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cushtybert
VIP Member
Daves new shoes for the gym
Jillbean3000
Active member
Omg my beautiful tattle peeps this thread is the funniest one yet I’m pissing myself!
Wonder if Dave has to use the Hoover to suck out the buried penis. ‘Soaf come quick it’s out!!! It’s showing!!! Jump on my wee lassy’
Wonder if Dave has to use the Hoover to suck out the buried penis. ‘Soaf come quick it’s out!!! It’s showing!!! Jump on my wee lassy’
Such a good idea.
I had a look on the website and it’s just £25 per adult. So £50 between them because Barney is free. Now, if I added up all those ASOS dresses what would the total be?
Well since I’m on a night shift and bored out of my brain....... the total (just for TODAYS ASOS haul and not including the stuff she’s bought this week) was £108.99!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So can’t take your son out to do fuck all apparently but can spend £108 on herself?
And she bought all those H&M dresses last week for the grand total of £89.99.
So within a week ....A FUCKING WEEK, our lovely Mum of the year has spent £198.95 on herself for clothes... but cannot take her son for a decent day out. Or do anything that is remotely for Barneys benefit?!
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Reader130987
VIP Member
Does anybody else get irrationally angry when they don't upload? I really should get a life, but it pisses me off no end 
Pretty sure that everybody on here managed to fulfil their obligations today, whether they be work, childcare, studying or other caring commitments, etc (and for some: no doubt a combination of all of the aforementioned), so why can't they? I don't know how they're not absolutely mortified by now at their own laziness.
Pretty sure that everybody on here managed to fulfil their obligations today, whether they be work, childcare, studying or other caring commitments, etc (and for some: no doubt a combination of all of the aforementioned), so why can't they? I don't know how they're not absolutely mortified by now at their own laziness.Jillbean3000
Active member
Vlog tomorrow:
THE BIG REVEAL, MAKING HUGE CHANGES, A NEW ME!!!!!
Spends the day in a dressing gown, reveals an inch chopped off her Mousey greasy hair.
THE BIG REVEAL, MAKING HUGE CHANGES, A NEW ME!!!!!
Spends the day in a dressing gown, reveals an inch chopped off her Mousey greasy hair.
disneys
VIP Member
TIME FOR A DISNEYS RECAP FOLKS!!!
- Slave didn’t get the job in the theatre which is such a shame as we all wanted to see Soaf struggle on her own for two months !
- they finally lowered barneys cot after about 3 weeks of it being dangerous and us being reassured it was “on the to do list” ... beggar’s belief !!
- Dave has supposedly lost 15lbs since being on this new weight loss journey , not that we can tell or think it’s very impressive ... hey Dave , you want to lose 100lbs of useless weight really quickly ??? Get a divorce !!
- Dave has finally been doing some cardio after telling everyone he’d never do it and hates it for months
- They launched “sing to me Dave” which is just as awful as it sounds ... Dave’s anniversary present to Soaf is that for a year she can demand he sing a song of her choice and he has to belt it out where ever they are ..... so far they’ve got really creative with their locations: he’s done 2 in the house and..... get this, one in the car !!! I know , how do they come up with this stuff ? Geniuses , 4K a month isn’t enough really !
- Barney and chip seem to be thriving despite being raised by their owl-eyed mother
- Soaf keeps bragging about how she can cut up a potato , season it and put it in the air fryer ! Gordon Ramsey step aside , Soaf Bellend Dressing Brown is in town !
- Soaf has apparently lost 6lbs
- Soaf is trying to rebrand as a fashion body confidence instagrammer and keeps posting reels of her prancing about in yer nan’s curtains (SORRY, DRESSES) probably in an attempt to get noticed by brands
- They’ve binned off the Florida for a month idea and now think they’ll be off in September and will stay in a moderate , but seem very dense to the fact that Disney has taken away a lot of its perks like the magical express , the dining plan etc ..
- they had a family photo shoot which we all hope they didn’t pay for as it was amateur hour , mummy Belle probably could’ve done better on their phone but hey , Soaf got a cookie and some gardening gloves out of it !
And that’s what you missed on S&D !
- Slave didn’t get the job in the theatre which is such a shame as we all wanted to see Soaf struggle on her own for two months !
- they finally lowered barneys cot after about 3 weeks of it being dangerous and us being reassured it was “on the to do list” ... beggar’s belief !!
- Dave has supposedly lost 15lbs since being on this new weight loss journey , not that we can tell or think it’s very impressive ... hey Dave , you want to lose 100lbs of useless weight really quickly ??? Get a divorce !!
- Dave has finally been doing some cardio after telling everyone he’d never do it and hates it for months
- They launched “sing to me Dave” which is just as awful as it sounds ... Dave’s anniversary present to Soaf is that for a year she can demand he sing a song of her choice and he has to belt it out where ever they are ..... so far they’ve got really creative with their locations: he’s done 2 in the house and..... get this, one in the car !!! I know , how do they come up with this stuff ? Geniuses , 4K a month isn’t enough really !
- Barney and chip seem to be thriving despite being raised by their owl-eyed mother
- Soaf keeps bragging about how she can cut up a potato , season it and put it in the air fryer ! Gordon Ramsey step aside , Soaf Bellend Dressing Brown is in town !
- Soaf has apparently lost 6lbs
- Soaf is trying to rebrand as a fashion body confidence instagrammer and keeps posting reels of her prancing about in yer nan’s curtains (SORRY, DRESSES) probably in an attempt to get noticed by brands
- They’ve binned off the Florida for a month idea and now think they’ll be off in September and will stay in a moderate , but seem very dense to the fact that Disney has taken away a lot of its perks like the magical express , the dining plan etc ..
- they had a family photo shoot which we all hope they didn’t pay for as it was amateur hour , mummy Belle probably could’ve done better on their phone but hey , Soaf got a cookie and some gardening gloves out of it !
And that’s what you missed on S&D !
LemonPledge
Chatty Member
I had no idea Sophie and Dave were in South Park.....
summer099
Chatty Member
They took Barney to the beach (filmed it) took him to a crappy shopping centre (filmed it) took him to get ice cream (filmed it) but Barney going to classes, & also seeing Sophie’s Friends… Decided suddenly not to film it & keep it private? Ok then Sophie sure, so I guess we won’t be seeing Barney in any more vlogs from now on then seeing as you’ve both gone private with Barney’s life…. Right? (yeah, riiiiight)
Disneylifeonly
VIP Member
Dave is 100% a man that cries after he ejaculatesI wonder if he says thank you so much to his hand after
Donald73
VIP Member
Ok people I took one for the team...
Our shitshow...oops I mean blog opens with Dave whispering good morning without a Kkkkkkk at the end of it. Transpires it’s after midnight, he was in gym peddling his crank but had to come in to see to Barney who was awake. Dave wearing the play that goes wrong top to remind himself of the last time he worked...never mind Dave, now you’re in the parenting that went wrong EVERY FUCKING DAY! Speaking of, Wreck it (baby’s routine) Dave puts on Wreck it Ralph for Barney who looks quite content now that he got his own way. He says B has blocked nose but no evidence of that.
(As an aside and because we know they read here as proved later in my post SPOILER when my kid was a baby and didn’t sleep, I used this really great trick which involved me lying in bed breathing heavy as if I was asleep until the little git got the idea, got bored and fell asleep. This trick I do believe was passed down through the centuries. Try it you buffoon and dumb bitch)
4am still awake and my dinner is making a reappearance cos King Kong oops hairy Dave is topless. No sign of Owlie but he mentions her, she’s either in a rage at her beauty sleep being invaded or is blissfully snoring. 4.45 he says she suggested a walk so he took Barney out... wait a Goddamn minute, this was mentioned a few days ago, so this is old footage so why couldn’t the upload happen the other day???
Later that morning (no kkkkk) Soph dances like a loon and tells us the kids find her hilarious when the camera is off. Strange that, SOAF I find you bearable when it’s off...let’s just leave it off forever eh?She hoovers then lunch which we are not shown - this must be the day she staged the floor mess.
They go out...proof they read here, Barney is sitting UP!! Soph hair greasy but looks better dressed (apart from the shitty coat) you’re WELCOME SOAF you got no weird looks and whispers of ‘ Quick, call the psych ward’ as you passed people, you could almost pass for normal!!
Theyre walking in Nantwich (so lies about vaccine and going out as they don’t live there!) Dave mentions the manichurrrred grass...no Dave it’s manicured. Cured, like bacon. They look in the window of a cafe at menu, giving me vibes of the homeless kid Joe outside McDonalds in Santa Claus the Movie (If you know, you know). They must be broke...but oh no, what’s this...in they trot en masse into Joules!! Looking like people out shopping! She mauls stuff, doesn’t buy, something for Penelope but she’s vague on when she’s due 3 or 4 weeks (keep trying to hide the green there SOAF - in a few weeks we can expect a meltdown folks, strap in!). Doesn’t buy for Penny, says Barney neeeeeeeds this hat and plops it on his head...doesn’t buy. Hinting hoping Mary will post it maybe. Someone with Covid may have touched that hat but on you go pet!
Home now, dinner of beans is over and she’s holding Barney while he bashes her. Oh how they laughed. Oh how Mrs Smith WON’T laugh when Barney hits her little David at preschool...and primary and secondary.
Wonderful times!
PS the blog is titled ’staying positive in the madness’ but that is a TOTAL misnomer, there’s nothing positive to take from it and the only madness is in her eyes.
Im off to bed now for the early night they say they’re having (but I bet Barney doesn’t provide cos late night TV to watch natch) as I’m feeling sorry for myself with TOM crampy issues...see I can do this cos my well behaved 11 year old is in bed where he should be, chilling and probably about to sleep himself really soon. You pair will NEVER get to that stage!
Our shitshow...oops I mean blog opens with Dave whispering good morning without a Kkkkkkk at the end of it. Transpires it’s after midnight, he was in gym peddling his crank but had to come in to see to Barney who was awake. Dave wearing the play that goes wrong top to remind himself of the last time he worked...never mind Dave, now you’re in the parenting that went wrong EVERY FUCKING DAY! Speaking of, Wreck it (baby’s routine) Dave puts on Wreck it Ralph for Barney who looks quite content now that he got his own way. He says B has blocked nose but no evidence of that.
(As an aside and because we know they read here as proved later in my post SPOILER when my kid was a baby and didn’t sleep, I used this really great trick which involved me lying in bed breathing heavy as if I was asleep until the little git got the idea, got bored and fell asleep. This trick I do believe was passed down through the centuries. Try it you buffoon and dumb bitch)
4am still awake and my dinner is making a reappearance cos King Kong oops hairy Dave is topless. No sign of Owlie but he mentions her, she’s either in a rage at her beauty sleep being invaded or is blissfully snoring. 4.45 he says she suggested a walk so he took Barney out... wait a Goddamn minute, this was mentioned a few days ago, so this is old footage so why couldn’t the upload happen the other day???
Later that morning (no kkkkk) Soph dances like a loon and tells us the kids find her hilarious when the camera is off. Strange that, SOAF I find you bearable when it’s off...let’s just leave it off forever eh?She hoovers then lunch which we are not shown - this must be the day she staged the floor mess.
They go out...proof they read here, Barney is sitting UP!! Soph hair greasy but looks better dressed (apart from the shitty coat) you’re WELCOME SOAF you got no weird looks and whispers of ‘ Quick, call the psych ward’ as you passed people, you could almost pass for normal!!
Theyre walking in Nantwich (so lies about vaccine and going out as they don’t live there!) Dave mentions the manichurrrred grass...no Dave it’s manicured. Cured, like bacon. They look in the window of a cafe at menu, giving me vibes of the homeless kid Joe outside McDonalds in Santa Claus the Movie (If you know, you know). They must be broke...but oh no, what’s this...in they trot en masse into Joules!! Looking like people out shopping! She mauls stuff, doesn’t buy, something for Penelope but she’s vague on when she’s due 3 or 4 weeks (keep trying to hide the green there SOAF - in a few weeks we can expect a meltdown folks, strap in!). Doesn’t buy for Penny, says Barney neeeeeeeds this hat and plops it on his head...doesn’t buy. Hinting hoping Mary will post it maybe. Someone with Covid may have touched that hat but on you go pet!
Home now, dinner of beans is over and she’s holding Barney while he bashes her. Oh how they laughed. Oh how Mrs Smith WON’T laugh when Barney hits her little David at preschool...and primary and secondary.
Wonderful times!
PS the blog is titled ’staying positive in the madness’ but that is a TOTAL misnomer, there’s nothing positive to take from it and the only madness is in her eyes.
Im off to bed now for the early night they say they’re having (but I bet Barney doesn’t provide cos late night TV to watch natch) as I’m feeling sorry for myself with TOM crampy issues...see I can do this cos my well behaved 11 year old is in bed where he should be, chilling and probably about to sleep himself really soon. You pair will NEVER get to that stage!
The comment she made about people with ‘2 brain cells’ was obviously aimed at the people who reply to their vlogs with honest feedback and aimed at all the comments on here... well, Soaf if you do read here, I’m happy to have (according to you) 2 brain cells because with both of them I:
• have a full time job, that I turn up for everyday and get paid well for
• I know who I am and don’t need to keep reinventing myself
• I don’t make promises that I can’t keep
• when I buy clothes it’s because I like them so keep them to wear and I don’t send them back
• I eat my evening meals at the table with my family
• I don’t take money off strangers that they have worked hard for to fund my life because I’m lazy
• I make sure my children have what they need before I buy myself anything
• I have pictures of all the memories I made with my children from birth up to now
• I don’t blame other people for my failings, I own my mistakes and work hard to achieve so that my children know it’s ok not to get everything right all the time but own it, don’t blame others
• I don’t contradict myself and lie on a daily (but it’s not daily is it because you don’t stick to that commitment) in front of 5-7k people
• I can sleep at night... can you?
So, if having more than two brain cells means being like you then I’ll keep what few I have!
• have a full time job, that I turn up for everyday and get paid well for
• I know who I am and don’t need to keep reinventing myself
• I don’t make promises that I can’t keep
• when I buy clothes it’s because I like them so keep them to wear and I don’t send them back
• I eat my evening meals at the table with my family
• I don’t take money off strangers that they have worked hard for to fund my life because I’m lazy
• I make sure my children have what they need before I buy myself anything
• I have pictures of all the memories I made with my children from birth up to now
• I don’t blame other people for my failings, I own my mistakes and work hard to achieve so that my children know it’s ok not to get everything right all the time but own it, don’t blame others
• I don’t contradict myself and lie on a daily (but it’s not daily is it because you don’t stick to that commitment) in front of 5-7k people
• I can sleep at night... can you?
So, if having more than two brain cells means being like you then I’ll keep what few I have!
Or snuggle up on the Loaf that he allegedly loves so much
Brace your retinas for this stunning fashion ensemble.
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deejvillage
VIP Member
Especially when it’s all bullshit like the “I’ve nearly done 20k steps after mowing the lawn” what were you mowing, Windsor Great Park?