Believe me Simon there is no gold medal given for serving your family. I was also the homemaker wife/mother that loved to have a clean house, dinner cooked and on the table each night, baking in the tins, 2 loads of washing a day done, dried and folded/ironed, kids bathed and in their pj's before Dad got home from work. Mowed the lawns to save my husband the job on the weekend so we could do the kids activities and sports stuff. It got me no where. No one really appreciated the effort, except myself. Who was I pleasing? Hun, a reminder that no one really cares. You need to relax and live life as spending time with your family is way more important. They won't remember the countless hours you spent cleaning and having everything in shipshape order. They will remember the times you spent together.
PS - after 15 years of marriage my husband is now my ex husband! I regret doing all the stuff I used to do. Wasted way too much time. There's no real appreciation. Stop being a slave and enjoy life. Your headstone won't say Simon was a Clean Freak Martyr. Let Trent and Asher have fun memories rather than living life to your perfection. It's not normal to be a slave to your house and cleaning rituals. As the saying goes, hindsight is a great thing.
