The advice thread for random problems #5

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Snippysnips

Snippysnips

Jas28 said:
Does anyone compare themselves to others? And if you had a friend who said they’re not comparing themselves to others anymore would you assume they think they’re better than others and self righteous. I have a friend who does this constantly and such a negative way of thinking. I’ve told her I don’t want to engage in those types of conversations anymore where put self down and now she thinks I think I’m better than her?! I’m just trying to be kinder to myself so I make better choices
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I used to an found it exhausting because you can only compare on what you see an people are only going to let you see the good things, you never see any of their bad moments/struggles etc I don't know why I done it, I think it's a natural thing to automatically try an live up to what you see but realistically you can't

So now I don't, I've also learned to stop caring what other people think as well, I used to believe people would constantly think about every little thing you done so I'd make sure I was always at my best an could do whatever for them, but reality is they don't, they have their own thoughts to deal with an you don't take up much of their thoughts

So focus on you, focus on what makes you happy an what's good for you, ignore what others think an realise you can't compare your everyday to their performed good, it makes such a difference to your mental health when you put yourself first an do what makes you happy, when you are happy anyone else's happiness is going be a bonus to you
 
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littlepup

littlepup

Jas28 said:
Does anyone compare themselves to others? And if you had a friend who said they’re not comparing themselves to others anymore would you assume they think they’re better than others and self righteous. I have a friend who does this constantly and such a negative way of thinking. I’ve told her I don’t want to engage in those types of conversations anymore where put self down and now she thinks I think I’m better than her?! I’m just trying to be kinder to myself so I make better choices
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Comparison is the thief of joy. You never know what you’re really comparing to either.
Material things may be purchased under crippling debt, happy relationships may be bad behind closed doors, a good job and they may be bullied at work… it’s very wise to stop comparing and I suspect your friend is jealous that you’re able to do so.

What is the goal in her comparing, to prove she’s better? Isn’t that the ‘I’m better than others’ you’re accused of? or are you only allowed to conclude you’re worse? Because that is unhealthy, looking for evidence of your own negative self belief. Does she not see that?

I am better than no one but no one is better than me. We are just us, different, strengths and weaknesses in different areas. No one has ever told me that attitude is self-ritchious. The only people who say “oh you think you’re better than me” unless the person is overtly snobby and dismissive are the ones that think it themselves.
 
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