The advice thread for random problems #4

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stargirl23

Brightstar72 said:
Total long shot, but did anyone catch all the recommended book titles from Spotify for International Women’s Day?

I wanted to have a look at the last one on the carousel, but forgot to screenshot
Click to expand...
Their insta has audio book recommendations from someone called Olivia is that what you mean? It’s on their grid if you want to look at it
 
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TheGlossy

Not seeking advice - just needed to vent.

One of the food shops in my neighborhood closed for good today. I didn’t realize it was closing as it was still open at 1pm. When I returned home at 5pm, everything was gone (name on the wall etc).

The shop was a staple for 10+ years and was literally gone in an afternoon. I’m feeling so emotional about this - I nearly teared up. It’s going to feel extremely odd not having this ship around
 
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Tommyb

Anyone know anything about fences?

Just had a 6ft fence installed with concrete posts. Looks great. Fencers left today. Haven't paid anything but deposit yet.

However tonight noticed two posts (either end) are able to move side to side quite a bit and one other post will move slightly.

This can't be right? I'm going to video it and send to them on the morning and ask them to come back out.

So annoying. Not cheap either!
 

Lollylaylow

tomato_paste said:
Yeah bleach doesn't kill mould - it simply... bleaches it so you don't see it any more.
Click to expand...

Strange how bleach was always used until they made a proper targeted product and then all of a sudden they say, bleach doesn't work, All bleach does is bleach things.

Bleach in tiny amounts is used to purify water if you are ever stranded without fresh water, I'm pretty sure it doesn't just bleach the germs and make them look pretty.

I've always used bleach for everything. my mum never washed her mug and it was disgusting thick brown tea stains you could feel the stains, not just see them, put some bleach in no scrubbing and the stain was gone, nice smooth cup, not a stain to feel, if it just bleached it the stain would still be there and you would feel it.
 
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Brightstar72

stargirl23 said:
Their insta has audio book recommendations from someone called Olivia is that what you mean? It’s on their grid if you want to look at it
Click to expand...
Thank you, but it was the International Women’s Day recommendations I was looking for not WBD
 
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becca7721

My toilet has broken AGAIN. I think it’s got it in for me, Im sure it does it deliberately.... Handyman was ok about it, but it’s gone twice today so they’ve given up. Coming back Monday as they’ve been out four times in two days but I’m not in a good place mental wise, not their fault, but I’m terrified of landlord so was in a state.

Today is the anniversary of my aunt dying
she ended her life
literally the date and day and I’m really struggling with it. It’s not something I’ve been able to come to terms with, due to compounded grief and no support (others died same way). So I’d planned to watch her favourite film and eat some comfort food after going for a walk. The walk has been a bust, getting meds thankfully less so as the pharmacist was a locum and didn't do their job properly (from my point of view that’s good thing), no recycling bags to get rid of waste which was a must for Monday.

But the toilet on top, being ill (last night at crisis service) all yesterday and reminder I’m street homeless after Easter is overwhelming me.

So any tips for today and tomorrow actually as it’s always a hard one (my foster mum I adored died when I was five; the alternate was my aunt whose anniversary is today).
 
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MolliMoo

First time poster and I literally don't know where else to ask.
Married my first boyfriend age 19. Together over 20 years but the relationship was quite abusive mentally and emotionally. He's changing etc and hasn't been treating me badly in about 3 years.
In the last year this guy started in work and we just clicked. He makes me feel so good about myself, will compliment my hair, we can chat and have a laugh, takes a genuine interest in me. We can chat and joke for ages but this is where is gets complicated.
He's extra nice to me, there has been some innuendo jokes from time to time. He knows of the abuse I have been through with my husband etc and he was supportive making sure I was OK.
I have no experience in this and I have never felt the way I do about this guy.
I am not a looker and have been told for years I am an embarrassment. There is no way he could be attracted to me and I assume its just banter and him being friendly.
Leaving my husband isn't an option for various reasons I can't explain but if I thought I would get a chance with this guy I would take it which isn't me at all .
Do I ask this guy to stop being so nice to me and giving me compliments as it's giving me the wrong idea.
I feel like I'm going insane with these feelings and need them to go away.
Really appreciate any advice x
 

Brewtime87

I would tell your work friend that while you really appreciate his support and kind words, that you just want to be clear that you are not looking for anything more than friendship and you are not wanting to leave your marriage, so if he could kindly consider that before making some of the comments that could be misconstrued.
But can I please tell you that you are your own person, you do not owe anyone anything and you deserve to be happy. I'm sure you're a beautiful person and life is too short to spend it with people who don't appreciate you and who don't see your worth. I'm not for a second suggesting you give things with the colleague a go, but where you say that you can't leave your marriage... You absolutely can no matter how daunting or scary it might feel. Sometimes you have to be selfish in life and put yourself first, and think your long term happiness.
Never settle for anything less.
 
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Pinkpenguinx

I know you say there is no options of leaving your husband, but there will be a way you just cant comprehend it right now. I married my first boyfriend , he didn't abuse me but like you I had the mindset that I couldn't leave, for lots of reasons I felt valid at the time. Something changed, and I did leave him, it was hard and sometimes I wonder how I got that strength to do it. It was the best thing I have ever done and thank god I did.
Life really is too short to be stuck, unhappy and dreaming of happiness.
I have had a second chance at a happy life so can you 🩷
 
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MolliMoo

Thank you. I tried to leave two years ago but with a mortgage, unable to afford rent etc it wasn't possible so we stayed together. He also told me over the years if I ever left he would make sure I never got to see my kids again so it's not worth losing my kids.
---
Thank you. I will try get a few min this week to have a chat with him. And see what he says.
I'm not used to being in a situation like this
 
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stargirl23

Legally he cannot stop you seeing your kids. He’s saying that to manipulate you as he knows how much your children mean to you. Don’t feel you have to stay just for the children. You’re their mother and court will help you get joint custody with your husband if that’s what you want to do 🩷
 
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Swisspea

Did they hammer on the panels before the concrete they used to set the posts a proper time to dry as that is what that sounds like. The posts should be put in and set in concrete and that should be left (and it wont set properly with low temperatures) to set good and hard. Then hammer in the panels or whatever else is going in.
 

Kim Mild

It may be that this new guy is there to be a catalyst, rather than a love interest . His role in your life is to remind you that people do find you interesting and you can feel good about yourself. You have that and your husband can't take that away from you .
 
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littlepup

This is text book coersive control and it's a criminal offence. He cannot stop you from seeing your kids, he has just made you believe that to control you. You also don't need to afford rent, there is help available to help you leave an abusive situation. There are various charities and help lines that can give you advice. You don't need to waste any more of your only life with this man nor be in an abusive and unhappy relationship around your children. If this was your daughter in your situation, what would you do? You are never out of options, you just have to believe you are worth more, and if not yourself, your children. Please at least look at coersive control and understand how it applies to you.
 
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Pinkpenguinx

I also have a child, not easy at all when they are involved.
Your husband is not right, absolutely no court or authority will agree to what hes saying to you. They recognise the need for children to have equal input from both parents as being in thier best interest. That being said, your husband is abusing you, if this is known to authorities I would say its actually him who would be subject to some sort of limitations untill authorities are satisfied hes no danger to them.
As a single parent and where children's welfare are involved you are entitled to help with the financial costs of legal fees including a divorce.
I was financially better off as a single parent than in a couple with my ex husband. I agree its hard with housing, social housing is difficult to get in most areas, but there are other options, some local council have contracts with landlords who will accept a tennant receiving government financial help.
The push I needed was realising there is so so much more to life, I wanted my son to see me happy, in a happy and healthy relationship and to know that life is for living, not just surviving. We had the best of times when it was just us. Really hard I know, especially when you can't see a way out.
 
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MolliMoo

Thank you all I really appreciate it. I need to look at all my options and decide what to do. My head is a mess x
 
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Elle Woods

Him saying he will stop you from seeing your kids is emotional abuse, and you don’t have to put up with that. There’s a lot of legalities and it’s not just as simple as him stopping you - you have rights. Don’t ever feel forced to stay in a situation that isn’t making you happy.
you say you’re not a looker etc but I’m sure you are - you have just been made to feel that way by someone who isn’t deserving of you. It may feel like you’ve no way out of this relationship but I promise you, there is. There’s so much help from various charities etc out there - you just have to take the first step in finding it. I really hope you’re ok x
 
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Piff paff puff

What would you do with old broken computers that still have your data on them? I want to recycle them but won't the company access my data while they're destroying it from the hard drive?
 
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