked a bit confused!
I remember sex education when I was 11 and there was a cartoon of a man and woman having sex on a white background

 

[Facehugger]

My parents gave me an illustrated book when I was about 11 which was pretty informative, but I topped up my knowledge by investigating all the rude passages in their books (D H Lawrence obviously, and John Updike was pretty filthy). Also I would nose around their bedroom and read their hidden-away copies of Forum (a sort of sex magazine/manual). I went to an all-girls’ school and we were shown a pretty gruesome film of a lady giving birth; a couple of girls fainted. Apart from that there were the likes of Jackie magazine and the ”Dear Cathy and Claire“ letters page for gleaning advice on snogging and crushes etc.

My mother was very old fashioned, I was given a book too (it was called Peter and Pamela grow up ). I was also given a packet of bloody doctor whites with loops on and an elasticated belt! I was told to ask her if I had any questions after I'd read the book

I did laugh years later when I went to work for a retired vicar and his wife as a home help...... their names were Peter and Pamela.

 

[Felix08]

It was my dad who helped me with my first period, I was 10 and way too young. Came how ‘sick’ from school and told him there was blood in my underwear so he gave me a pad told me to stick it in my underwear and go lay in bed haha!

Sex education I dont remember. I do remember when I was 12 and school made us watch an educational video of two people having sex...

 

[HelloStereo]

My dad left me in a hotel room by myself (I was 7) and I accidentally switched on the pay per view. It was a woman giving a man a blow job. For years after i thought that sex in its entirety was a man sticking his penis into a woman's mouth.

Served my dad right for leaving me in a hotel room on my own as he had to fork out for a massive pay per view bill the next morning.

 

[moimoi]

I never had the period talk neither, I was so confused. My mum came into my room knowing I'd started and asked if I had learned about it at school, I lied because I was mortified and said 'yeah :/'. Then my mum gave me a box of Milk Tray, pads and that was that.

I swear most of my sex ed came from secretly watching Eurotrash every Friday night on Channel 4 after South Park.

 

[Platypusfattypus]

Not me, mine was very boring and my mum told me all I needed to know. But when my eldest was 3 she asked me how mummies grew babies. I told her that daddies gave mummies a special seed that joined up with an egg in my tummy and a baby would grow from that. She was all "OK" and I smugly congratulated myself for answering the question appropriately. The smile was wiped off my face when her dad came home and she excitedly ran over to him shouting how she couldn't wait till he put a special seed in her tummy so she could grow a baby. His face was a picture and I had to tell her that it would be a daddy of her baby, not her daddy.

My youngest was enthralled by my text books when I was a student midwife but that didn't go down to well with the nursery who had to ask me to ask her not to teach the other children that babies came out of vaginas or that she had run a surgery to cut babies out of her friends tummies. She's almost a teenager now but can't believe me and her dad have had sex 3 times (I have three kids).

 

[GlitteryKitten]

I remember a VHS tape we watched in Year 5 or 6 which showed an entire family completely naked and honestly, I'm still traumatised at 27!
I also distinctly remember hearing the phrase "Fit together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle" in regards to sex and it will never leave my mind

 

[birdiefly246]

I don't ever remember how I actually learned but I remember my friend's older cousin telling me what a blow job was age 6!!

We found a condom on our school playground when we were 8 and we all knew what it was which to this day I don't know how. One of the boys legit went up to the teacher and said, bold as anything, "there's a condom around the corner".

Then in year 6 we had the actual video which was totally pointless as we knew it then. It had cartoon people and showed how puberty would change us. I remember being absolutely fascinated by wet dreams

 

[Definitelyme]

Kind of connected:

What age have people had these talks with their own kids? My daughter is 7.5 and I’m pregnant with our 4th, and I’m wondering how much detail to go in to when she starts asking questions. I don’t want to freak her out for life, but I want to be honest, as I don’t feel my mum did a very good job with me.

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

Not sex but my mum always told me babies came out the tummy, when I was about 5 I was looking through a medical journal and found a picture of a baby being born and it certainly was not coming out the tummy I was traumatized!