The fact that she is considering giving money to homeless people just shows how incredibly stupid she is. Many homeless people prefer to be left alone. They often can be dangerous (some have literally stabbed people who have approached them) and many are on drugs, are alcoholics or are mentally unstable. Not all, but a lot. Cash that is accepted usually goes right to the drug dealer, for cigarettes or liquor. There are charities to donate to, soup kitchens to donate to or work in, shelters that need basic supplies and have lists online. Again, charity is not something to show off and wear on your sleeve. That is pride and boasting. Just give time or donations as often as you can, quietly and with humility, remembering many of these people had homes, family, jobs, and friends, once upon a time, and now all is lost, for one reason or another. It can happen to anyone. Anyone. Including Ruby. She really needs to wise up in every way.
L take.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong or stupid about giving money to a homeless person.
The idea that they majority of them are dangerous criminals is a horrible and untrue stereotype for a start, secondly you don’t know what they might spend that money on, they could use it for a hostel to stay safe for the night (especially important for homeless women who are some of the most vulnerable members of society), toiletries, bedding, warm clothes etc.
Also, yes there are homeless addicts, but at the end of the day who are you to judge someone for how they choose to cope with such a horrific situation? So what if they do decide they want to buy themselves a drink? If my life was fucked to the point that I was homeless, I think I’d probably get straight on the fags, booze and drugs too.
That granola jar looks just like a bird feeder. Unless Daddy Bones is transforming into a pigeon for the holiday season, I don't see how he'll find Ruby's gift remotely enjoyable.
''You know how you love sticky toffee pudding?''
''Yes it's my favourite!''
''Well look here - I got you a small ration of oats.''
''But I can buy a big portion for £1.50 from Holland and Barrett.''
''That's right, Daddy. Enjoy your famine oats!''
*interesting historical reflakshun about Victorians and famines*
''But...I bought you a cottage, 500 books and a new camera''
''Thank you SYO much. Next year I might paint a sparrow on piece of bin liner.''
''Ruby Philomena....''
''Happy crunching!''
Conversation is interrupted by loud crashing noises as Mother Granger falls from atop the Christmas tree: she dangles upside down, feet caught in gold tinsel, while the fairy lights zap her intermittently with mild electric currents (or currants, as Ruby would say). A reindeer, a snowman and two Father Christmases are caught in her hair. She will later describe these events as a 'festive mishap'. Ruby is left to wonder why there are no edible currants on the tree.
I'm sorry, but I quite strongly disagree. We don't know anything about Ruby's sexual orientation, and it's very possible she's asexual or aromantic, or both. If that's the case, it is not at all "weird" for her not to be interested in dating anyone...ever.
It's not "weird" for a gay person to never date someone of the opposite sex. I don't think any of us would ever dream of saying that a gay person should at least "try" dating someone of the opposite sex for "fun" or "experience." Therefore, we shouldn't say it about someone who might be asexual. It's an outdated way of looking at the spectrum of human sexuality...which most certainly includes people who have little to no interest in sex at all, and who are neither "naive" nor "egotistical" nor "weird" for being that way.
I could go on and on about how bookshop owners do not want people sticking anything in their books, not new books, not used. It leaves creases, discoloration, breaks tight bindings, etc.. Notes from strangers is just plain creepy. I would not want to receive one, feeling like someone is watching me as I open the book and stalking me, nor would I have any idea what kind of person is receiving a note I would write. It reeks of the lonely stalker syndrome and the older Ruboid gets the cringier she becomes. Charity and kindness is not supposed to be advertised. You don't wear it on your sleeve and hope for a bunch of people to thumb you up or comment on how wonderful and sweet you are. You do it with humility and respect. This is exactly why I really hate her. Not dislike, but hate. I hate what she does and I hate her performances, lack of ethics, self-absorbed attitude. It makes my stomach turn. She will never work in a soup kitchen unless she can film it. She will never give money unless she can turn it into an ad. She will never gift someone something unless she can flip it into a social media reel. Her family, herself, all are a bunch of inconsiderate pretenders.
The fact that it's happened more than once, I can't.
Looking forward to hearing her dumb excuse when someone inevitably calls her out in the comments.
"A teacher in third grade told me that astronomical is synonymous with astonishing so I've been using it that way since x"
Ruby the vegan enjoying a Brie sandwich! View attachment 1791364 View attachment 1791366
(If you look at the menu you can just about make out ‘brie with cranberry sauce and rocket on granary bread’)
can tell she's never had a job when she says people are nicer at christmas, having worked in retail I can confirm thats when people are at their rudest. I got called an idiotic store girl one christmas eve because we didn't do half sizes in shoes so I suggested sizing up
She really does lie at every opportunity. Starting around 7:40 she says ”I used to do ballet when I was younger but I never liked it” and then almost immediately after that holds up her manky old leotard and says ”this is actually a gymnastics leotard because I never did ballet when I was younger, only gymnastics.” Lying is so habitual with her that she will contradict herself without batting an eye.
Here's a question: has anyone ever seen Ruby's mother actually cooking? As in, dinner, not a berry cobbler or something. Has anyone even seen her make an omelet or boil a pot of pasta? Their range is pretty crusty but you don't have to be a regular cook to have a dirty stove. I'm thinking of Ruby's "arranging the fridge" video and I recall seeing a lot of things in little plastic containers but very few raw ingredients for meal-making. Their cupboards are also of tea and condiments, but not much else. I get the feeling they subsist on prepared foods and the kind of nibbles that Ruby eats -- granola, baby carrots, hummous.
There's probably a Mother Bones blog somewhere about this.
"It was a cold December morning and a cosy, festive chill was in the air when I was rustling up some grub for my better half and my hard-working daughter.
I decided to scrounge up some artisanal Marybelle & Formburtworthshire pheasant butter, free range garden game hen and extra-vegan avocados to make a nice sandwich to reward the tribe after a back-breaking day of productivity with a nice glass of vino to wash it down - no rest for the wicked! But when I went to gather up the ingredients from the kitchen, I noticed something wasn't quite right...
Cowboy builders must've hooked up our gas main to the water pipes, the bathtub to the plug sockets and the water main to the microwave, because all I did was open the fridge when with a great crashing KABOOM, our entire house exploded - just our luck! Thankfully our quaint little home is build from sturdy stuff and survived the whooshing, splashy atomic blast mostly unscathed, but my back isn't as sturdy - the joys of aging!
After several hours of pained wailing on the floor and clutching at my poor, broken spine, my husband finally found me and dragged me to the snug, where I was plonked on the couch to recover from my war wounds - another day in the trenches.
A few Fortnum & Mason boutique ibuprofen later and a glass or three of prosecco and I was feeling a lot better when my husband surprised me with the very same game hen, pheasant butter and extra-vegan avocado sandwich I'd been planning to make for him! Sometimes this marriage thing isn't so bad..."
I actually really like that Ruby said she doesn't wanna go anywhere too far away. She may do a lot of unsustainable things but flying is the worst thing a person can do to keep propping up the fossil fuel industry.
Good on her for wanting to stay local!
I was going to recap this video in full, but it feels like I've already seen and recapped this video about 59 times before. I also have no fucking clue what she's doing half the time and I'm not sure she does, either.
"Oiy was wroting an examplaaahr Ayy-LAvull English ASSAY PARRAGRWOIRFF? Fore som stchoodunts." Why? What students?
These are the things where, after you say them, immediate further information is required. Without that, it looks like Ruby's done gone and lost her mind, is doing random A-Level homework several years too late and plans to just hand it to children at the school gates. That or some kids are bullying Ruby into doing their homework for them, which will result in a worse grade than if they'd just handed in blank paper.
The actual "festive" part of these days - Ruby going Christmas shopping with her family to see Christmas lights in the city - isn't included as Ruby didn't want to "flog" that.
Instead she just recycles that TikTok video she uploaded a few days ago, embarrassing errors and all. She had the raw footage from this day, presumably, so there was nothing stopping her just including that footage without all the typos and shit. But nah, that would've required some tiny sliver of effort.
And then it's just the same shit as usual.
Repetitive, recycled music.
Editing incompetence ad nauseum.
Ruby claims to do like 48 hours of writing in one afternoon.
Ruby claims she's too poor to dine out on holiday or to turn the heating on at all this winter, then shoehorns in lingering shots of this £160 tub of fake roses. If she paid for it, it shows what a lying, performative fuckwit she is. If it was gifted, she hasn't declared it, and it shows what a lying, performative fuckwit she is. We call this a "CYATCH TWANTEE-TYOO".
(Reminder: Neflix are a a marketing partner of Ruby's management company and she's been to several of their red carpet events, just in case you were wondering why Ruby's suddenly loving multiple Netflix-related things out of the blue in one video...)
ED baiting.
Filthy, unclean sheets which haven't been changed in months and months.
Ruby parroting random snippets of academia that she doesn't understand and that has nothing to do with anything.
Ruby recites poetry with lots of insufferable head shaking, eyebrow waggling and merciless butchering of the English language.
Ruby pretends to use nothing but PONKY PODTUFTY stationery, even though we know by now that's utter bullshit.
Ruby's back to claiming she designed the planner even though that was always an obvious lie and she's already caved a couple of months ago and admitted someone else designed it.
Ruby say the planner contains AVVERYTHING YOO NYEED, even as she advertises all the other shit she pretends to use alongside it.
Ruby complains that she's feeling ill again (but it clearly has nothing to do with her starving herself for months on end, or her letting the dog lick all the kitchen plates and utensil and not washing them before reuse).
Ruby lazily grafts two unrelated videos together for no reason.
Ruby treating her home and all her worldly possessions like shit.
She picks up her copy of "The NOTCRACKA" to prove how much she loves it, even though it's clearly never been opened and she's now smearing her ink-covered, never-washed hands all over it. SYO BEEYOOTIFOL.
Ah, yes, nothing screams "festive" like some balding Gollum awkwardly hunched over in an eroding chair, pretending to be busy while surrounded by filth and detritus with random dirty mugs, glasses and dishes everywhere. 'Tis the season for e coli.
"we washed the plate well"
Sure, Jan. She's never washed a dish properly in her life.
A whole day after showing her ink-stained fingers, it's all still there. She's not bothered washing her hands at any point in 24 hours, so there's no way she washed a dish.
Listen Ruby stop leaving suspicious packages everywhere or you'll have a bomb disposal team turning up at some point. Just donate them to a school or something, stop with the pretentious nonsense.
Just say "it just started raining". You do not need to tell people that something's currently happening if you said it's just started happening. Most people do not hear "it just started" and think, "Ahh, yes, so it happened four years ago!" Although I guess with how much you lie about the timescales of your videos, it probably does get confusing for you.
Just in time for a month after Halloween, Ruby's going to "flog" herself (ouch!) while listening to a "speyeeukyee" audio series about a "hwaaunted syoopahnatural propahtyee". As opposed to all those non-supernatural hauntings, I guess? Just say "haunted", Ruby. Ghosts are already supernatural and filling sentences with redundant words makes you looks stupider than usual.
This is her 9th ad for the BBC in two weeks. I don't even think the BBC tells you about the BBC that often.
"I'm gyowing tyoo use moiy Kanken. It's whaughtuhpryoof, which is great."
Nope.
Fun fact, Ruby: "Water resistant" and "waterproof" mean different things. You own around 12 of these bags for some reason, you should know that they will not prevent water from soaking through.
Also fun: Earlier in the year, Ruby showed off her Kanken, then added an awkward extra shot in which a PUNKY PODIATRY 'Can Be Kind But Won't Be' pin was added. Her lack of attention when editing or filming instantly gave away that she never wears one of these, she just added it for a quick ad.
Note that in the new video, the other pins are there, but her 'Can Be Kind' pin has vanished again. Whoops.
Would this be because they've now discontinued the pin that nobody was buying and Ruby can no longer make money from it? Say it ain't so! (Spoilers: That's definitely it.)
Ruby starts cramming tonnes of random books into her bag to take with her on a rainy walk, because in her mind, paper is also waterproof.
"Evyen thyough it issunt whaughtuhpryoof, this is my fyavourite cyoat to wear in the rain."
What a fucking moron. Dumbass bought a literal raincoat, the entire purpose of which is to be worn in the rain. But nope, she just wears the most absorbent coat she owns to go out in the rain.
"I'm alsyo gywoing tyoo wahhr moiy YALLOW WALLIES. Which AWHLWHEYS remoind me of CWOORALOIYNE."
Ah, yes! That timeless classic, "Cwooraloiyne".
Ahhh, yes! "Yellow"! Just how I remember it.
Why does Ruby's garden looks like the abandoned toilet area of a circus from the 1900s?
A couple of random shit-shacks up the corner with a deck chair pointed at them for prime viewing of people post-poopage? Rusty gates everywhere for maximum tetanus risk? Another, even-more-rotten deck chair, this one positioned to watch a pile of twigs - possibly in preparation for when Ruby tries to burn her sister in some kind of low-effort Wicker Man ritual if Martha dares receive more presents than her at Christmas? Weathered bunting trailing around to celebrate things unknown? What kind of nightmare festival takes place on this godforsaken land?
As the audio abrasively cracks with every abrupt and awkward edit, Ruby takes us on a tour of her manor estate, to see such aesthetic wonders as...
A rotting compost bin.
With a sheepish voice full of fake whimsy and wonder, Ruby starts rambling incoherently about her neighbours' compost.
"Our nyaybors have lyots of APPOLTREEES?....ANDDDD...the composstbins are naow FWUL OF APPOLS? Um...they DID yoose qwoiyt a lotofthem? And wyee myade somm intyo APPWUL PICEANDTHINGSSS. BOHT. Syo manny of tham johst...FAL? And wahnt ryotton...befworee theree--thahr was a chahhnce tyo have tham eaten?--[AWKWARD EDIT]--Lyots of tham AWHWHEYS and up with WHARMS INSOIDE THAM which is qwoite sahdd...umm..boht at least the waahrms are GATTING THAM OIY SPOSE. YAH, thahr's a HYOOJ poile of appols insoide this compwost bin...and AVVERY TOIYME yoo wahlk paahst, it smals loike coider? Umm, becoz the appols are farmanting? Which...oiy dyon't think it's a varry noice smal -that vinegary smal. BOHT. It's awlsyo...syo DISTINCTLY...AUTOMINNAL? And...it REMOINDS MEEE...and it's VARRY NOSTAWLLGIC--it smals loike bwonfoyre noights from whan oiy was a kid."
"Oiy mean thahhr byootifol. Oiy lovv the collor of these appols? It's fonny that we think...of insackts...EATING...fryoot loike this--wethinkofitas akoindof DISGOSSTING THING?--[AWKWARD EDIT]--Boht ACKTUALLY whoiy is it disgossting? Thahhr literally eating this fryoot that otthawoise wouldn't be eaten."
Ruby got paid to put this insane, meandering waste of time in a video. Ruby accepted money from the BBC to advertise their product and then thought, "They want me to advertise audio series and podcasts? Well, I'll just film some festering allotments and rotting fruit for several minutes while spouting utter gibberish about my neighbour's rubbish! Start counting the cash, mummy!"
"OYH, AND YASS, I DID change moiy...CWOORALOIYNE...WALLIE...BYOOOTS? tyo these, like...shworrta ones?"
"ONE RADDOM FACT aboutme that yoo probbubly didn't know--[AWKWARD EDIT]--OIY HAVE A PUPPATTUAL NYEEED...tyoo resoiyt Ed Grallenpyo's The Ryaven WHAHRAVVER OIY GYO. It's loiyk whan yoo gat a song stock in yore had. Oiy'm constantly resoiyting it to moiysalf?"
And then she goes off on an utterly manic, angry, bug-eyed rant about how you CAN'T STOP reciting The Raven once you've started and it's like spiralling thoughts and madness.
"THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING TYO THE NARRATOR IN THE RAVEN. HE CWAN'T STOP AND THE RHYTHM AND RHOIYME MEAN THAT THE READERCAN'TSTOP OITHA--YOU'VEGOTTOCONTINUETOTHEANDOFAVVERYSTANZA. BOHT THAN YOO HAVE THIS..."NAVVARMWOAR" AND YOU'VE GOT THIS VARRY...ELLIPTIC...UMM...UNSARRTANTY--AND THAT...MEANS THAT YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP ON GO--[ABRUPT CUT]"
This is a mental breakdown captured on video. Just utterly insane. The comedic timing of Ruby just cutting mid-word when going on an unprovoked rant about how you must finish every word of things is just incredible, and completely unintentional. She's reached new heights of baffling incompetence. And she thinks this utter pile of indescribably stupid, frighteningly insane horseshit was worthy of a fat paycheque from the BBC.
She waves one of the books she brought with her at the camera to "prove" that she JANUINELY read it on her walk and this wasn't just one big, embarrassing ode to performative, childish idiocy in vlog form.
She films herself filming herself walking, because it's syoo MADDITATTIVE to be living in the myomant.
And after many, seen-it-a-million-times-before shots of Ruby leaving cameras on fences to film herself walking down paths, Ruby remembers she's supposed to be advertising things she never uses.
"Naow, oiy dyon't believe in gyoasts. Oiy dyon't believe in the syoopahnatchral. BOHT--[AWKWARD EDIT]--loiyke reading about it? And I loiyke...whal..."
At this point, you can see Ruby realise that she forgot what she what she's supposed to be lying about this time, and reverted to her default of pretending to have read this book she's holding, having also forgotten that she's not holding a book about "ghyoasts".
"...and oiy...hope oiy'm gyowing tyo loike listening about it?"
At this point she launches into the marketing blurb that BBC Sounds gave her, but it's completely inaudible, since Ruby is still too cheap and lazy to buy proper recording equipment or a windscreen for her mic for use in what's supposed to be professional content, so everything's drowned out by the wind other than Ruby shouting about "ACKSORCISMS".
This is the part she was paid for. I guess you could forgive the rest of the video being utter shit if the ad section was high quality, but it being the worst part of the video is utterly ridiculous. Not only is this a technical shitshow of incredible proportions, she has at no point explained what BBC Sounds is, other than you can listen to things on or using it. It's an advertisement - you're supposed to explain what you're advertising. She's completely without shame. I'd be mortified to hand something like this to a paying client.
And then she just dumps the camera on the muddy ground of this trash-covered path to get soaked with rain and covered in filth, because that's smart thinking and she's SOCH A JARMAPHYOBE.
And then she does it again to get more angles of herself twirling in the mud.
Ruby actually thought all of the madness, ineptitude and mental instability on display in this video were all excellent ideas that would inspire jealousy and awe in her audience. Interventions are staged based on half of the shit seen here.
Ruby adds narration atop the footage to at least make the PR blurbs she's reading out sound vaguely coherent, but she hasn't bothered muting the source audio, so there's still the obnoxious crackling of wind assaulting the mic. She's absolutely hopeless in every way.
And then, the pièce de résistance: Ruby interrupts to show that she still hasn't changed those filth-encrusted sheets/duvet cover and, more importantly, to point out that she "RATROSPACKTIVELY REALOIZED" that the wind might've broken her camera, so the audio will be "ABSYOLYOOTELY AWWFOL" for the rest of the video. I'm not sure how that'll differ from the usual audio, but whatever.
This is why you get proper protective equipment for your camera if you're going to be a fucking idiot and take it out to get soaked in water, drenched in mud and constantly use it in gale-force winds. But Ruby's a fucking dumbass and suffered the consequences.
Rather than scrap this abysmal mess of a video since half the footage was unusable, she just slaps Danse Macabre over the top of it and starts awkwardly trying to narrate what she was doing in the original footage. And she just keeps saying over and over how "unfortunate" it was that the camera "broke". She's been asked countless times to use better equipment for sound recording, and common sense should tell her not to get electronic soaking wet. It's not unfortunate. It's an easily-foreseeable consequence of idiocy.
This is beyond embarrassing. She's so incredibly lazy that the mere prospect of just filming 10-15 minutes of new footage for a coherent video was just out of the question, and she'd sooner slap together this shocking mess than do any work.
And then it's lots of barely-audible footage of Ruby wandering the woods spouting faux-deep "casual magic" gibberish like she's in some Blair Witch knock-off found footage movie about a terminally stupid philosophy student losing her mind after getting lost in the forest.
Ruby yammers that she can't believe this moment is real because she can see some trees and some leaves are falling in late autumn, even though leaves generally fall in late autumn and Ruby has spent most of her life looking at these same trees.
She pretends to read, showing that the book is now completely soaked through. BOHT ROOBEE TYAKES SOCH GUD CAAHR OF HAHHR BOHKS, JANUINELY!
The walk's over, so the video should be, too. But Ruby desperately wanted to shove the obligatory undeclared ads into this sponsored video, so she slapped on some footage of herself at home.
"Voiceyovah mee is naow gyowing to cott tyoo filmed myee," Ruby says, somehow not understanding how narration works, or that visual editing means you don't have to announce that you're cutting to things because most people can see that with their eyes.
"This feels very pyost-strockcharollist," Ruby says, not understanding what poststructuralism is, but wanting to use a big word she heard once to try to sound intelligent. Swing and a miss.
She pretends to be super torn between BARD 'N' BLAND'S CANDOLLIT LOIBREE tea and Dragonfly Tea, without mentioning her extensive history with and ties to BARD 'N' BLAND or that the Dragonfly tea is gifted.
Ruby moans some more about her broken camera and how annoying it is that she'll have to replace it. Again, this was, like all the shit Ruby moans about and cries over, the direct consequence of her own brazen stupidity. That aside, filming videos is her primary source of income. She should've replaced her camera years ago and invested in some actual equipment.
She says this reminds her of a saying that she and her dad use AWWL THE TOIYME, even though she has to look it up to even remember what it is.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
Sweet Tapdancing Christ, Ruby, nobody fucking died. Your mum didn't get run over by a tractor (though I'm sure she'll pretend that happened in her next blog). This isn't some cruel act of fate that you can bravely find a silver lining in. You were a fucking moron, took an electrical device out in the rain and got it soaked for an extended period of time. This was your fault for being an idiot, and your vast wealth means that you won't notice the cost of just buying another one.
What a dipshit.
She's also put up Halloween decorations a month or two too late, for some reason.
And because she can't stop shoving language-mangling, head-shaking, brow-furrowing "dramatic" readings in all her content, she slaps one of those in here, too.
Right on cue, she hits both notes of her cringeworthy "OIY'M AMMA WATSYON, OIY AM!" poetry butchering repertoire: She starts with brow-waggling whimsy, shaking her head like she just can't believe the wonder of what she's reading, or just can't understand any of the words, then the energy drains out of her as she switches to the solemn tone usually reserved for eulogies.
Neither tone seems to fit whatever she's reading, but as Ruby and her dad probably say all the time, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, and Ruby's maxed out at just two.
"
".
