Relationship advice

[Sabbie]

First off I am really sorry, and second, your friends suck. You have every right to feel all the feels and your friends should support you. Can you not just chuck him out, or are there financial issues to be tied up? If there are no ties, pack his stuff up, change the locks and tell him to fuck off and go live with his ex until his house is ready. Is there one decent friend who could help you with that?

 

[MrGreen]

This dickhead is relishing the attention from two women. Don’t give him the pleasure of caring any more.

Easy to say, but one day you will wake up and feel relieved that he has gone elsewhere. It takes time, and you will get relapses. However, the sooner you get busy with something to distract you, just anything, the better. The process is exactly like mourning a death, and can be just as emotionally tiring. Start some rituals that get you out of the house until Sept is past. He might even be curious where you are hanging out, or not, but if he is, just brick wall him. You are no longer his business!

Don’t even ask if he’s going out with her. Think of it this way...she dumped him once (likely because he was already a dick) and now is stupid enough to lure him back. The two of them deserve each other’s little dramas. You have better things which will come to you. Make a list of the reasons why it will be better he is gone and look forward to that day.

 

[MrGreen]

There’s a website forum that has been helpful to me during times that I needed to cope with cheater issues. It’s called Chumplady.com and you will find all sorts of support there. Stay strong, these feelings of rejection will fade as you realise what a dick he is. In the long run, better rid of him so you can pursue an awesome life. This happened to me and looking back ten years I’m so glad my partner did me a favour and left. In this interim period, just remain civil and don’t try to compete with the ex wife. If that fizzles DO NOT take him back. He will just do it to you again.

 

[Piggy89]

Basically after 10 years my partner has turned around and said he doesnt love me and doesnt want to be with me, since then I have found out he has been meeting his ex wife, phoning her every day and constantly messaging her he says he has feelings for her and they have been flirting- she actually even picks him up from the house! Basically we are living together until his new house is ready in a couple of months - my question how the fuck do I cope with him moving on so fast and still he civil in the same house?! I want to scream at him and I'm so angry and frustrated but mostly hurt he can move on so fast and even message her in front of me, my friends say it's none of my business as we aren't together anymore - thanks for listening to my rant

 

[BettyCrocker]

As others have said, you need to separate yourself from the drama. I’d go as far as not even speaking to him unless it’s absolutely necessary - don’t get into any conversation with him. Treat him like a lodger - someone that’s living in the same space, nothing more.
He’s an absolute dick head and you are better off without him - but you need to stop giving him the satisfaction of seeing that you are still bothered by him/the whole situation.

Start focusing on yourself and your own life - start socialising out of the house - go out, see friends, join a class or start a sport or hobby.

 

[TED]

Order yourself a takeout watch a shitty movie and crack on.
It’s his problem not yours hun x

 

[Sabbie]

I agree with everyone else. You're getting too tied up in his drama and he's doesn't give a frig about you. First off spend as much time away from him as you can. If he's lounging watching telly go to your room and hang out there. If he's cooking in the kitchen, wait until he's done if you want to use it. As others have suggested spend time doing stuff outside the house and no need to tell him what you're up to. Personally, if you're stuck there I would haul myself up in my own space and make sure I never spend any time in his presence. Just block him out and work on yourself.

 

[Meg1912]

Bloody hell, some men really are scum. I cannot imagine what you're going through, but I know that if I were in your situation, I'd get the hell out of that toxic environment. You said you can only pay rent on your own from September, but isn't there someone you can stay with until then? A family member? A friend?
It's eating you on the inside and you might have to deal with the consequences of the stress you're under for a really long time. Mentally and physically.
You obviously still have feelings for him and I have a feeling that deep down, you're kind of hoping he'll have a change of heart and want you back.
I'm not an insensitive person and you definitely need a shoulder to cry on, but at the same time, you also need tough love from your girlfriends! HE IS A DOUCHEBAG and you need to start seeing him for what he is! Think of all the horrible things he's done to you and erase the good memories you have together. You need to stop having feelings for him!
Like I said, I have no idea what you're going through, but I know for a fact that if someone did the same to me, the disgust I'd feel would supress the love I felt for him. He's a piece of s***, period. And you deserve to be happy and to be treated respectfully.
If you can't stay with anyone, like many have advised, spend as little time at home as possible, see it as just a bed to sleep in. I hope to God that you're sleeping in separate rooms!
Keep your mind and yourself busy! Go to the park, read a book, go for walks, dinner, drinks, cinema. Basically anything but being at home!
And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't ask him anything at all about anything. It makes it look like treating you like that was okay, when it obviously wasn't and that you want him back.
If I were you, I'd definitely consider a therapy session or two as it could help you tremendously in terms of coping with this stress and start the grieving process.
Sending a huge virtual hug your way. [emoji847][emoji847]

 

[Ellsbells123]

I’m so sorry for your situation, you have every right to feel how you do. You may not be together, but you are still living together. You can’t “move” on as such whilst he is still there and basically flaunting his new situation in front of you. That just isn’t fair. I would throw him out, it’s like grief and you go through many stages. You need to be able to do this in order to build your life back up.
Look after yourself and I hope you get yourself sorted

 

[Mayday]

I agree with others - don't focus on his new relationship or the drama at all. I know its hard, but they probably like thats its bothering you and clearly have no respect for you either. I reckon you'll get the last laugh anyway if it ends up not lasting!

If you can then maybe stay with a family or friends if its easier? It might be annoying having to pay rent on the old place for a few months, but it would at least give you some space (especially if she's coming up to the house to pick him up) to focus on yourself.

At the moment I guess you'll have to keep his number until the moving out is fully sorted, but after that definitely delete him. Also delete him off Facebook and other social media if you haven't already, incase he starts posting photos of himself with his new partner.

 

[MrGreen]

Her husband has found out so she had to stay in a hotel yesterday, hes on the phone to her now and I want to know what the hells going on do I just ignore it?!

Not your monkey, not your circus. The more you interfere in their business, the more a fool you will feel looking back. Stop dancing. He’s made his choice. Do you really think playing relationship police will change anything?

Start focusing on your own future without him.

 

[Youtubegossip]

I think it’s a guy thing of moving on so quickly. Does the women’s husband know? He probably deserves to and maybe they won’t be so cocky about what they’ve done then either.

He’s the one who’s done wrong, sounds like he was texting her when still with you, so he should be the one moving out imo. If he doesn’t want to move out ask him to at least have some respect and not have her coming to your house and rubbing your nose in it.

Also the chances are they’ve broken up once it’ll probably happen again. It won’t be quite as exciting for them when they aren’t sneaking around and just seeing each other occasionally.

I’d probably get some hot guys to pick me up for dates just to piss him off, but I’m petty

 

[SavetheDrama]

I’d try to ignore it. It’s their drama, not yours, you don’t need that crap in your life. They’re obviously as bad as each other .

 

[Piggy89]

@EmilyChambers He says he has felt this way for months and I knew we were having a rough patch but I didn't realise it was this bad, hes gone out on a date with his ex wife tonight and I just find it so weird I don't know what to do with myself! Xx

 

[Piggy89]

This dickhead is relishing the attention from two women. Don’t give him the pleasure of caring any more.

Easy to say, but one day you will wake up and feel relieved that he has gone elsewhere. It takes time, and you will get relapses. However, the sooner you get busy with something to distract you, just anything, the better. The process is exactly like mourning a death, and can be just as emotionally tiring. Start some rituals that get you out of the house until Sept is past. He might even be curious where you are hanging out, or not, but if he is, just brick wall him. You are no longer his business!

Don’t even ask if he’s going out with her. Think of it this way...she dumped him once (likely because he was already a dick) and now is stupid enough to lure him back. The two of them deserve each other’s little dramas. You have better things which will come to you. Make a list of the reasons why it will be better he is gone and look forward to that day.

Literally the best advice ever thank you xx

 

[Piggy89]

I think it’s a guy thing of moving on so quickly. Does the women’s husband know? He probably deserves to and maybe they won’t be so cocky about what they’ve done then either.

He’s the one who’s done wrong, sounds like he was texting her when still with you, so he should be the one moving out imo. If he doesn’t want to move out ask him to at least have some respect and not have her coming to your house and rubbing your nose in it.

I believe her husband found out Saturday night so she had to get a hotel- she asked my ex partner to stay there with her and he did - he says its exciting with her and hes just bored of us and he doesnt want to try again, I could literally slap myself as I cant help but ask him where hes been and what's he doing and it's none of my business I know I'm hurting myself now x

 

[Youtubegossip]

I believe her husband found out Saturday night so she had to get a hotel- she asked my ex partner to stay there with her and he did - he says its exciting with her and hes just bored of us and he doesnt want to try again, I could literally slap myself as I cant help but ask him where hes been and what's he doing and it's none of my business I know I'm hurting myself now x

It’s exciting now. It won’t be when they aren’t having secret meetings in hotels and actually have bills to pay.. I mean it didn’t work out that well the first time did it.

Please don’t take him back whatever you do.

Gather the troops and have a girls night out or something to take your mind off it. Or even better, get the girls round for dinner and wine. Should make him feel sufficiently awkward

 

[SavetheDrama]

I'm sorry to hear about your broken heart
There's no easy solution as the best cure for a broken heart is time and distance. I understand you can't have distance at the moment and need to stay put until you start your job in September.
I was in a similar situation when I was divorcing, I couldn't afford to move out as I was finishing my masters and my ex and I lived together for about 6 months more than we intended. To be honest with you, I moved on and had another relationship (we had been separated for almost a year already), but I didn't flaunt it and was careful not to be a dick about it.
You are going to be ok. Just get through each day the best you can, and as soon as you're able, move out and start a new life without him. I know it hurts but you'll be looking back one day and remember how much strength you had and how crappy he was, so I promise you, you won't miss him much once he's out of sight.

 

[MrGreen]

Sending good vibes your way. You are by no means alone, many of us have been there. Stay confident that you will create your own happiness. Xx

 

[Ellsbells123]

Her husband has found out so she had to stay in a hotel yesterday, hes on the phone to her now and I want to know what the hells going on do I just ignore it?!

The fact she has lied to her own husband! They deserve one another. Try and ignore it, don’t give him a reaction.