Even if you say to him to at least try it just once, if he doesn't like it then at least he's seen for himself, but fingers crossed he maybe meets some guys that are better for him
Even if you say to him to at least try it just once, if he doesn't like it then at least he's seen for himself, but fingers crossed he maybe meets some guys that are better for himThere is a men’s shed nearby and I did encourage him to go but he was worried it would be full of weirdosHe’s fairly introverted and tends to overthink things. I might suggest that again actually as he's very practical and they do quite a few projects along those lines apparently.
Yes. But in my experience it’s often not mutually platonic and it can take another man/woman to spot this. If your OH is anti a relationship you have with another man it may well be jealousy but he may also be seeing what you don’t see.Quick question, can a married woman have a male platonic friend? A guy friend who has met your husband and you know you will never sleep with.
Have you been accumulating then on your husbands policy? If not, you have none. You need a certificate from your current insurer so if they don’t allow you to, you haven’t been. It’s usually only for the policy holder.For the last 18 years I have been named driver on my husbands policy. I now need my own car insurance policy and of course have to enter 0 years no claims. Does anyone know of an insurance company who take in to account named driver no claims please?
Google throws up a few answers on Money Saving Expert and Reddit, I don't know if they have any answers. I do remember this being a thing when I bought insurance for the first time many years ago, but don't know if it still is. What about a multi car policy?For the last 18 years I have been named driver on my husbands policy. I now need my own car insurance policy and of course have to enter 0 years no claims. Does anyone know of an insurance company who take in to account named driver no claims please?
Thanks for the replies. Annoyingly we've not long since renewed on car number one and the company doesn't do multi car. For anyone in a similar boat I found out that Hastings take in to account named driver experience. I also found out that Sheila's Wheels are still a thing (!) and that was a reasonable quote.Google throws up a few answers on Money Saving Expert and Reddit, I don't know if they have any answers. I do remember this being a thing when I bought insurance for the first time many years ago, but don't know if it still is. What about a multi car policy?
I have never got on with strapless as they tend to make me look like I have a wedge instead of two boobs. But I had this dilemma recently and bought a bra in bravissimo that has butterfly clips at the back that bring the straps into halter shape. I think my one is called Dana but they had a fewCan anyone recommend a good strapless bra for big boobs please
just bought the cutest playsuit but it’s halter neck
ideally not mad expensive
Sorry to hear about it all, depression is not easy an I totally see both sides, as someone who has it myself it can be harder to deal with it when it's easier to stay in a slump but truthfully staying in a slump is not going to make things betterI'm in a terrible situation with my sister and I could use some advice.
She's in the middle of a crisis, going through a breakup, not having much professional success, etc... basically a midlife crisis with added depression. Lots of difficult things, one of them being her living environment. The flat belongs to our mother, we spent our teenage years there, she was living there with her ex who has moved out, so lots of memories from that relationship. Additonally, it's cramped, ground level next to a busy road, quite dark, and it hasn't been maintained well. I offered her a room in my house, initially for a couple of weeks, to offer her a change of scenery and to get away from the bad memories. We got along well in the beginning, and even spoke about her moving in as a proper roommate, but she declined because she can't afford to pay for the flat and rent at my place.
It's been three months now, and she's still here. I want to be a good sister and be there for her, but I feel it's gone from being a good sister to being a god damn door mat and enabler.
She doesn't pay rent, she's not really contributing to the housekeeping, she's taking up a lot of my time and energy with her mental health issues. Her issues taking up all the space in our relationship - she doesn't see me, I think, only herself and her issues.
I'm trying not to begrudge her that - I know how hard breakups and depression are - but it's hours of talking about her, and only her, every single day. We've had multiple conversations about her contributions as well, but nothing changed. Any time I try to talk it out, the depression is the conversation killer. She doesn't know what to do because depression - conversation over.
The angry side of me is wanting to kick her out as soon as possible, because the whole thing has caused my mental health to become more fragile as well (ADHD, depression).
I'm so angry, at myself, her, the situation - she's gotten the best possible situation for her by putting the cost, both financial and emotional, on my tab. Free place to stay, free "therapy", no need to work on anything, no need to clean, no need to put energy into change. And fuck, I get it, I've been and still am where she is sometimes, depression is so insidious and makes someone a terribly selfish person sometimes.
But fuck, I've been that person in my family that carries everyone elses burden, and apparently that's still absolutely expected of me, no, she feels entitled to it even. I have tried more than once to let her know how I feel (in less harsh terms), but it's not getting trough.
What makes me hesitate in simply kicking her out are two things. Firstly, she's had suicidal ideations during the last week, probably due to her medication. She's newly on antidepressants which can cause the depression to get worse initially when starting them. Secondly, I was were she was, and I had nobody. I had to struggle with my depression by myself and it was really fucking hard.
I'm fucking angry and terrified at the same time. But my anger is growing, and having to push it down is doing me no favours.
As an aside, our parents are horrible, and our mother has acitvely been making her feel worse. So, no help there.
What a crap situation, if I could I'd give you a hug!I'm in a terrible situation with my sister and I could use some advice.
She's in the middle of a crisis, going through a breakup, not having much professional success, etc... basically a midlife crisis with added depression. Lots of difficult things, one of them being her living environment. The flat belongs to our mother, we spent our teenage years there, she was living there with her ex who has moved out, so lots of memories from that relationship. Additonally, it's cramped, ground level next to a busy road, quite dark, and it hasn't been maintained well. I offered her a room in my house, initially for a couple of weeks, to offer her a change of scenery and to get away from the bad memories. We got along well in the beginning, and even spoke about her moving in as a proper roommate, but she declined because she can't afford to pay for the flat and rent at my place.
It's been three months now, and she's still here. I want to be a good sister and be there for her, but I feel it's gone from being a good sister to being a god damn door mat and enabler.
She doesn't pay rent, she's not really contributing to the housekeeping, she's taking up a lot of my time and energy with her mental health issues. Her issues taking up all the space in our relationship - she doesn't see me, I think, only herself and her issues.
I'm trying not to begrudge her that - I know how hard breakups and depression are - but it's hours of talking about her, and only her, every single day. We've had multiple conversations about her contributions as well, but nothing changed. Any time I try to talk it out, the depression is the conversation killer. She doesn't know what to do because depression - conversation over.
The angry side of me is wanting to kick her out as soon as possible, because the whole thing has caused my mental health to become more fragile as well (ADHD, depression).
I'm so angry, at myself, her, the situation - she's gotten the best possible situation for her by putting the cost, both financial and emotional, on my tab. Free place to stay, free "therapy", no need to work on anything, no need to clean, no need to put energy into change. And fuck, I get it, I've been and still am where she is sometimes, depression is so insidious and makes someone a terribly selfish person sometimes.
But fuck, I've been that person in my family that carries everyone elses burden, and apparently that's still absolutely expected of me, no, she feels entitled to it even. I have tried more than once to let her know how I feel (in less harsh terms), but it's not getting trough.
What makes me hesitate in simply kicking her out are two things. Firstly, she's had suicidal ideations during the last week, probably due to her medication. She's newly on antidepressants which can cause the depression to get worse initially when starting them. Secondly, I was were she was, and I had nobody. I had to struggle with my depression by myself and it was really fucking hard.
I'm fucking angry and terrified at the same time. But my anger is growing, and having to push it down is doing me no favours.
As an aside, our parents are horrible, and our mother has acitvely been making her feel worse. So, no help there.
I did try that, and all it did was causing her to break down further and put her under pressure. But yeah, I will be putting down a clear timeline myself since she's unable to. She needs to move out next month, and if she wants to do some work on the flat beforehand, she has to be the one to initiate it. Doesn't mean she needs to do everything herself, but I want her to decide to do it. I need some kind of commitment to it otherwise it will turn into a "you forced me to do it" situation.It might be time to set up a clear plan together, a timeline, some expectations for contributing (financially or practically), and some agreed-upon steps. It’s not about demanding instant change, but about seeing that she’s willing to try, and that your needs matter too. But you'd need to have it in you to also follow up with some consequences if she doesn't manage to take those steps ,adn you'd need to lay out the consequences out to her first so that it is clear what you expect, why, etc.
Well she can at least stump up some cash to help cover her costs. I know this isn't probably what you should say but nothing will suddenly feel better until she makes some changes and a large responsibility for that change has to be on her. Can she get a part time job out of the house from Sept so she gets a change of scene, some income and some contact with the outside world perhaps? she has to at least get out for a short walk and take a shower every day. It's so easy for your problems to consume you when you have no perspective but she really is lucky to have her health, you and some cash behind her. I know that's not really helpful...Thanks @Snippysnips and @Codiaeum!
She is in therapy, has been for a while now and the antidepressants were on the recommendation from her therapist.
The flat is indeed available to her, and she can move back any time. There's multiple issues with it aside from the bad memories, all of which are totally solvable, but she's blocking every avenue.
She works from home so she's in a dark flat all day. Since it's street level she's got the curtains closed all day which makes it even worse. She doesn't want to spend the money on office space since her business is not bringing in enough money to break even. Understandable on one hand, but on the other, it's actively making her feel worse and is contributing to her business declining.
The flat also needs a bit of money to do maintenance and it could use a fresh coat of paint. 2 to 3 k for everything if she does the low level things herself. I offered my considerable experience as I've done lots of renovations on my house myself and I'm more than capable of helping her. She doesn't want to spend the money though. Same excuse as above.
I'm saying excuse because all of us siblings got an inheritance (very high 5 figures) for the same amount, and while I put mine into the down payment for my house, hers is in a savings account. She can stay indefinitely at our mother's flat at cost, so she's sitting on a pile of money. She is easily able to cover 2 to 3 k for repairs, she just doesn't want to spend it. And I get that to some extent, it's her fallback for when she earns less than she needs (also part of the crisis, btw, that she's put in a ton of work but it seems like her business is never going to be profitable). But her solution is to ignore the problem and stay at my place, which yeah, depression, sure, but I'm basically compensating for her ostrich tactics.
I did try that, and all it did was causing her to break down further and put her under pressure. But yeah, I will be putting down a clear timeline myself since she's unable to. She needs to move out next month, and if she wants to do some work on the flat beforehand, she has to be the one to initiate it. Doesn't mean she needs to do everything herself, but I want her to decide to do it. I need some kind of commitment to it otherwise it will turn into a "you forced me to do it" situation.
I also need her to contribute something in the next month - not sure what consequences I can give an adult other than kicking her out early, but yeah. She needs to take responsibility and contribute.
It definitely sounds like she needs some sort of plan, perhaps the two of you could put down the "ultimate goal" which will of course be her being back in her own flat, then it can be broken down into manageable steps, so step one, clean each room of the flat, step two give a fresh coat of paint (am sure you could get some cheap paint tins out B&Ms) step three try an brighten the place up a bitThanks @Snippysnips and @Codiaeum!
She is in therapy, has been for a while now and the antidepressants were on the recommendation from her therapist.
The flat is indeed available to her, and she can move back any time. There's multiple issues with it aside from the bad memories, all of which are totally solvable, but she's blocking every avenue.
She works from home so she's in a dark flat all day. Since it's street level she's got the curtains closed all day which makes it even worse. She doesn't want to spend the money on office space since her business is not bringing in enough money to break even. Understandable on one hand, but on the other, it's actively making her feel worse and is contributing to her business declining.
The flat also needs a bit of money to do maintenance and it could use a fresh coat of paint. 2 to 3 k for everything if she does the low level things herself. I offered my considerable experience as I've done lots of renovations on my house myself and I'm more than capable of helping her. She doesn't want to spend the money though. Same excuse as above.
I'm saying excuse because all of us siblings got an inheritance (very high 5 figures) for the same amount, and while I put mine into the down payment for my house, hers is in a savings account. She can stay indefinitely at our mother's flat at cost, so she's sitting on a pile of money. She is easily able to cover 2 to 3 k for repairs, she just doesn't want to spend it. And I get that to some extent, it's her fallback for when she earns less than she needs (also part of the crisis, btw, that she's put in a ton of work but it seems like her business is never going to be profitable). But her solution is to ignore the problem and stay at my place, which yeah, depression, sure, but I'm basically compensating for her ostrich tactics.
I did try that, and all it did was causing her to break down further and put her under pressure. But yeah, I will be putting down a clear timeline myself since she's unable to. She needs to move out next month, and if she wants to do some work on the flat beforehand, she has to be the one to initiate it. Doesn't mean she needs to do everything herself, but I want her to decide to do it. I need some kind of commitment to it otherwise it will turn into a "you forced me to do it" situation.
I also need her to contribute something in the next month - not sure what consequences I can give an adult other than kicking her out early, but yeah. She needs to take responsibility and contribute.
One thing therapy for my divorce has taught me, is men (yes not all men just a lot of them) dont pick up on subtleties. If you had outright asked if you can come round, he no doubt would have said yes. But he probably didnt pick up on the underlying unasked question.Am I being unreasonable?
My neighbour’s teenagers had a party last night (& this happens every so often, I’ve tried talking to the parents about the noise in general but did not go down well).
I spoke to my boyfriend last night when it was happening, am I wrong to feel slightly let down that he didn’t ask me to go over to stay there?
I was met with ‘oh no, can’t you wear ear plugs’ .. I get he could’ve been tired but we don’t live far from one another.
I 100% get what you mean. I am undiagnosed but suspected (hello 90s eldest daughter high achiever so couldn't possibly be autistic).Thank you, I appreciate your reply. I’m also autistic so I have trouble with stuff like this. I also don’t have family I could’ve gone to (which he knew). I know this isn’t his problem but it would’ve been nice to have been ‘seen’ in a time of issue.
I’ve been a bit ‘off’ today, equally he hadn’t asked how I am.
Thank you for being so kind.
This is so true! I get annoyed at my partner for not realizing I'm covertly asking him to do something by explaining a problem or something - but it'S just a different style of communication. I hate asking outright, don't even know why but I always feel like I'm then imposing (probably was taught in school a bit too much that help should be offered instead of asking for it). If I do ask 99% it does it or suggest how to do it.One thing therapy for my divorce has taught me, is men (yes not all men just a lot of them) dont pick up on subtleties. If you had outright asked if you can come round, he no doubt would have said yes. But he probably didnt pick up on the underlying unasked question.
I will however say, I have never been able to outright ask, and I would always be like you and expect him to pick up on the unasked, and often end up disappointed he didn't pick up what I was expecting him to do without asking. So no advice but you're not alone or bad for feeling annoyed.
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