Past behaviour regrets, changing with time, age and wisdom

[ChloChlo]

I do often feel bad for how I've treated other people. In particular my in laws from my ex husband. They wasn't horrible to me at all, intact quite the opposite, they welcomed me into their home. But I found reason to think they were finding error in me. I gave them reasons to dislike me - I was outwardly horrible to them. I was very young and had come from a broken home, he was my first serious, long term relationship and it is difficult to admit but I was jealous of this close knit family full of love for not only themselves but their wider community and others that looking back no matter what I did that really should have pushed them away, they seemed to take extreme pity on me and be even more forgiving. I ghosted them when I broke up with my first ex husband, convinced they hated me as I was so horrible to them.

Fast forward 8 years of being totally removed from their lives. I never spoke to them again, when my life deteriorated beyond anyones imagination to the point where I was severely mentally unwell and unfit to care for my own children and they were the only people who could take my children even though they lived nearly 250 miles away (ALL of my children - including their grandchildrens sibling who was not theirs and was from my abusive 2nd husband of whom I escaped from and they had never met before). They did not have to do this and could have only taken their own grandchildren, especially with how I treated them when I was in their life. They recieved no financial help for 2 years and took care of them all. Things have been up for a while and they are nearly home full time to be with their youngest sibling. We have the greatest relationship now even though the one between their son and I is not and I find myself breaking down in tears just talking to them. I'm so full of regret for how I was to them in my youth. They are beautiful people and were then. I get eaten up with guilt that it will consume me often but I do try to pray for forgiveness and send lots of warmth and love their way.

If they did not do this. My children would have been trapped in the care system.

 

[Upintheair83]

So last night I couldn’t sleep, I was thinking about things Iv done in my past and how I regret some things Iv ever done or said. Not that iv done anything too dramatic or bad, but I mean behaving a certain way that I now look back at in horror.
I didn’t really mature until I was around 29/30 years old. I kept thinking about how I differently I would act now, like for example ending things with ex boyfriends or fallings out with friends. I come from a small village and I dread to think what some people think of me- do they remember me and think ‘oh she was a nightmare, she was this she was that’ and I know I shouldn’t care what people think but it’s the fact that I’m not like that now. I started down the Buddhist route a few years back and now I just seem to have a totally different outlook on life and how I treat people. I cringe at some things Iv said or acted and even though I don’t want to start going round apologising for people I do often wish I could.
i don’t know if I’m rambling abit and I’m not sure how to get across what I’m even trying to say but we aren’t our past are we? We all change and evolve and when I think about people in my past I think of them how they were then, and wonder if they think about me how I was then?and I get embarrassed.
I often think about my brothers ex gf and how I wasn’t very nice to her when they split up and I feel so bad about it now, and i often think about her and say a few prayers.
I just wondered if anyone else does this too? Or is it just me? I always think how different I was and I can hardly recognise myself now,I defo think I’m a lot kinder and a nicer person, and I suppose I just wish I had always been this person.
sorry for rambling on, I just am intrigued if anyone else reflects like this?

 

[Platypusfattypus]

My Facebook "on this day" memories make me regret what I've posted over the years. I'm such a dick at times.

 

[Mookiegoose]

Don't worry. Most of us do it. Past transgressions sneak up on me all the time in my head and I still cringe. I always wonder if the other people involved even remember. They'd probably piss themselves that we're worrying about completely pointless shite.

 

[Reverend]

I wished i'd told the people who walked all over me to fuck off. Also, I wish I had just walked away from some relationships rather than hoping they would improve, and not try to get girls back who didn't want me.

 

[chandlercheesecake]

For the past two months I've been struggling with something I did when I was 21 (I'm 26 now) - nervous breakdown symptoms
I was very lonely and in a dark place, and allowed someone to take advantage of/degrade me for a few months
I never told anyone about this.

Now I'm in a better place in life, I just feel really embarrassed and ashamed.

 

[Rockin' Robin]

I have many regrets, but for now I would like to mention my time on Tattle so far. If I could go back to the beginning, when I first signed up, I would have liked to have taken my time in writing posts. I regret some of the posts I have written on here, If I could erase them I would.
As it is, Tattle is proving to be a very supportive community, right now.

 

[Sparks]

This is going to sound horrible, I regret falling for my OH. We have been married for 16 years and I am pretty happy with him. But I am not happy where I ended up. He is american and I really wish I would have found a european man instead. I miss my family terribly and I don't like living in the US. I always feel like a stranger even after living here for 15 years. Unfortunately he has no desire of ever moving anywhere else. I feel stuck! So as much as I love him I don't think I would marry him if I could get a do over.

 

[Giggling Squid]

I regret not spending more time with my Dad. He was always shy, hated talking on the phone, and was always happiest observing rather than being involved. When I moved away from home I just kind of stopped talking to him. Not intentionally, it just... happened. We'd talk but not often, and not for long. I've never told anyone how guilty I feel about this. 2 years on since we lost him, and I still haven't really let myself grieve properly.

 

[BethanyGilbert]

I find I do this most nights. If I don’t have anything else to worry about I fixate on things from the past. I can never just let myself relax it’s like I have to feel bad constantly or I feel bad for not feeling bad.

 

[265]

Because I've opened up and a few things on here recently some thoughts and one regret has been bugging me the past few days.

I was seeing an older woman, I was in my early 20's and she was mid 30's, best sex ever and she chased me! My regret is that I was
forced to end the relationship because there was a problem in the relationship I couldn't sort out. I had no real choice and ending
it was my only option. Even after all these years it still bothers me.

 

[WilmaHun]

I regret being so shy in my teenage/early adult years. I lost a lot of friends upon leaving school and college just because I wasn't as outgoing/extroverted as them. I was so quiet, I wouldn't dare speak to anybody new! So of course as my friends started new jobs/colleges/unis etc they were meeting tons of people and I got left behind a bit as I was such a introvert. I was ridiculously shy.

Obviously as I've moved up into the world of work I have come out of my shell a bit, I would say I'm still introverted but I'll definitely speak to new people now. Looking back, I regret not pushing myself to be more outgoing. I always look back and think that people must have looked at me as that "weird girl who never speaks" or "hides behind her friends".

 

[ClockworkDolly]

Don’t be too hard on yourself. None of us are born perfect and what a boring life that would be. I too have made huge mistakes and said and done the wrong things over the years. My family often remind me of my past failings, bless them, they think they are perfect. We are on a journey through life. That journey will be flawed in places, but the highs and triumphs must be celebrated too.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

It's always human instinct to think about your past mistakes, especially when you're currently going through a bad patch like the end of a relationship. We rarely look back and reflect when things are going well for us because we don't want to be lumbered with dark thoughts while the going is good.

I always look at back through all my diaries (old style book ones) and remind myself of the many highs and lows, which all go to shape one's life and make them a better person hopefully. In some cases we keep on making the same mistakes, and try as we might we just don't know how to fix them for the next time around.

I'm currently going through a bad patch, and typically I am listening to sad songs, looking at old photos, reading old messages and so on. But I know in a few days time I will probably get through all this melancholy and move on to those highs again.

It's all a matter of degree I suppose, but I think it makes us better people in the end.

 

[tskiry56]

I can relate to that, I also stayed in a relationship too long, should have left before she used me as a punching bag.

Finding the strength to leave an abuser is one of the hardest things to ever do! You come out of the relationship a different person. I know for me my whole outlook and view on life changed.

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

My Facebook "on this day" memories make me regret what I've posted over the years. I'm such a dick at times.

I delete the really cringe ones, not that anyone can see them unless I share them, but I just don’t want to be reminded of my own twattery year after year

I’ve definitely done things in the past I regret, either because it was cringe worthy, was awful towards someone else or because sometimes I put my self in unsafe situations and I was lucky to come out unharmed. Sometimes they do keep me up at night, that worry that people only remember you for that one thing, even though you don’t see those people anymore so it doesn’t really matter. The more time goes on the less I ruminate over certain things. I do think I have grown since then and continue to grow as I go through life. I don’t think mistakes I made when I was young, naive and mostly drunk define me especially not nearing on a decade later. Even if that’s how some people remember me.

 

[Maid22]

I'm filled with guilt tonight, my so called best friend has rung me, first time I've spoke to her in over 2 years, really wish I hadn't answered her, have had a good day ( for me that's a bloody plus) she's just knocked the stuffing out of me, has brought up stuff I've said to her, which I've apologised for, not sure where I go with this now.

For the past two months I've been struggling with something I did when I was 21 (I'm 26 now) - nervous breakdown symptoms
I was very lonely and in a dark place, and allowed someone to take advantage of/degrade me for a few months
I never told anyone about this.

Now I'm in a better place in life, I just feel really embarrassed and ashamed.

Try not to dwell on it, we all mess up ( am alot older than you and have fucked up big time in my life)
Don't feel ashamed, try to look forward, take care xx

 

[Herefortheteeeee]

I regret being so shy in my teenage/early adult years. I lost a lot of friends upon leaving school and college just because I wasn't as outgoing/extroverted as them. I was so quiet, I wouldn't dare speak to anybody new! So of course as my friends started new jobs/colleges/unis etc they were meeting tons of people and I got left behind a bit as I was such a introvert. I was ridiculously shy.

Obviously as I've moved up into the world of work I have come out of my shell a bit, I would say I'm still introverted but I'll definitely speak to new people now. Looking back, I regret not pushing myself to be more outgoing. I always look back and think that people must have looked at me as that "weird girl who never speaks" or "hides behind her friends".

I don’t think that’s something to regret. That’s just who you are and there is nothing to be regretful about. I was a loud and obnoxious private school toff. People must have hated me. But it’s who I was at the time. It isn’t a reflection of who I am now x

 

[265]

I regret many things in my life but I know without those regrets I wouldn’t be where I am today. One of the biggest regrets was staying with my ex for much longer than I should of but sometimes things happen for a reason.

I can relate to that, I also stayed in a relationship too long, should have left before she used me as a punching bag.

 

[Gembo]

Yes definitely, I understand what you mean. I think we’ve all done things as our younger selves that we regret now we’re older and wiser but what worries me is that we’re always our youngest selves, I’m not sure if it ever stops. I think I’m probably a better person than I was 10 years ago but it does worry me to think in another 10 years I’ll look back at myself now and regret or cringe at things I said or did. I guess it’s all part of the journey x