Relationship advice

[Piggy89]

Basically after 10 years my partner has turned around and said he doesnt love me and doesnt want to be with me, since then I have found out he has been meeting his ex wife, phoning her every day and constantly messaging her he says he has feelings for her and they have been flirting- she actually even picks him up from the house! Basically we are living together until his new house is ready in a couple of months - my question how the duck do I cope with him moving on so fast and still he civil in the same house?! I want to scream at him and I'm so angry and frustrated but mostly hurt he can move on so fast and even message her in front of me, my friends say it's none of my business as we aren't together anymore - thanks for listening to my rant

 

[Sabbie]

First off I am really sorry, and second, your friends suck. You have every right to feel all the feels and your friends should support you. Can you not just chuck him out, or are there financial issues to be tied up? If there are no ties, pack his stuff up, change the locks and tell him to duck off and go live with his ex until his house is ready. Is there one decent friend who could help you with that?

 

[Ellsbells123]

I’m so sorry for your situation, you have every right to feel how you do. You may not be together, but you are still living together. You can’t “move” on as such whilst he is still there and basically flaunting his new situation in front of you. That just isn’t fair. I would throw him out, it’s like grief and you go through many stages. You need to be able to do this in order to build your life back up.
Look after yourself and I hope you get yourself sorted

 

[Piggy89]

First off I am really sorry, and second, your friends suck. You have every right to feel all the feels and your friends should support you. Can you not just chuck him out, or are there financial issues to be tied up? If there are no ties, pack his stuff up, change the locks and tell him to duck off and go live with his ex until his house is ready. Is there one decent friend who could help you with that?

His ex wife is actually married so that's why he isn't there, I don't start my new job until September that's why hes here hes agreed to pay the rent and bills until then as I cant afford but he feels hes doing me a favour as hes leaving me everything - I'm so hurt hes moved on so fast and I haven't even got my head round he doesnt love me anymore xx

I’m so sorry for your situation, you have every right to feel how you do. You may not be together, but you are still living together. You can’t “move” on as such whilst he is still there and basically flaunting his new situation in front of you. That just isn’t fair. I would throw him out, it’s like grief and you go through many stages. You need to be able to do this in order to build your life back up.
Look after yourself and I hope you get yourself sorted

I feel he is flaunting it and I'm so up and down with my emotions I cant sleep or eat and he seems so happy and oblivious to what hes doing xx

 

[liarliarliar]

Gosh I’m so sorry, I have to say I envied how my ex was able to switch off and move on so quickly when I was heartbroken, maybe it’s a male thing

He too went back to his ex wife but was very sneaky about it and lied. Shamefully I moved back into my mums house because I couldn’t bare to be near him just whilst I sorted myself out. The only way you will heal and be able to move on is by cutting all contact so I’d maybe see if there was a way to just get away from the house

 

[Piggy89]

Gosh I’m so sorry, I have to say I envied how my ex was able to switch off and move on so quickly when I was heartbroken, maybe it’s a male thing

He too went back to his ex wife but was very sneaky about it and lied. Shamefully I moved back into my mums house because I couldn’t bare to be near him just whilst I sorted myself out. The only way you will heal and be able to move on is by cutting all contact so I’d maybe see if there was a way to just get away from the house

Its amazing how quick he moved on and he too lied he now thinks that by her picking him up from the house and texting her in front of me shows hes being honest and not hiding anything but its killing me xx

 

[MrGreen]

There’s a website forum that has been helpful to me during times that I needed to cope with cheater issues. It’s called Chumplady.com and you will find all sorts of support there. Stay strong, these feelings of rejection will fade as you realise what a dick he is. In the long run, better rid of him so you can pursue an awesome life. This happened to me and looking back ten years I’m so glad my partner did me a favour and left. In this interim period, just remain civil and don’t try to compete with the ex wife. If that fizzles DO NOT take him back. He will just do it to you again.

 

[EmilyChambers]

Basically after 10 years my partner has turned around and said he doesnt love me and doesnt want to be with me, since then I have found out he has been meeting his ex wife, phoning her every day and constantly messaging her he says he has feelings for her and they have been flirting- she actually even picks him up from the house! Basically we are living together until his new house is ready in a couple of months - my question how the duck do I cope with him moving on so fast and still he civil in the same house?! I want to scream at him and I'm so angry and frustrated but mostly hurt he can move on so fast and even message her in front of me, my friends say it's none of my business as we aren't together anymore - thanks for listening to my rant

If he's the one who turned round and said he doesn't love you, that would suggest to me that he's been feeling this way for a while and had already started the moving on process. This was sprung on you (?) and you've still got to get to the point best already at.

Don't let him see your tears or your anger or your hurt, he's not worth them. Is there anyway he can get out quicker? It seems like he's called all the shots so far so now you need to. He's a cheeky fucker, waiting for his house to be ready before he can move?!

 

[Piggy89]

@EmilyChambers He says he has felt this way for months and I knew we were having a rough patch but I didn't realise it was this bad, hes gone out on a date with his ex wife tonight and I just find it so weird I don't know what to do with myself! Xx

 

[EmilyChambers]

@EmilyChambers He says he has felt this way for months and I knew we were having a rough patch but I didn't realise it was this bad, hes gone out on a date with his ex wife tonight and I just find it so weird I don't know what to do with myself! Xx

I really feel for you. He's got no respect for you. You are not going to be able to even consider moving on until he goes. Why can't he go and live with his ex if they are that desperate to be together?

Do you have children together or share a mortgage?

 

[Piggy89]

I really feel for you. He's got no respect for you. You are not going to be able to even consider moving on until he goes. Why can't he go and live with his ex if they are that desperate to be together?

Do you have children together or share a mortgage?

We are staying for financial reasons I cant afford to live on my own till I start my new job in september, last night he didn't even come home he stayed in a hotel with her and Turned his phone off x

 

[Brummo123]

We are staying for financial reasons I cant afford to live on my own till I start my new job in september, last night he didn't even come home he stayed in a hotel with her and Turned his phone off x

Wow. This man. ?. Very very cruel insensitive man. Karma will sort this one out for you, it usually does. You need to keep your head up, you will get through this and you will be ok. It’ll be easier once he’s out of the house and gone. Just keep that thought. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to share the house while he thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to flaunt his ‘life choices’ in front of you. It’s so cheeky to think he can just stay and parade around until it suits him to move out. Massive ego??! It’s shows a lot about his character. That is one bad egg.

 

[SavetheDrama]

I'm sorry to hear about your broken heart
There's no easy solution as the best cure for a broken heart is time and distance. I understand you can't have distance at the moment and need to stay put until you start your job in September.
I was in a similar situation when I was divorcing, I couldn't afford to move out as I was finishing my masters and my ex and I lived together for about 6 months more than we intended. To be honest with you, I moved on and had another relationship (we had been separated for almost a year already), but I didn't flaunt it and was careful not to be a dick about it.
You are going to be ok. Just get through each day the best you can, and as soon as you're able, move out and start a new life without him. I know it hurts but you'll be looking back one day and remember how much strength you had and how crappy he was, so I promise you, you won't miss him much once he's out of sight.

 

[MrGreen]

This head is relishing the attention from two women. Don’t give him the pleasure of caring any more.

Easy to say, but one day you will wake up and feel relieved that he has gone elsewhere. It takes time, and you will get relapses. However, the sooner you get busy with something to distract you, just anything, the better. The process is exactly like mourning a death, and can be just as emotionally tiring. Start some rituals that get you out of the house until Sept is past. He might even be curious where you are hanging out, or not, but if he is, just brick wall him. You are no longer his business!

Don’t even ask if he’s going out with her. Think of it this way...she dumped him once (likely because he was already a dick) and now is stupid enough to lure him back. The two of them deserve each other’s little dramas. You have better things which will come to you. Make a list of the reasons why it will be better he is gone and look forward to that day.

 

[Piggy89]

This head is relishing the attention from two women. Don’t give him the pleasure of caring any more.

Easy to say, but one day you will wake up and feel relieved that he has gone elsewhere. It takes time, and you will get relapses. However, the sooner you get busy with something to distract you, just anything, the better. The process is exactly like mourning a death, and can be just as emotionally tiring. Start some rituals that get you out of the house until Sept is past. He might even be curious where you are hanging out, or not, but if he is, just brick wall him. You are no longer his business!

Don’t even ask if he’s going out with her. Think of it this way...she dumped him once (likely because he was already a dick) and now is stupid enough to lure him back. The two of them deserve each other’s little dramas. You have better things which will come to you. Make a list of the reasons why it will be better he is gone and look forward to that day.

Literally the best advice ever thank you xx

 

[MrGreen]

Sending good vibes your way. You are by no means alone, many of us have been there. Stay confident that you will create your own happiness. Xx

 

[Piggy89]

Sending good vibes your way. You are by no means alone, many of us have been there. Stay confident that you will create your own happiness. Xx

Her husband has found out so she had to stay in a hotel yesterday, hes on the phone to her now and I want to know what the hells going on do I just ignore it?!

 

[Ellsbells123]

Her husband has found out so she had to stay in a hotel yesterday, hes on the phone to her now and I want to know what the hells going on do I just ignore it?!

The fact she has lied to her own husband! They deserve one another. Try and ignore it, don’t give him a reaction.

 

[SavetheDrama]

I’d try to ignore it. It’s their drama, not yours, you don’t need that crap in your life. They’re obviously as bad as each other .

 

[Piggy89]

The fact she has lied to her own husband! They deserve one another. Try and ignore it, don’t give him a reaction.

I cant help it and hes just told me to leave him the f*** alone I'm hurting myself now more than he is