Small wedding help please!

[The Devils Arse]

Hello,

Need some advice about a wedding. Hope no one minds a wedding topic, but I'm loath to post in a proper wedding forum as they can be a bit full on iykwim!

Looking to have a small wedding of about 25 ppl, but we don't really know what we want, and I'm hoping someone can help these uncreative dunces.

We know we don't want:
a big traditional white wedding where is is ceremony, photos, drinks, cake cutting, speeches, food, more guests and first dance etc.
Band/dj/musicians
Bridesmaids and best man
Proper wedding speeches
A formal sit down dinner
Guest accomidation. Some of the places I have been looking at you have to pay for all the rooms, and I'd rather not do that and let everyone sort themselves out.
First dance
Anymore guests in the evening
A big venue due to the small number of guests, plus no one in our families are dancers, so I can't see there being much dancing. (Finding a suitable venue is doing my head in!)

I guess in a nutshell it would be ceremony, photos, some fizz, dinner, cake and then more drinks and chatting, maybe some silly games like charades. Also like some music but no band/dj. Ppl picking songs off Spotify would be ideal.

Does that sound OK? Would that be boring as a guest?

I guess I'm just worried as another family member is getting married soon and she is having photobooths, musicians, etc and Im stressing about the family comparing the 2 weddings.


So please give me all the advice! Have you had a small wedding? Did you wish you had a small wedding? Am I stressing over nothing and need to give my head a wobble?!


Thank you all x

 

[hello10118]

I work in the wedding industry and smaller weddings are become more popular. Especially since people realised that they were great during covid! I personally love a small wedding. There’s less stress and you actually get to see and talk to all of your guests. I hear a lot of people say they wish they’d have had a smaller event looking back. The best advise, do what you both genuinely want to do don’t be influenced by tradition.

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Two questions to ask yourself - 1) Who’s wedding is it? And 2) What are you getting married for?

The answers should be yours and because you want to commit to your spouse in marriage.

Sod everyone else. Do what you want. The day flies by anyway; if you have a later ceremony then you don’t have as much time to fill.

The people who love and respect you as a couple will be happy all day anyway. If they’re not then don’t include them in the numbers.

 

[RR20]

If you want a small wedding with only 25 people then have the wedding you want and try not to worry what other people think.

I'm not married but if I do I would also want a small wedding with only very close friends and family. If you're not fussed about the venue and just want to get married you could even go for a registry office which would save on costs or I've known people who have small weddings at Greta Green.

 

[laughing]

Have a twilight wedding.

Get married about 5.30 (or the latest you can).

Fizz, finger food, friends taking photos, cake.

Venue - a small local pub room, community centre, someone's bad garden.

Enjoy xx

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Could you look at hiring an air b&b or similar - a private house where you can arrange to have the ceremony there and then perhaps arrange catering to do a buffet/hog roast etc - something really relaxed. Then you can sort out the drinks yourselves- buy stuff in and ask everyone to byob

that way, it’s all in one place, it will feel relaxed and intimate and informal, it won’t start to creep into feeling like a wedding and it will be more like a family gathering?

 

[Alexaj]

I'd love a wedding with games and not a disco!

 

[caterday28]

Hello,

Need some advice about a wedding. Hope no one minds a wedding topic, but I'm loath to post in a proper wedding forum as they can be a bit full on iykwim!

Looking to have a small wedding of about 25 ppl, but we don't really know what we want, and I'm hoping someone can help these uncreative dunces.

We know we don't want:
a big traditional white wedding where is is ceremony, photos, drinks, cake cutting, speeches, food, more guests and first dance etc.
Band/dj/musicians
Bridesmaids and best man
Proper wedding speeches
A formal sit down dinner
Guest accomidation. Some of the places I have been looking at you have to pay for all the rooms, and I'd rather not do that and let everyone sort themselves out.
First dance
Anymore guests in the evening
A big venue due to the small number of guests, plus no one in our families are dancers, so I can't see there being much dancing. (Finding a suitable venue is doing my head in!)

I guess in a nutshell it would be ceremony, photos, some fizz, dinner, cake and then more drinks and chatting, maybe some silly games like charades. Also like some music but no band/dj. Ppl picking songs off Spotify would be ideal.

Does that sound OK? Would that be boring as a guest?

I guess I'm just worried as another family member is getting married soon and she is having photobooths, musicians, etc and Im stressing about the family comparing the 2 weddings.


So please give me all the advice! Have you had a small wedding? Did you wish you had a small wedding? Am I stressing over nothing and need to give my head a wobble?!


Thank you all x

As a guest that sounds like the dream wedding! Lovely! Not at all boring. But as others have said, it is YOUR special day. Do as you please, regardless of what your guests think or want.

 

[dancingqueen5678]

Never had a wedding and I despise weddings so my advice is honestly to do what you want. So what if the guests are bored? Its your wedding as long as you’re enjoying.
Also weddings are traditionally boring. It’s mostly standing around, then sitting around, then more standing around, then dancing. So your wedding sounds a lot more fun than that. I’ve never met anyone that didn’t love a low-key fun no pressure wedding. Do what you want and if people don’t like it then they can suffer it for a few hours like everyone does at a wedding anyway

 

[Little_Red_Rides]

I am having a small wedding abroad. We’ve found a small family run restaurant with a beautiful outdoors area where we are going to do a relaxed ceremony and then meals / booze. I know abroad isn’t for anyone but I just wanted it to feel like a special day rather than a wedding. Go small and don’t feel bad- I’ve genuinely only ever disliked large weddings which are more about the ‘show’- never disliked a smaller intimate one.

 

[Twinks10]

Hello,

Need some advice about a wedding. Hope no one minds a wedding topic, but I'm loath to post in a proper wedding forum as they can be a bit full on iykwim!

Looking to have a small wedding of about 25 ppl, but we don't really know what we want, and I'm hoping someone can help these uncreative dunces.

We know we don't want:
a big traditional white wedding where is is ceremony, photos, drinks, cake cutting, speeches, food, more guests and first dance etc.
Band/dj/musicians
Bridesmaids and best man
Proper wedding speeches
A formal sit down dinner
Guest accomidation. Some of the places I have been looking at you have to pay for all the rooms, and I'd rather not do that and let everyone sort themselves out.
First dance
Anymore guests in the evening
A big venue due to the small number of guests, plus no one in our families are dancers, so I can't see there being much dancing. (Finding a suitable venue is doing my head in!)

I guess in a nutshell it would be ceremony, photos, some fizz, dinner, cake and then more drinks and chatting, maybe some silly games like charades. Also like some music but no band/dj. Ppl picking songs off Spotify would be ideal.

Does that sound OK? Would that be boring as a guest?

I guess I'm just worried as another family member is getting married soon and she is having photobooths, musicians, etc and Im stressing about the family comparing the 2 weddings.


So please give me all the advice! Have you had a small wedding? Did you wish you had a small wedding? Am I stressing over nothing and need to give my head a wobble?!


Thank you all x

We had a small wedding and 5 years on people still say it’s the best they’ve been to
We had our ceremony in a registry office and hired a small hall for the party. We just had tables and chairs out, no seating plan, a buffet style selection of food, we ordered in pizzas later in the night after everyone had been drinking and got peckish. The hall provided a sound system thing but we asked our guests for their favourite song and included them in the playlist we made ourselves. We did provide drinks but asked guests to bring one bottle each too. We decorated the hall ourselves, I got family members to save coffee/jam/glass jars which I decorated myself for flowers and candles. Bought stuff off of eBay and hired chair covers.
My husband and Dad said a few words but it wasn’t a formal speech and it was really relaxed, just like a party really which is what we wanted. It was quite cheap as well (compared to the average cost of weddings) as we did as much as we could ourselves and I shopped around for the things I wanted.
We loved it and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat - we organised it in 3mths and it was the best wedding I’ve been to - haha!
As others have said, go for what you want and don’t compare to anyone else’s. Good luck

 

[lemonlime]

Speaking from a guest's perspective - I would absolutely love to be at a small wedding instead of yet another big white cookie cutter arrangement where the bride and the groom are barely aware of the fact that you are at their wedding. Do everything that YOU want to do, and forget about what you think you should do to keep everyone happy. If there is tasty food, drinks and music there, I'm sure all your guests will have a good time. Everything else is a fun bonus. And make sure you take photos! Maybe you can get some of those disposable cameras for everyone to take photos as they like and develop them afterwards.

 

[Kim Mild]

I had a small wedding. We had a registery office ceremony on a weekday , with close family then a pub meal . Then at the weekend we hired a function room at pub for friends and had a party . We weren't limited by cost per head so people could bring partners with them .

Things I considered when planning my wedding because I didn't want
- bride and groom often spend so much time seeing the guests they don't see each other
- b&g don't see / speak too some of the guests
- guests being lonely and not knowing other guest
- didn't want it to be a long or tiring day.

Are you planning on having your ceremony at the same venue or are you willing to travel ? I can think of ideas but they may not be licensed for ceremony.

What season are you looking at?

I would suggest looking at venues. Pubs with annexes or private room. Booking a cottage /house . Having a teepee or yurt at home or a family member's house

Congratulations and happy planning

 

[The Devils Arse]

Have a twilight wedding.

Get married about 5.30 (or the latest you can).

Fizz, finger food, friends taking photos, cake.

Venue - a small local pub room, community centre, someone's bad garden.

Enjoy xx

Ooh I was thinking about a twilight wedding, but as I was thinking an autumm/winter wedding would the light for photos be an issue?

Could you look at hiring an air b&b or similar - a private house where you can arrange to have the ceremony there and then perhaps arrange catering to do a buffet/hog roast etc - something really relaxed. Then you can sort out the drinks yourselves- buy stuff in and ask everyone to byob

that way, it’s all in one place, it will feel relaxed and intimate and informal, it won’t start to creep into feeling like a wedding and it will be more like a family gathering?

That's a good idea, in one place would be better them no worries about having to shuttle ppl around.

Yes! That's the vibe (nod to MAFS!) I'm after, a family gathering with us getting married as a bonus!

I am having a small wedding abroad. We’ve found a small family run restaurant with a beautiful outdoors area where we are going to do a relaxed ceremony and then meals / booze. I know abroad isn’t for anyone but I just wanted it to feel like a special day rather than a wedding. Go small and don’t feel bad- I’ve genuinely only ever disliked large weddings which are more about the ‘show’- never disliked a smaller intimate one.

I was thinking abroad, but a dear family member can't travel and I would love them to be there. Your wedding sounds idyllic! X

We had a small wedding and 5 years on people still say it’s the best they’ve been to
We had our ceremony in a registry office and hired a small hall for the party. We just had tables and chairs out, no seating plan, a buffet style selection of food, we ordered in pizzas later in the night after everyone had been drinking and got peckish. The hall provided a sound system thing but we asked our guests for their favourite song and included them in the playlist we made ourselves. We did provide drinks but asked guests to bring one bottle each too. We decorated the hall ourselves, I got family members to save coffee/jam/glass jars which I decorated myself for flowers and candles. Bought stuff off of eBay and hired chair covers.
My husband and Dad said a few words but it wasn’t a formal speech and it was really relaxed, just like a party really which is what we wanted. It was quite cheap as well (compared to the average cost of weddings) as we did as much as we could ourselves and I shopped around for the things I wanted.
We loved it and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat - we organised it in 3mths and it was the best wedding I’ve been to - haha!
As others have said, go for what you want and don’t compare to anyone else’s. Good luck

Sounds perfect! Saving the jars is such a good idea for decorations, never thought about that. Ideally I'd like it to be a bit "gothy" but no ott so I could mix and match normal and goth decorations like that, fantastic idea! X

I had a small wedding. We had a registery office ceremony on a weekday , with close family then a pub meal . Then at the weekend we hired a function room at pub for friends and had a party . We weren't limited by cost per head so people could bring partners with them .

Things I considered when planning my wedding because I didn't want
- bride and groom often spend so much time seeing the guests they don't see each other
- b&g don't see / speak too some of the guests
- guests being lonely and not knowing other guest
- didn't want it to be a long or tiring day.

Are you planning on having your ceremony at the same venue or are you willing to travel ? I can think of ideas but they may not be licensed for ceremony.

What season are you looking at?

I would suggest looking at venues. Pubs with annexes or private room. Booking a cottage /house . Having a teepee or yurt at home or a family member's house

Congratulations and happy planning

Your didn't wants are exactly the same as mine!

Ideally in the one place, as its less to travel them. And less things to plan!

Looking at autumn/winter, open to any suggestions in Yorkshire, North east, Cumbria or Scotland. X


Thanks for all your replies, they have been super helpful and if tje family don't like my relaxed day, sod them!

 

[Norfolking Good]

We had a smallish wedding of 50 which was lovely. My main tip as others said above is get married later, we had a 3pm one and it meant by the time you’ve had the ceremony, reception and then it’s time for dinner. This seemed to cut down on dead time and stopped people getting bored. It means as the bride you get the whole morning to get to the venue and get ready.
Our venue was a castle so once everyone was there it was all in one place so no travel literally one floor to another.
We also banned children under 12. We blamed the castle being old and not child friendly but it was our choice and we had no bored kids crying or kicking off.
Just remember it’s your day do what you both want and don’t be bullied or dictated to about who or what you do.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

We had a small wedding (was meant to be in a tiny hotel where only we were going to stay) but it went bust 4 weeks before the day.

So we had our ceremony in a local hall and then our meal in a university college walking distance away (it was so last minute we couldn’t have both in one place). No bridesmaid/cars/flowers/speeches/walking down the aisle or sit down meal/cake cutting as the college venue was just not suitable for any of that and we didn’t want it. We did have a band as it made the college a bit more friendly but no one danced, it was more background music.

Everyone (30) had fun, said it was really easy going and they left when they wanted. Admittedly, I was stressed but that was only due to the really last minute arrangements.

As all the others have said, it is your and your partner’s day. You need to do what you want and remember it for that. If you think you will feel uncomfortable having those extras then don’t try and please others.

Have fun planning

 

[judgejohndeed]

Nothing to add to the above other than to say people who are inclined to compare weddings will do that whether you have the small wedding you want or a huge wedding that costs you 50k, so sod what they think and do what you want. It’s your day to celebrate your relationship, however you want to do that is the right way to do it.

 

[ElectricDreams]

Your wedding ideas sound lovely and as a guest I would love to attend. One of the best weddings I went to was my cousins... She got married in a registry office and had a ball with immediate family after, then about 20 of us extended family met on the beach and had a picnic. The bride baked cupcakes instead of a wedding cake and we played beach games and had a paddle. This was all on a Monday evening after work

Your wedding is your day, you don't have to do things for other people so just go for it!

 

[Al Fresco]

Hello,

Need some advice about a wedding. Hope no one minds a wedding topic, but I'm loath to post in a proper wedding forum as they can be a bit full on iykwim!

Looking to have a small wedding of about 25 ppl, but we don't really know what we want, and I'm hoping someone can help these uncreative dunces.

We know we don't want:
a big traditional white wedding where is is ceremony, photos, drinks, cake cutting, speeches, food, more guests and first dance etc.
Band/dj/musicians
Bridesmaids and best man
Proper wedding speeches
A formal sit down dinner
Guest accomidation. Some of the places I have been looking at you have to pay for all the rooms, and I'd rather not do that and let everyone sort themselves out.
First dance
Anymore guests in the evening
A big venue due to the small number of guests, plus no one in our families are dancers, so I can't see there being much dancing. (Finding a suitable venue is doing my head in!)

I guess in a nutshell it would be ceremony, photos, some fizz, dinner, cake and then more drinks and chatting, maybe some silly games like charades. Also like some music but no band/dj. Ppl picking songs off Spotify would be ideal.

Does that sound OK? Would that be boring as a guest?

I guess I'm just worried as another family member is getting married soon and she is having photobooths, musicians, etc and Im stressing about the family comparing the 2 weddings.


So please give me all the advice! Have you had a small wedding? Did you wish you had a small wedding? Am I stressing over nothing and need to give my head a wobble?!


Thank you all x

Your plans sound ideal, most people would probably be relieved. They can get restless and fed up when there are too many and arrangements are long winded and gimmicky.

Weird coincidence, today a photo memory popped up for me of my stay at The Peacock at Rowsley and a pic I took of The Devil’s a signpost so I was drawn to your post.

 

[dancingqueen5678]

.
We also banned children under 12. We blamed the castle being old and not child friendly but it was our choice and we had no bored kids crying or kicking off.

Controversial but I hate kids at weddings. There’s nothing worse than trying to have a dance and baby bouncing up and down on the dance floor, or kids skidding, or kids holding hands and twirling around. I love kids but it just annoys me.
I went to a wedding before covid and bride had 3 small kids nieces and a nephew all under 6. Nephew who was a toddler ran around the church the whole ceremony. Nobody thought to take him out of the church apparently.
Nieces were absolutely exhausted by the time they’d got to the reception cause they’d all be up since 5am. We didn’t sit down to eat until 3pm (!) I was exhausted as an adult and I went home, had a nap, had some food and went back. Cue sobbing, hitting each other, kicking off cause they didn’t want food cause they’d already had to eat prior to the sit down meal cause they were children. Then the bride had a pick a song thing on the invitation so the first 45 minutes was just Disney songs cause the kids chose them and so did the parents and grandparents etc for the kids.
I left at 10pm barely into the disco which started at 9pm even though it was meant to start at 7pm