just need to vent and looking for advice not to feel this tit. My dad has never been a 'dad' to me, like he lives with us as a family but never acts like a dad would. Anyway's he adores my cousins which always stings, because I've never done anything for him to not like me. Whenever i see him with my cousins it always hurts and i try to get over it, but now feels like too much. I just wanna cry and scream and just not exist anymore cause it hurts so much. recently he has been driving my cousins around giving them an adventure taking them to picnics with takeaways and just not taking us or involving me or my family. I know there's nothing I can do but I just cant keep going on like this, it hurts too much.
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
First of all: I am enraged on your behalf, how dare he!!!! He is a crappy father and his ducked up behaviour has exactly nothing, NOTHING to do with you. Can I ask, are your cousins perchance male, whereas you're a woman?
Also, please, let those feelings out - I don't know if you trust your mum to be there for you but can you talk to her? And maybe screaming at him and letting him know EXACTLY what you think of his crappy actions would help? It might not change anything, be forewarned, but it might give you an outlet for your feelings? I think it's within your rights as a child to call out his ducked up actions, but only you know if that will help, or maybe make things worse.
Are there any other family members - uncles, your granddads, someone with influence over your father, that you can talk to that can put him to rights about this?
If you want to do some reading into why your dad might behave the way he does, there's many resources out there. I don't know how old you are, so some this might not be for you exactly, but these books, forums and articles helped me:
Reddit's RaisedByNarcissists subreddit: https://reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/
Reddit's JUSTNOFAMILY subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/
Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that?" - this one is more about relationship partners but I did recognise my father in a lot of his writing too: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Issendai's writings on Sick Systems: http://www.issendai.com/psychology/sick-systems-whittling-yourself-away.html
There's many more books written about parents like yours but I don't know what type of parent he is - simply emotionally neglectful, a misogynist, abusive, a narcissist? might be a good start.
Sending you hugs if you want them, please stay in touch!
@havee I haven't seen my Mum for nearly 4 weeks but she's able to make time for my sister daily and my sister's gaggle of needy people that she acquires like a pied piper. I've had to really toughen up, keep contact minimal and on my terms if that makes sense otherwise it's like a needle constantly digging into your side. My Dad was my "active" parent and even he was very self absorbed most of the time but god I miss him - he was at least reliable in terms of contact.
It's toughened me up no end and there is no way that I will ever subject my own children to apathetic parenting. You're not alone
It's toughened me up no end and there is no way that I will ever subject my own children to apathetic parenting. You're not alone
So recently a cat has taken to shitting next to our bins. Not sure why, or who it belongs to but I have a toddler so I clean up enough 
without dealing with this and it’s obviously not safe for him to be near/come into contact with. Any tips for dealing with this?
without dealing with this and it’s obviously not safe for him to be near/come into contact with. Any tips for dealing with this?
How sure are you it's a cat? It could possibly be a fox and that is harder to deter. Try buying something like an odour remover. Probably pooping in the same spot because of the smellSo recently a cat has taken to shitting next to our bins. Not sure why, or who it belongs to but I have a toddler so I clean up enough
Can you move the bins? If it's a cat they tend to hate change, moving them if possible might make it wander off somewhere else if the scenery keeps changingSo recently a cat has taken to shitting next to our bins. Not sure why, or who it belongs to but I have a toddler so I clean up enough
Definitely a cat. It’s all collected in the same space so I’ll give that stuff a go and see if it will help. Thank you.
Sadly not. I could change the order of the bins and move them fractionally down but not completely.
That's a pity, definitely go with the odour remover, or maybe even spray something they dislike around the bin, I don't think they like citrus or essential oils
Trying to distance myself from people that I’ve outgrown. Not happening very easily. Any advice on how to politely remove myself from their lives without too many questions/accusations that I’m being ‘off’ with them?
I’m in a similar situation. Normally I would just disappear and text short but with this person I find it difficult as they are so nice.
My game plan is to not engage and if they invite me out to be busy. However if they ask me when is suitable I will go out for a coffee, stay 2-3 hours and then leave.
This is working out to seeing them about 3 times a year and I can live with that. I also figure once I move I can cut contact
PS the date I give that is suitable is always like at least a month in advance!
Best to let it be a slow burn out, don't contact them an let them be the ones to do it to you, like lolz said if they ask you to go out then just say you are busy or if you can't get away with that let them know you can go but it can't be for long, usually if people feel like they are the ones always having to contact you they start to do it less an less
Is there a reason you can't just cut contact? Or that you are worried about all the questions?
If you’re really done, I’d just say thanks for the invite but I need to focus on other areas, trying to be healthy, save money, have a new hobby… whatever makes them want to spend less time with you too.
You can spray diluted washing liquid (bio) to kill the scent, it’s a cheap option
I’m all for cheap so I’ll try that first. I also read they’re not keen on strong smells and I have some lavender bed spray that someone bought me that unsurprisingly I’ve never used so I may douse the area in that too!
lavender is the exact thing to use. they hate it
they also hate citrus i think - my mother puts orange and lemon peels in her flowerbeds to keep them away!
Depends if they've got rhinoceros hides!! I had a former friend who completely freaked me out with an unexpected incident and I was desperate never to talk to them again but had to as our children were at the same school. In the end, I actually moved my child (not just to do with this, they weren't doing very well academically) and the relief of being able to go no contact was bliss.
Used teabags soaked with olbas oilSo recently a cat has taken to shitting next to our bins. Not sure why, or who it belongs to but I have a toddler so I clean up enough
Bought a simplycook kit to make chicken makhani. However once I started cooking I realised they didn’t send me the paste.
Does anybody know how to make makhani (butter) paste
Does anybody know how to make makhani (butter) paste
- Status