The advice thread for random problems #6

[T-time]

I have been getting to know someone to build a friendship but I’m the only one who reaches out, asks how they are and asks any questions about them or their life. She doesn’t ask me anything about myself or ask me any questions. I’m thinking she’s not interested so doesn’t really care to ask, I don’t think she’s socially awkward because I’ve heard her converse with others fine. I think I should just leave it and ignore her too?

Is this also an IRL friendship? Because I am that girl, I hate it and can't seem to change it. I always forget to ask people how they are, to check in on them, but that doesn't mean that I don't care. I really do. I just don't really function in an online space as whatsapp. The letters take out the emotion and I get in my head, feel like a robot, delete whatever I wanted to send, then life gets in the way and before you know it it's been a month since your last text

I do make a point of seeing my friends quite regular. I'm okay with calling, sometimes hours on end. My friends know that they can always contact me, about big or small things. I do care about them and want to ask them about anything and everything but that is a feeling I can't express in words. It's literally a feeling about caring for them and want to know what they are up to and if I think about what to ask my mind goes blank

I get that you might think she is not interested, but maybe she is. Maybe you have different styles of communication. The lack of questions might be there but you don't know the intent behind it. Maybe she asked other people more because she knows them better so it's easier to ask things? You don't have to think about forming a question if you can ask about things that you know are still up in the air

Sometimes "how are you doing / what you up to" doesn't cut it, but I really am lost for what I could ask. If someone has tips for that, that would be great

 

[Jas28]

This If she's especially friendly and easy to talk to she probably already has many friends and therefore not looking for more. And that is no reflection on yourself

Yeah that’s what I thought - they aren’t interested.

 

[tomato_paste]

Thoughts about selling a house? I have the problem that I have 5 different types of flooring all the way through the house which makes for a very chaotic feel in the house. One of them is a more expensive vinyl which I just had done on the stairs. The other is hardwood, left over from the previous owner in bedroom 1, and the third is cheap laminate in bedroom 2 and 3 that I can’t buy any longer. Should I redo the floors with the vinyl to get a consistent look? Or is that money thrown out the window? I'm guessing the buyers will probably tear out the whole thing anyway but if it gives me 5k more on the sales price it might be worth it.

 

[Snippysnips]

Thoughts about selling a house? I have the problem that I have 5 different types of flooring all the way through the house which makes for a very chaotic feel in the house. One of them is a more expensive vinyl which I just had done on the stairs. The other is hardwood, left over from the previous owner in bedroom 1, and the third is cheap laminate in bedroom 2 and 3 that I can’t buy any longer. Should I redo the floors with the vinyl to get a consistent look? Or is that money thrown out the window? I'm guessing the buyers will probably tear out the whole thing anyway but if it gives me 5k more on the sales price it might be worth it.

Honestly I would leave it unless you find that it's starting to damage the sale of the house, we spent a fortune doing up the bathroom in our last house thinking it was a bit dated an it needed a new one only for the people who bought it to completely rip the whole thing out so could have just saved the money an not bothered

I think most people will rip things out regardless, so I'd say unless it's coming up that people are being put off because of the floors then leave them, most are looking to buy because of the house itself an its location, a house in our street had a bright pink an green bathroom with blue doors an it sold lol

 

[Lookingaround0987]

I’m not sure if this is the right thread but I’m not sure where else to put it.
my maternity leave ends this month 🥲 and I don’t have another job to go to. I am looking and applying but it’s ideally got to be after school hours due to childcare.
im planning on going for job seekers to maintain a part income whilst I look but this won’t cover my mortgage.
any ideas for extra income jobs? Does anyone get job seekers.. how much is it a week realistically? I don’t know what to do I’m frantically looking but any afterschool jobs I’ve seen start at 3:30 which doesn’t work and I have a bit of savings to dip into for now but don’t want to diminish it all

 

[Kim Mild]

I’m not sure if this is the right thread but I’m not sure where else to put it.
my maternity leave ends this month 🥲 and I don’t have another job to go to. I am looking and applying but it’s ideally got to be after school hours due to childcare.
im planning on going for job seekers to maintain a part income whilst I look but this won’t cover my mortgage.
any ideas for extra income jobs? Does anyone get job seekers.. how much is it a week realistically? I don’t know what to do I’m frantically looking but any afterschool jobs I’ve seen start at 3:30 which doesn’t work and I have a bit of savings to dip into for now but don’t want to diminish it all

I think it all falls under universal credit now . There are Facebook groups and people will be able to explain things better there and you can ask any questions you have. Do you live with a partner? The application is all done online.

 

[tomato_paste]

Honestly I would leave it unless you find that it's starting to damage the sale of the house, we spent a fortune doing up the bathroom in our last house thinking it was a bit dated an it needed a new one only for the people who bought it to completely rip the whole thing out so could have just saved the money an not bothered

I think most people will rip things out regardless, so I'd say unless it's coming up that people are being put off because of the floors then leave them, most are looking to buy because of the house itself an its location, a house in our street had a bright pink an green bathroom with blue doors an it sold lol

Yeah that's kind of my thinking as well. I've fixed some super obvious stuff already (no handrail in the staircase which I've now put up, some damage to the walls which I've plastered over, etc), but I think I'll only do cosmetic stuff and make sure to decorate the rooms properly for pictures.

I do want to get a fresh coat of paint up in some areas, I just think it makes the whole thing look so much better - but that's easily done tbh, and I think doing a proper clean, and a cleanup of the garden will also go a long way towards getting the price I want for it.

Thankfully I'm quite handy, so I can fix things myself and don't have to pay someone, and I have a lot of stuff already lying around with regards to tools and paint and such.

 

[littlepup]

Thoughts about selling a house? I have the problem that I have 5 different types of flooring all the way through the house which makes for a very chaotic feel in the house. One of them is a more expensive vinyl which I just had done on the stairs. The other is hardwood, left over from the previous owner in bedroom 1, and the third is cheap laminate in bedroom 2 and 3 that I can’t buy any longer. Should I redo the floors with the vinyl to get a consistent look? Or is that money thrown out the window? I'm guessing the buyers will probably tear out the whole thing anyway but if it gives me 5k more on the sales price it might be worth it.

Leave it unless you think it’s really going to present the house in a way better light.
We bought a house with new flooring through much of it. It’s grey though, I really don’t like grey so it being new was lost on me. Other areas have clean but dated coloured carpets and one room has cheap pine looking wood laminate. We still bought the house and didn’t try to knock the price down because ultimately it’s personal choice to change it despite it being annoying to pay for something new I don’t like (kitchen and bathrooms too ). I wouldn’t have increased the offer if the flooring had been to my taste either.
If it was worn and dirty it’d be a different story.

 

[Magwitch]

Yeah that's kind of my thinking as well. I've fixed some super obvious stuff already (no handrail in the staircase which I've now put up, some damage to the walls which I've plastered over, etc), but I think I'll only do cosmetic stuff and make sure to decorate the rooms properly for pictures.

I do want to get a fresh coat of paint up in some areas, I just think it makes the whole thing look so much better - but that's easily done tbh, and I think doing a proper clean, and a cleanup of the garden will also go a long way towards getting the price I want for it.

Thankfully I'm quite handy, so I can fix things myself and don't have to pay someone, and I have a lot of stuff already lying around with regards to tools and paint and such.

I think this sounds exactly right. Spend the minimum possible to freshen it up and that’s it.

 

[Lalla]

Leave it unless you think it’s really going to present the house in a way better light.
We bought a house with new flooring through much of it. It’s grey though, I really don’t like grey so it being new was lost on me. Other areas have clean but dated coloured carpets and one room has cheap pine looking wood laminate. We still bought the house and didn’t try to knock the price down because ultimately it’s personal choice to change it despite it being annoying to pay for something new I don’t like (kitchen and bathrooms too ). I wouldn’t have increased the offer if the flooring had been to my taste either.
If it was worn and dirty it’d be a different story.

I agree with this, I would only notice worn/dirty flooring, or vividly patterned carpet - anything I couldn't live with and would need to immediately replace. Other than that it's personal choice I think. I know some people have the same flooring in every room but I'm not a fan of that tbh as I like a mix of flooring types and colours but that's just me

 

[petitspois]

Thoughts about selling a house? I have the problem that I have 5 different types of flooring all the way through the house which makes for a very chaotic feel in the house. One of them is a more expensive vinyl which I just had done on the stairs. The other is hardwood, left over from the previous owner in bedroom 1, and the third is cheap laminate in bedroom 2 and 3 that I can’t buy any longer. Should I redo the floors with the vinyl to get a consistent look? Or is that money thrown out the window? I'm guessing the buyers will probably tear out the whole thing anyway but if it gives me 5k more on the sales price it might be worth it.

I asked the agent that came to value my house and he said just get it as squeaky clean as possible and de clutter.

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

Thoughts about selling a house? I have the problem that I have 5 different types of flooring all the way through the house which makes for a very chaotic feel in the house. One of them is a more expensive vinyl which I just had done on the stairs. The other is hardwood, left over from the previous owner in bedroom 1, and the third is cheap laminate in bedroom 2 and 3 that I can’t buy any longer. Should I redo the floors with the vinyl to get a consistent look? Or is that money thrown out the window? I'm guessing the buyers will probably tear out the whole thing anyway but if it gives me 5k more on the sales price it might be worth it.

Leave as is, my seller replaced the stairs carpet with horrible cheap carpet, didn't replace the carpet grippers. So we thought it was fine, upon purchasing we replaced all flooring apart from the hall and stairs. Massive regret as once we were moved in and walking up the stairs in barefeet we realised the grippers were sticking through the cheap carpet. Had to pay out again and get carpet fitters back just to do the stairs. Massive headache and waste of money for everyone. (Especially us!) let buyers see the work actually needed.

 

[Codiaeum]

Thoughts about selling a house? I have the problem that I have 5 different types of flooring all the way through the house which makes for a very chaotic feel in the house. One of them is a more expensive vinyl which I just had done on the stairs. The other is hardwood, left over from the previous owner in bedroom 1, and the third is cheap laminate in bedroom 2 and 3 that I can’t buy any longer. Should I redo the floors with the vinyl to get a consistent look? Or is that money thrown out the window? I'm guessing the buyers will probably tear out the whole thing anyway but if it gives me 5k more on the sales price it might be worth it.

Do you already have an agent who could advise what might increase appeal for buyers and that doesn't actually put you out of money?
I personally wouldn't be put off by flooring, potentially something I'd replace anyway. A fresh coat of paint goes a long way to freshen things up, especially if you have the paint already and you can do it yourself.
I've heard that depending on how dated fixtures in the kitchen look, that might be a worthwhile expense, as kitchen are central focus and family points, so potential buyers pay a lot of attention to this. Fixtures aren't expensive to replace, we did that in our old flat, which had really horrible "buttons" in the entire kitchen. Replaced it with modern stainless steel "bars", which cost about 20€ for the entire things, gave everything a really good scrub and that frankly took 15 years off that kitchen. We sold it for the same price we bought it for 8 years later.

I'd tidy up the garden, but wouldn't spend too much money there, don't put any expensive shrubs or flowers in. Chances are, if your buyers are having major renovation done, a lot of that garden will suffer anyway. I'd just make sure it's weed-free where possible and if you have any tiles or similar there and it looks a bit greenish after the winter, give a powerwash. (Or scrub with soda, also removes it, just less fun than a power washer)

 

[Former_Antelopee]

My work are potentially changing our shifts. Any holidays already approved will have to be given. But they are at the moment saying we can only book 3 months in advance, usually it's a year in advance we can book. Some of us are annoyed as it means we can't plan things. And obviously with summer coming up people with kids will be wanting to book holidays for the summer and things will start getting fully booked soon. It's unlikely we will know about our shifts change until April at the earliest. Do you think it's wrong for us to complain about the holiday situation?

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My work are potentially changing our shifts. Any holidays already approved will have to be given. But they are at the moment saying we can only book 3 months in advance, usually it's a year in advance we can book. Some of us are annoyed as it means we can't plan things. And obviously with summer coming up people with kids will be wanting to book holidays for the summer and things will start getting fully booked soon. It's unlikely we will know about our shifts change until April at the earliest. Do you think it's wrong for us to complain about the holiday situation?

As far as I know they can’t just change working conditions. One of which is holidays. There must be a legitimate reason.
Maybe contact CAB and see what they say

 

[Bobbleowl90]

More an opinion I’m asking for rather than advice..

Been off work all week but back in today as my annual leave allowance doesn’t stretch too far a senior member of staff saw me at my desk and remarked that he had just sent me an email (it was before my official log in time, hadn’t turned my out of office off) and I explained I’d been off but was in today, and back on leave next week. “You might as well keep the out of office on then. No point turning it off”

I took no offence but apparently another colleague pulled him up on this and said there’s no need to talk to me like that. They described it as not being very nice to me.

Am I thick and not realising someone’s being an a to me, or is the other person being too sensitive? How would you have taken this?

 

[L1fe0nM@rs]

More an opinion I’m asking for rather than advice..

Been off work all week but back in today as my annual leave allowance doesn’t stretch too far a senior member of staff saw me at my desk and remarked that he had just sent me an email (it was before my official log in time, hadn’t turned my out of office off) and I explained I’d been off but was in today, and back on leave next week. “You might as well keep the out of office on then. No point turning it off”

I took no offence but apparently another colleague pulled him up on this and said there’s no need to talk to me like that. They described it as not being very nice to me.

Am I thick and not realising someone’s being an a to me, or is the other person being too sensitive? How would you have taken this?

Depends how it was said and what the person is usually like! I think you’re right to treat it as a jokey comment though

 

[petitspois]

More an opinion I’m asking for rather than advice..

Been off work all week but back in today as my annual leave allowance doesn’t stretch too far a senior member of staff saw me at my desk and remarked that he had just sent me an email (it was before my official log in time, hadn’t turned my out of office off) and I explained I’d been off but was in today, and back on leave next week. “You might as well keep the out of office on then. No point turning it off”

I took no offence but apparently another colleague pulled him up on this and said there’s no need to talk to me like that. They described it as not being very nice to me.

Am I thick and not realising someone’s being an a to me, or is the other person being too sensitive? How would you have taken this?

I wouldn’t have taken that as anything negative inferred in the slightest. The other person is being over the top.

 

[cowtastrophe]

Depends how it was said and what the person is usually like! I think you’re right to treat it as a jokey comment though

I think this too. Unless it was said in an unpleasant tone, it sounds more like a throwaway comment.

 

[Snippysnips]

More an opinion I’m asking for rather than advice..

Been off work all week but back in today as my annual leave allowance doesn’t stretch too far a senior member of staff saw me at my desk and remarked that he had just sent me an email (it was before my official log in time, hadn’t turned my out of office off) and I explained I’d been off but was in today, and back on leave next week. “You might as well keep the out of office on then. No point turning it off”

I took no offence but apparently another colleague pulled him up on this and said there’s no need to talk to me like that. They described it as not being very nice to me.

Am I thick and not realising someone’s being an a to me, or is the other person being too sensitive? How would you have taken this?

I guess it would depend on what he was like, if he's the type to usually make jokes I'd have taken it as him just joking about especially if he thinks you will take it in that way, some of the stuff my coworkers come out with could sound offensive or rude to someone but with my sense of humour I find it hilarious when they say whatever so they know they can act like that with me

But if he's a habit of being an a to others then I guess I could see why someone would think it was being rude

It would depend on how he said it, if it was a humourous tone then I'd take that as a joke