LolitaBlah
VIP Member
Girrrrl.. take it from someone who have been there... If you're asking all these questions... you are already out of the relationship.
Don't waste your precious time.
Don't waste your precious time.
- Notice
I second this. As soon as you get these thoughts it's usually the end. Sounds like you have outgrown the relationship.
It will be hard to end it but I think you will feel relieved once it's done and you can move on.
Good luck.
Barbie2020
VIP Member
Yes! If you’re not happy and don’t think there is a way of it changing/ you don’t love him then get out. You’re only early 20s and got loads of life in front of you.
I was 22 when my 3 year relationship ended but he dumped me
I was gutted but only because I didn’t know anything else. We had the same friends so obvious that was awkward. I met someone else about a year and half later, we clicked and it was true love. We get married in 3 months 
yeh it’s not always easy no matter what relationship you’re in but if we ever argue or have had a rough patch we want to work it out cos we are in it for the long haul.
Life is so short and you deserve to be happy!
I was 22 when my 3 year relationship ended but he dumped me
I was gutted but only because I didn’t know anything else. We had the same friends so obvious that was awkward. I met someone else about a year and half later, we clicked and it was true love. We get married in 3 months yeh it’s not always easy no matter what relationship you’re in but if we ever argue or have had a rough patch we want to work it out cos we are in it for the long haul. Life is so short and you deserve to be happy!
Fizzwhizz2020
Chatty Member
I was very much like you. Early 20’s was in a long term, a few years in wasn’t feeling that I was in love with him but did love him. Didn’t enjoy the sex. Muddled along for over 10 years until he cheated. I walked out and had to start my whole life again. If you’re feeling like this now, you’ll probably definitely feel it more in your 30’s. Don’t stay with someone because you think you’re running out of time. I’m grateful I never had kids with my ex because I wouldn’t want him in my life now. I had time out on my own as a single girl (4years) and I realised more about myself in that time than I ever had. I got to know me, not a version of me that I was willing to give to another man if that makes sense. Ended up meeting someone else totally randomly. I couldn’t imagine being any happier than I am with this person. 3 years and going strong as day one. It’s how I should have felt and been made to feel. Yes I’m older, but I’m more established. I own my own home and am confident in myself and what I want and need from a relationship, rather than just giving what someone is willing to take. You’ve got plenty time. It is scary. But he might be feeling the same and it could all go horribly wrong Yeats down the line. Trust your gut because it’s usually right. Best to end it on a high then wait for it to get to a point where even a friendship isn’t able to be saved. You’ll be just fine. You make so many friends at all stages of life x
Thelife×
Chatty Member
Agree with the other replies here.
How do you think he would feel if you read this post to him? I don’t think he would want to be in a relationship knowing it was of convenience either!
You’re right, you are at a good age to to start again with somebody else. It would be great if you could still be friends after too...good luck with whatever you choose do.
How do you think he would feel if you read this post to him? I don’t think he would want to be in a relationship knowing it was of convenience either!
You’re right, you are at a good age to to start again with somebody else. It would be great if you could still be friends after too...good luck with whatever you choose do.
under the ivy
VIP Member
24 is so young, in a non-patronising way. I was in long-term relationships from being 19 to 27. My 4 year relationship ended nearly a year ago and although I was heartbroken (thought he was the one), I realise how happy I am single now. It was a blessing in disguise. Physically he was perfect in my eyes but emotional, he was unavailable and a commitment-phobe. I do feel like I wasted a good portion of my 20s in relationships but it doesn't matter how old you are - we need to remove ourselves from the normative narrative that you meet someone in your 20s, marry and have kids in your 30s.
I hope you figure out the right path for you OP x
I hope you figure out the right path for you OP x
LaurieLaurie
VIP Member
Could it just be because of how mundane life has been over the past twelve months? What about planning date nights and little trips? Spending time with others so that your time together is more fun and appreciated.
I would always make sure I was 1000% certain because sometimes you can’t go back once the decision has been made.
I would always make sure I was 1000% certain because sometimes you can’t go back once the decision has been made.
Bleurghgram
VIP Member
I had all of these thoughts about someone I was with when I was 27. I thought I’d have to settle because I was starting to think about marriage and kids but I knew it wasn’t right.
Starting over again was hard (and I imploded the relationship in the worst way rather than being honest with myself and him) but I’m in a completely different place now at 30 than I was then. I’ve learnt I don’t have to put pressure on myself to do what society expects and it’s absolutely fine to carve my own path so long as I’m happy.
Starting over again was hard (and I imploded the relationship in the worst way rather than being honest with myself and him) but I’m in a completely different place now at 30 than I was then. I’ve learnt I don’t have to put pressure on myself to do what society expects and it’s absolutely fine to carve my own path so long as I’m happy.
disneys
VIP Member
I think if you are having these doubts it’s probably time to end things
I’ve been with my husband for nearly 11 years and have never had these thoughts about him , so it’s definitely not usual .. it sounds like you’ve outgrown the relationship and 24 is a great age to realise that
good luck with it all xx
I’ve been with my husband for nearly 11 years and have never had these thoughts about him , so it’s definitely not usual .. it sounds like you’ve outgrown the relationship and 24 is a great age to realise that
good luck with it all xx
poollounger
Active member
I had to tell him that I was having doubts about our future together because it ended up manifesting in physical anxiety for me (anxiety attacks which would build up all day and accumulate in a panic attack each evening, literally for weeks it was awful) and I obviously couldn't hide that from him. We thought it could just be from spending 24/7 together through lockdown so he went back to his parent's house and we had a 'break' although still spoke most days. Essentially, I felt relieved when he was gone and didn't miss him much even after a few weeks but still had anxiety about being in the relationship. I had to break up with him over facetime as his parent's house is over 2 hours away. I felt awful that I couldn't do it in person but the strain on my mental health was just too much to wait. I basically just explained that the anxiety I had was telling me it wasn't right, even though I couldn't pinpoint a specific reason why which was hard for him. I also told him that he deserved someone who was 100% sure of their feelings and that couldn't be me, and that it genuinely was me - not him, as cliche as that sounds. I think being honest is the only way to go or you risk hurting him more if he finds out you told someone else the real reason or whatever.
We spoke on/off for about a week after but I had to ask to go no contact in the end as texting each other was more of a habit that needed breaking - I knew I didn't want to get back together and didn't want to give him false hope. Despite being the one doing the dumping I was still a wreck for at least 2 months as he was my first love and I felt so so so guilty for breaking his heart as well as feeling incredibly lonely after having someone with me 24/7 for months. I just didn't realise how much of a stress it was thinking I would be with my first love forever lol I know that sounds stupid but I really felt pressure to stay together because he didn't do anything wrong!
It has been around 9 months now and I'm so glad I made the decision to end things, even though life atm isn't going great for me due to other factors at least I'm not stressing about a relationship
BettyCrockerr
VIP Member
You are so very young. It sounds like you have just naturally outgrown the relationship with him. At your age, id tell you to just end it with him and then get on with your own life - concentrate on yourself, your career, your own friends & family, do things you enjoy,travel as soon as the world opens up again. You are way too young to stay in a relationship that you have already emotionally checked out from and honey - you are too young to be stuck in a relationship where the sex isn’t good!!!!! Cut your losses, end it and enjoy the freedom of being single in your 20s!!!!
The best way to break up is to just be completely honest with him. Tell him that for you, it’s over, that he hasn’t done anything but that while you care about him you aren’t in love with him anymore and that you want the pair of you to have the chance to you your separate ways and enjoy the next chapter of your lives. Dont give him any false hope - don’t say you’ll stay friends or that you’ll see how a break goes or anything like that - just say what you’ve said to us on here and then you make arrangements to move out etc
I think it's so easy to stay with somebody just because of the routine and it's what you're used to. Change can be scary, especially if you share friendship groups etc. But ultimately, what's important is your happiness. There's no point keeping yourself in an unhappy situation just because of the unknown. In some ways, it would be easier if you'd had a massive row, or found someone else etc, because at least then you'd have a reason to leave but that's still not a reason to stay. Don't sit around waiting for something to happen to give you an excuse to go, you've got to put your happiness first.
The first thing I would do is have an open and frank discussion with him about how you feel. Ask him how he feels. It's better to be honest. Once you've spoken to him, you'll have a much clearer picture of how he feels and how he sees the relationship progressing. At the end of the day though, if you really don't feel happy and you're questioning it, then you know what you have to do. You say he's your best friend, so being honest and open with him will be the best way to help you maintain that friendship, even if the relationship has to come to an end. You don't have to lose him completely.
The first thing I would do is have an open and frank discussion with him about how you feel. Ask him how he feels. It's better to be honest. Once you've spoken to him, you'll have a much clearer picture of how he feels and how he sees the relationship progressing. At the end of the day though, if you really don't feel happy and you're questioning it, then you know what you have to do. You say he's your best friend, so being honest and open with him will be the best way to help you maintain that friendship, even if the relationship has to come to an end. You don't have to lose him completely.
LolitaBlah
VIP Member
I know exactly what you mean and I've been there. You think there won't be anyone else.. no one will get you like he does.. but does he really?
Are you afraid of the unknown? because let me tell you.. there will be someone else, if u give him the time to understand you he will....
But dear... don't you even start looking for someone else before you find yourself... see that inspirational crap and quotes on instagram about how you won't find happiness with someone else until you're happy alone? well that shit is TRUE!
Take time for yourself to know you! travel (whenever that will be possible again), go to clubs, help in charities, go to singing clubs, help in an elderly house, join a book club, whatever YOU like, get a cat! get a dog, get a fish lol ... don't be defined by the man in your relationship that shit is dangerous! take it from me
You are so right and the second paragraph does kind of sum up how I feel perhaps. It is cosy and samey which might be ok if I was older. I think he would be perfect 10 years later.
CosmicCreepers
VIP Member
Life is too short to feel unhappy. My friend is in a relationship and is absolutely miserable. I've told her so many times to leave him, hes no good for her at all. But she said she has gotten so used to talking to him everyday she can't let go. I said to her this is no way to live, you need to feel fulfilled and happy.
ClockworkDolly
VIP Member
You are still very young to settle down with someone. There's a whole world out there to explore and if you are having these thoughts now, then maybe you should call time on your relationship. I think life has become too cosy, too samey for you.
Maybe you don't have the confidence to go it alone, but just think of all the opportunities out there waiting for you to grab them. It will boost your confidence enormously if you can grab them by yourself, without relying on him to buffer you.
Go for it.
I’ve been in a long term relationship for 4 years... I’m 24. I live with my partner. Over the last 6 months I’ve been beginning to seriously think about if I want a live with him forever.
I’m at the point where I’m young enough to meet someone else..: I want children.
But I’m worried about making the wrong decision to end it. I’m also worried because I’ve centered my life around him and his friends to the point I don’t know what I would have without him.
How do I know if it’s worth working on or not? I see him as my best friend but I don’t know if there’s anything more there anymore. I don’t enjoy the sex
I’m at the point where I’m young enough to meet someone else..: I want children.
But I’m worried about making the wrong decision to end it. I’m also worried because I’ve centered my life around him and his friends to the point I don’t know what I would have without him.
How do I know if it’s worth working on or not? I see him as my best friend but I don’t know if there’s anything more there anymore. I don’t enjoy the sex
Make sure you update us all, I was wondering about you last night. Hope everything is ok x
poollounger
Active member
I was in the exact same position last summer. Was with my ex for 4 years since I was 17, we were living together but I was so bored of the relationship and couldn't see myself with him forever. There was nothing explicitly wrong with him or us, he treated me well, it was cosy and we were generally happy but I just had this feeling I knew it wasn't for me anymore. It was such a hard decision because I kept thinking this is the kind of relationship I'd want in my 30s and he'd be a great partner to have kids with etc. - but you can't base a relationship off of things that might happen in the future, or because you think you won't find something better.
It sounds like you know what you need to do and I wouldn't waste any more time. I felt really guilty when I broke up with my ex as he was a great guy but it helped to remember that he deserves to be happy and with someone who loves him completely without doubts, and you can't offer him that. Good luck!
It sounds like you know what you need to do and I wouldn't waste any more time. I felt really guilty when I broke up with my ex as he was a great guy but it helped to remember that he deserves to be happy and with someone who loves him completely without doubts, and you can't offer him that. Good luck!