Are there any mothers via surrogacy who are wonderful, in your view?
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No, because surrogacy is inherently abusive IMO.
The anti surrogacy lobby confuses a sensory preference immediately after birth for the person who carried the baby throughout pregnancy with actual attachment, which doesn't come until months afterwards.
That’s a bit of a reach. “Sensory preference”, are you referring to the experience of the baby in utero, that it is familiar with the birth mother’s voice, emotions (transmitted via hormones etc in the blood) and heartbeat? The only things the baby really knows when it is born. It’s not a brand new, blank product ready to be sold/donated/upcycled, it’s a person with feelings and emotions.
I was separated from my baby after birth, by cruel and outdated hospital policy. I was furious, and protested, which led to obstetric violence, which led to PTSD. That whole time my husband gave skin-to-skin and my baby was fed colostrum that I'd expressed in advance, but he cried continuously until they finally took me back into the room with him. The minute they wheeled me in, he stopped, before my husband even put him in my arms.
It was a horrible experience for both of us, but none of it means that his distress was due to actual attachment, which doesn't form until about 3 months at the earliest, or that, had I been a surrogate, that lasting damage would have occurred had he not remained in my care. You're conflating different things.
I am not part of the anti surrogacy lobby wtf that is, but it's a load of balls that babies do not form attachment with the mother during pregnancy. Obviously they develop other attachments after that but babies don't even know they're separate beings from their mother till 6 months.
Surrogacy is anti woman and makes both their bodies and babies property to be bought and sold. It's barbaric and shows how little society cares about women.
I find it extremely odd how celeb male couples always choose to adopt/surrogate male babies.
Newborns can recognise things like their mother's voice and smell. But that doesn't mean that separation after birth inevitably causes lasting harm.
Developmental psychology distinguishes between prenatal familiarity and postnatal attachment. Attachment, in the sense used by attachment theory, develops through consistent, responsive caregiving over the first months of life.
Newborns don't have self-other differentiation it's true, but that's a feature of infant development generally, not of their relationship with the gestational mother specifically.
You raise some interesting points and it’s good imo to have differing opinions on a thread. I’m not the type to demand receipts but you write as though you have knowledge of child development, I wonder do you have skin in the game? My opinions are just that, opinions, but I do feel babies would feel safer surrounded by familiar things such as birth mother’s presence when they are born into a world made entirely of new and overwhelming experiences. I have done trauma informed therapy and was told that adverse events in utero and neonatal period can have a lasting effect on the child, I would think separation from birth mother would fall into this category. Even if baby goes to NICU they still get to hear mum’s voice and smell her so they get that bit of comfort. So I naturally make the leap that this would help with forming healthy attachments when they get to the age you are talking about because they have had that familiar presence that is part of them. I think the point stands that surrogacy creates a baby who will suffer this otherwise avoidable separation and for most people on this thread that’s one of the reasons they don’t agree with it.
I’ve noticed that and I think of a few reasons. The kind me thinks it’s because being male themselves it’s natural to just add to the numbers and do all the boy stuff. Lots of people have a preferred sex after all, even if they don’t admit it. Unkind me thinks it’s that they maybe dislike women and having already removed the female who made it possible they don’t have any use for our sex beyond that. If you were desperate to start a family surely you would just be happy to have a child but sometimes it feels like a baby is an item on a shopping list for these celebrities. So it’s less about the excitement and surprise of having a brand new person in the family and accepting the gift you are given, more about meeting the product specifications. Either way you would hope there will be “aunties”, grannies etc so they get to know and feel comfortable with women who aren’t just the hired help.
I'm totally against surrogacy in any form. The science has developed so that it's possible but we're only just now seeing studies about the outcomes for surrogate mothers and babies.
Babies are biologically connected to their birthing mother - through her blood and micro-biome. To separate a baby from her mother when the baby knows it's mother's voice, smell and heartbeat is barbaric.
Babies can feel deep distress when they grow up and learn they were born via surrogate.
Babies are biologically connected to their birthing mother - through her blood and micro-biome. To separate a baby from her mother when the baby knows it's mother's voice, smell and heartbeat is barbaric.
Babies can feel deep distress when they grow up and learn they were born via surrogate.
My baby recognised my voice and my smell. In a pitch dark room all we had to do was speak and cuddle and he immediately settled. When my mum or anyone else tried it, he howled until me or his dad took him.
His dad spoke to my bump throughout pregnancy and when the baby was handed to him minutes after being born because I was being stitched up and he absolutely knew my husband's voice.
He then developed an issue which meant he spent a few days in Nicu in an incubator and that ducked up the initial bonding somewhat and he was a very clingy baby and toddler.
I think unless you go through the 4th trimester (post natal) its not something you fully understand until you see it in action. I cant even explain it effectively now. All I know is that my baby knew who his parents were from as soon as he was born.
Until then I thought family surrogacy was a noble endeavour. Less so commercial surrogacy mind, but I thought that a family member being a surrogate was a lovely gift to a childless couple.
We lucked out with one successful pregnancy in a scatter of infertility issues and miscarriages. I always knew it was a privilege not a right to have a child. I knew that our circumstances excluded us from adopting (finances, health issues) and I was fine with that. Adoptees need more than the average child woulf and whoever they are placed with do need to have extra time and resources to meet those needs.
Surrogacy needs to be regulated, if not banned entirely. Id prefer the latter
His dad spoke to my bump throughout pregnancy and when the baby was handed to him minutes after being born because I was being stitched up and he absolutely knew my husband's voice.
He then developed an issue which meant he spent a few days in Nicu in an incubator and that ducked up the initial bonding somewhat and he was a very clingy baby and toddler.
I think unless you go through the 4th trimester (post natal) its not something you fully understand until you see it in action. I cant even explain it effectively now. All I know is that my baby knew who his parents were from as soon as he was born.
Until then I thought family surrogacy was a noble endeavour. Less so commercial surrogacy mind, but I thought that a family member being a surrogate was a lovely gift to a childless couple.
We lucked out with one successful pregnancy in a scatter of infertility issues and miscarriages. I always knew it was a privilege not a right to have a child. I knew that our circumstances excluded us from adopting (finances, health issues) and I was fine with that. Adoptees need more than the average child woulf and whoever they are placed with do need to have extra time and resources to meet those needs.
Surrogacy needs to be regulated, if not banned entirely. Id prefer the latter