Small wedding help please!

[Facehugger]

My son got married this month. 10 people, yes it was abroad but no fuss, just an outdoor ceremony & then a meal in the evening. It was all so lovely, intimate, just the few people they wanted there, no speeches, bridesmaids, no usual boring long winded wedding nonsense.

I'd find a venue (small hotel or whatever) that can do a civil ceremony and then do just what you want. If they want the booking, they'll accommodate your wishes. You shouldn't have to book all the rooms up too, that's just a money grabbing exercise, I've not known anywhere I've been to weddings at that say you must do this. Only downside is some will be booked up for Christmas parties in December already. Good luck with whatever you decide, I am sure it will be lovely however you do it, it's your day, nobody else's x

 

[Fairypop]

I think your ideas sound lovely! We’re hoping to have a small wedding too (around 30-35 day guests), I can’t think of anything worse than inviting people I hardly ever see or inviting people because I “feel I have to”. The best advice I’ve been given so far is to not invite people for the sake of it, especially given the expense of it!

The games idea sounds great, one of the venues I’ve visited offered afternoon garden games which I thought was a nice idea to break the ice and give guests something to do while photos are happening. The same venue also said a lot of their couples just use their sound system for weddings rather than a band or DJ, perhaps this is a similar set up for lots of smaller venues.

I wouldn’t worry about anyone making comparisons; it’s your day and I assume you’ll possibly be paying for it/some of it (obviously I don’t know all your circumstances) so have it exactly the way you both want it and enjoy! My SIL’s wedding was small and one of the best weddings I’ve been to.

 

[Rosie glow]

We had a small wedding 40 guests we had registery office wedding 3pm followed by a hot buffet and a disco later on. Its your day and you should celebrate it how you want to. We had a lovely day with no stress and only people we wanted there instead of a room full of people we hardly saw the rest of the year.

 

[Giggling Squid]

My sister did exactly this, last year - and honestly it was amazing. Ceremony was an in-and-out, no readings or anything at the registry office, then they hired a back room at a pub, decorated it all themselves (minimally), put on a buffet, and we played games. Task master board game was a highlight also did a quiz, where each couple provided a round, and a very long and hilarious game of mr&mrs

absolutely loved it

 

[ElectricDreams]

Controversial but I hate kids at weddings. There’s nothing worse than trying to have a dance and baby bouncing up and down on the dance floor, or kids skidding, or kids holding hands and twirling around. I love kids but it just annoys me.
I went to a wedding before covid and bride had 3 small kids nieces and a nephew all under 6. Nephew who was a toddler ran around the church the whole ceremony. Nobody thought to take him out of the church apparently.
Nieces were absolutely exhausted by the time they’d got to the reception cause they’d all be up since 5am. We didn’t sit down to eat until 3pm (!) I was exhausted as an adult and I went home, had a nap, had some food and went back. Cue sobbing, hitting each other, kicking off cause they didn’t want food cause they’d already had to eat prior to the sit down meal cause they were children. Then the bride had a pick a song thing on the invitation so the first 45 minutes was just Disney songs cause the kids chose them and so did the parents and grandparents etc for the kids.
I left at 10pm barely into the disco which started at 9pm even though it was meant to start at 7pm

Reminds me of a wedding I went to... The couple didn't have kids of their own but there were loads of other people's kids there. From arriving at the reception at 1.30 till 9pm it was an actual kids disco with party games and prizes. There was a party table for the kids full of wotsits, party rings and sausage rolls... It was bizarre!

 

[dancingqueen5678]

Reminds me of a wedding I went to... The couple didn't have kids of their own but there were loads of other people's kids there. From arriving at the reception at 1.30 till 9pm it was an actual kids disco with party games and prizes. There was a party table for the kids full of wotsits, party rings and sausage rolls... It was bizarre!

Yeah and it’s just not enjoyable for anyone. Bride in question was really close to her family which I understand but it’s just a pain in the ass for everyone else. The issue as well was that cause she wanted her nieces and nephew there, she obviously saw no need not to invite her other relatives kids. Thankfully there wasn’t that many, or they were well enough behaved that I didn’t notice but the nieces were a pain in the ass the whole time and the Disney songs was the final nail in the coffin. It felt awkward leaving an hour into the party but I was fed up by then

 

[Kim Mild]

Ooh I was thinking about a twilight wedding, but as I was thinking an autumm/winter wedding would the light for photos be an issue?




Ideally in the one place, as its less to travel them. And less things to plan!

Looking at autumn/winter, open to any suggestions in Yorkshire, North east, Cumbria or Scotland. X


Thanks for all your replies, they have been super helpful and if tje family don't like my relaxed day, sod them!

I've been to weddings that have been lovely at
South Causey Inn in the North East

Gretna Green

Clear, Tarbert, Scotland

 

[HoGi]

I got married 7 years ago (so long before covid forced small weddings) and only had 16 guests.

We were married at a traditional wedding venue but as there were only 26 guests we could be seated inside the home and not in the marquee like you would for a big wedding.

We had the ceremony, drinks and nibbles and then sat down for dinner. The 18 of us were round 1 big tables. No speeches. It was really relaxed and lovely. The venue only let us stay until 6, so we then hopped on a vintage coach (owned by a friend) who drove us to family home where we sat in the garden with blankets, drinking and eating party food! It was the best day ever and I wouldn't change it.

We spent a fraction of what most people spend and got to spend the whole day with the people we love most dearly.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I've been to weddings that have been lovely at
South Causey Inn in the North East

Second that venue!!!! It is lovely-great food and atmosphere.

 

[FakeSmile]

My sister did exactly this, last year - and honestly it was amazing. Ceremony was an in-and-out, no readings or anything at the registry office, then they hired a back room at a pub, decorated it all themselves (minimally), put on a buffet, and we played games. Task master board game was a highlight also did a quiz, where each couple provided a round, and a very long and hilarious game of mr&mrs

absolutely loved it

I went to a wedding very similar a couple of years ago and it was one of the best I’ve been to! It was late autumn and they also hired the back room of a pub - it had a really cosy feel with a log fire and it just felt like a really intimate day.

 

[Sslb_18]

I had a small wedding, due to covid. We had 30 guests in a small boutique hotel.
No DJ or dancing allowed, but we danced outdoors to Spotify and had an afternoon of garden games, which was so much fun as we got to enjoy them with our guests.
Many of our guests say it’s the best wedding they have been too, as the no fuss, being able to just enjoy everyones company made it so much more memorable.

I worried a lot on the lead up if I would ever regret going ahead with A smaller wedding and I can honestly say, hand on heart it was the best day of my life and I’m actually great full we had a smaller number.
None of those traditional family arguments broke out regarding inviting cousin Doris and her best friends sister because you went to their wedding when you were 5

Grab a twilight package which are catered at smaller numbers anyway and have the best day of your life!

 

[DCICassieStuart]

Controversial but I hate kids at weddings. There’s nothing worse than trying to have a dance and baby bouncing up and down on the dance floor, or kids skidding, or kids holding hands and twirling around. I love kids but it just annoys me.
I went to a wedding before covid and bride had 3 small kids nieces and a nephew all under 6. Nephew who was a toddler ran around the church the whole ceremony. Nobody thought to take him out of the church apparently.
Nieces were absolutely exhausted by the time they’d got to the reception cause they’d all be up since 5am. We didn’t sit down to eat until 3pm (!) I was exhausted as an adult and I went home, had a nap, had some food and went back. Cue sobbing, hitting each other, kicking off cause they didn’t want food cause they’d already had to eat prior to the sit down meal cause they were children. Then the bride had a pick a song thing on the invitation so the first 45 minutes was just Disney songs cause the kids chose them and so did the parents and grandparents etc for the kids.
I left at 10pm barely into the disco which started at 9pm even though it was meant to start at 7pm

Sounds like an absolute nightmare. I didn't want any kids at our wedding, but was forced into having my husband's nephew as a pageboy. He was 7 at the time so not a small child and old enough to know how to behave himself, but he'd always been a spoilt cat and was an absolute nightmare on the day as I had know he would be

That forced me into having to find a flowergirl to 'balance it out'. I had my friend's daughter who was 6 and an absolute dream. She was a lovely little kid anyway but was so well behaved on the day and delighted to be there.
The pageboy could have learned a lot from her.

 

[Facehugger]

I think the 'no kids' thing at weddings is different if you've got no kids yourself. If you have some, then naturally you'd want to include them in your day but if not, then planning your day to include pleasing other people's kids & keeping them amused is trickier.

I had some at mine, half a dozen, they were given a party bag each with crayons, toys & bits of tat to keep them happy. They all behaved, as I knew they would otherwise they'd have been taken home. It's your day, so the parents' job to keep them entertained really, difficult if their parents are the sort who expect everyone else's world to revolve around their little darlings I guess.

 

[dancingqueen5678]

I think the 'no kids' thing at weddings is different if you've got no kids yourself. If you have some, then naturally you'd want to include them in your day but if not, then planning your day to include pleasing other people's kids & keeping them amused is trickier.

I had some at mine, half a dozen, they were given a party bag each with crayons, toys & bits of tat to keep them happy. They all behaved, as I knew they would otherwise they'd have been taken home. It's your day, so the parents' job to keep them entertained really, difficult if their parents are the sort who expect everyone else's world to revolve around their little darlings I guess.

If I had kids I would have them but it would likely be my own kids only and maybe some nieces and nephews depending on ages and how many there are. I think that's the problem imo. It's not kids as such, it's so many kids it becomes like a kids party. I also think over a certain age is different. My friend's little girl is 9 so I wouldn't have an issue even though she's technically a kid. I wouldn't have a kid under 7 though besides my own and potentially one or two nieces and nephews if I had to but like I said it would be all or nothing.

I do understand though it depends on your relationships. I'm not close to my family at all but I can understand wanting kids there if you have a close relationship with your family.

 

[BegDavis]

We got married earlier this year and had been postponed a couple of times due to covid. In the end, it worked out for the best! There was 30 of us including us as the couple. It was a stress free day, we managed to speak and spend time with every single guest and everyone mixed really well.. you don’t tend to see that so much with larger weddings.

As for the kids thing, we don’t have kids but due to the restrictions at the time we just had our nephews and niece there. They left before the evening bit and the parents could then enjoy themselves. Most parents will gladly have a day off and enjoy themselves without entertaining their own kids or running after them.

The plan you have sounds good to me and I wouldn’t be bored as long as the drinks are flowing and some background music. We couldn’t have a full on party but we had music, drinks, a caricature artist that was a right laugh. Our wedding had to end by 10ish due to covid rules but it was perfect. It’s your wedding day no one else’s, do what feels important and enjoyable to you. X

 

[Facehugger]

If I had kids I would have them but it would likely be my own kids only and maybe some nieces and nephews depending on ages and how many there are. I think that's the problem imo. It's not kids as such, it's so many kids it becomes like a kids party. I also think over a certain age is different. My friend's little girl is 9 so I wouldn't have an issue even though she's technically a kid. I wouldn't have a kid under 7 though besides my own and potentially one or two nieces and nephews if I had to but like I said it would be all or nothing.

I do understand though it depends on your relationships. I'm not close to my family at all but I can understand wanting kids there if you have a close relationship with your family.

The last one I went to (pre Covid) was like that. There were about 15 kids, all various assorted ages under about 10 I'd say, the do was a 4pm wedding then it went right through till midnight. They were all hyper, they'd laid on a sweet trolley thing so they were all full of sugar, the dance floor was the size of a small patio & they were all on there screaming & shouting, just like a kids party like you say. One woman had to have first aid as some kid had fired a party popper straight into her face, honestly, it was mayhem

 

[dancingqueen5678]

The last one I went to (pre Covid) was like that. There were about 15 kids, all various assorted ages under about 10 I'd say, the do was a 4pm wedding then it went right through till midnight. They were all hyper, they'd laid on a sweet trolley thing so they were all full of sugar, the dance floor was the size of a small patio & they were all on there screaming & shouting, just like a kids party like you say. One woman had to have first aid as some kid had fired a party popper straight into her face, honestly, it was mayhem

It's hard for me cause in my mind that's not enjoyable at all even as a bride but there must be some brides and grooms who must enjoy or want that. Or they just feel obligated? I have no idea but that sounds like mayhem and my idea of hell

 

[Facehugger]

It's hard for me cause in my mind that's not enjoyable at all even as a bride but there must be some brides and grooms who must enjoy or want that. Or they just feel obligated? I have no idea but that sounds like mayhem and my idea of hell

I should think some would enjoy it, but ye gods, then up to about 9pm it was all kids music on, well, I say kids music, just stuff they'd dance to like Barbie Girl & Mamma Mia. I told the DJ to put some Scooter on, the kids loved it & at least it was better than that! I think with a larger wedding, with lots of family, people maybe would feel obligated to invite all the kids if the venue had room. I get it some can't get childcare if all the other relatives are attending, it's so difficult to please everyone.

 

[The Devils Arse]

Hah, there will be NO kids at my wedding I can guarantee that!!!!

 

[PunkRocker]

I couldn't recommend Gretna Green highly enough.
We originally planned the whole big thing for 80 guests but had to postpone due to Covid. I didn't want to wait for the new date so we went to Gretna with just 8 guests. Booked a package which included photography, drinks reception and 3 course meal. Lovely venue and arranging it was so stress free.
We said afterwards that if we'd known, we would have planned it that way from the start.
As we'd already committed so much money to the venue and suppliers, we went ahead with a Humanist blessing and reception with the 80 guests last month so I guess we've had the best of both worlds.

Like people have said, the day is for you and your partner. You'll never please some people so it's best not to try. Good luck with your planning