Sure…Media!
VIP Member
Here at Sure Media, we’re knocking off for the year, so this social media girl would like to apologise for all the things she got blamed for mistakes that were made. Too bad if you haven’t put your orders in yet. We haven’t had a holiday all day and you’ve got no idea how hard this mamma has worked. We hope you all have a grate calebration with your family unless you need to get on a plane to avoid it. Whatever gifts you receive we hope it makes your fanny flutter.
As another year comes to a close we thought it would be a beautiful idea to recap on such a lucrative year that made us all so, so jealous. Thanks to the anonymous sources who contributed, spooned us in bed during our fortnightly strategy meetings and tipped off the Airport West paparazzi. #2022isouryear
Survivor (along with Soph’s dirty laundry) began to air. Highlights: the bit where she ‘bulked up’ for the role or where everyone saw straight through her and she got kicked out not once, but twice!! On brand, she fulfilled her cuntractual obligations and didn’t turn up to any PR stuff because she was so convinced this was real life and not a game. Embarrassed, she died her hair blonde in the hope people would mistake her for her sister. And we didn’t think the year could get much worse than that bleach job. Hey, what happened to the sister?? And did anyone work out why she had to go blonde??
The inclusive, gender neutral make up for girls andlight nude skinned people who can afford overpriced things launched and was such a raging success that it was on sale for most of the year. 90% of the stock she paid for herself with her own money still remains undergoing quality cuntrol up her snout in a heavily guarded compound in Eastern Europe. Badvertising at her best, she refused to be held accountable for the health & safety. Man, I need a durrie after all the drama. Failing to meet customer service and delivery times had something to do with sleeping in and needing to go on a holiday. The business partner ended up going M.I.A. after the fauxpology. Hey, what happened to Mia? And the threats to ‘escalate’ things with Outspoken?? Oh, what about the charities who benefited?!?!
Of no fixed address and still living with herhair disaster mother, eventually Tickets moved into her crypt home and we marvelled at the unique design aspects. Toilet accessible through the shower 
gymnasium that doubles as a guest bedroom electrical wires dangling by the pool cuntcraft on the walls cooktop that’s too small. 
We know she probably doesn’t use it that much, but every time she’d tell Blondie with the bun “we’re gonna eat out tonight”, it’s hard to tell if that’s because they can’t fit a saucepan on the burner or because she’s run out of dental floss. IYKYK. Hey, what happened to the decal in the boy’s bedroom? And the fiancé?? She didn’t make the book, so why bother naming her in the recap? 
The book dropped like a brick. Between the taco trim, self harming revelations, toxic drug comment and revolving door of other women, we’re thankful the fiancé was never actually named so she could make a swift escape to a country without an extradition treaty. Sadly, the dogs weren’t so lucky. It makes it so much easier to regift the ring. The brutal editing, big love photo shoot with the ex, awkward pyjama movie night and world tour to Bendigo complete with discounted ticket’s showed u’s why SHaw MeDia i’s the premier quality brand of proofreading, thi’s side of Keilor Park’s high tension wire’s. Apostrophe. Gotta love that draped flat sheet on the wall. Patent pending, but it’s gonna be more revolutionary than that elastic waste band. Hey, what happened to the international book tour?? And the other half of the blended family?
A couple of ad standard violations, pregnancy baiting and failed engagement saw her give off divorced-dad energy by October. From the boys end of the table she continued to vagbait, get upset when someone speculated she’d moved on, hang out with much younger people and suck at photoshopping. Hey, what happened to all her old friends?
Thankfully the Digital Marketing Expert was able to salvage her ankles and got her curves back in time for a table at the very back of the room at the Met Gala AFLW awards night. Hey, what happened to all these keen 21 year old pocket rockets? Might ask Erin Molan…
Sophia’s Clingman moved in to help with the calorie deficit, Hinge and shopping at Officeworks. They blamestormed some good jabs at the ex for content. Kindly, PA would also take the kids to Runway Heights Primary while the Narcisexual CEO would go to her fat freezing appointments and root the odd flower. OMG she’s soooooo seckshul. She’d go down on everything but the Titanic. Thankfully the memo is out and the AFLW aresafe clued up.
Unable to repeatedly make any of the important social events within the extended family or friendship groups, our frail female businesswoman made sure that at any opportunity she was on a plane to be interstate or overseas. Given her fear of flying and being separated from her babies, the alternative of hanging around must have been an horrific prospect. The Shaw Media / CACHIA end of Christmas party was bigger than Boda and seems to wind up in more places than the book tour. Pretty impressive for a one woman show.
In conclusion, the ghost of Christmas future is yet to pay Soph a visit. In death, Jacob Marley paid for his actions on Earth. If she does not change,Scrooge Soph will suffer the same fate. When the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come takes her to a forlorn, unkempt grave site, she’ll see her own name written there on the gravestone. She’ll beg the spirit to give her another chance. Part of what Soph learns is that her deeds have directed her future. We hope she buys some poor unfortunate family a turkey Louis Vuitton handbag to make it all better.
Please don’t contact us again before we arrive at the office some time mid 2023. For engagement purposes only (not because we care), please share below
what the tipping point was that made you so jealous in 2022 for your chance to go in the running for a photoshoot at Media HQ that may never happen. Apostrophe.
As another year comes to a close we thought it would be a beautiful idea to recap on such a lucrative year that made us all so, so jealous. Thanks to the anonymous sources who contributed, spooned us in bed during our fortnightly strategy meetings and tipped off the Airport West paparazzi. #2022isouryear
Survivor (along with Soph’s dirty laundry) began to air. Highlights: the bit where she ‘bulked up’ for the role or where everyone saw straight through her and she got kicked out not once, but twice!! On brand, she fulfilled her cuntractual obligations and didn’t turn up to any PR stuff because she was so convinced this was real life and not a game. Embarrassed, she died her hair blonde in the hope people would mistake her for her sister. And we didn’t think the year could get much worse than that bleach job. Hey, what happened to the sister?? And did anyone work out why she had to go blonde??
The inclusive, gender neutral make up for girls and
Of no fixed address and still living with her
gymnasium that doubles as a guest bedroom electrical wires dangling by the pool cuntcraft on the walls cooktop that’s too small. We know she probably doesn’t use it that much, but every time she’d tell Blondie with the bun “we’re gonna eat out tonight”, it’s hard to tell if that’s because they can’t fit a saucepan on the burner or because she’s run out of dental floss. IYKYK. Hey, what happened to the decal in the boy’s bedroom? And the fiancé?? She didn’t make the book, so why bother naming her in the recap? The book dropped like a brick. Between the taco trim, self harming revelations, toxic drug comment and revolving door of other women, we’re thankful the fiancé was never actually named so she could make a swift escape to a country without an extradition treaty. Sadly, the dogs weren’t so lucky. It makes it so much easier to regift the ring. The brutal editing, big love photo shoot with the ex, awkward pyjama movie night and world tour to Bendigo complete with discounted ticket’s showed u’s why SHaw MeDia i’s the premier quality brand of proofreading, thi’s side of Keilor Park’s high tension wire’s. Apostrophe. Gotta love that draped flat sheet on the wall. Patent pending, but it’s gonna be more revolutionary than that elastic waste band. Hey, what happened to the international book tour?? And the other half of the blended family?
A couple of ad standard violations, pregnancy baiting and failed engagement saw her give off divorced-dad energy by October. From the boys end of the table she continued to vagbait, get upset when someone speculated she’d moved on, hang out with much younger people and suck at photoshopping. Hey, what happened to all her old friends?
Thankfully the Digital Marketing Expert was able to salvage her ankles and got her curves back in time for a table at the very back of the room at the Sophia’s Clingman moved in to help with the calorie deficit, Hinge and shopping at Officeworks. They blamestormed some good jabs at the ex for content. Kindly, PA would also take the kids to Runway Heights Primary while the Narcisexual CEO would go to her fat freezing appointments and root the odd flower. OMG she’s soooooo seckshul. She’d go down on everything but the Titanic. Thankfully the memo is out and the AFLW are
Unable to repeatedly make any of the important social events within the extended family or friendship groups, our frail female businesswoman made sure that at any opportunity she was on a plane to be interstate or overseas. Given her fear of flying and being separated from her babies, the alternative of hanging around must have been an horrific prospect. The Shaw Media / CACHIA end of Christmas party was bigger than Boda and seems to wind up in more places than the book tour. Pretty impressive for a one woman show.
In conclusion, the ghost of Christmas future is yet to pay Soph a visit. In death, Jacob Marley paid for his actions on Earth. If she does not change,
Please don’t contact us again before we arrive at the office some time mid 2023. For engagement purposes only (not because we care), please share below
what the tipping point was that made you so jealous in 2022 for your chance to go in the running for a photoshoot at Media HQ that may never happen. Apostrophe.
?), you don’t need to announce your departure. Goodbye.
