Pregnancy

[LittleMy]

See, so many people told me not to expect my waters breaking as being like a big gush in the movies and more of a trickle, but mine actually was just a big gush. I just thought I’d pee’d myself and was absolutely mortified. I was two weeks overdue and my baby was massive.

 

[SunshineDreamer]

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I felt so silly walking out of my appointment and when my partner asked me what she said I was like It was all background noise because I was still in shock.
As for private, I don’t mind either way, I’m totally happy going NHS but my mum seems insistent on at least paying private for an obstetrician - I think she’s worried about my own health problems, my age and stuff. But I don’t even know if it’s possible. I don’t think any hospitals near me have a maternity ward but il have to try and look into it more!
As I say I have no idea what at all is going on! I have no idea what to expect and I have no clue about any of the process. I think because I thought I could never have children I sort of closed my mind off to it all. I didn’t want to know. So I’m totally oblivious to what happens as soon as you go into labour- ie- who is allowed in with you, who is present for the birth, if you see the midwife or just random nurses who are on duty that night. I sound so naive but I really have no idea. Someone posted on another thread the Covid condensed appointments and that was mega helpful for me! As I didn’t even know you had a 20 week scan!!heaven help me! Lol xx

I would say if you are happy with NHS and feel comfortable and it’s closer etc, go with your gut. For us, being in London we had the luxury of not having to travel far for the private hospital. I would say whether you go private or NHS they’ve all had the same training it’s just the luxury of always seeing your consultant, but you might not even need to see the consultant!

You don’t sound naive at all. I think the thing about giving birth is it’s not something you think about until you’re in the position that you have to do it. As for who is there it’s typically the midwife on duty at the time (and it could change if there is a shift change). You could see your consultant but you also might not. Sorry that sounds so up in the air but it really could go either way, but at the very least it’ll be the midwives on shift. Have you considered a doula? I’m not sure what the rules around them with Covid etc but it might be worth looking in to.

 

[Tui]

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I felt so silly walking out of my appointment and when my partner asked me what she said I was like It was all background noise because I was still in shock.
As for private, I don’t mind either way, I’m totally happy going NHS but my mum seems insistent on at least paying private for an obstetrician - I think she’s worried about my own health problems, my age and stuff. But I don’t even know if it’s possible. I don’t think any hospitals near me have a maternity ward but il have to try and look into it more!
As I say I have no idea what at all is going on! I have no idea what to expect and I have no clue about any of the process. I think because I thought I could never have children I sort of closed my mind off to it all. I didn’t want to know. So I’m totally oblivious to what happens as soon as you go into labour- ie- who is allowed in with you, who is present for the birth, if you see the midwife or just random nurses who are on duty that night. I sound so naive but I really have no idea. Someone posted on another thread the Covid condensed appointments and that was mega helpful for me! As I didn’t even know you had a 20 week scan!!heaven help me! Lol xx

There’s no need to go private unless you want to. The obstetricians in the private hospital will often be the same ones working in the NHS hospital up the road. In terms of outpatient care you are mainly paying for choice, convenience, shorter wait times, longer appointments and in covid probably a face to face appointment. Anyone with any medical problems at all seems to get referred by the midwives to see the obstetrician. I got referred purely because my mum had pre eclampsia with my younger sister and I have a rare sleep disorder which I don’t anticipate to cause any problems in labour.

For any mums hoping to breastfeed for the first time, I would say arm yourself with lots of information. I’ve breastfed 3 kids for 2+ years each and I will still read up this time to remind me. Things to look out for especially are:

•Good latching position for newborn and what to do if it’s not good
•Normal baby behaviour for a breastfed baby (eg feeding frequently and for long periods)
•Where to go for help (breastfeeding group, lactation consultant)
•And please remember not many midwives are up to date on breastfeeding and don’t have the specialist training needed to help if you have major problems, sadly. It’s one of the reasons the UKs bf rate is so poor.

And for all FTM I would suggest reading up about the fourth trimester, again a bit about normal baby behaviour. So often babies are expected to feed them sleep and be put dow alone when the reality is that’s totally alien to them and many won’t want to!

I agree, I’m not saying either feeding technique is better but I really do want to make a good go of breastfeeding and am prepared to put up with a lot of adversity to make it work as I’d like to have the experience (plus convenience like not having to get out of bed to feed overnight). Obviously if it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out and nothing bad will happen to me or the baby, but I think it’s better to be prepared for it not to be easy and then if it is that’s a bonus. Someone put it to me like this - breastfeeding is natural, but not like breathing is natural. It’s natural like walking is natural, and you often need practice and encouragement to get it right eventually.

I’ve joined a Facebook group for breastfeeding mums which is a mine of useful information and has several lactation consultants in the group.

I'm 7 weeks with my first after trying for 4 and a half years!!
Incredibly anxious but have an early scan booked for Sunday.
I'm also high BMi so am worried about that aspect as well

I had an early scan with this pregnancy after miscarrying at 6 weeks last time. Early scan was at 8 weeks and it was so so reassuring to see that little heartbeat flickering away. I hope it is similarly reassuring for you!!

 

[Definitelyme]

I agree, I’m not saying either feeding technique is better but I really do want to make a good go of breastfeeding and am prepared to put up with a lot of adversity to make it work as I’d like to have the experience (plus convenience like not having to get out of bed to feed overnight). Obviously if it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out and nothing bad will happen to me or the baby, but I think it’s better to be prepared for it not to be easy and then if it is that’s a bonus. Someone put it to me like this - breastfeeding is natural, but not like breathing is natural. It’s natural like walking is natural, and you often need practice and encouragement to get it right eventually.

I’ve joined a Facebook group for breastfeeding mums which is a mine of useful information and has several lactation consultants in the group.

I love that description!!! I’ve heard “bf is natural but doesn’t always come naturally” but the analogy to walking and practice is fabulous!

If anyone is wanting to breastfeed and is in Northern Ireland, the Facebook group BFNI Breastfeeding In Northern Ireland is a fabulous resource of mums helping mums, and lots of trained lactation consultants.

 

[jazyblu]

I am planning to breastfeed but as this is my first baby I obviously have no idea how I will find it. One thing I don't like is the mental gymnastics to make bottle feeding on par with breast milk. Ultimately not everyone can breastfeed for various reasons and bottle feeding is a totally fine method to feed your baby, but in an attempt to not shame bottle feeding mums there seems to be a new huge resistance to accepting that breast milk is better nutritionally. It just seems anti science to me.
If I can't stick with breastfeeding I will happily feed with formula but I can acknowledge the benefits of one without rubbishing the other.

It is interesting I've seem lots of comments where people complain about how breastfeeding is too heavily pushed these days. I'm 30 and when I was born in NI the hospital put babies right on formula. I have loads of younger cousins and not one of them were breastfeed because the hospital pushed formula instantly. I think advocating for breast is better than those days at least.

 

[moimoi]

I'm going to give breastfeeding a go even though it makes me feel very nervous and anxious after reading stories about it, but I'm FULLY content that if it doesn't work out for the baby or I guess 'selfishly' for me, then I'm fine to admit 'defeat' and not feel guilty about formula! There's definitely way too much pressure re: breastfeeding and as people have said as long as the baby is fed!

 

[BettyCrocker]

I am planning to breastfeed but as this is my first baby I obviously have no idea how I will find it. One thing I don't like is the mental gymnastics to make bottle feeding on par with breast milk. Ultimately not everyone can breastfeed for various reasons and bottle feeding is a totally fine method to feed your baby, but in an attempt to not shame bottle feeding mums there seems to be a new huge resistance to accepting that breast milk is better nutritionally. It just seems anti science to me.
If I can't stick with breastfeeding I will happily feed with formula but I can acknowledge the benefits of one without rubbishing the other.

It is interesting I've seem lots of comments where people complain about how breastfeeding is too heavily pushed these days. I'm 30 and when I was born in NI the hospital put babies right on formula. I have loads of younger cousins and not one of them were breastfeed because the hospital pushed formula instantly. I think advocating for breast is better than those days at least.

The problem is there’s not a choice - certainly in my experience the expectation is that you will want to breastfeed, that you will breastfeed and that no matter how hard it is or how damaging the experience you WILL breastfeed. I saw women crying and having a horrendous time in hospital because breastfeeding just wasn’t happening for them and the nurses/midwifes were offering no support - one man asked to make up a bottle of formula and the nurse said “oh no, we don’t have facilities for that, she’s just going to have to persevere with breast feeding” - I think that’s bloody awful.

 

[Definitelyme]

I am planning to breastfeed but as this is my first baby I obviously have no idea how I will find it. One thing I don't like is the mental gymnastics to make bottle feeding on par with breast milk. Ultimately not everyone can breastfeed for various reasons and bottle feeding is a totally fine method to feed your baby, but in an attempt to not shame bottle feeding mums there seems to be a new huge resistance to accepting that breast milk is better nutritionally. It just seems anti science to me.
If I can't stick with breastfeeding I will happily feed with formula but I can acknowledge the benefits of one without rubbishing the other.

It is interesting I've seem lots of comments where people complain about how breastfeeding is too heavily pushed these days. I'm 30 and when I was born in NI the hospital put babies right on formula. I have loads of younger cousins and not one of them were breastfeed because the hospital pushed formula instantly. I think advocating for breast is better than those days at least.

I am in NI, and every time I’ve been in with my babies I’ve been the only one on the ward breastfeeding. The midwives have never offered to help me, but I see them round mums bottle feeding showing them how to hold etc. So definitely still a big culture of formula in our hospitals. That said, I understand that for midwives they are very over worked and it’s quicker to show someone how to use a bottle than it is to give breastfeeding help, so I can’t blame them.

 

[LittleMy]

I felt the opposite. Everyone kept pushing breastfeeding on me throughout, and when it didn’t happen I felt like a complete failure. I didn’t even bother with my second. No mother should be shamed as long as their baby is being fed that’s all that matters. I’ll never understand why other people get so involved/interested in how you feed your child. Unless you’re trying to cram a chicken nugget into a 2 week old baby’s mouth, it’s nobody’s business to say anything.

 

[Tui]

I am planning to breastfeed but as this is my first baby I obviously have no idea how I will find it. One thing I don't like is the mental gymnastics to make bottle feeding on par with breast milk. Ultimately not everyone can breastfeed for various reasons and bottle feeding is a totally fine method to feed your baby, but in an attempt to not shame bottle feeding mums there seems to be a new huge resistance to accepting that breast milk is better nutritionally. It just seems anti science to me.
If I can't stick with breastfeeding I will happily feed with formula but I can acknowledge the benefits of one without rubbishing the other.

It is interesting I've seem lots of comments where people complain about how breastfeeding is too heavily pushed these days. I'm 30 and when I was born in NI the hospital put babies right on formula. I have loads of younger cousins and not one of them were breastfeed because the hospital pushed formula instantly. I think advocating for breast is better than those days at least.

I think it also depends on who you have around you. Growing up many of my cousins were bottle fed (although I’m ignorant of the reasons as I was a kid and didn’t pay attention to this stuff!)
Most of my friends (early 30s, university educated) breastfed their babies but they had access to support when they needed it. I think it doesn’t help that formula companies can throw money at advertising while breastfeeding doesn’t have the same endless pots of money! And I’ve heard some really bizarre advice about feeding getting doled out by health visitors, doctors or midwives to friends/colleagues when they were breastfeeding. As a doctor myself I can hold my hands up and say we get taught absolutely bugger all about how to breastfeed a baby. I vaguely remember learning how many ounces of formula babies of different ages should be having. I’m not an obstetrician/GP/paediatrician but still spent 5 years in uni so should really have been taught something about infant feeding!

 

[SunshineDreamer]

I hate ‘breast is best’. No. Fed is best. My friend felt so much pressure to breast feed that her son started to lose weight. The moment he was put on formula he gained weight like anything. I’m a firm believer in doing what is right for you and your baby because in 18 years, no child is going to give a damn about how they were fed as an infant.

 

[jazyblu]

I am in NI, and every time I’ve been in with my babies I’ve been the only one on the ward breastfeeding. The midwives have never offered to help me, but I see them round mums bottle feeding showing them how to hold etc. So definitely still a big culture of formula in our hospitals. That said, I understand that for midwives they are very over worked and it’s quicker to show someone how to use a bottle than it is to give breastfeeding help, so I can’t blame them.

Wow I can't believe it is still such a big culture. I assumed we left that in the 90s and it would be more balanced now.
I remember loving when my aunties had another baby because they would give me all the glass bottles that the hospital had given them for formula and I would have a real bottle for my dolls
But now that I'm older I realise it is quite sad that it wasn't even a conversation, they just immediately started the baby on bottles and made some up for mum to feed with.

 

[Stimpii]

I felt the opposite. Everyone kept pushing breastfeeding on me throughout, and when it didn’t happen I felt like a complete failure. I didn’t even bother with my second. No mother should be shamed as long as their baby is being fed that’s all that matters. I’ll never understand why other people get so involved/interested in how you feed your child. Unless you’re trying to cram a chicken nugget into a 2 week old baby’s mouth, it’s nobody’s business to say anything.

I remember when I had my first I said I’d give it a try but I felt it wasn’t for me and it was getting me stressed. The midwives were literally forcing me into still trying even tho I’d said from the start I wasn’t 100% going to do it. I remember crying to my partner saying I’m an adult and I can’t tell someone I don’t want to do something. In the end I bottle fed as I just wanted to get out of there. I did feel like a failure but happy baby = happy mummy.

With my second when I was asked I always said I’d be bottle feeding and it was never questioned. Same with this one.

Urgh same situation here!!! 33 weeks with my third... and our birthing centre is shut too, getting myself all anxious thinking about the “level of care” I’ll get going to the main maternity (over run, heaving) ward



My waters didn’t break until my daughters head was virtually OUT definitely not like the films hey? I didn’t even think that was possible!

As far as I know it isn’t busy at the other hospital but that could just be the social media people trying to stop people worrying beforehand

With my 2nd he was coming out still in his sac so I’m guessing the waters went when that popped.

 

[Tui]

I hate ‘breast is best’. No. Fed is best. My friend felt so much pressure to breast feed that her son started to lose weight. The moment he was put on formula he gained weight like anything. I’m a firm believer in doing what is right for you and your baby because in 18 years, no child is going to give a damn about how they were fed as an infant.

Formula fed babies do that anyway though as the baby doesn't moderate their intake in the same way a breastfed baby does. There are lots of breastfeeding solutions to breastfeeding problems that may or may not involve formula. I have a close friend who had a very traumatic delivery with her first, jaundiced sleepy baby, midwives telling her it was just a “nice tan like his dad” (baby and dad are Caucasian and my friends a doctor and knows what jaundice looks like). She chose to use formula in the end after trying valiantly to bf with no support while shell shocked from the delivery. I can tell she felt so awfully guilty over it and I felt so bad for her that she didn’t get the support she needed. If it’s a pure choice then that’s totally fine as no woman should be forced to breastfeed if she doesn’t want to, but I think a lot more could be done to support and educate women who start off wanting to breastfeed and then get made to feel like a failure when they are the ones who have been failed.

I don’t want to divert the thread into a breastfeeding v formula debate though as I know it is an emotive subject ! I’m still figuring this stuff out, FTM and all that.

Has anyone else starting planning nursery decoration? We have just bought a house (long-standing magnolia-walled flat dwellers) so loving the idea of completely decorating a room (which won’t be used for 6 months ). We’ve chosen Dulux Mint Macaroon paint and I’ve decided it’s going to be an ocean/under the sea theme, primarily as I bought the most beautiful changing mat covered in octopuses, coral and fish patterns

 

[jazyblu]

Has anyone else starting planning nursery decoration? We have just bought a house (long-standing magnolia-walled flat dwellers) so loving the idea of completely decorating a room (which won’t be used for 6 months ). We’ve chosen Dulux Mint Macaroon paint and I’ve decided it’s going to be an ocean/under the sea theme, primarily as I bought the most beautiful changing mat covered in octopuses, coral and fish patterns

How far along are you?

I love looking at nursery pictures but have decided we aren't going to do one. Our second bedroom is a big double room and it will be way more helpful keeping it as a spare room for the first 6 months and having parents stay to help. Sad I miss out on the cuteness but we need to be practical in a flat.

We do have it styled more as a lounge though and have a sofa bed rather than a permanent bed so I will probably go there sometimes for night feeds.

 

[Stimpii]

For those of you a bit further along have you found out what you’re having?

I’ve always found out as I’m super impatient I have 2 boys and we’re having a girl this time. I really wish I’d not found out this time as I was convinced I was having another boy.

 

[Gilmoregirl18]

I am 28 weeks with my 2nd, when having my son we were in hospital for most of it due to complications, so once he was born I chose to bottle feed him, so my partner and family could help and I get a bit of me time, call me selfish but I felt like thats when i needed to do for my own sanity.
The midwifes, health visitor, even my Mil immediately judged me, constant "breast is best" when my son was thriving on formula.
This time I am planning on trying to breastfed her, but if it doesn't go to plan then I will use formula and will not be made to feel a monster for it.

 

[Definitelyme]

For those of you a bit further along have you found out what you’re having?

I’ve always found out as I’m super impatient I have 2 boys and we’re having a girl this time. I really wish I’d not found out this time as I was convinced I was having another boy.

We never find out and haven’t this time either.

We won’t be having a nursery, we didn’t for our last baby either. I co-sleep with my babies so there is no point in having a room that isn’t ever used!

 

[LittleMy]

I found out both times. I’m so impatient, plus it’s more practical imo and I like to be prepared over surprised. We even paid for a private early gender scan second time. Knew I was having a boy straight away, saw his junk on the screen and called it before the lady even said anything.

 

[WhatABore]

I’m 10 weeks- First ever pregnancy-completely clueless! I’m 37 and have a slight heart problem
Iv seen the midwife but I was in such a state of shock that half of the things she said feels like a blur.
She gave me a password to access my pregnancy notes but I have no idea how to access them. She left 3 phone numbers but I can’t ring them until I’m 16 weeks!
I’m having my scan on the 23rd which is causing me anxiety as it’s so close to Christmas and I’m already prepared for the worst.
I’m extra anxious because Iv had to come off some tablets for my heart (my gp advised this) but Iv been feeling awful without them- high pulse, palpitations, out of breath, high blood pressure.And I’m still waiting to be referred to my cardiologist. The midwife said to expect a letter that week- but it’s been 3 weeks now.
I have no idea about what happens during the birth- ie- who is around you. I always naively assumed It was the midwife that was assigned to you but after reading a little about pregnancy that doesn’t seem the case. I’m totally blind in this!
The midwife was lovely but she said she’s leaving in March after 45 years and that upsets me because I feel il have to bond with someone else which is already making me panic.
I had a letter to see the obstetrician in January but I have no idea what that is for! And my mum keeps offering to pay private to see one of my choice but I have no clue on how to go about this. Has anyone any knowledge of this?
I’m so so clueless and really I have no idea how any of this goes. After watching the news about the maternity services yday I was in a sort of daze, just feeling really scared and anxious about the whole pregnancy and i just feel so overwhelmed: there seems to be so much to the whole process.
I feel stupid admitting how absolutely clueless I am on all of this but I guess if I speak up then maybe other people will admit they felt this way and I would feel less of an idiot.
But I feel really scared and alone in it all because there doesn’t seem to be any sort of contact with anyone until I’m 16 weeks and I suppose it feels a long and lonely road when you don’t know what to expect.
Sorry for offloading- I really am so happy I’m pregnant but I never ever thought I’d feel so scared about it.

Thanks for starting this thread xx

You pretty much get given whatever midwife is on shift in hospital at the time.
My first pregnancy, I didn't even have the same midwife for my appointments once.
Was a different one every time!

My biggest worry this time, I understand there's a pandemic going on but I feel Pregnant women's health's are being sacrificed. I have had my blood pressure or urine checked at all yet and I'm 25 weeks.
I ended up buying my own strips for urine because I was so worried about it.
And it still won't be checked until my very first in person midwife appointment in the middle of January!