Are there any mothers via surrogacy who are wonderful, in your view?
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No, because surrogacy is inherently abusive IMO.
The anti surrogacy lobby confuses a sensory preference immediately after birth for the person who carried the baby throughout pregnancy with actual attachment, which doesn't come until months afterwards.
That’s a bit of a reach. “Sensory preference”, are you referring to the experience of the baby in utero, that it is familiar with the birth mother’s voice, emotions (transmitted via hormones etc in the blood) and heartbeat? The only things the baby really knows when it is born. It’s not a brand new, blank product ready to be sold/donated/upcycled, it’s a person with feelings and emotions.
I was separated from my baby after birth, by cruel and outdated hospital policy. I was furious, and protested, which led to obstetric violence, which led to PTSD. That whole time my husband gave skin-to-skin and my baby was fed colostrum that I'd expressed in advance, but he cried continuously until they finally took me back into the room with him. The minute they wheeled me in, he stopped, before my husband even put him in my arms.
It was a horrible experience for both of us, but none of it means that his distress was due to actual attachment, which doesn't form until about 3 months at the earliest, or that, had I been a surrogate, that lasting damage would have occurred had he not remained in my care. You're conflating different things.
I am not part of the anti surrogacy lobby wtf that is, but it's a load of balls that babies do not form attachment with the mother during pregnancy. Obviously they develop other attachments after that but babies don't even know they're separate beings from their mother till 6 months.
Surrogacy is anti woman and makes both their bodies and babies property to be bought and sold. It's barbaric and shows how little society cares about women.
I find it extremely odd how celeb male couples always choose to adopt/surrogate male babies.
Newborns can recognise things like their mother's voice and smell. But that doesn't mean that separation after birth inevitably causes lasting harm.
Developmental psychology distinguishes between prenatal familiarity and postnatal attachment. Attachment, in the sense used by attachment theory, develops through consistent, responsive caregiving over the first months of life.
Newborns don't have self-other differentiation it's true, but that's a feature of infant development generally, not of their relationship with the gestational mother specifically.
You raise some interesting points and it’s good imo to have differing opinions on a thread. I’m not the type to demand receipts but you write as though you have knowledge of child development, I wonder do you have skin in the game? My opinions are just that, opinions, but I do feel babies would feel safer surrounded by familiar things such as birth mother’s presence when they are born into a world made entirely of new and overwhelming experiences. I have done trauma informed therapy and was told that adverse events in utero and neonatal period can have a lasting effect on the child, I would think separation from birth mother would fall into this category. Even if baby goes to NICU they still get to hear mum’s voice and smell her so they get that bit of comfort. So I naturally make the leap that this would help with forming healthy attachments when they get to the age you are talking about because they have had that familiar presence that is part of them. I think the point stands that surrogacy creates a baby who will suffer this otherwise avoidable separation and for most people on this thread that’s one of the reasons they don’t agree with it.
I’ve noticed that and I think of a few reasons. The kind me thinks it’s because being male themselves it’s natural to just add to the numbers and do all the boy stuff. Lots of people have a preferred sex after all, even if they don’t admit it. Unkind me thinks it’s that they maybe dislike women and having already removed the female who made it possible they don’t have any use for our sex beyond that. If you were desperate to start a family surely you would just be happy to have a child but sometimes it feels like a baby is an item on a shopping list for these celebrities. So it’s less about the excitement and surprise of having a brand new person in the family and accepting the gift you are given, more about meeting the product specifications. Either way you would hope there will be “aunties”, grannies etc so they get to know and feel comfortable with women who aren’t just the hired help.
I'm totally against surrogacy in any form. The science has developed so that it's possible but we're only just now seeing studies about the outcomes for surrogate mothers and babies.
Babies are biologically connected to their birthing mother - through her blood and micro-biome. To separate a baby from her mother when the baby knows it's mother's voice, smell and heartbeat is barbaric.
Babies can feel deep distress when they grow up and learn they were born via surrogate.
Babies are biologically connected to their birthing mother - through her blood and micro-biome. To separate a baby from her mother when the baby knows it's mother's voice, smell and heartbeat is barbaric.
Babies can feel deep distress when they grow up and learn they were born via surrogate.
My baby recognised my voice and my smell. In a pitch dark room all we had to do was speak and cuddle and he immediately settled. When my mum or anyone else tried it, he howled until me or his dad took him.
His dad spoke to my bump throughout pregnancy and when the baby was handed to him minutes after being born because I was being stitched up and he absolutely knew my husband's voice.
He then developed an issue which meant he spent a few days in Nicu in an incubator and that ducked up the initial bonding somewhat and he was a very clingy baby and toddler.
I think unless you go through the 4th trimester (post natal) its not something you fully understand until you see it in action. I cant even explain it effectively now. All I know is that my baby knew who his parents were from as soon as he was born.
Until then I thought family surrogacy was a noble endeavour. Less so commercial surrogacy mind, but I thought that a family member being a surrogate was a lovely gift to a childless couple.
We lucked out with one successful pregnancy in a scatter of infertility issues and miscarriages. I always knew it was a privilege not a right to have a child. I knew that our circumstances excluded us from adopting (finances, health issues) and I was fine with that. Adoptees need more than the average child woulf and whoever they are placed with do need to have extra time and resources to meet those needs.
Surrogacy needs to be regulated, if not banned entirely. Id prefer the latter
His dad spoke to my bump throughout pregnancy and when the baby was handed to him minutes after being born because I was being stitched up and he absolutely knew my husband's voice.
He then developed an issue which meant he spent a few days in Nicu in an incubator and that ducked up the initial bonding somewhat and he was a very clingy baby and toddler.
I think unless you go through the 4th trimester (post natal) its not something you fully understand until you see it in action. I cant even explain it effectively now. All I know is that my baby knew who his parents were from as soon as he was born.
Until then I thought family surrogacy was a noble endeavour. Less so commercial surrogacy mind, but I thought that a family member being a surrogate was a lovely gift to a childless couple.
We lucked out with one successful pregnancy in a scatter of infertility issues and miscarriages. I always knew it was a privilege not a right to have a child. I knew that our circumstances excluded us from adopting (finances, health issues) and I was fine with that. Adoptees need more than the average child woulf and whoever they are placed with do need to have extra time and resources to meet those needs.
Surrogacy needs to be regulated, if not banned entirely. Id prefer the latter
The Guardian has done some coverage of surrogacy and I found this quote to be very powerful. I totally agree with what López Nares said; that it is ‚form of neo-colonisation of women’s bodies’, and ‚a patriarchal practice of reproductive exploitation that affects the most vulnerable women‘.
‚Keith López Nares is a professor at the University of the Valley of Mexico and co-author of a 2024 study on the practice of surrogacy in Tabasco, one of the only states where the practice is regulated.
The study found that surrogacy was “a patriarchal practice of reproductive exploitation that affects the most vulnerable women living in poverty, leading them to rent their wombs as a survival strategy.
“This situation of economic vulnerability is exploited by the international and national markets as an extractive practice justified by the argument that women ‘freely’ decide to sign the surrogacy contract.”
According to Lopez Nares, some poor women in Tabasco were coerced by their husbands into undergoing surrogacy multiple times. In some cases, husbands took over the surrogacy process outside the clinic or agency structure.
“It became a personal business: instead of being under the strict orders of a clinic’s instructions, they would be directly able to organise, manage and control the resources obtained from the exploitation of their wives’ bodies.”
As far as the business involving foreigners, Lopez said it was a “form of neo-colonisation of women’s bodies”.
“You take children from Mexico, and then you don’t know what happens to them,” she said. “I mean, nobody, nobody demands any accountability regarding the whereabouts and wellbeing of these children.” ‘
‚Keith López Nares is a professor at the University of the Valley of Mexico and co-author of a 2024 study on the practice of surrogacy in Tabasco, one of the only states where the practice is regulated.
The study found that surrogacy was “a patriarchal practice of reproductive exploitation that affects the most vulnerable women living in poverty, leading them to rent their wombs as a survival strategy.
“This situation of economic vulnerability is exploited by the international and national markets as an extractive practice justified by the argument that women ‘freely’ decide to sign the surrogacy contract.”
According to Lopez Nares, some poor women in Tabasco were coerced by their husbands into undergoing surrogacy multiple times. In some cases, husbands took over the surrogacy process outside the clinic or agency structure.
“It became a personal business: instead of being under the strict orders of a clinic’s instructions, they would be directly able to organise, manage and control the resources obtained from the exploitation of their wives’ bodies.”
As far as the business involving foreigners, Lopez said it was a “form of neo-colonisation of women’s bodies”.
“You take children from Mexico, and then you don’t know what happens to them,” she said. “I mean, nobody, nobody demands any accountability regarding the whereabouts and wellbeing of these children.” ‘
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“You take children from Mexico, and then you don’t know what happens to them,” she said. “I mean, nobody, nobody demands any accountability regarding the whereabouts and wellbeing of these children.” ‘
Not just from Mexico - from everywhere.
This is the most terrible and terrifying aspect of surrogacy to me. Even worse than the callous exploitation of women.
How many Varleys and McGowan-Fazackerlys are out there? And any of them can buy a baby. A baby who might not even have a birth record - just a quiet handover for a wedge of cash and nothing said. A child who will officially not exist - but can still be abused and exploited. Who can still suffer. It worries me sick how many there could be.
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Even if the mother is treated well and willing enters into the surrogacy practice, and the child is raised well by the adoptive parents, it can still cause massive psychological harm to the child when they find out the truth.
Olivia Maurel was was surrogate baby and has called for it to be banned:
declaration-surrogacy-casablanca.org
Olivia Maurel was was surrogate baby and has called for it to be banned:
Olivia Maurel: "Surrogacy is a new form of human trafficking". - Declaration of Casablanca for the universal abolition of surrogacy - Home / Accueil
Original interview in OMNES, by Javier García Herrería-February 17, 2025 Olivia Maurel, born through surrogacy, exposes the impact of this process on the identity of children and her fight for its abolition worldwide. Olivia Maurel, an activist and key figure in the surrogacy debate, has turned...
declaration-surrogacy-casablanca.org
Thank you for posting this.Even if the mother is treated well and willing enters into the surrogacy practice, and the child is raised well by the adoptive parents, it can still cause massive psychological harm to the child when they find out the truth.
Olivia Maurel was was surrogate baby and has called for it to be banned:
Olivia Maurel: "Surrogacy is a new form of human trafficking". - Declaration of Casablanca for the universal abolition of surrogacy - Home / Accueil
Original interview in OMNES, by Javier García Herrería-February 17, 2025 Olivia Maurel, born through surrogacy, exposes the impact of this process on the identity of children and her fight for its abolition worldwide. Olivia Maurel, an activist and key figure in the surrogacy debate, has turned...
I have always been been against surrogacy - it is (as stated) a form of trafficking - I would argue that it is even a form of modern-day slavery. It is open to so much abuse of both women and children. I pray that it will be banned worldwide. On the surface it's a fairytale - scratch that surface and there is a horror story.