Pregnancy

[MrsJones83]

Also check your hospital’s Facebook page, as mine has a dedicated maternity page and they’re doing weekly Facebook lives for feeding questions, ask the midwife, hospital tours, and giving all the latest Covid related maternity info.

Other useful fb pages:
Pregnant then screwed
Maternity Voices Partnership
Positive Birth Movement

 

[Sw4]

I felt totally adrift at first and it's only now I'm actually getting my act together rather than ignoring it because I was so massively overwhelmed but every video I watch or booklet read, even the tit ones, make me feel a little less anxious. I'm by no means expert as I've not even had the baby yet but I'm going to tell you what's happened to me and things I've found so far in case it might help you.

Don't worry about not calling until 16 weeks, just call and ask how to access the notes and any questions you have. Push for information, chase things up - no one is doing you any favours at the minute it seems.

There's some excellent resources available online, and some really rit ones, but there are quite a lot of online courses giving segments for Freeduring covid if you google. This is pretty dire but is something at least about the actual labour process and what happens during the birth. Also the youtube video I posted above but that's a lot more complex. At the moment in my hospital you're allowed one birth partner. They can be with you from check in so long as you're in labour until you're sent home or moved to ward in which case they can only then see you in visiting hours. No other visitors allowed at the moment. If you had to go in to be induced, they would join you once you were in active labour in your own room.
Here are tons of leaflets on different subjects that my hospital provides so some are specific to them but most I think are general.
'Choosing where to have your baby' might be a good place to start and 'The essential guide to feeding and caring for your baby' is a recommended read in later stages.
Look at what hospitals are in your area and go on their websites and find the maternity/birth section. This will tell you what services they provide. Then you can google user reviews and reports to see which you might prefer.

Where I am they assess you at your booking appointment to see if your anti-natal care can be via midwife or if you're higher risk and would the be consultant led. It's based on factors such as age, smoker status, BMI, family and your own medical history and I think maybe some social factors.
I wasn't deemed to be high risk but due to my age (38) I was concerned about the higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities and decided to get the Harmony test to speed up the process of finding out. If you're anywhere near London I highly recommend The fetal medicine centre. I had the test just after 10 weeks along with a detailed scan and returned at 12 weeks for another very detailed scan and to discuss the results. My NHS 12 weeks scan was a bit of a shambles so I'm extremely glad I did this. It was £400 and would have included the CVS to confirm any conditions the test may have flagged. I felt that the cost of going totally private for me wasn't warranted but I'm happy to have bits privately here and there. So far this is all I've had though. I found it difficult going from 12 weeks to 20 without a scan but held off and once you feel them moving that can give you a lot of reassurance.

I still feel tit scared about the whole process but I do feel far better now I've taken it into my own hands more and know there's options to have bits and pieces done privately if I feel totally out of control/anxious. I'd really recommend getting a note pad and writing down the things you feel you want to know specifically then ticking them off to make it more manageable.
Also write down in detail things the key things the midwife says because your brain goes like a sieve.

Anyway, that might be a whole load of 'who asked you' and as I said I'm drastically underqualified and it’s just my personal experience but I feel like I was where you are and I'm a bit further down the line now but it's still really fresh so hopefully it might help to know that things start to come together eventually xx

I'm getting this exact same Harmony test and scan package as you at the Fetal Medicine Centre on Tuesday! Have heard lots of rave reviews about them. Hoping it will alleviate my anxiety at least a little. Why was your 12 week NHS scan a shambles if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Upintheair83]

You pretty much get given whatever midwife is on shift in hospital at the time.
My first pregnancy, I didn't even have the same midwife for my appointments once.
Was a different one every time!

My biggest worry this time, I understand there's a pandemic going on but I feel Pregnant women's health's are being sacrificed. I have had my blood pressure or urine checked at all yet and I'm 25 weeks.
I ended up buying my own strips for urine because I was so worried about it.
And it still won't be checked until my very first in person midwife appointment in the middle of January!

Thanks so much, I do feel more confident knowing that it’s not just me being overly anxious and that other people have these worries. And thanks for the info about the midwives. I felt so silly asking but I just had no idea! Really means a lot you took the time to write and talk about your experience and how you feel with this pregnancy xxx

I felt totally adrift at first and it's only now I'm actually getting my act together rather than ignoring it because I was so massively overwhelmed but every video I watch or booklet read, even the tit ones, make me feel a little less anxious. I'm by no means expert as I've not even had the baby yet but I'm going to tell you what's happened to me and things I've found so far in case it might help you.

Don't worry about not calling until 16 weeks, just call and ask how to access the notes and any questions you have. Push for information, chase things up - no one is doing you any favours at the minute it seems.

There's some excellent resources available online, and some really rit ones, but there are quite a lot of online courses giving segments for Freeduring covid if you google. This is pretty dire but is something at least about the actual labour process and what happens during the birth. Also the youtube video I posted above but that's a lot more complex. At the moment in my hospital you're allowed one birth partner. They can be with you from check in so long as you're in labour until you're sent home or moved to ward in which case they can only then see you in visiting hours. No other visitors allowed at the moment. If you had to go in to be induced, they would join you once you were in active labour in your own room.
Here are tons of leaflets on different subjects that my hospital provides so some are specific to them but most I think are general.
'Choosing where to have your baby' might be a good place to start and 'The essential guide to feeding and caring for your baby' is a recommended read in later stages.
Look at what hospitals are in your area and go on their websites and find the maternity/birth section. This will tell you what services they provide. Then you can google user reviews and reports to see which you might prefer.

Where I am they assess you at your booking appointment to see if your anti-natal care can be via midwife or if you're higher risk and would the be consultant led. It's based on factors such as age, smoker status, BMI, family and your own medical history and I think maybe some social factors.
I wasn't deemed to be high risk but due to my age (38) I was concerned about the higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities and decided to get the Harmony test to speed up the process of finding out. If you're anywhere near London I highly recommend The fetal medicine centre. I had the test just after 10 weeks along with a detailed scan and returned at 12 weeks for another very detailed scan and to discuss the results. My NHS 12 weeks scan was a bit of a shambles so I'm extremely glad I did this. It was £400 and would have included the CVS to confirm any conditions the test may have flagged. I felt that the cost of going totally private for me wasn't warranted but I'm happy to have bits privately here and there. So far this is all I've had though. I found it difficult going from 12 weeks to 20 without a scan but held off and once you feel them moving that can give you a lot of reassurance.

I still feel tit scared about the whole process but I do feel far better now I've taken it into my own hands more and know there's options to have bits and pieces done privately if I feel totally out of control/anxious. I'd really recommend getting a note pad and writing down the things you feel you want to know specifically then ticking them off to make it more manageable.
Also write down in detail things the key things the midwife says because your brain goes like a sieve.

Anyway, that might be a whole load of 'who asked you' and as I said I'm drastically underqualified and it’s just my personal experience but I feel like I was where you are and I'm a bit further down the line now but it's still really fresh so hopefully it might help to know that things start to come together eventually xx

Your words have really helped to calm me. Just explaining how you felt ‘adrift’ is exactly how I feel at the moment. Just totally out of control and I suppose a little apprehensive about chasing things up because I have no idea what I’m doing. I will look into some of the things you have recommend so thanks for that. I too was wondering about the Harmony test, but was unsure if it was worth the money or not. I might look more into it then if you recommend that.
Just talking to all yours ladies has been such a help, to hear all of your stories and your fears makes me feel less alone I guess.
Thanks so much. Xxx

 

[Hellofromtheotherside]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant after 3 Miscarriages, I have a little boy already. Absolutely petrified and anxious I havnt told anyone (obviously my husband) but no one else as I'm scared I will have to untell people, never been so anxious in all my life I had a private scan last week and everything seems to be okay but I can't shake this anxious feeling aurghhhh sorry just nice to get it off my chest

 

[WhatABore]

Thanks so much, I do feel more confident knowing that it’s not just me being overly anxious and that other people have these worries. And thanks for the info about the midwives. I felt so silly asking but I just had no idea! Really means a lot you took the time to write and talk about your experience and how you feel with this pregnancy xxx


Your words have really helped to calm me. Just explaining how you felt ‘adrift’ is exactly how I feel at the moment. Just totally out of control and I suppose a little apprehensive about chasing things up because I have no idea what I’m doing. I will look into some of the things you have recommend so thanks for that. I too was wondering about the Harmony test, but was unsure if it was worth the money or not. I might look more into it then if you recommend that.
Just talking to all yours ladies has been such a help, to hear all of your stories and your fears makes me feel less alone I guess.
Thanks so much. Xxx

Glad to help. And there certainly isn't anything to feel silly about! I had absolutely no clue about any of it until I went through it all with my first! Nobody tells you anything!

 

[littlepup]

I'm getting this exact same Harmony test and scan package as you at the Fetal Medicine Centre on Tuesday! Have heard lots of rave reviews about them. Hoping it will alleviate my anxiety at least a little. Why was your 12 week NHS scan a shambles if you don't mind me asking?

I really thought it was excellent. It's very 'medical' rather than matronly but that suits me, I didn't find it impersonal, just really thorough and they give you loads of pictures which is nice. You also hear the heartbeat which totally blew me away.

The NHS scan, I arrive and they somehow had me as registered to my doctor at uni from 18 years ago despite having gone through my doctor info with the midwife, we sort that and I take a seat with my full bladder as asked for. After 1/2 hr I ask how long because I'm bursting, 'take a seat and wait', after 45 minutes of discomfort I ask again & say I'm going to have to go to the loo. Turned out they hadn't marked me as being there, back to wait it go. Go in for the scan and it may be because they knew I'd had the Harmony so it didn't need to be as detailed but while she was very nice, she didn't really communicate much of what we were looking at or anything at all, felt very rushed.
Back for another 20+ min wait then called for my bloods as I'm Rh-. They've not put the right forms in my notes so the phlebotomist gets on the phone and starts ripping into the reception girls. Two nurses come in and she gives them a major dressing down about how slack they are, how women were suffering from their incompetence and it's always something. In a way, excellent for her but on the other hand, I didn't really need to hear about how terrible their level of service was, It did not fill me with confidence!
It was just all a bit stressfull, like it was going on around me rather than with me, if that would have been my first experience of the baby I'd have felt very anxious that they didn't really have a handle on things.
I had to call the hospital again around 16 weeks; they had absolutely no record of me with maternity services, despite having seen me and sent me letters. I can't say I'm entirely convinced theyve even got it right at this stage but I have the hard copy of my notes so I guess that's what's important.

I too was wondering about the Harmony test, but was unsure if it was worth the money or not. I might look more into it then if you recommend that.

I had it because if we were going to have to make a decision about keeping baby with a chromosomal abnormality, or likely lose the pregnancy due to one, I wanted to know as soon as possible. With the NHS I was looking at being 16 weeks before having all of the information whereas with the Harmony it was closer to 12. If the results had come back with a high chance of a condition, I also wanted the person that performed the CVS or amniocentesis required to confirm the result to be the best possible given the small risk of miscarriage they pose. The guy that runs the clinic I went to literally writes the book that trains people to do the tests so it just eliminated a lot of anxiety for me.

 

[Stimpii]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant after 3 Miscarriages, I have a little boy already. Absolutely petrified and anxious I havnt told anyone (obviously my husband) but no one else as I'm scared I will have to untell people, never been so anxious in all my life I had a private scan last week and everything seems to be okay but I can't shake this anxious feeling aurghhhh sorry just nice to get it off my chest

Hopefully as the weeks go on you can relax a bit. It’s so hard not to worry tho.

 

[Definitelyme]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant after 3 Miscarriages, I have a little boy already. Absolutely petrified and anxious I havnt told anyone (obviously my husband) but no one else as I'm scared I will have to untell people, never been so anxious in all my life I had a private scan last week and everything seems to be okay but I can't shake this anxious feeling aurghhhh sorry just nice to get it off my chest

Pregnancy after loss is so hard. I hope this time goes perfectly for you

 

[WhatABore]

I really thought it was excellent. It's very 'medical' rather than matronly but that suits me, I didn't find it impersonal, just really thorough and they give you loads of pictures which is nice. You also hear the heartbeat which totally blew me away.

The NHS scan, I arrive and they somehow had me as registered to my doctor at uni from 18 years ago despite having gone through my doctor info with the midwife, we sort that and I take a seat with my full bladder as asked for. After 1/2 hr I ask how long because I'm bursting, 'take a seat and wait', after 45 minutes of discomfort I ask again & say I'm going to have to go to the loo. Turned out they hadn't marked me as being there, back to wait it go. Go in for the scan and it may be because they knew I'd had the Harmony so it didn't need to be as detailed but while she was very nice, she didn't really communicate much of what we were looking at or anything at all, felt very rushed.
Back for another 20+ min wait then called for my bloods as I'm Rh-. They've not put the right forms in my notes so the phlebotomist gets on the phone and starts ripping into the reception girls. Two nurses come in and she gives them a major dressing down about how slack they are, how women were suffering from their incompetence and it's always something. In a way, excellent for her but on the other hand, I didn't really need to hear about how terrible their level of service was, It did not fill me with confidence!
It was just all a bit stressfull, like it was going on around me rather than with me, if that would have been my first experience of the baby I'd have felt very anxious that they didn't really have a handle on things.
I had to call the hospital again around 16 weeks; they had absolutely no record of me with maternity services, despite having seen me and sent me letters. I can't say I'm entirely convinced theyve even got it right at this stage but I have the hard copy of my notes so I guess that's what's important.


I had it because if we were going to have to make a decision about keeping baby with a chromosomal abnormality, or likely lose the pregnancy due to one, I wanted to know as soon as possible. With the NHS I was looking at being 16 weeks before having all of the information whereas with the Harmony it was closer to 12. If the results had come back with a high chance of a condition, I also wanted the person that performed the CVS or amniocentesis required to confirm the result to be the best possible given the small risk of miscarriage they pose. The guy that runs the clinic I went to literally writes the book that trains people to do the tests so it just eliminated a lot of anxiety for me.

That's a shame your hospital stuff was so bad!
I will say though, the 12 week scan in normally 10 minutes tops.
They tend to measure, do a quick check and that's it.
The 20 week is the in depth one.
My blood tests for Down Symdrome ect were at 12 weeks and found out within days .
We're you going to have to wait until later?

 

[moimoi]

Just catching up on all of this today, so interesting to hear everyone's experiences so far. I'm based in London and just had the one scan at 13 weeks and 16-18 week midwife appointment cancelled cause of covid and no phone appointment. Next appointment is my 20 week scan.

During my first scan, it took her around 50 minutes because the baby was flipping around all over the place and she couldn't get the measurements. But I found the sonographer quite cold, I felt awkward asking anything because she was in her words "too busy concentrating". She didn't even tell me my due date until I asked at the very end. She let me have a wee midway through my scan because it was taking so long, I came back with the sample, I didn't know what to do with it and asked her if she took it, and the disgust on her face "no, no, no!" It's my first, I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Plus I didn't get a photograph, which I was disappointed about. I had to take a picture using my phone of the screen. Are other people having to do that? Is that a thing now? Or is my hospital stingy?

 

[NP]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant after 3 Miscarriages, I have a little boy already. Absolutely petrified and anxious I havnt told anyone (obviously my husband) but no one else as I'm scared I will have to untell people, never been so anxious in all my life I had a private scan last week and everything seems to be okay but I can't shake this anxious feeling aurghhhh sorry just nice to get it off my chest

Pregnancy after a loss is so difficult. I’m now 26 weeks pregnant after losing our baby back in January. This time around I had private scans at 6 and 9 weeks because I couldn’t handle not knowing if things were ok. But I feel like they only helped the worry temporarily and I would worry again until the next scan. I’ve relaxed now that I’m further along, but I haven’t enjoyed this time as much as my two previous healthy pregnancies. Having a positive healthy scan already is a good sign for you though and your 12 week scan isn’t far away now. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

 

[WhatABore]

Just catching up on all of this today, so interesting to hear everyone's experiences so far. I'm based in London and just had the one scan at 13 weeks and 16-18 week midwife appointment cancelled cause of covid and no phone appointment. Next appointment is my 20 week scan.

During my first scan, it took her around 50 minutes because the baby was flipping around all over the place and she couldn't get the measurements. But I found the sonographer quite cold, I felt awkward asking anything because she was in her words "too busy concentrating". She didn't even tell me my due date until I asked at the very end. She let me have a wee midway through my scan because it was taking so long, I came back with the sample, I didn't know what to do with it and asked her if she took it, and the disgust on her face "no, no, no!" It's my first, I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Plus I didn't get a photograph, which I was disappointed about. I had to take a picture using my phone of the screen. Are other people having to do that? Is that a thing now? Or is my hospital stingy?

I got scan photos.
You usually have to pay for them but as they don't want people touching the machine to pay, they've just done them for free.

 

[littlepup]

My blood tests for Down Symdrome ect were at 12 weeks and found out within days .
We're you going to have to wait until later?

It was to do with the timing. My NHS scan was into 13wks so by the time I'd have had it, got results, booked back in for CVS or Amino and waited again, I was pushing up to 16 weeks. The Harmony was at 10+2 I think, results 5-7 days & would have been back in and fast tracked for CVS so would have know really by 12ish.
I'd convinced myself my age was going to cause a problem, my OH is much younger and I think it was playing into fears of me being the cause of issues. Also, and I don't really want to open a debate the ethical side of things or go into it too much, but his and my thoughts were not yet100% in agreement on the course of action had the results shown a high chance.

Plus I didn't get a photograph, which I was disappointed about. I had to take a picture using my phone of the screen. Are other people having to do that? Is that a thing now? Or is my hospital stingy?

Have to pay £5 a go at ours, card only on a machine - can buy multiple copies but only of one image. She did palm me a free one of her little feet though

 

[Stimpii]

Plus I didn't get a photograph, which I was disappointed about. I had to take a picture using my phone of the screen. Are other people having to do that? Is that a thing now? Or is my hospital stingy?

I’ve always been asked at my 12 and 20 week scan if I wanted a photo. Didn’t have to pay for them in this pregnancy and my last but did with my first. I’m having growth scans which are always really rushed so I’ve not asked/been offered, but to be honest baby is so big at this stage there’s not much to photograph.

 

[WhatABore]

I’ve always been asked at my 12 and 20 week scan if I wanted a photo. Didn’t have to pay for them in this pregnancy and my last but did with my first. I’m having growth scans which are always really rushed so I’ve not asked/been offered, but to be honest baby is so big at this stage there’s not much to photograph.

They don't offer photos at your growth scans because that isn't the purpose of them

 

[LittleMy]

When I had my babies (now 3 and 5), I was always asked if I wanted scan pics to take away. They didn’t charge but instead there was the option of putting a donation in their box, which we always did.

 

[moimoi]

My hospital is clearly rubbish then! No mention of a photo until I asked if we were able to get them and she was just like 'you just have to take them on your phone'. She did go back and take some decent screengrabs for me to take a pic of...

 

[Hairraiser]

1st pregnancy following IVF treatment in July. 6 years to get here, stage 3 endometriosis, blocked Fallopian tubes and PCOS, that was stopping me from getting pregnant! Anyway, had my 20 week scan recently, all went well in terms of his size and no abnormalities found, found out the sex and then at the end she tells me I have placenta previa, after a brief explanation I totally freaked out so have researched since and feel abit more calmer about it now, there isn’t a lot I can do, only hope that it moves on its own, however, I’m not fussed about a C-section if it came to it. Have had horrendous morning sickness up until around 3 weeks ago, (now 23 weeks) had 3 weeks of being able to feel slightly normal again and get back to work, then I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, insulin controlled. I have read so much about gestational diabetes occurring due to being overweight and the foods you eat! This couldn’t be further from the truth, obviously having a high BMI doesn’t help, but I am not overweight and always been careful about what I eat, my paternal family members have it and I have PCOS so my risk of getting it was pretty high regardless of weight.
I’ve felt pretty low in mood since the diagnosis, im
Constantly on edge incase I’ve eaten too much of something, not eaten the right thing, not eaten enough, it’s a bloody minefield! One thing I will say, my Hospital trust have been absolutely amazing, so supportive and schedule in an appointment every 2 weeks until the baby is here to keep an eye on things, this is the standard for everyone I believe! But the diabetes midwives have been brilliant (who knew they were even a thing) I feel like I’m chatting to a close friend when I speak to them, it makes such a difference to my anxiety. I hope the next 3/4 months go nice and smoothly and I don’t have any issues with the diabetes, my little boy is the most important thing to me now and I’ve not even met him yet! It’s crazy how we can love something so much that we haven’t even seen. Luckily I have an amazing husband and family who are really supportive so have been picking me up when I’ve had a few tears, it’s not good to bottle things up.

The best feeling in the world is feeling him moving, kicking around! I smile and laugh so much when he’s really active, it’s a lovely reassurance that he’s doing just fine in there. It’s taken ALOT of hard work to get here, IVF is probably the most physically and mentally draining experience of my life so I feel totally blessed to be in this position. I do my best not to moan to anyone (other than my husband) about pregnancy symptoms, as I know how difficult it is for those who are struggling to conceive, or perhaps had a recent miscarriage or stillbirth. It’s absolutely your right to moan and feel fed up during pregnancy, cause it isn’t easy, but I will always have that in the front of my mind to be mindful of what I say and to who.

I hope that last bit doesn’t make me sound like a witch, I’m just flying the flag for my fellow infertile friends who i have met along the way and haven’t yet had their baby. I will always support them even though I have been successful this time round,

 

[Tinkerbell20]

As someone who has had to have all my babies forcibly removed using various instruments, it always interests me greatly that some labours are so quick!

Me too! My boy was determined not to come out...manual rotation, forceps then eventually c section!

 

[Octopies]

Ladies can I ask something really embarrassing I’ve been desperate to ask someone but feel really stupid and at least I’m anonymous here.

I’m 24 weeks with my first. I’ve only slept with 1 person and I’m mid 20s so I’ve never had a smear test etc. To be honest I’ve never had anything ‘medical’ happen to me in my life so naturally finding this all very strange and very anxious about it all.

I have always found sex quite painful / uncomfortable and always felt like my partner is too ‘big’ (he’s average it just ‘feels’ that way!). I also find tampons quite painful to use. I went to the doctors about the sex thing when I was at uni as it would cause me to bleed and they just told me to use more lube and sent me away. Nobody has ever actually checked it out. (Boyfriend was also a virgin Til he met me so can’t tell me what’s ‘normal’ or not )

anyway now I’m really scared that medically I might have something ‘wrong’ down there or I might be quite small/ have an issue and nobody would know about it (until it’s too late and I can’t push a baby out of there!!)


Is it possible to be too small to give birth (btw I’m not a small person I’m a 5ft7 wide hipped size lady!!)

i am really considering raising this with my midwife and asking her to ‘take a look’ to settle my nerves as I feel like a freak would that be nuts?!