The advice thread for random problems #7

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My friend is going away with his partner and needs someone to feed their rabbit. It's only one day I'd have to go but he lives 20 minutes away and is have to go before work. I've done it once before but don't want to get into the habit of doing so. He has a relative that lives a few minutes walk away who'd normally do it but this relative is nosey in the house so he doesn't want him to do it. I did say I'm working so don't really have the time. The first time the relative was away with them so I did it but I don't want to keep doing it if the relative is there to do it.
I'm just hoping if I don't reply for a few days then reply to say I'll do it he'll say don't worry he has asked the relative but if not I'll have to do it then

Just tell him you can’t help out and that he needs to ask the relative

 

[GoldSilver]

My friend is going away with his partner and needs someone to feed their rabbit. It's only one day I'd have to go but he lives 20 minutes away and is have to go before work. I've done it once before but don't want to get into the habit of doing so. He has a relative that lives a few minutes walk away who'd normally do it but this relative is nosey in the house so he doesn't want him to do it. I did say I'm working so don't really have the time. The first time the relative was away with them so I did it but I don't want to keep doing it if the relative is there to do it.
I'm just hoping if I don't reply for a few days then reply to say I'll do it he'll say don't worry he has asked the relative but if not I'll have to do it then

Are they a good friend? I’d do it to be honest, it’s not a big ask.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Are they a good friend? I’d do it to be honest, it’s not a big ask.

It's not but I don't want to keep doing it in the future when her relative lives a few mins away, as in basically on the same street. I'd also be more happy to do it if I wasn't working and also have to walk my dog before and after work

 

[Snippysnips]

It's not but I don't want to keep doing it in the future when her relative lives a few mins away, as in basically on the same street. I'd also be more happy to do it if I wasn't working and also have to walk my dog before and after work

I'd just be honest with them, do it once then they will probably just keep asking, finding small animal care is hard so when someone agrees then usually you'd want to keep asking, I had a neighbour's kid watch mine as she wanted to earn pocket money but I always made sure she was fully happy to do it, if she'd had said no then id have looked for small animal care, but because she was happy I didn't bother with the hassle of trying to find care, so if they think you are happy then they aren't going to look for it

 

[Serene Serena]

I live in a studio flat (kitchen, bathroom and main living room with pull down bed)
I own this property, been here years and have lived in flats previously so very used to having people living above.
Tenant above (also studio flat) moved in about 5/6 months ago and has been a nightmare from day one, lots of banging and crashing, slamming doors, very loud conversations, washing machine on early which is loud when it's directly above and numerous occasions of screaming and swearing once waking me in the early hours.
I contacted her landlord in the first month and explained, he apologised and said he'd speak to the agent who in turn said they would spk to the tenant. He also gave me the agents contact details.
Nothing changed so I rang the agents who were lovely and said they would contact her again, I thought at that point there was more than one person living there, they said only one on the tenancy but technically they could add another if needed, it wasn't a major issue.
They spoke to her and she claimed to have no idea what noises I was complaining about but I hoped things would settle.
They got worse.
I rang agent again this time speaking to the actual person in charge of said tenant, she was rude, kept interrupting me, insisted it wasn't unreasonable behaviour to have a washing machine on at 7am and that I had to expect to hear noise. Told me to ring police if I didn't like the screaming and swearing.
I explained several times I was well aware that noise was to be expected as was very used to having people above as I've lived here over 20 years but this is by far the worst tenant.
She basically told me new regs coming in meant it was harder to evict someone without either the landlord paying loads of money through a court and the only way to do it is if she breaks the tenancy by doing something serious such as trying to sell the flat.
Roll on several weeks and the screaming and shouting got worse, every few days, all different times, once three times in one day.
Her boyfriend was regularly staying so general noise was worse too.
And then the parents arrived.
And haven't left after six weeks.
They are definitely sleeping/staying there but I don't know if it's permanent or a long holiday.
She goes out to work but they are in the flat most of the day, really loud calls, bellowing over what sounds like facetime, I can also hear the tinnyness of the person they are speaking too.
I believe they are all Filipino or similar so can't understand what they are saying but they are loud!
One morning they woke me at 4am laughing and talking loudly, crashing around in their kitchen, the same at 6am the following day.
I literally get no peace on my days off. They wake me early every morning so I've had to start going to bed earlier to make up for never getting a lie in or chance to catch up on sleep.
On the plus side since they arrived she hasn't had a screaming/swearing incident.
They go to bed reasonably early.
On the negative they are noisy constantly when home.
I never get to relax on my days off or enjoy not having to get up early for work.
I'm exhausted and on edge constantly, I don't enjoy my own home anymore.
They have bellowed conversations in person and on the phone.
Play music loud.
Have visitors several times a week.
The dad is a smoker and goes out numerous times letting the main door slam every single time.
What do I do?
Am I wasting my breath complaining as they have already said it's hard to evict and clearly the agent isn't on my side?
Do I say she's got her parents staying in the hope she's broken her tenancy but risk looking a twit if it turns out they are just having a long holiday?
Do I just contact the landlord rather than the agent in the hope he will be more proactive although realistically he will just pass the info to the agents anyway?
Do I wait a few more weeks and see if the parents leave?
These places are not designed for multiple occupants, it's a squeeze even for a couple let alone three adults and potentially four when the boyfriend is there.
Sorry for such a long post!
Just to add selling/moving out isn't an option for me at the moment sadly.

Contact the council. That many people in a studio flat isn’t right.
With regard to the noise, have you considered installing acoustic ceiling panels?

 

[Captainmouse]

Contact the council. That many people in a studio flat isn’t right.
With regard to the noise, have you considered installing acoustic ceiling panels?

If you have never had a problem before, maybe ask the landlord of upstairs to do some sound insulation, if you have lived for years with no complaints he should realise it is genuine

 

[T-time]

It's not but I don't want to keep doing it in the future when her relative lives a few mins away, as in basically on the same street. I'd also be more happy to do it if I wasn't working and also have to walk my dog before and after work

Just say no. If you don't want to do it in the future, start now. They want a bunny, they have a bunny. Don't want people who snoop, either stay home or pay a pet sitter or pension. You know just as wel as everyone that if you say yes now, it won't be "yes as an exeption", it will be a "yes from now on"

Please don't give her wiggleroom by saying that you would love to if you didn't have work or your dog. That will eiter be seen as a barganing chip or she will ask you again on your weekend off. Just say no, unfortunately you can't

 

[Carapop]

Ok am I being a miserable cow? I don’t have children and I’m not maternal so I am entirely open to accepting that this is all just me.

I live in an apartment complex. My apartment is above a kind of open area. It’s just an intersection of pathways really. Every wkend, all day long, kids are playing there, bouncing balls and laughing and shouting at eachother.

I keep my windows open because I’m perimenopausal and dying of the heat constantly. The sound from outside goes absolutely through me. All I want to do is sit in my living room and read my book in peace.

I understand that I can expect a child free life but not a child free world. There are no back gardens for these kids to play. They have a right to be outside. But my ears.

 

[chickhicks86]

Ok am I being a miserable cow? I don’t have children and I’m not maternal so I am entirely open to accepting that this is all just me.

I live in an apartment complex. My apartment is above a kind of open area. It’s just an intersection of pathways really. Every wkend, all day long, kids are playing there, bouncing balls and laughing and shouting at eachother.

I keep my windows open because I’m perimenopausal and dying of the heat constantly. The sound from outside goes absolutely through me. All I want to do is sit in my living room and read my book in peace.

I understand that I can expect a child free life but not a child free world. There are no back gardens for these kids to play. They have a right to be outside. But my ears.

Honestly, I am a parent, but the sound of other people's kids goes through me! Especially when they make no effort to keep their kids quiet when it goes beyond the usual happy playing noises. Mine are older now, but when they were little I could mostly tune their noise out. You shouldn't have to - but would something like Loop earbuds help? Just enough to take the edge off. I have some for going to gigs, but sometimes I use them at home when my husband's stupid speakers annoy me.

You have just as much right to peace, as the kids do to play!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Ok am I being a miserable cow? I don’t have children and I’m not maternal so I am entirely open to accepting that this is all just me.

I live in an apartment complex. My apartment is above a kind of open area. It’s just an intersection of pathways really. Every wkend, all day long, kids are playing there, bouncing balls and laughing and shouting at eachother.

I keep my windows open because I’m perimenopausal and dying of the heat constantly. The sound from outside goes absolutely through me. All I want to do is sit in my living room and read my book in peace.

I understand that I can expect a child free life but not a child free world. There are no back gardens for these kids to play. They have a right to be outside. But my ears.

Could you wear some ear defenders? Or noise cancelling headphones?
I also don’t like the noise of screaching children but in this case I imagine it’s the only play area they have.

 

[Carapop]

That’s the thing. I have issues with my ears. I cannot bear to have them covered. I find over ear earphones to be suffocating and inner ears cause problems. It’s a fairly recent thing and hugely annoying.

it’s also not the only common area by a long stretch but might be the only one within view of parents in certain apartments possibly

 

[Upintheair83]

Any advice on how to build muscle mass? I haven't got time to start a gym unfortunately, but everywhere I read the advice is to build muscle mass! It seems like its the new fountain of youth...and now I'm in my 40s I do think I need to start trying. But I dont know where to begin.
What sort of weights should I start off with? How many times a week etc? Anyone to follow on you tube?

 

[Kim Mild]

Any advice on how to build muscle mass? I haven't got time to start a gym unfortunately, but everywhere I read the advice is to build muscle mass! It seems like its the new fountain of youth...and now I'm in my 40s I do think I need to start trying. But I dont know where to begin.
What sort of weights should I start off with? How many times a week etc? Anyone to follow on you tube?

Sally Gunnell has straightforward, easy to follow workouts on her social media.

 

[Magwitch]

That’s the thing. I have issues with my ears. I cannot bear to have them covered. I find over ear earphones to be suffocating and inner ears cause problems. It’s a fairly recent thing and hugely annoying.

it’s also not the only common area by a long stretch but might be the only one within view of parents in certain apartments possibly

Try a white noise machine.

 

[Serene Serena]

That’s the thing. I have issues with my ears. I cannot bear to have them covered. I find over ear earphones to be suffocating and inner ears cause problems. It’s a fairly recent thing and hugely annoying.

it’s also not the only common area by a long stretch but might be the only one within view of parents in certain apartments possibly

What about a white noise speaker? You can get one that goes round your neck rather than earphones.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Ok am I being a miserable cow? I don’t have children and I’m not maternal so I am entirely open to accepting that this is all just me.

I live in an apartment complex. My apartment is above a kind of open area. It’s just an intersection of pathways really. Every wkend, all day long, kids are playing there, bouncing balls and laughing and shouting at eachother.

I keep my windows open because I’m perimenopausal and dying of the heat constantly. The sound from outside goes absolutely through me. All I want to do is sit in my living room and read my book in peace.

I understand that I can expect a child free life but not a child free world. There are no back gardens for these kids to play. They have a right to be outside. But my ears.

Check your lease; some do not permit things like this.

 

[avabella]

Ok am I being a miserable cow? I don’t have children and I’m not maternal so I am entirely open to accepting that this is all just me.

I live in an apartment complex. My apartment is above a kind of open area. It’s just an intersection of pathways really. Every wkend, all day long, kids are playing there, bouncing balls and laughing and shouting at eachother.

I keep my windows open because I’m perimenopausal and dying of the heat constantly. The sound from outside goes absolutely through me. All I want to do is sit in my living room and read my book in peace.

I understand that I can expect a child free life but not a child free world. There are no back gardens for these kids to play. They have a right to be outside. But my ears.

Is it a public area?

 

[Carapop]

Is it a public area?

Well it’s within the confines of the apartment complex. So it’s private but for residents use. They’re entitled to use it. Although there are notices from the management company saying children shouldn’t be unaccompanied by adults. I spend €2.5k a year in management fees.

 

[Captainmouse]

Well it’s within the confines of the apartment complex. So it’s private but for residents use. They’re entitled to use it. Although there are notices from the management company saying children shouldn’t be unaccompanied by adults. I spend €2.5k a year in management fees.

If they are unaccompanied, let the management company know.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Don't really know where to ask this question anyone have recommendations for a good water bottle that'll keep drinks cold?