Pregnancy

[MrsJones83]

Oxfordshire.

 

[Tui]

Wow, I’m really surprised by this.

My friend is due to have her second baby next week, she saw her first midwife at 28 weeks!! It sounds like where she is that is the norm for covid! There must be so many vulnerable women who slip through the net and don’t get sufficient support

 

[WhatABore]

My friend is due to have her second baby next week, she saw her first midwife at 28 weeks!! It sounds like where she is that is the norm for covid! There must be so many vulnerable women who slip through the net and don’t get sufficient support

Yep! That's exactly what I'm having!
First midwife at 28 weeks!
It's crazy! As I said before, I understand there's a pandemic but at the same time, people's health and wellbeing also matter!
My friend had pre eclampsia from 20 weeks with her first and even she hasn't had her urine or blood pressure checked yet and she's 22 weeks!

 

[Sw4]

Yep! That's exactly what I'm having!
First midwife at 28 weeks!
It's crazy! As I said before, I understand there's a pandemic but at the same time, people's health and wellbeing also matter!
My friend had pre eclampsia from 20 weeks with her first and even she hasn't had her urine or blood pressure checked yet and she's 22 weeks!

That's mental! I have to say my trust has been pretty good, I had my booking appointment via phone at 8 weeks and saw a midwife for bloods/urine a few days after. I'm 10 weeks tomorrow and have had my appointment letters through for 12 week scan, 16 week face to face midwife appointment and the glucose test so at least I have some sort of schedule. Mind you I did have to chase up on my self referral a couple of times initially. I'm in the South East.

I appreciate we are in the midst of a pandemic but it's beyond me how pubs and non essential shops are open in a lot of the country yet basic health needs are being ignored and women are still having to attend scans alone. These days there's probably more chance of catching something in the supermarket than having a partner at a scan, nobody gives a crap about spacing anymore it seems.

 

[WhatABore]

That's mental! I have to say my trust has been pretty good, I had my booking appointment via phone at 8 weeks and saw a midwife for bloods/urine a few days after. I'm 10 weeks tomorrow and have had my appointment letters through for 12 week scan, 16 week face to face midwife appointment and the glucose test so at least I have some sort of schedule. Mind you I did have to chase up on my self referral a couple of times initially. I'm in the South East.

I appreciate we are in the midst of a pandemic but it's beyond me how pubs and non essential shops are open in a lot of the country yet basic health needs are being ignored and women are still having to attend scans alone. These days there's probably more chance of catching something in the supermarket than having a partner at a scan, nobody gives a crap about spacing anymore it seems.

I have my glucose test booked but even that's changed, it was fasting from the night before, go in, have bloods, drink the drink and then wait 2 hours and have another blood test.
But now it's fasting from the night before and then 1 blood test and that's it

Exactly. Even more so if they're from the same household!

 

[NP]

For any mums hoping to breastfeed for the first time, I would say arm yourself with lots of information. I’ve breastfed 3 kids for 2+ years each and I will still read up this time to remind me. Things to look out for especially are:

•Good latching position for newborn and what to do if it’s not good
•Normal baby behaviour for a breastfed baby (eg feeding frequently and for long periods)
•Where to go for help (breastfeeding group, lactation consultant)
•And please remember not many midwives are up to date on breastfeeding and don’t have the specialist training needed to help if you have major problems, sadly. It’s one of the reasons the UKs bf rate is so poor.

And for all FTM I would suggest reading up about the fourth trimester, again a bit about normal baby behaviour. So often babies are expected to feed them sleep and be put dow alone when the reality is that’s totally alien to them and many won’t want to!

Thank you for this. I’m hoping to breastfeed this time around. My first was very prem so I expressed while he was in the neonatal unit and my attempts at breastfeeding were awful experiences, mainly because of a member of staff’s approach to it. With my second I went straight to formula. As this will be our last I would love to experience breastfeeding this time. I’ve been doing lots of reading up but I definitely need to research where to go for help locally if I need it.

 

[Definitelyme]

Did they not give you an in person element of the booking appointment? Take your bloods etc?

Re breast feeding. To me it’s like there’s some kind of cult going on with some Mums that heavily push it. I’m in some antinatal FB groups and the same ladies pop up on anything feeding related ‘have you considered BF, it’s such a good option. Join us over on xyzbreastfedgroup’. Then it’s all about golden boobies, breast milk jewellery, dry feeding, comfort nursing and starting/ending whatever ‘journey’. There’s Mums asking how to get their kids to keep feeding when they don’t want to because they’re ‘not ready to give up their bf journey’. Any Mum that’s thinking of giving up is bombarded with a million options not to until you’ve spent a fortune on lactation specialists. This is across numerous groups, not just one hardcore one. My healthcare professionals have said nothing but it’s personal choice, it’s good to try if you can though for the health benefits whereas the other mums are all over everyone.

My family all breastfed whereas MIL didn’t. My family think if you don’t breast feed you’re really missing out whereas MIL thinks B feeding a child over about 1 is the weirdest thing going and OH is a bit in the dark ages about it too. I can see it being quite an obstacle
(I’ll do WTF I like obviously, but you just don’t need the judgement do you)

My mum breastfed us all, my MIL formula fed her two. Surprisingly it was my mum who always made comments with my first about how much I would feed her, how long for etc. My MIL and FIL, despite it not being something they know at all, accepted it totally and embraced it I would have felt judged by my mum, or challenged really rather than judged, with my first but it worked for us so I didn’t even bother responding most of the time. By the time I was on no2. She was over it!

Thank you for this. I’m hoping to breastfeed this time around. My first was very prem so I expressed while he was in the neonatal unit and my attempts at breastfeeding were awful experiences, mainly because of a member of staff’s approach to it. With my second I went straight to formula. As this will be our last I would love to experience breastfeeding this time. I’ve been doing lots of reading up but I definitely need to research where to go for help locally if I need it.

You can find out about local groups (many are over skype atm though which sucks) and your local branch of la leche league. Also find the name of the breastfeeding coordinator in your hospital in case you’d like some help while in there, helps to have it before hand (although they don’t usually work at weekends which is a pain). If you’ve any friends who have breastfed, reach out to them before as well. My sil was always able to empathise with me when needed, and I was able to do the same with my sister. It helps having people close who you can ask things too

 

[Gem2212]

I'm going to give breastfeeding a go even though it makes me feel very nervous and anxious after reading stories about it, but I'm FULLY content that if it doesn't work out for the baby or I guess 'selfishly' for me, then I'm fine to admit 'defeat' and not feel guilty about formula! There's definitely way too much pressure re: breastfeeding and as people have said as long as the baby is fed!

I feel the same! I want to give is a bash but not put too much pressure on my self or feel guilty if it doesn’t work out.

For those of you a bit further along have you found out what you’re having?

I’ve always found out as I’m super impatient I have 2 boys and we’re having a girl this time. I really wish I’d not found out this time as I was convinced I was having another boy.

First baby and we are finding out on the 23rd

Where abouts are all you guys? Interesting to see the differences.

Up in Scotland (where I'm from) I'm in the Glasgow trust, I've got a face to face booking appt in a couple week then a scan at 12 weeks and I think one round about the 20 mark.
Also cos I've been in and out of the EPU they've been good and let my partner come to all of them

I’m Scotland too, same trust. My booking was on the phone and then a quick appointment for bloods, height and weight. I then had 16 weeks app on the phone, 20 week scan will obvs be face to face and then my 22 week app will be with my midwife at my GP surgery x

edited to add I had flu jab at 12 week scan and will have whooping cough vaccination at 20 week scan x

 

[Theninth]

Currently pregnant with baby no.3, I literally can't remember exactly how many weeks right now 20 something. This has been the best for me sickness wise but my sleep has been awful this time

Any BF mums tandem fed? What was your experience? I've been really luck with BF my girls have taken to it easily and I have never had any supply issues etc.. My littlest one will be 20 months when new baby is born and I don't want to stop feeding her as long as she still wants it so hoping to tandem feed but will cut out her night feeding before then (hopefully )

 

[whatsfortea?]

Can I join? First pregnancy, 9+6 today and I have my harmony test and early scan on Tuesday when I'll be 10+3, then my NHS scan on the 23rd.

I am so so anxious. I feel like I've had a pretty easy ride so far in terms of symptoms (mainly just tiredness and loss of appetite in the evenings, only very mild nausea) so I feel like at some point everything is going to come crashing down. I can't even think about the birth or other baby stuff atm, I'm hoping the scan on Tuesday shows good news.

I thought I would join too Im 10 weeks with my first and have my 12 week scan on xmas eve
Had a private scan at 8 weeks with my partner which was lovely but we’re told he can’t come into the nhs 12 week scan.
Ive had sickness and tiredness so I havnt even thought about reading any books or buying any bits yet, and I feel terrible like I should be more organised
Also tried to buy a house my with partner as first time buyers but no mortgages available for us due to covid
Really enjoying this thread as I felt like I was left to just get on with it and didn’t have much communication so thank you ladies xx

 

[Definitelyme]

Currently pregnant with baby no.3, I literally can't remember exactly how many weeks right now 20 something. This has been the best for me sickness wise but my sleep has been awful this time

Any BF mums tandem fed? What was your experience? I've been really luck with BF my girls have taken to it easily and I have never had any supply issues etc.. My littlest one will be 20 months when new baby is born and I don't want to stop feeding her as long as she still wants it so hoping to tandem feed but will cut out her night feeding before then (hopefully )

No never tandem fed, I’ve had to cut mine all off during pregnancy because I develop such a nursing aversion after about 9 weeks it makes my nausea so much worse, and with my third pregnancy when feeding my son it made my skin crawl! So you’ve done amazingly well to get so far! I’ve heard of a book (I think!) called “adventures in tandem feeding” which is supposed to be excellent.

 

[Theninth]

No never tandem fed, I’ve had to cut mine all off during pregnancy because I develop such a nursing aversion after about 9 weeks it makes my nausea so much worse, and with my third pregnancy when feeding my son it made my skin crawl! So you’ve done amazingly well to get so far! I’ve heard of a book (I think!) called “adventures in tandem feeding” which is supposed to be excellent.

Thank you, I'll have a look for that book

I stopped feeding my eldest when I was about 4 months pregnant with my second. I know what you mean with the aversion. It got to the point where every time I fed her I just wanted it to stop but then I felt so guilty because we had the easiest BF relationship until then. Anyway it was definitely the right time for me looking back on it and I have no guilt now

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you, I'll have a look for that book

I stopped feeding my eldest when I was about 4 months pregnant with my second. I know what you mean with the aversion. It got to the point where every time I fed her I just wanted it to stop but then I felt so guilty because we had the easiest BF relationship until then. Anyway it was definitely the right time for me looking back on it and I have no guilt now

No guilt here at all either, they get a good two years of my life that’s plenty

 

[Sw4]

I thought I would join too Im 10 weeks with my first and have my 12 week scan on xmas eve
Had a private scan at 8 weeks with my partner which was lovely but we’re told he can’t come into the nhs 12 week scan.
Ive had sickness and tiredness so I havnt even thought about reading any books or buying any bits yet, and I feel terrible like I should be more organised
Also tried to buy a house my with partner as first time buyers but no mortgages available for us due to covid
Really enjoying this thread as I felt like I was left to just get on with it and didn’t have much communication so thank you ladies xx

Oh cool we are pretty much within a day of each other timeline wise! I think it's still pretty early to start buying stuff, I will probably start around the 16 week mark.

I just weighed myself and have lost 2 kilos over the last few weeks even though I haven't been throwing up and I don't think I've been eating THAT much less than usual, plus I've been pretty sedentary. Should this be something to worry about? I'm pretty slim anyway so losing 2 kilos just like that is quite a lot for me

 

[Definitelyme]

Oh cool we are pretty much within a day of each other timeline wise! I think it's still pretty early to start buying stuff, I will probably start around the 16 week mark.

I just weighed myself and have lost 2 kilos over the last few weeks even though I haven't been throwing up and I don't think I've been eating THAT much less than usual, plus I've been pretty sedentary. Should this be something to worry about? I'm pretty slim anyway so losing 2 kilos just like that is quite a lot for me

I was just chatting with a friend who is pregnant last night and she has the same concern. We have another friend who is a midwife (handily!!) and she said as long as baby is measuring on track and you are eating as best you can (considering your sickness) then it’s fine. My friend lost over a stone and hasn’t put it back on, but midwife-friend said it’s fine as long as you continue eating a good diet when you can, and baby is growing well.

 

[Chickenandgravy]

I just had my scan at the EPU there. Unfortunately only one heartbeat but to be honest I think I was expecting that. I'm just so glad the other wee bean is doing so well and they're happy that they don't need to see me till my 12 week scan in Jan!

 

[Definitelyme]

I just had my scan at the EPU there. Unfortunately only one heartbeat but to be honest I think I was expecting that. I'm just so glad the other wee bean is doing so well and they're happy that they don't need to see me till my 12 week scan in Jan!

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, but also lovely to hear that you also have one healthy little one in there. Sad and happy news all at once. X

 

[Chickenandgravy]

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, but also lovely to hear that you also have one healthy little one in there. Sad and happy news all at once. X

Thank you! To be fair if I hadn't had that wee bleed and gone for early scans chances are I would've never have known about it, apparently it's really common and called dissapearing twin syndrome!

 

[littlepup]

I’m 10 weeks- First ever pregnancy-completely clueless! I’m 37 and have a slight heart problem
Iv seen the midwife but I was in such a state of shock that half of the things she said feels like a blur.
She gave me a password to access my pregnancy notes but I have no idea how to access them. She left 3 phone numbers but I can’t ring them until I’m 16 weeks!
I’m having my scan on the 23rd which is causing me anxiety as it’s so close to Christmas and I’m already prepared for the worst.
I’m extra anxious because Iv had to come off some tablets for my heart (my gp advised this) but Iv been feeling awful without them- high pulse, palpitations, out of breath, high blood pressure.And I’m still waiting to be referred to my cardiologist. The midwife said to expect a letter that week- but it’s been 3 weeks now.
I have no idea about what happens during the birth- ie- who is around you. I always naively assumed It was the midwife that was assigned to you but after reading a little about pregnancy that doesn’t seem the case. I’m totally blind in this!
The midwife was lovely but she said she’s leaving in March after 45 years and that upsets me because I feel il have to bond with someone else which is already making me panic.
I had a letter to see the obstetrician in January but I have no idea what that is for! And my mum keeps offering to pay private to see one of my choice but I have no clue on how to go about this. Has anyone any knowledge of this?
I’m so so clueless and really I have no idea how any of this goes. After watching the news about the maternity services yday I was in a sort of daze, just feeling really scared and anxious about the whole pregnancy and i just feel so overwhelmed: there seems to be so much to the whole process.
I feel stupid admitting how absolutely clueless I am on all of this but I guess if I speak up then maybe other people will admit they felt this way and I would feel less of an idiot.
But I feel really scared and alone in it all because there doesn’t seem to be any sort of contact with anyone until I’m 16 weeks and I suppose it feels a long and lonely road when you don’t know what to expect.
Sorry for offloading- I really am so happy I’m pregnant but I never ever thought I’d feel so scared about it.

Thanks for starting this thread xx

I felt totally adrift at first and it's only now I'm actually getting my act together rather than ignoring it because I was so massively overwhelmed but every video I watch or booklet read, even the tit ones, make me feel a little less anxious. I'm by no means expert as I've not even had the baby yet but I'm going to tell you what's happened to me and things I've found so far in case it might help you.

Don't worry about not calling until 16 weeks, just call and ask how to access the notes and any questions you have. Push for information, chase things up - no one is doing you any favours at the minute it seems.

There's some excellent resources available online, and some really rit ones, but there are quite a lot of online courses giving segments for Freeduring covid if you google. This is pretty dire but is something at least about the actual labour process and what happens during the birth. Also the youtube video I posted above but that's a lot more complex. At the moment in my hospital you're allowed one birth partner. They can be with you from check in so long as you're in labour until you're sent home or moved to ward in which case they can only then see you in visiting hours. No other visitors allowed at the moment. If you had to go in to be induced, they would join you once you were in active labour in your own room.
Here are tons of leaflets on different subjects that my hospital provides so some are specific to them but most I think are general.
'Choosing where to have your baby' might be a good place to start and 'The essential guide to feeding and caring for your baby' is a recommended read in later stages.
Look at what hospitals are in your area and go on their websites and find the maternity/birth section. This will tell you what services they provide. Then you can google user reviews and reports to see which you might prefer.

Where I am they assess you at your booking appointment to see if your anti-natal care can be via midwife or if you're higher risk and would the be consultant led. It's based on factors such as age, smoker status, BMI, family and your own medical history and I think maybe some social factors.
I wasn't deemed to be high risk but due to my age (38) I was concerned about the higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities and decided to get the Harmony test to speed up the process of finding out. If you're anywhere near London I highly recommend The fetal medicine centre. I had the test just after 10 weeks along with a detailed scan and returned at 12 weeks for another very detailed scan and to discuss the results. My NHS 12 weeks scan was a bit of a shambles so I'm extremely glad I did this. It was £400 and would have included the CVS to confirm any conditions the test may have flagged. I felt that the cost of going totally private for me wasn't warranted but I'm happy to have bits privately here and there. So far this is all I've had though. I found it difficult going from 12 weeks to 20 without a scan but held off and once you feel them moving that can give you a lot of reassurance.

I still feel tit scared about the whole process but I do feel far better now I've taken it into my own hands more and know there's options to have bits and pieces done privately if I feel totally out of control/anxious. I'd really recommend getting a note pad and writing down the things you feel you want to know specifically then ticking them off to make it more manageable.
Also write down in detail things the key things the midwife says because your brain goes like a sieve.

Anyway, that might be a whole load of 'who asked you' and as I said I'm drastically underqualified and it’s just my personal experience but I feel like I was where you are and I'm a bit further down the line now but it's still really fresh so hopefully it might help to know that things start to come together eventually xx

 

[Tui]

I felt totally adrift at first and it's only now I'm actually getting my act together rather than ignoring it because I was so massively overwhelmed but every video I watch or booklet read, even the tit ones, make me feel a little less anxious. I'm by no means expert as I've not even had the baby yet but I'm going to tell you what's happened to me and things I've found so far in case it might help you.

Don't worry about not calling until 16 weeks, just call and ask how to access the notes and any questions you have. Push for information, chase things up - no one is doing you any favours at the minute it seems.

There's some excellent resources available online, and some really rit ones, but there are quite a lot of online courses giving segments for Freeduring covid if you google. This is pretty dire but is something at least about the actual labour process and what happens during the birth. Also the youtube video I posted above but that's a lot more complex. At the moment in my hospital you're allowed one birth partner. They can be with you from check in so long as you're in labour until you're sent home or moved to ward in which case they can only then see you in visiting hours. No other visitors allowed at the moment. If you had to go in to be induced, they would join you once you were in active labour in your own room.
Here are tons of leaflets on different subjects that my hospital provides so some are specific to them but most I think are general.
'Choosing where to have your baby' might be a good place to start and 'The essential guide to feeding and caring for your baby' is a recommended read in later stages.
Look at what hospitals are in your area and go on their websites and find the maternity/birth section. This will tell you what services they provide. Then you can google user reviews and reports to see which you might prefer.

Where I am they assess you at your booking appointment to see if your anti-natal care can be via midwife or if you're higher risk and would the be consultant led. It's based on factors such as age, smoker status, BMI, family and your own medical history and I think maybe some social factors.
I wasn't deemed to be high risk but due to my age (38) I was concerned about the higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities and decided to get the Harmony test to speed up the process of finding out. If you're anywhere near London I highly recommend The fetal medicine centre. I had the test just after 10 weeks along with a detailed scan and returned at 12 weeks for another very detailed scan and to discuss the results. My NHS 12 weeks scan was a bit of a shambles so I'm extremely glad I did this. It was £400 and would have included the CVS to confirm any conditions the test may have flagged. I felt that the cost of going totally private for me wasn't warranted but I'm happy to have bits privately here and there. So far this is all I've had though. I found it difficult going from 12 weeks to 20 without a scan but held off and once you feel them moving that can give you a lot of reassurance.

I still feel tit scared about the whole process but I do feel far better now I've taken it into my own hands more and know there's options to have bits and pieces done privately if I feel totally out of control/anxious. I'd really recommend getting a note pad and writing down the things you feel you want to know specifically then ticking them off to make it more manageable.
Also write down in detail things the key things the midwife says because your brain goes like a sieve.

Anyway, that might be a whole load of 'who asked you' and as I said I'm drastically underqualified but I feel like I was where you are and I'm a bit further down the line but it's still really fresh so hopefully it might help to know that things come together eventually xx

Blossom Antenatal are doing a free breastfeeding workshop online too if anyone is interested, I haven’t done it yet as intend to sign up closer to my due date https://www.blossomantenatal.com/breastfeeding-class.php

I can’t recommend the Positive Birth Book enough either. Although there is a section about how to get your oxytocin flowing in labour and one of the options it suggests is genuinely to “flick your bean” it is genuinely though a good book!