I don't know how I've missed this story but what is the story?
Well now little
@Skewbedu , sit yourself down and let me tell you a story.
Please bear in mind it IS only a story, and any resemblance to any lantern jawed politicians is purely coincidental, m'lud!
You see little
@Skewbedu , once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there lived a man called Mier Barmer, the hoary handed, large chinned son of a sainted and blessed toolmaker. But Mier was not satisfied with his father's toolmaking ways. His eyes were fixed upon a greater dream, he wished to journey all the way to London Town and to the Palace of Westminster, where he wished to rule all the citizens and settle his
grey, technocratic and deeply corrupt fair, just and sensible rule all over the land.
In order to do this, Mier had to marry, because the citizens of Westminster prefer a leader who's happily married, to a lady (an actual lady, mind, not one of those brick shithouse ladies with willies). And so he did, he married a beautiful lady called Kicktoria, who liked all the same hobbies and pastimes as Mier did, such as getting fancy clothes for free, going to concerts for free, and wearing designer specs, also for free.
But you see, Mier had a dark and dirty secret. A secret that he believed he could never reveal, because if he did, the citizens of Westminster might not let him be their ruler anymore. And do you know what that secret was? Well, Mier LOVES immigrants, right? Especially immigrants who'll monopolise local councils and form voting blocs to keep him in power. But you see the thing is, sometimes Mier loves immigrants SO MUCH, he actually lets them come round to his house and
rail him senseless unblock his u-bend with their plungers. For which he pays them. Cash in hand, of course, because whilst Mier and his mates just LOVE taxation, they only love it when other people are paying it.
And so what happened next? Well, there were three beautiful
rent boys Ukrainian princelings, called, oh, I dunno, Bilbo, Frodo and Gozo. And they pumped their plungers into Mier's U-bend, and they cleaned him right out! But Mier, with his mind on serious affairs of state, forgot to pay them! And so what did those three princelings do? Well, they huffed, and they puffed, and they BURNED his house down! (Well, just the porch. And his old car.)
And Lady Kicktoria was sore in wrath and kicked him out of the house and he had to go and stay in a flat owned by his fairy godmother, Lord Ali. But Mier is very clever, so he put out lots of photos of his children so that when he did public broadcasts from the flat (as this was during a time when all the land was sorely afflicted with a plague, and all citizens were shut up in their homes), it looked like he was still in his house!
But not everyone was fooled and rumours abounded aplenty.
To be continued.....