Thank you, it's appreciated, am learning to trust my gut and this situation definitely felt wrong in many ways
Thank you, it's appreciated, am learning to trust my gut and this situation definitely felt wrong in many waysYou’re definitely not overreacting, he crossed boundaries and in your home. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Thankyou for reading and replying, am learning to trust my gut after many years of being gaslit. So am still trying to navigate what's normal....etcI wouldn’t be flattered, I’d be pissed off that someone came into my home and made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t think you’re overreacting either.
There was nothing flattering in his behaviour; he saw a woman and presumed she'd want to fuck him.Am I overreacting....
Had a handyman round replastering my ceiling. I'd seen him on local pages for the last couple of years and his work looked good, so when I recently needed some work doing, I contacted him and a couple of others for a quote. Out of 3, he's the only one that turned up when he said he would and gave a quote, so I booked him in.
When he turned up, he seemed a cheeky chappy kinda guy, joking when he turned up, saying he'd bought me a gift, then saying it was a bag of plaster, and saying it's not his usual gifts of flowers.
I was working from home, and he had to walk past me to his van. Random questions came every time he passed. "Are you single" I said yes. "Happily?" I said yes. Thinking I wasn't really sure how to respond, so just to keep it to one word answers. Then half an hour later when he passed "How old are you?" I said I wasn't discussing it and that I was working, kinda laughing it off. He said "why are you being cagey".
In my head I couldn't work out if he was just having banter, but at the same time I was thinking, I've only met him twice, I'm not telling him all my personal details. I felt safe cos I can contact work people over the computer if needed, but I was starting to think of ringing one of them.
He then kept trying to guess my age.....guessing 15 years younger, I just laughed again and said no. I was already thinking, what a creep, trying to flatter me with chat up lines.
I started to wish he would leave, and maybe I should've asked him to go. Or maybe I should've been firmer, saying I was trying to work. But that would've felt like an overreaction......it was just random questions, once every half hour ish. And then I'd have had to find another plasterer after being fed up of others not turning up, and I couldn't really tell if the situation was odd or not.
Then as he was leaving, he sat down to write an invoice, and asked if I'd ever been married. I said I wasn't discussing it. Then he responded, so would you be interested in friends with benefits. I just said "erm no" and turned back to my computer.
Thinking back to when I got the quote from him, I remember noticing he made a few digs about his ex wife.....etc. which I remember thinking was a bit of a red flag, but brushed it off.
My question is (and thanks for reading).....how would other people have handled this situation? I just feel really awkward now, and not sure why. I feel a bit grubby.
Would others be flattered? I think I feel that if he genuinely fancied me, he shouldve text me after......not when he is in my home and he has control cos he's got my ceiling half done. It just felt wrong.
Then the friends with benefits thing, asking that whilst knowing I had to sit there while he was writing out the invoice......I just thought.....how many women is he being like this with?
And is he even aware that it's not appropriate? But then i thought, we're all adults after all, and he was just asking questions.......
Any thoughts or comments are appreciated x
Thankyou, he has been blocked. Writing it down on here and seeing the responses has helped me see more clearly. I appreciate the validationThere was nothing flattering in his behaviour; he saw a woman and presumed she'd want to fuck him.
Utter scumbag.
Never deal with that man again.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this, in your own home.
Thankyou.I absolutely hate having to say this but you should always think twice about being alone in your home with any man who is a stranger to you. It's not right, and of course we should be able to hire a workman and be safe in our own homes, but the reality is that a lot of men are chancers, and they've been emboldened by years of readily available porn, by the media showing women as sexually adventurous and "up for anything" (as your lovely tradesman shows when he suggests that you become "friends with benefits") and by the long-held general opinion that any single woman is almost always desperate for a man.
I'm glad that you've blocked him, do make sure that you spread the word about his highly inappropriate behaviour, at least you may spare some other woman from his dubious charms. Please don't feel "grubby", you are definitely not the one who should be feeling this way.
I'm honestly so angry on your behalf. I once had a window broken in my flat and I had to call out an emergency glazier late at night. I found myself at midnight, alone in my home with a male stranger, who thought it was the right time and place to ask me "So, where's your boyfriend tonight?", he then put his fucking arm around my shoulders. I told him that my boyfriend was a "bouncer in a pub" and that he'd be home soon. Luckily, he cleared off without any fuss, but even now, 30 years later, I'm still pissed off about it.
It's "not all men"...but it's an awful lot of them
You're not overreacting at all, I'd have felt the same as you. I get it, sometimes you let things slide at first when you don't want to make things awkward (even though they're the ones being inappropriate) and they seem to interpret it as you accepting their come on which is not the case at all. I hope you don't have to see him again.Am I overreacting....
Had a handyman round replastering my ceiling. I'd seen him on local pages for the last couple of years and his work looked good, so when I recently needed some work doing, I contacted him and a couple of others for a quote. Out of 3, he's the only one that turned up when he said he would and gave a quote, so I booked him in.
When he turned up, he seemed a cheeky chappy kinda guy, joking when he turned up, saying he'd bought me a gift, then saying it was a bag of plaster, and saying it's not his usual gifts of flowers.
I was working from home, and he had to walk past me to his van. Random questions came every time he passed. "Are you single" I said yes. "Happily?" I said yes. Thinking I wasn't really sure how to respond, so just to keep it to one word answers. Then half an hour later when he passed "How old are you?" I said I wasn't discussing it and that I was working, kinda laughing it off. He said "why are you being cagey".
In my head I couldn't work out if he was just having banter, but at the same time I was thinking, I've only met him twice, I'm not telling him all my personal details. I felt safe cos I can contact work people over the computer if needed, but I was starting to think of ringing one of them.
He then kept trying to guess my age.....guessing 15 years younger, I just laughed again and said no. I was already thinking, what a creep, trying to flatter me with chat up lines.
I started to wish he would leave, and maybe I should've asked him to go. Or maybe I should've been firmer, saying I was trying to work. But that would've felt like an overreaction......it was just random questions, once every half hour ish. And then I'd have had to find another plasterer after being fed up of others not turning up, and I couldn't really tell if the situation was odd or not.
Then as he was leaving, he sat down to write an invoice, and asked if I'd ever been married. I said I wasn't discussing it. Then he responded, so would you be interested in friends with benefits. I just said "erm no" and turned back to my computer.
Thinking back to when I got the quote from him, I remember noticing he made a few digs about his ex wife.....etc. which I remember thinking was a bit of a red flag, but brushed it off.
My question is (and thanks for reading).....how would other people have handled this situation? I just feel really awkward now, and not sure why. I feel a bit grubby.
Would others be flattered? I think I feel that if he genuinely fancied me, he shouldve text me after......not when he is in my home and he has control cos he's got my ceiling half done. It just felt wrong.
Then the friends with benefits thing, asking that whilst knowing I had to sit there while he was writing out the invoice......I just thought.....how many women is he being like this with?
And is he even aware that it's not appropriate? But then i thought, we're all adults after all, and he was just asking questions.......
Any thoughts or comments are appreciated x
Maybe if you have to buy something else a nice satin skirt in a neutral black or cream/gold then you can switch up the shoes and cami/tops for future events to create different looks. Might be cheaper than a new full outfit each time.The groom is our friend so comms have been somewhat minimal (!). I only realised when my husband picked up his suit and it had the green waist coat, pocket square etc.
I do think you're right though. I won't feel comfortable in the green. Thanks to all who replied.
Honestly I wouldn't be too bothered with her doing that. I know my beautician follows the NHS guidance which is that if you've vomited or had diarrhoea within the last 48 hours, you shouldn't be doing work with people in close proximity (such as beauty treatments).My daughter was supposed to have a beauty treatment this evening and the lady cancelled this morning because she was poorly with a sickness bug, of course this cannot be helped and I’m glad she told us my issue is she has been promoting said treatment on her page this evening and has been responding to comments, in my opinion this doesn’t add up! As I think if I were that unwell the last thing I would think of doing is this, am I overreacting or is this a bit odd? I’m not sure what to think? She offered to rebook for 2 days time and I’ve said I will let her know fortunately I didn’t pay anything
It wouldn’t worry me. It makes sense if she’s had to have a few days off that she’s now trying to drum up more custom.My daughter was supposed to have a beauty treatment this evening and the lady cancelled this morning because she was poorly with a sickness bug, of course this cannot be helped and I’m glad she told us my issue is she has been promoting said treatment on her page this evening and has been responding to comments, in my opinion this doesn’t add up! As I think if I were that unwell the last thing I would think of doing is this, am I overreacting or is this a bit odd? I’m not sure what to think? She offered to rebook for 2 days time and I’ve said I will let her know fortunately I didn’t pay anything
No wouldn't even cross my mind. The amount of times I've had to keep my kids off school for the "48 hour rule" after an episode of vomiting or diarrhoea and they've been fine and bouncing off the walls a couple of hours after it has happened.My daughter was supposed to have a beauty treatment this evening and the lady cancelled this morning because she was poorly with a sickness bug, of course this cannot be helped and I’m glad she told us my issue is she has been promoting said treatment on her page this evening and has been responding to comments, in my opinion this doesn’t add up! As I think if I were that unwell the last thing I would think of doing is this, am I overreacting or is this a bit odd? I’m not sure what to think? She offered to rebook for 2 days time and I’ve said I will let her know fortunately I didn’t pay anything
Chain gym like any other imo. Can get busy at popular times eg. 5pm. Has the main equipment needed. Some pure gyms will be better than others. What i really didn't like about some of them is having some machines on one floor, others on another. You see a machine taken so you go to another floor do something else, that one is taken so you go back to previous floor. Next thing you know you did a cardio workout instead of weights with all this walking aboutDoes anyone go to Puregym? What attracts me to them is the cost is lower than my more local gyms . And the fact I'm less likely to bump into people I know there.
Scams like these are incredible common unfortunately, these people can get information very easily even if you think you have hide it or never put it up, everything these days has social footprints an even if you never put anything up about where you worked, sometimes just by accessing records from the business can give out the details, our information is sold constantly an it doesn't even need to come from usDoes anyone know if there is a scam like this, where they contact you trying to start a conversation about where you worked, or pretending they thought you were somebody else? Or is it more likely to be an ex boyfriend or something messing with me?
100% tell your boss and also let her know you are not happy about the “aggressive” confrontation.Small bit of work advice - do I go to my boss about this?
I got invited to a Teams call today by a colleague I'll call Y, a technical one for an upcoming event (I don't really do technical stuff, so bit perplexed, but stayed to be polite). Gave our boss an update after the call as she is on a work trip. Boss asked why I was even in the meeting, and I said I was confused too, but had a question to ask her anyway that came from the meeting and she gave me an answer. Told colleague Y the answer (it involved follow up) and I asked colleague Y if she's happy to do that or if I should and that task should be managed by me going forwards - I outlined this task hasn't been under me previously so I'm just checking to see if it is this time. Her response was 'well it isn't in my job description' so I said 'no problem, I'll talk to our boss'.
A bit later, my boss told me she told colleague Y to not invite me to technical calls from now on as there's no need, that our roles should remain as they are. I said thanks, happy with that my end as I'm busy enough with what's on my plate.
About an hour later I'm in the break room and colleague Y asks to speak to me. She does so in front of our CEO and deputy CEO's offices, who have their doors open and can clearly hear. She asks me 'why I said I'd be happy to do a task if I'm not'. And I said it's absolutely not about not wanting to do it, I just wanted to make sure that I understood my role in the event and that nothing slipped through the cracks by me missing something being under my care. She kept on getting really quite close to my face and insisting that 'if I have bad feelings or tensions I need to tell her to her face' and 'be honest if you don't want to do something' and I was just... perplexed. I kept trying to give her a way out and diffuse the tension by saying I know I ask plenty of questions, we're a newly merged team and I'm just making sure I'm not missing anything, genuinely always happy to help where I can - even if it's pointing someone to the right person. She could clearly see it wasn't really going anywhere and ended it all with 'well you just shouldn't say you're happy to do something when you're not' and walked off.
I could tell she was still pissed off, but it felt really quite aggressive. She's also junior to me (I'm management, she is not) and doing it in front of the CEO's office felt deliberate. I feel like I'm unsure of two things here:
1) should I tell my boss, who returns from her work trip tomorrow, what happened?
2) did I do anything wrong here in how I handled the confusion?
Sorry for the long post!
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?