Could not feel less cared about if the hospital tried.....
Had a scan yesterday (24+4), was supposed to see a midwife and then the consultant. Scan went perfectly, babies are growing lovely. Did not see a midwife, saw a registrar who told me babies are fine and that the list for a c-section the second week of Feb is already full and so babies might not be out until 38 weeks. My consultant had told me between 34-36 the babies would be out as there's a substantial increased risk of stillbirth with twins after 37 weeks. Told the registrar that and all she kept saying was "this is NHS guidelines". Having looked into that, it depends which Trust you are in, however where I live does NOT fall under the NHS.
As someone who is needle-phobic (severely, and this is written all over my notes. Tried CBT and all that, didn't work) not one single person has offered me any help or support in relation to my c-section worries despite me asking. A vaginal birth would always be my preference, but my hospital won't deliver breech babies naturally, and so the risk of an emergency section is high - trying to avoid an emergency one at all costs!!
Explained about my pelvic pain, can't walk for more than 10 minutes "oh just take paracetamol what do you expect when you're pregnant with twins" OH. okay.
Asked about the midwife situation. I was told that I would have all my midwife appts at the hospital as I'm high risk and not a community one. She said the opposite. I call up the community midwife who reiterates absolutely not. You should be seen at the hospital by a midwife every 2 weeks from 25 weeks. Fortunately, the community midwife was lovely and she's managed to get me an appt with my consultant next Thursday, but why should I feel like this?!?
I'm being told conflicting information, I've had no support, nothing properly explained to me. I appreciate I'm only 24 weeks, but as someone who keeps reminding them of how high my anxiety is, they seem to not care in the slightest.
it wouldn’t be normal to not have a little spiral at this stage I think. There is SO much going on internally and so much so consider externally, you’d be super human if you didn’t have a bit of a flap every now and again. Physically, I flew through the first 30 weeks of pregnancy. I even remember saying to my partner around 28 weeks that I’ve never felt better and lol am I laughing at that now! Everything feels like I’m moving through mud and I have to have a little sit after doing sweet feck all. Be kind to yourself and rest up in the evenings when you can. Look how far you’ve come, 36 weeks of growing your little love!
I haven’t talked about this next bit much in here also because I know some of us have had long and difficult TTC journeys and I didn’t want to sound like I was being a knob or showing off but literally for us it happened instantly - we said we’d try and literally made it on the first attempt. I thought I’d have a few months to get my head around it because Mr A is 40, I’m 38 and I’ve seen enough of my friends TTC that I expected it would take us ages. So although we feel really lucky, I also feel super unprepared because I did not think it would happen right away. I know I’ve had a whole 8 months so far to get my head around it but I…erm…haven’t?!
. So, yeah, fuck your workplaces in all honesty and focus on the health of your babies. Nobody else is going to give as much of a crap as you are about yourself anyway.
next year we will have our little pumpkins.
the meds they've given me have got it back to normal so midwife thinks I'll get to go home tomorrow but they have to make sure it stays normal
God knows what we'll come up with... Girl fish and girly fish
feeling more excited now, still v anxious about it but definitely excitement is ramping up 
