Small wedding help please!

[laughing]

Have a twilight wedding.

Get married about 5.30 (or the latest you can).

Fizz, finger food, friends taking photos, cake.

Venue - a small local pub room, community centre, someone's bad garden.

Enjoy xx

 

[Bec3007]

I’m getting married this month. It was postponed and originally there were supposed to be more guests but with Covid we decided to go small so that if rules were back again we wouldn’t be disappointed.

Now we have 18 people coming. Registry office for 3pm and then a party back at ours with games, drink and buffet food. We think it’s perfect, especially just before Christmas too. We’ve had a few comments and opinions but I’d rather spend the money on a honeymoon than spend money to impress everyone else. It’s the marriage itself that’s important to us and nothing else!

 

[dancingqueen5678]

.
We also banned children under 12. We blamed the castle being old and not child friendly but it was our choice and we had no bored kids crying or kicking off.

Controversial but I hate kids at weddings. There’s nothing worse than trying to have a dance and baby bouncing up and down on the dance floor, or kids skidding, or kids holding hands and twirling around. I love kids but it just annoys me.
I went to a wedding before covid and bride had 3 small kids nieces and a nephew all under 6. Nephew who was a toddler ran around the church the whole ceremony. Nobody thought to take him out of the church apparently.
Nieces were absolutely exhausted by the time they’d got to the reception cause they’d all be up since 5am. We didn’t sit down to eat until 3pm (!) I was exhausted as an adult and I went home, had a nap, had some food and went back. Cue sobbing, hitting each other, kicking off cause they didn’t want food cause they’d already had to eat prior to the sit down meal cause they were children. Then the bride had a pick a song thing on the invitation so the first 45 minutes was just Disney songs cause the kids chose them and so did the parents and grandparents etc for the kids.
I left at 10pm barely into the disco which started at 9pm even though it was meant to start at 7pm

 

[ElectricDreams]

Controversial but I hate kids at weddings. There’s nothing worse than trying to have a dance and baby bouncing up and down on the dance floor, or kids skidding, or kids holding hands and twirling around. I love kids but it just annoys me.
I went to a wedding before covid and bride had 3 small kids nieces and a nephew all under 6. Nephew who was a toddler ran around the church the whole ceremony. Nobody thought to take him out of the church apparently.
Nieces were absolutely exhausted by the time they’d got to the reception cause they’d all be up since 5am. We didn’t sit down to eat until 3pm (!) I was exhausted as an adult and I went home, had a nap, had some food and went back. Cue sobbing, hitting each other, kicking off cause they didn’t want food cause they’d already had to eat prior to the sit down meal cause they were children. Then the bride had a pick a song thing on the invitation so the first 45 minutes was just Disney songs cause the kids chose them and so did the parents and grandparents etc for the kids.
I left at 10pm barely into the disco which started at 9pm even though it was meant to start at 7pm

Reminds me of a wedding I went to... The couple didn't have kids of their own but there were loads of other people's kids there. From arriving at the reception at 1.30 till 9pm it was an actual kids disco with party games and prizes. There was a party table for the kids full of wotsits, party rings and sausage rolls... It was bizarre!

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Two questions to ask yourself - 1) Who’s wedding is it? And 2) What are you getting married for?

The answers should be yours and because you want to commit to your spouse in marriage.

Sod everyone else. Do what you want. The day flies by anyway; if you have a later ceremony then you don’t have as much time to fill.

The people who love and respect you as a couple will be happy all day anyway. If they’re not then don’t include them in the numbers.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Could you look at hiring an air b&b or similar - a private house where you can arrange to have the ceremony there and then perhaps arrange catering to do a buffet/hog roast etc - something really relaxed. Then you can sort out the drinks yourselves- buy stuff in and ask everyone to byob

that way, it’s all in one place, it will feel relaxed and intimate and informal, it won’t start to creep into feeling like a wedding and it will be more like a family gathering?

 

[hello10118]

I work in the wedding industry and smaller weddings are become more popular. Especially since people realised that they were great during covid! I personally love a small wedding. There’s less stress and you actually get to see and talk to all of your guests. I hear a lot of people say they wish they’d have had a smaller event looking back. The best advise, do what you both genuinely want to do don’t be influenced by tradition.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Nothing to add to the above other than to say people who are inclined to compare weddings will do that whether you have the small wedding you want or a huge wedding that costs you 50k, so sod what they think and do what you want. It’s your day to celebrate your relationship, however you want to do that is the right way to do it.

 

[caterday28]

Hello,

Need some advice about a wedding. Hope no one minds a wedding topic, but I'm loath to post in a proper wedding forum as they can be a bit full on iykwim!

Looking to have a small wedding of about 25 ppl, but we don't really know what we want, and I'm hoping someone can help these uncreative dunces.

We know we don't want:
a big traditional white wedding where is is ceremony, photos, drinks, cake cutting, speeches, food, more guests and first dance etc.
Band/dj/musicians
Bridesmaids and best man
Proper wedding speeches
A formal sit down dinner
Guest accomidation. Some of the places I have been looking at you have to pay for all the rooms, and I'd rather not do that and let everyone sort themselves out.
First dance
Anymore guests in the evening
A big venue due to the small number of guests, plus no one in our families are dancers, so I can't see there being much dancing. (Finding a suitable venue is doing my head in!)

I guess in a nutshell it would be ceremony, photos, some fizz, dinner, cake and then more drinks and chatting, maybe some silly games like charades. Also like some music but no band/dj. Ppl picking songs off Spotify would be ideal.

Does that sound OK? Would that be boring as a guest?

I guess I'm just worried as another family member is getting married soon and she is having photobooths, musicians, etc and Im stressing about the family comparing the 2 weddings.


So please give me all the advice! Have you had a small wedding? Did you wish you had a small wedding? Am I stressing over nothing and need to give my head a wobble?!


Thank you all x

As a guest that sounds like the dream wedding! Lovely! Not at all boring. But as others have said, it is YOUR special day. Do as you please, regardless of what your guests think or want.

 

[Twinks10]

Hello,

Need some advice about a wedding. Hope no one minds a wedding topic, but I'm loath to post in a proper wedding forum as they can be a bit full on iykwim!

Looking to have a small wedding of about 25 ppl, but we don't really know what we want, and I'm hoping someone can help these uncreative dunces.

We know we don't want:
a big traditional white wedding where is is ceremony, photos, drinks, cake cutting, speeches, food, more guests and first dance etc.
Band/dj/musicians
Bridesmaids and best man
Proper wedding speeches
A formal sit down dinner
Guest accomidation. Some of the places I have been looking at you have to pay for all the rooms, and I'd rather not do that and let everyone sort themselves out.
First dance
Anymore guests in the evening
A big venue due to the small number of guests, plus no one in our families are dancers, so I can't see there being much dancing. (Finding a suitable venue is doing my head in!)

I guess in a nutshell it would be ceremony, photos, some fizz, dinner, cake and then more drinks and chatting, maybe some silly games like charades. Also like some music but no band/dj. Ppl picking songs off Spotify would be ideal.

Does that sound OK? Would that be boring as a guest?

I guess I'm just worried as another family member is getting married soon and she is having photobooths, musicians, etc and Im stressing about the family comparing the 2 weddings.


So please give me all the advice! Have you had a small wedding? Did you wish you had a small wedding? Am I stressing over nothing and need to give my head a wobble?!


Thank you all x

We had a small wedding and 5 years on people still say it’s the best they’ve been to
We had our ceremony in a registry office and hired a small hall for the party. We just had tables and chairs out, no seating plan, a buffet style selection of food, we ordered in pizzas later in the night after everyone had been drinking and got peckish. The hall provided a sound system thing but we asked our guests for their favourite song and included them in the playlist we made ourselves. We did provide drinks but asked guests to bring one bottle each too. We decorated the hall ourselves, I got family members to save coffee/jam/glass jars which I decorated myself for flowers and candles. Bought stuff off of eBay and hired chair covers.
My husband and Dad said a few words but it wasn’t a formal speech and it was really relaxed, just like a party really which is what we wanted. It was quite cheap as well (compared to the average cost of weddings) as we did as much as we could ourselves and I shopped around for the things I wanted.
We loved it and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat - we organised it in 3mths and it was the best wedding I’ve been to - haha!
As others have said, go for what you want and don’t compare to anyone else’s. Good luck

 

[HoGi]

I got married 7 years ago (so long before covid forced small weddings) and only had 16 guests.

We were married at a traditional wedding venue but as there were only 26 guests we could be seated inside the home and not in the marquee like you would for a big wedding.

We had the ceremony, drinks and nibbles and then sat down for dinner. The 18 of us were round 1 big tables. No speeches. It was really relaxed and lovely. The venue only let us stay until 6, so we then hopped on a vintage coach (owned by a friend) who drove us to family home where we sat in the garden with blankets, drinking and eating party food! It was the best day ever and I wouldn't change it.

We spent a fraction of what most people spend and got to spend the whole day with the people we love most dearly.

 

[Norfolking Good]

We had a smallish wedding of 50 which was lovely. My main tip as others said above is get married later, we had a 3pm one and it meant by the time you’ve had the ceremony, reception and then it’s time for dinner. This seemed to cut down on dead time and stopped people getting bored. It means as the bride you get the whole morning to get to the venue and get ready.
Our venue was a castle so once everyone was there it was all in one place so no travel literally one floor to another.
We also banned children under 12. We blamed the castle being old and not child friendly but it was our choice and we had no bored kids crying or kicking off.
Just remember it’s your day do what you both want and don’t be bullied or dictated to about who or what you do.

 

[Fairypop]

I think your ideas sound lovely! We’re hoping to have a small wedding too (around 30-35 day guests), I can’t think of anything worse than inviting people I hardly ever see or inviting people because I “feel I have to”. The best advice I’ve been given so far is to not invite people for the sake of it, especially given the expense of it!

The games idea sounds great, one of the venues I’ve visited offered afternoon garden games which I thought was a nice idea to break the ice and give guests something to do while photos are happening. The same venue also said a lot of their couples just use their sound system for weddings rather than a band or DJ, perhaps this is a similar set up for lots of smaller venues.

I wouldn’t worry about anyone making comparisons; it’s your day and I assume you’ll possibly be paying for it/some of it (obviously I don’t know all your circumstances) so have it exactly the way you both want it and enjoy! My SIL’s wedding was small and one of the best weddings I’ve been to.

 

[Kim Mild]

I had a small wedding. We had a registery office ceremony on a weekday , with close family then a pub meal . Then at the weekend we hired a function room at pub for friends and had a party . We weren't limited by cost per head so people could bring partners with them .

Things I considered when planning my wedding because I didn't want
- bride and groom often spend so much time seeing the guests they don't see each other
- b&g don't see / speak too some of the guests
- guests being lonely and not knowing other guest
- didn't want it to be a long or tiring day.

Are you planning on having your ceremony at the same venue or are you willing to travel ? I can think of ideas but they may not be licensed for ceremony.

What season are you looking at?

I would suggest looking at venues. Pubs with annexes or private room. Booking a cottage /house . Having a teepee or yurt at home or a family member's house

Congratulations and happy planning

 

[Rosie glow]

We had a small wedding 40 guests we had registery office wedding 3pm followed by a hot buffet and a disco later on. Its your day and you should celebrate it how you want to. We had a lovely day with no stress and only people we wanted there instead of a room full of people we hardly saw the rest of the year.

 

[Sslb_18]

I had a small wedding, due to covid. We had 30 guests in a small boutique hotel.
No DJ or dancing allowed, but we danced outdoors to Spotify and had an afternoon of garden games, which was so much fun as we got to enjoy them with our guests.
Many of our guests say it’s the best wedding they have been too, as the no fuss, being able to just enjoy everyones company made it so much more memorable.

I worried a lot on the lead up if I would ever regret going ahead with A smaller wedding and I can honestly say, hand on heart it was the best day of my life and I’m actually great full we had a smaller number.
None of those traditional family arguments broke out regarding inviting cousin Doris and her best friends sister because you went to their wedding when you were 5

Grab a twilight package which are catered at smaller numbers anyway and have the best day of your life!

 

[Facehugger]

If I had kids I would have them but it would likely be my own kids only and maybe some nieces and nephews depending on ages and how many there are. I think that's the problem imo. It's not kids as such, it's so many kids it becomes like a kids party. I also think over a certain age is different. My friend's little girl is 9 so I wouldn't have an issue even though she's technically a kid. I wouldn't have a kid under 7 though besides my own and potentially one or two nieces and nephews if I had to but like I said it would be all or nothing.

I do understand though it depends on your relationships. I'm not close to my family at all but I can understand wanting kids there if you have a close relationship with your family.

The last one I went to (pre Covid) was like that. There were about 15 kids, all various assorted ages under about 10 I'd say, the do was a 4pm wedding then it went right through till midnight. They were all hyper, they'd laid on a sweet trolley thing so they were all full of sugar, the dance floor was the size of a small patio & they were all on there screaming & shouting, just like a kids party like you say. One woman had to have first aid as some kid had fired a party popper straight into her face, honestly, it was mayhem

 

[The Devils Arse]

Hello,

Need some advice about a wedding. Hope no one minds a wedding topic, but I'm loath to post in a proper wedding forum as they can be a bit full on iykwim!

Looking to have a small wedding of about 25 ppl, but we don't really know what we want, and I'm hoping someone can help these uncreative dunces.

We know we don't want:
a big traditional white wedding where is is ceremony, photos, drinks, cake cutting, speeches, food, more guests and first dance etc.
Band/dj/musicians
Bridesmaids and best man
Proper wedding speeches
A formal sit down dinner
Guest accomidation. Some of the places I have been looking at you have to pay for all the rooms, and I'd rather not do that and let everyone sort themselves out.
First dance
Anymore guests in the evening
A big venue due to the small number of guests, plus no one in our families are dancers, so I can't see there being much dancing. (Finding a suitable venue is doing my head in!)

I guess in a nutshell it would be ceremony, photos, some fizz, dinner, cake and then more drinks and chatting, maybe some silly games like charades. Also like some music but no band/dj. Ppl picking songs off Spotify would be ideal.

Does that sound OK? Would that be boring as a guest?

I guess I'm just worried as another family member is getting married soon and she is having photobooths, musicians, etc and Im stressing about the family comparing the 2 weddings.


So please give me all the advice! Have you had a small wedding? Did you wish you had a small wedding? Am I stressing over nothing and need to give my head a wobble?!


Thank you all x

 

[Facehugger]

My son got married this month. 10 people, yes it was abroad but no fuss, just an outdoor ceremony & then a meal in the evening. It was all so lovely, intimate, just the few people they wanted there, no speeches, bridesmaids, no usual boring long winded wedding nonsense.

I'd find a venue (small hotel or whatever) that can do a civil ceremony and then do just what you want. If they want the booking, they'll accommodate your wishes. You shouldn't have to book all the rooms up too, that's just a money grabbing exercise, I've not known anywhere I've been to weddings at that say you must do this. Only downside is some will be booked up for Christmas parties in December already. Good luck with whatever you decide, I am sure it will be lovely however you do it, it's your day, nobody else's x

 

[lemonlime]

Speaking from a guest's perspective - I would absolutely love to be at a small wedding instead of yet another big white cookie cutter arrangement where the bride and the groom are barely aware of the fact that you are at their wedding. Do everything that YOU want to do, and forget about what you think you should do to keep everyone happy. If there is tasty food, drinks and music there, I'm sure all your guests will have a good time. Everything else is a fun bonus. And make sure you take photos! Maybe you can get some of those disposable cameras for everyone to take photos as they like and develop them afterwards.