It's the weekly Ruby Bones denial, lies and idiocy video!
"And YASS, oiy
DYOO read whoiylst brosshing moiy teeth."
Nahh, not any more believable or less stupid and pathetic the 4,893th time she's said it.
"OIY LOFF BOHKS, syoo this is DAFFINITELY sommthing oiy
want tyo be dyoing."
Sure, Jan.
Ruby: "Avveryone in moiy house is yoosually aslyeep at this toime (because they are varry lazy and onnamployed, onloike moiysalf who wahhrks varry hard) syo oiy awhlwheys wohrry that I'm being tyoo loud."
Also Ruby: (Blasts Tory news through Google Home and spends 45 minutes passive-aggressively arguing with an AI at loud volumes in the room next to her parents rather than use ear buds or non-voice-controlled radio or get ready in one of the 789 unoccupied rooms on the opposite side of her family mansion.)
Makes sense.
Ruby: "Wahhring sonncream is impworetant."
Also Ruby: (Applies a very thin layer of sun cream only to her face, not putting any on her ears, neck, hands or anywhere past her jawline.)
Mmhmm.
Ruby: "THAN oiy make moiy bad--oiy CAHN'T start the dyay without myaking moiy bad."
Also Ruby: (Has changed her bedsheets once in the past 2 years.)
Ruby: "Moiy favourite gryeen tea is the MwOaOww...fWeAngHh gryeen tea from Tea Pigs."
Ad declaration: [Missing]
(Ruby even moans that this tea is more expensive than her previous favourite green tea, implying that she bought it, but conveniently avoids mentioning that Tea Pigs have gifted her years' worth of teas.)
"Oiy'm...troiying tyoo read a lyoad of of middull grwayde bocks at the myoment syo oiy can rackommand tham tyo the styudents."
Umm...I thought she JANUINELY read 346 books a year and LOVES books AVVER SYO MOCH and reads nothing but middle-grade and below books, so why does she have no existing book recommendations in her vacant brain? Why is she pre-prepping a list of books to recommend to children unrelated to the job at hand?
Ruby when she's JOHST WYOKEN OPP. NYO FRACKLES.
THE NAXXT DYAY. FAKE FRACKLES AVVERYWHAHHR.
Why wasn't this part included in your morning makeup routine, Ruberto?
Ruby claims she needs to "reesaarch" something every day just for herself, so researches Friday the Thaarteenth, to learn all about Jason Voorhees--I mean,
paraskevidekatriaphobia, or "Paris Geller Deck-o-Dryer Phobia", as Ruby calls it. Ruby recently claimed she learned everything about this word when she was 12, so I'm confused why she'd need to relearn this information at 22.
Unsurprisingly, she's managed to turn Friday the 13th into an excuse to pontificate if the real meaning of the day is being afraid of not being 12 anymore, because the number 12 is "associated with completeness". This all seems like stuff Ruby should be discussing with a therapist, given her obsessive fixation with being 12 and befriending 12-year-olds.
Ruby: "Oiy troiy tyo gat a little bit of FRASH AH--[abrupt cut]"
It's good for "mantle halth", apparently. Ruby claims she's always sure to be very attentive to everything around her when she's roaming her garden, yet never seems to notice the apocalyptic wasteland of mess, detritus, rusty trash and discarded furniture all over her yard.
Ruby: "Syo. Oiy've got into cwoffee."
Ruby: (Holds up a container of Grind coffee to show the logo as clearly as possible, then does an extended show-off of her Grind coffee machine.)
Ad declaration: [Missing]
Reminder: Grind coffee gifted Ruby (and other Sixteenth-repped influencers) her coffee pod machine. Conveniently unmentioned, along with failing to mention that this coffee was no doubt gifted, too.
Ad declaration: [Missing]
After preparing this gifted coffee with gifted milk using a gifted machine, Ruby claims it was SYO GOOD! This is her go-to phrase for praising gifted stuff she doesn't like or use. She takes a mouthful of coffee, swills it about awkwardly like she doesn't want to swallow it, then there's a hard cut.
After the cut, she's smiling nervously, like someone on a reality TV show trying to summon the courage to down a shot of liquified donkey dick to win a jungle challenge.
Then she takes another strawful and cuts away before it even makes it to her mouth.
This is not the normal behaviour of someone drinking a coffee or sampling a drink they enjoy regularly; this is someone trying to advertise a product they can't stand trying desperately to cut around herself spitting out mouthfuls into the sink after every sip. Then the same thing happens a third time. She takes a mouthful, swills it in her mouth, ballooning her cheeks like a hamster, then cuts away. She does this every time she drinks tea or coffee - there's a hell of a lot of swilling, chewing and trying to avoid actually drinking it and very little evidence that she actually enjoys them.
After another ad for PONKIN' PLODDITIFFTY, Rubert goes on one of her patented rambles about how she AWLWHEYS keeps her room tidy, even as she shows it cluttered with 406 dirty mugs which she never took the tea bags out of for some reason. She claims it only takes her 5 minutes to clean her room because she AWLWHEYS stays on top of mess, even though her room constantly looks like a dusty tomb littered with mess and dead flies.
I think what she means is that she has an incredibly low standard for what she considers clean. After all, in this video, she showed that she considered lazily dabbing at spilt ink with a dry napkin to be a sufficient and thorough means of cleaning it from her white desk.
Ad declaration: [Missing]
What an embarrassing mess of lies, fabricated events, fake timelines and utter stupidity.