I think our generation has made parenting too hard. Its become like a spectator sport. My mum didnt know how many activities other people's kids were doing, what their houses looked like, what everyone was eating for dinner, matching Christmas pyjamas, half term getaways etc. If you're a mum now there is a lot of noise out there about everything we could and should be doing. I think that's why the mental load feels too much at times.
- Notice
frillylilly
VIP Member
There is one side of my brain that thinks this: That no matter who you are and what your set up,if you love and care for your kids and are present and engaged in their lives, then there are certain parts of parenting that are hard, draining, tiring etc. That all experiences are worth sharing.
However, there is the side of my brain that sees things like the phrase 'rare escape' being used in The Times review that make me want to smack my head against the wall. 'RARE' escape? We see Lou regularly go on trips with her friends (Rob reference Lou booking trips to offset his time away), have theatre days etc. And fair play - I wish all parents could do the same and it shouldn't be seen as a bad thing to do. But acting like an interview with The Times is a 'rare' day off.
It's the dis-ingenuity of it all that I find difficult.
I think it's a bit sly to claim to be the 'default' parent (default to me meaning something that is assumed or automatic) if it was a choice you actively made so that your husband could go out and bring in a lot of money - and it's a choice you continue to make. I completely get people feeling frustrated that it's often mums that the school calls when something's wrong or mums who have to book the dentist etc - but of course that's going to be the case when your husband is on tour in Australia. And it's not the fifties, the fact that Rob earns a wedge doesn't mean he gets to handover all childcare and house management to Lou but it doesn't seem like he does? How many times have we heard things like "Lou's going to see Beyonce in Amsterdam because I've been away so much". It seems as fair as it could be given their lifestyle.
I'm not saying that even things we choose can't be uncomfortable and challenging at times, but nothing happens in a vacuum and they've made the choice for Lou to be the 'default' parent with a lot more options and resources available to them that other people have.
Also, if you're such an awkward and shy 'what am i like' wallflower then don't go on tv - again, you chose to go on! So just put your big girl pants on and do it.
However, there is the side of my brain that sees things like the phrase 'rare escape' being used in The Times review that make me want to smack my head against the wall. 'RARE' escape? We see Lou regularly go on trips with her friends (Rob reference Lou booking trips to offset his time away), have theatre days etc. And fair play - I wish all parents could do the same and it shouldn't be seen as a bad thing to do. But acting like an interview with The Times is a 'rare' day off.
It's the dis-ingenuity of it all that I find difficult.
I think it's a bit sly to claim to be the 'default' parent (default to me meaning something that is assumed or automatic) if it was a choice you actively made so that your husband could go out and bring in a lot of money - and it's a choice you continue to make. I completely get people feeling frustrated that it's often mums that the school calls when something's wrong or mums who have to book the dentist etc - but of course that's going to be the case when your husband is on tour in Australia. And it's not the fifties, the fact that Rob earns a wedge doesn't mean he gets to handover all childcare and house management to Lou but it doesn't seem like he does? How many times have we heard things like "Lou's going to see Beyonce in Amsterdam because I've been away so much". It seems as fair as it could be given their lifestyle.
I'm not saying that even things we choose can't be uncomfortable and challenging at times, but nothing happens in a vacuum and they've made the choice for Lou to be the 'default' parent with a lot more options and resources available to them that other people have.
Also, if you're such an awkward and shy 'what am i like' wallflower then don't go on tv - again, you chose to go on! So just put your big girl pants on and do it.
ItsmeImtheproblemitsme
VIP Member
He was recounting his tale of a cloned plate, and someone shouted ‘heard it on the podcast’ and so he goes something like, ‘well I’ll tell it again, without Rob Beckett interrupting me’…. And I must say, I think the reaction was much louder than he expected
PoorPatrol
VIP Member
Exactly! She’s bastardised the term. It only works when you’ve got a job, too. Or if when the dad is home he does fuck all. Like mum A and dad B both work 9-5 but somehow it falls to A to organise their child’s birthday party, book in their eye appointments and manage everyone’s dentist visits including B’s. That’s where the term default parent has come in, when it defaults to (usually) the mum, despite her having the same outside commitments as the dad but ending up doing all the parenting and cooking and cleaning.
In Rob and Lou’s case, she’s a stay at home mum with a multi-millionaire husband, who also very much pulls his weight when he’s there, and waves her off happily to go on girls trips and whatever she wants while he looks after the kids. Then they have paid help and family help on top. It’s not what being the default parent means, they’ve taken it way out of context.
Is anyone else suspecting that using a buzzy insta-word is just a ruse for Lou to talk about what fabulous things they all do and how great she is at booking holidays? There’s a smugness about her and it’s rubbing off on Rob, too. They don’t seem to understand that everyone else would feel like they were doing a great job at parenting, too, if they had endless pots of money and the time and space to do it in.
In Rob and Lou’s case, she’s a stay at home mum with a multi-millionaire husband, who also very much pulls his weight when he’s there, and waves her off happily to go on girls trips and whatever she wants while he looks after the kids. Then they have paid help and family help on top. It’s not what being the default parent means, they’ve taken it way out of context.
Is anyone else suspecting that using a buzzy insta-word is just a ruse for Lou to talk about what fabulous things they all do and how great she is at booking holidays? There’s a smugness about her and it’s rubbing off on Rob, too. They don’t seem to understand that everyone else would feel like they were doing a great job at parenting, too, if they had endless pots of money and the time and space to do it in.
DontQuoteMe
VIP Member
Josh seems so much calmer and happier since his move to Devon. I think they made a good decision to relocate, sounds like it’s all working out nicely for them.
Also, imagine opening your door to carol singers and one of them is Josh Widdicombe off the telly!!!!
Also, imagine opening your door to carol singers and one of them is Josh Widdicombe off the telly!!!!
frillylilly
VIP Member
I actually kind of respect him for getting down in the dirt and sticking up for his mate. I know the right thing to do is to keep a dignified silence but…
lionesses25
Chatty Member
“The amount of parenting I’m making Lou do, I’d say yes to anything she asks,” is Rob’s justification for them being in Orlando again over Easter. I’m coming from a very different perspective as a single parent with an abusive ex but I really don’t think she has anything to complain about. She’s parenting because her husband is out earning enough that she and her kids can have the lifestyle they do.
disneys
VIP Member
I do not want to be told how hard it is to be a default parent from the wife of a millionaire who doesn’t work a traditional job , doesn’t have to worry about budgeting , has family around and is easily able to help her out … sorry your tower is the wrong shade of ivory , Lou !
it feels out of touch to me . Not saying she hasn’t got struggles because it’s all relative and I’m sure with Rob being away a lot comes with its challenges … but if it is a woe is me act I don’t love that look
HOWEVER , if I had endless money , I would get Rose to decorate my house for me though
so make of that what you will
it feels out of touch to me . Not saying she hasn’t got struggles because it’s all relative and I’m sure with Rob being away a lot comes with its challenges … but if it is a woe is me act I don’t love that look
HOWEVER , if I had endless money , I would get Rose to decorate my house for me though
so make of that what you will
ItsmeImtheproblemitsme
VIP Member
I’m not caught up to the podcast, I’m just listening to the one about the Bluey house not being boxed up- it was nice to hear Josh’s daughter saved up for her own Barbie Dreamhouse and gets to choose her brother a gift. He genuinely does seem like he’s got a really lovely family unit.
CaptainHolt
VIP Member
I don't hate her or dislike her , I just find her book fucking patronising. I've been a single mum and the audacity of her sitting there in her posh house having countless holidays a year, able to send her girls to private school, while her husband works to provide that lifestyle for her/them. Read the room Lou!
It's not that I don't think she's entitled to moan about it, of course she is. Being a parent is fucking hard work. But she has a lot of privilege to ease that burden.
It's not that I don't think she's entitled to moan about it, of course she is. Being a parent is fucking hard work. But she has a lot of privilege to ease that burden.
CinnamonBun
Chatty Member
Rob has been replying to people on the Strictly announcement post. He’s probably happy there’s easy Pod content now 
. I really like Josh so hope it goes well for him.
. I really like Josh so hope it goes well for him. 
MissTeddy
VIP Member
Rob is also quite keen to criticise Rose. For instance if Josh happens to mention he is busy, Rob will follow that up with - where’s Rose, what’s Rose doing? and he quite often follows that up with.…How are the driving lessons going? Can you imagine if Josh Questioned the actions of Lou? Of course, he never would.
MissTeddy
VIP Member
If you don’t work - if you’ve given up your career because you’re fortunate enough to have a super high earning partner then of course you’re the default parent..
what else are you going to do?
And if you are in that salary bracket it’s a choice… she can afford to hire a private PA or a nanny if she wants to.
I really can’t believe that a publisher has commissioned this nonsense. It’s so self-indulgent.
what else are you going to do?
And if you are in that salary bracket it’s a choice… she can afford to hire a private PA or a nanny if she wants to.
I really can’t believe that a publisher has commissioned this nonsense. It’s so self-indulgent.
LilPinkie
VIP Member
I hate the fucking term. If your partner is a layabout arse who isn’t hands on with the kids and treats you like a skivvy, I’ll accept it. But many partners are working hard and would love to be more hands on than they are. We know from the podcast for a fact that Rob does loads with those kids and would clearly do a lot more if he was around more often. So what is she saying about him then? She doesn’t work. He earns stacks for the household and it’s because of this that he isn’t around as much. So what does she want? Him to do less? She’s more than happy he’s paying for the nice holidays. FFS, pick a fucking lane, Lou. We know they have family help and a nanny that’s alluded to. Ridiculous.
MrsD33
VIP Member
Just be thankful it’s Romesh and not Lou the default parent
DrMeredithGrey
VIP Member
Especially when an actual ‘default parent’ with non of the trimmings that Lou gets would be afforded the opportunity to write a book.
Imagine if I walked in to a publishers - ‘oh hi, I’ve got two children, worked part time myself, their dad is out of the house for 11 hours a day. I’m the one that sorts presents for friends, play dates, appointments, school trips, house admin, donations for the PTA and they’ll walk past their dad who is sitting right next to them to come ask me something. I want to write a book about it. You in?’
I’d be laughed right out if there, regardless of writing ability.
Imagine if I walked in to a publishers - ‘oh hi, I’ve got two children, worked part time myself, their dad is out of the house for 11 hours a day. I’m the one that sorts presents for friends, play dates, appointments, school trips, house admin, donations for the PTA and they’ll walk past their dad who is sitting right next to them to come ask me something. I want to write a book about it. You in?’
I’d be laughed right out if there, regardless of writing ability.
PoorPatrol
VIP Member
I can usually cope with a degree of interrupting from Rob as me and pretty much everyone I know is very impulsive and we do it to each other. This episode was overkill, though, and no realisation at any point from Rob like ‘shit, sorry Josh please tell us about your family trip back to see close friends and your daughter’s feelings’ he (Lou with her book as well) is becoming quite insufferable. Nobody likes a know-it-all, Rob! Especially when he and Lou appear to be raising spoilt teens who are not even 10 yet. Get your screaming kids another laboubou and pipe down. Being a “default parent” to primary age kids with no disabilities and with tonnes of money and help is not a thing!!! You’ve got a rich husband and a helpful network of family around you, check your privilege.
Parenting is about the wins and developments for your children after all the love and effort you give them. I’d like to have heard how it felt for Josh’s daughter to go back for her party and visit her beloved friends and to say goodbye again. As much as I took the piss out of the moving/moaning situation, we know Josh did it for his kids and for their family life. It would have been nice to explore how they all felt after reconnecting with the people they were good friends with in London, as the friends and social aspect was the thing they struggled with leaving. Rob is getting past being an impulsive interrupter, and becoming arrogant and self important.
Parenting is about the wins and developments for your children after all the love and effort you give them. I’d like to have heard how it felt for Josh’s daughter to go back for her party and visit her beloved friends and to say goodbye again. As much as I took the piss out of the moving/moaning situation, we know Josh did it for his kids and for their family life. It would have been nice to explore how they all felt after reconnecting with the people they were good friends with in London, as the friends and social aspect was the thing they struggled with leaving. Rob is getting past being an impulsive interrupter, and becoming arrogant and self important.
LilPinkie
VIP Member
Love the podcast and love Josh and Rob. I don’t mind Rose and Lou but I think this book of Lou’s may really bite her on the arse. I don’t know what was going through her head to do this. It’s so oh my diamond shoes are too tight. I can only think that some publisher’s blown smoke up her arse as it’s really ignorant. Loads of mums in particular do the lion’s share of parental organisation even when the other parent is actually there and arguably, women do have the mental load. But what about the single parents who have no choice but to do it all. Rob’s career was a choice that they were both on board for and aimed for this to be their lifestyle. He’s worked bloody hard for it but it’s so tone deaf for her to be offering tips, especially when her hardship gives her about 6 fecking holidays a year. I don’t begrudge them that but this book, man, not a good idea.
Breaking my tattle virginity to say I do not want a bloody Disney special. Especially not from those two, who have an unlimited budget to spend, and so what if your kids were bored at the temples not everything has to be about what the kids want to do. I don’t know how Josh sits there listening to it.
I’ll go back to lurking now.
I’ll go back to lurking now.