The advice thread for random problems #6

Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Advice re paying off a mortgage please. I always thought that you paid a solicitor or your bank to hold the deeds one settled. However I have been told that as it's all electronic now it sits with the land registry free of charge?. This seems too convenient to be true! Or is my way of thinking out dated?
 
Advice re paying off a mortgage please. I always thought that you paid a solicitor or your bank to hold the deeds one settled. However I have been told that as it's all electronic now it sits with the land registry free of charge?. This seems too convenient to be true! Or is my way of thinking out dated?
yes, that's what's happened with mine. I just kept the letter that said it was paid off. My parents had their deeds in a safe at home so no need to pay a solicitor either way.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
Advice re paying off a mortgage please. I always thought that you paid a solicitor or your bank to hold the deeds one settled. However I have been told that as it's all electronic now it sits with the land registry free of charge?. This seems too convenient to be true! Or is my way of thinking out dated?
It used to be the deeds went to your lawyer and then it went to a solicitor, but we have had ours since we got the house an that was almost 15 years ago now, so I'd just keep them yourself somewhere safe
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
Advice re paying off a mortgage please. I always thought that you paid a solicitor or your bank to hold the deeds one settled. However I have been told that as it's all electronic now it sits with the land registry free of charge?. This seems too convenient to be true! Or is my way of thinking out dated?
That is correct but as far as I know you have to pay a small fee to have it sent to you
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
I'm not sure what to do with a situation at work.
I made a mistake on Wednesday. Gonna try and explain and hopefully make it make sense without saying what I do.

I took a short cut on an important task because I was in the middle of some other (imo more) important tasks and was multi tasking. I don't usually multi task as then I don't know where I'm up to on each task but one task had to be done differently this day meaning I had time to do bits of others whilst doing it as I had to wait for periods to complete it.

So the short cut, actually isn't a short cut a lot of the time but I thought I'd try it. We are told we can't do it but I know many people who still do. It was busy this day so I thought I'll do it whilst I do the other tasks and then I'll check it worked if not I'll go to the method we are meant to follow.

My colleague ended up taking over the short cut task and he just got rid of the whole task and didn't say. I'd written down I'd done the task as my plan was to go back and complete it if the other way didn't work whilst I was doing the other stuff. I told my colleague I've done it this way can you check it's worked and if not then try another way and obviously the if that didn't work the normal way I didn't say that as I thought it's obvious it needs to be completed so if the other ways don't work he'll do that. So since I've told him that it's not been done and still needs to make sure it is I go on to finish the other things.

Anyway a bit later he'd moved onto something new and had left my task and didn't mention to me about it not being completed. So I asked him did he complete it and he said no I just got rid of it. I try to find it and can't and it's not something we can get back fully.

So I tell the person in charge the whole story and she asks the manager what to do. He's annoyed obviously and tells us what to do, I do the part of the task he says to do but is annoyed as we aren't able to do the full task now.

I'm not sure what the person in charge told the manager as I was busy still so didn't hear the convo.

Now I don't know what to say if they ask me and I've been thinking for a few days. Do I just tell the truth as the person in charge knows the truth anyway so likely he'll say that? But I feel bad getting my colleague in trouble as he was just helping me but I am also a bit annoyed as I would've completed the task if he'd just left that part to me and I've told him it needs doing and he didn't complete it. I'm mostly annoyed at myself for trying the short cut way as I rarely do it I actually usually prefer the other way and most of the time find it quicker but because I was very busy on this day I thought I'd do the short cut way and I had in my head I needed to check and do it the proper way if I needed after I finished the other part takes I'd done.

Obviously I'll say it's my fault because I should've done it the proper way at first. But I don't feel I can say oh yeah I did it the way we aren't meant to and it didn't work so I just got rid of it? But I don't want to get my colleague in trouble as he was helping me and has been in trouble with management a lot recently. But also don't want to lie as the person in charge knows anyway and maybe already told the manager. So if they ask do I just tell the full truth or do I just say less maybe just say I tried it like that as I was too busy so thought I'd try and I was gonna go back and redo it if it didn't work but then they'll ask why I didn't?

I think that's the whole issue, I'm not even sure it makes sense how I wrote it. At the end of the day I don't think it was the worst mistake to make and I think the other tasks I prioritised were more important. I was also meant to have help but the person helping me originally was taken away for a while and I did 3 quarters of the tasks and he did a quarter. The colleague mentioned above he only came to help as an extra person as he'd finished his work and we were behind. If I had more help I would've completed the task myself and not done anything else during doing it.

I don't know whether to message the manager to apologise myself for not doing it correctly and explain I normally actually prefer to do it the proper way but I was busy so I thought I'd see if it could be done the other way whilst I finished other patients as I was behind and trying to catch up. Or just leave it and see if anyone says anything. The manager also spoke to me to tell me it was important to do the task but the method I use can work and often does and could've rectified it if my colleague didn't get involved/completed the task the way he also knows it should be done. The manager likes me but he really does not like my colleague who got rid of the task.

This is long and as I said I don't know if it makes sense
 
I'm not sure what to do with a situation at work.
I made a mistake on Wednesday. Gonna try and explain and hopefully make it make sense without saying what I do.

I took a short cut on an important task because I was in the middle of some other (imo more) important tasks and was multi tasking. I don't usually multi task as then I don't know where I'm up to on each task but one task had to be done differently this day meaning I had time to do bits of others whilst doing it as I had to wait for periods to complete it.

So the short cut, actually isn't a short cut a lot of the time but I thought I'd try it. We are told we can't do it but I know many people who still do. It was busy this day so I thought I'll do it whilst I do the other tasks and then I'll check it worked if not I'll go to the method we are meant to follow.

My colleague ended up taking over the short cut task and he just got rid of the whole task and didn't say. I'd written down I'd done the task as my plan was to go back and complete it if the other way didn't work whilst I was doing the other stuff. I told my colleague I've done it this way can you check it's worked and if not then try another way and obviously the if that didn't work the normal way I didn't say that as I thought it's obvious it needs to be completed so if the other ways don't work he'll do that. So since I've told him that it's not been done and still needs to make sure it is I go on to finish the other things.

Anyway a bit later he'd moved onto something new and had left my task and didn't mention to me about it not being completed. So I asked him did he complete it and he said no I just got rid of it. I try to find it and can't and it's not something we can get back fully.

So I tell the person in charge the whole story and she asks the manager what to do. He's annoyed obviously and tells us what to do, I do the part of the task he says to do but is annoyed as we aren't able to do the full task now.

I'm not sure what the person in charge told the manager as I was busy still so didn't hear the convo.

Now I don't know what to say if they ask me and I've been thinking for a few days. Do I just tell the truth as the person in charge knows the truth anyway so likely he'll say that? But I feel bad getting my colleague in trouble as he was just helping me but I am also a bit annoyed as I would've completed the task if he'd just left that part to me and I've told him it needs doing and he didn't complete it. I'm mostly annoyed at myself for trying the short cut way as I rarely do it I actually usually prefer the other way and most of the time find it quicker but because I was very busy on this day I thought I'd do the short cut way and I had in my head I needed to check and do it the proper way if I needed after I finished the other part takes I'd done.

Obviously I'll say it's my fault because I should've done it the proper way at first. But I don't feel I can say oh yeah I did it the way we aren't meant to and it didn't work so I just got rid of it? But I don't want to get my colleague in trouble as he was helping me and has been in trouble with management a lot recently. But also don't want to lie as the person in charge knows anyway and maybe already told the manager. So if they ask do I just tell the full truth or do I just say less maybe just say I tried it like that as I was too busy so thought I'd try and I was gonna go back and redo it if it didn't work but then they'll ask why I didn't?

I think that's the whole issue, I'm not even sure it makes sense how I wrote it. At the end of the day I don't think it was the worst mistake to make and I think the other tasks I prioritised were more important. I was also meant to have help but the person helping me originally was taken away for a while and I did 3 quarters of the tasks and he did a quarter. The colleague mentioned above he only came to help as an extra person as he'd finished his work and we were behind. If I had more help I would've completed the task myself and not done anything else during doing it.

I don't know whether to message the manager to apologise myself for not doing it correctly and explain I normally actually prefer to do it the proper way but I was busy so I thought I'd see if it could be done the other way whilst I finished other patients as I was behind and trying to catch up. Or just leave it and see if anyone says anything. The manager also spoke to me to tell me it was important to do the task but the method I use can work and often does and could've rectified it if my colleague didn't get involved/completed the task the way he also knows it should be done. The manager likes me but he really does not like my colleague who got rid of the task.

This is long and as I said I don't know if it makes sense
I think I’ve got the context - you handed over the task and told your college to let you know the outcome. They didn’t do either and deleted it instead. Regardless of the shortcut you took, I don’t think this is on you.

Why did your colleague delete it without speaking to anyone especially as this now can’t be undone - this is the main problem here imo.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 5
I think I’ve got the context - you handed over the task and told your college to let you know the outcome. They didn’t do either and deleted it instead. Regardless of the shortcut you took, I don’t think this is on you.

Why did your colleague delete it without speaking to anyone especially as this now can’t be undone - this is the main problem here imo.
Seconded. Like, if you do someone a favour don't go making things worse for them. Just say no instead. Maybe there's a reason he's in trouble with manglement.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2
I think I’ve got the context - you handed over the task and told your college to let you know the outcome. They didn’t do either and deleted it instead. Regardless of the shortcut you took, I don’t think this is on you.

Why did your colleague delete it without speaking to anyone especially as this now can’t be undone - this is the main problem here imo.
I should've added that he came to help with a side task to the task I'd told him about. So I'm wondering if he did the side task and then forgot about the task I said about (they aren't actually related just the same let's say client). I gave him the task I said about since he was helping with the other and both could be done straight after eachother but he got rid of the thing needed for that client to do the task I'd said I haven't been able to complete yet. If I had time I would've done that before the task he came to do but I wasn't watching him so I don't know if he did try or forgot. We also had a short conversation about it as he told me the way he tried and I said I don't know if that will work the client likes it better like this. I didn't go on to say do it the way it's meant to be done if what I said didn't work another time as I just expected that to be done if they couldn't do it the other ways.

The getting rid part is hard to describe without saying what it is. They are physical tasks so getting rid of it is an item not like a document so he could've forgotten what I said and got rid of it maybe
 
Seconded. Like, if you do someone a favour don't go making things worse for them. Just say no instead. Maybe there's a reason he's in trouble with manglement.
I just don't want to make it worse for him again maybe I should've just said it was gotten rid of by accident rather than saying he did it. Then the blames on me which it should be anyway for not doing it properly first time. But there was only 3 of us and obviously I wouldn't have done it as I knew it was there. The third person is who I told so he would've known the other person did it anyway and I think he heard me tell her about the take possibly.

I'm just very honest with my mistakes and have been in the past and never had anything said to me. Not that they are often but I think being honest helps. I think the moral in work is down anyway. My team feel they are getting blamed for a lot yet we are left short staffed. Like the shift before us had 6 staff, we had 3 staff for double clients
 
As JoeBloggs has said I also feel this isn't on you - they really should have told you that they was going to do what they did - at least run it past someone rather than just do it.

Maybe this is why they are bringing trouble to themselves.

I'd be completely honest - about all of it. You've said they know you are honest, the senior person knows what happened - be honest. Maybe this could help the other colleague to learn that there are practices to follow. This could be a wake up call for them.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2
As JoeBloggs has said I also feel this isn't on you - they really should have told you that they was going to do what they did - at least run it past someone rather than just do it.

Maybe this is why they are bringing trouble to themselves.

I'd be completely honest - about all of it. You've said they know you are honest, the senior person knows what happened - be honest. Maybe this could help the other colleague to learn that there are practices to follow. This could be a wake up call for them.
I don't think they have the chance to have a wake up call (again), that's why I feel bad I bought his name into it
 
  • Sad
Reactions: 1
I don't think they have the chance to have a wake up call (again), that's why I feel bad I bought his name into it
Just tell the truth. As somebody in management it's so annoying when people tell you half truths. Because you can't "fix" problems if you don't actually know what is happening.
So you think you are fixing something but actually the root cause of the problem was not X it was Z. Now I've also wasted time and am angry and it looks bad on the employee who weren't honest.

The thing is, and I know I've said it before, Managers do get angry and annoyed. We are only human. But we are also grateful that you tell the truth. It's far worse when there are lies and we have to waste time getting to the bottom of it. And trust me, we also find out what has actually happened.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3
Just tell the truth. As somebody in management it's so annoying when people tell you half truths. Because you can't "fix" problems if you don't actually know what is happening.
So you think you are fixing something but actually the root cause of the problem was not X it was Z. Now I've also wasted time and am angry and it looks bad on the employee who weren't honest.

The thing is, and I know I've said it before, Managers do get angry and annoyed. We are only human. But we are also grateful that you tell the truth. It's far worse when there are lies and we have to waste time getting to the bottom of it. And trust me, we also find out what has actually happened.
Yeah I could've just ignored it as he didn't come to me but I went and asked to make sure it was done but turns out I couldn't then do it (kind of it's partly done but not how it should've have been done). It shouldn't cause any long term issue and there have been worse issues not properly dealt with. It's just I know that with his issues before I'm thinking they might bring it up. I'll be waiting for an email next week now. Just happened to be the worst manager for it to happen with as well
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
I don't think they have the chance to have a wake up call (again), that's why I feel bad I bought his name into it
Have you spoken to your colleague about what happened? If you both went to the Manager to explain..

It sounds like they are on borrowed time then... They should be really doing everything, but everything by the book.

I know easy for me to say on a forum, but from how you initially explained what happened I don't feel you can blame yourself - easier said then done I know at times.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
Have you spoken to your colleague about what happened? If you both went to the Manager to explain..

It sounds like they are on borrowed time then... They should be really doing everything, but everything by the book.

I know easy for me to say on a forum, but from how you initially explained what happened I don't feel you can blame yourself - easier said then done I know at times.
I haven't didn't have time to anyway really. I said a few times oh the managers gonna be annoyed because of me. I'll ask someone after how the client was today. But I spoke to as ex colleague and explained the situation in proper detail and she said what happened won't matter long term but I just have a feeling they'll make a thing of it as they seem to be for everything at the moment especially for my colleague he needs a break
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
I haven't didn't have time to anyway really. I said a few times oh the managers gonna be annoyed because of me. I'll ask someone after how the client was today. But I spoke to as ex colleague and explained the situation in proper detail and she said what happened won't matter long term but I just have a feeling they'll make a thing of it as they seem to be for everything at the moment especially for my colleague he needs a break
Him being on borrow time isn’t your fault, he’s clearly not doing his roll as well as he could or making mistakes, if this goes against him it’s only another example the management were right.

I really don’t think you need to hold the guilt, be honest and explain the pressure you were under and what you did to mitigate issue but ultimately he made the call without speaking to you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2
Hey I'm mid 30s and I think my dad is abusing me. I could be completely wrong but either way he's making me feel like poo on shoes.

*he is always shouting and swearing at me

*regularly threatening to kick me out of the home

*telling me get a job (unfortunately I recently lost mine as jobs were cut)

*opens my bank statements and loudly asking what I'm spending my money on/telling me off for spending my money

*screaming at me in public

I can't afford to leave but I can't say anything because it makes him worse idk what to do.
 
  • Sad
  • Heart
Reactions: 5
Hey I'm mid 30s and I think my dad is abusing me. I could be completely wrong but either way he's making me feel like poo on shoes.

*he is always shouting and swearing at me

*regularly threatening to kick me out of the home

*telling me get a job (unfortunately I recently lost mine as jobs were cut)

*opens my bank statements and loudly asking what I'm spending my money on/telling me off for spending my money

*screaming at me in public

I can't afford to leave but I can't say anything because it makes him worse idk what to do.
Have you ever moved out of your family home? Can you contact local council/ women's aid? Get yourself out of there. Protect your mental health. Get on local council and housing associations lists asap if you're not already?

Keep applying for new jobs and going to your job centre appts! Ask them for support and explain your home situation, they can sign post for support agencies.

Good luck!! You don't deserve to be treated like this, must be absolutely knocking your confidence which doesn't help on a job hunting journey.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2
Hey I'm mid 30s and I think my dad is abusing me. I could be completely wrong but either way he's making me feel like poo on shoes.

*he is always shouting and swearing at me

*regularly threatening to kick me out of the home

*telling me get a job (unfortunately I recently lost mine as jobs were cut)

*opens my bank statements and loudly asking what I'm spending my money on/telling me off for spending my money

*screaming at me in public

I can't afford to leave but I can't say anything because it makes him worse idk what to do.
What are your reasonable options? This is your status quo and you don't like it. That means that anything you will change, he won't like either. If things get bad, how much worse will they get?

Sometimes it's better to stay where you are, untill you can afford something better. Can you find another job? Take classes? Do anything to improve your situation? And sometimes you need to go, now.

I have no idea how serious the abuse is but start working on your mental backbone. Read books, watch youtube or if you can afford it, go see a therapist. If he makes you feel small and you'll leave, there is a big chance you'll meet people who treat you the same way. I'm not saying it's all Wir Kinder von Bahnhof Zoo but you'll not be the first or the last who leaves home because they are abused, can't recognise that and start dating an abuser. Start making a plan and find your self worth first.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2
Hey I'm mid 30s and I think my dad is abusing me. I could be completely wrong but either way he's making me feel like poo on shoes.

*he is always shouting and swearing at me

*regularly threatening to kick me out of the home

*telling me get a job (unfortunately I recently lost mine as jobs were cut)

*opens my bank statements and loudly asking what I'm spending my money on/telling me off for spending my money

*screaming at me in public

I can't afford to leave but I can't say anything because it makes him worse idk what to do.
Be clever and be one step ahead to prevent the opportunity to behave like this . First change your postal bank statements to online only ones. Avoid being in public with him , if you can . Remember, you are not his subordinate, and his behaviour is a reflection on himself, not on you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 8
Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.