The thing about pronouns is that EVERYONE refers to other people as him/he/she/her based on what people look like. It’s a natural way to speak to/about people. Yet when you get someone who is gender neutral, you’re expected the suddenly be aware of using that instinctive language and correct yourself before you’ve even spoke.
But this is exactly the same with titles? Mr, Miss, Mrs, Dr…
We don’t get this “stop the world, I wanted to get off!” whenever somebody gets married and might change from Miss Smith to Mrs Smith.
You can’t tell what title someone is by looking at them either. We try and remember the new title and apologise if we use the wrong one when speaking to them. I’m pretty sure that is all that non-binary people are asking of us.
it can be confusing using the term they/them for a singular person
Is it? We have been saying phrases like “If the customer who left the umbrella at reception comes back, tell them it’s in the lost and found box” for years. The singular “them“ has always existed.
Imagine this, you’re in a restaurant and a man at the next table asks for a menu. The waiter says “of course sir let me just get that for you”. And the man then goes on to explain they’re actually gender neutral and don’t answer to the term “sir”. What is that waiter supposed to do? Apologise? For just being polite? No fuck that. And that’s why people can’t be doing with it all.
Again – it’s the same with titles. People are more than comfortable with correcting and apologising when a Dr is called a Miss or whatever. It is exactly the same thing.