Open Marriage. Does it work?

[KellySayne]

Update?

 

[Meh]

If you want to open up your marriage to try new things, would it maybe be worth dipping your toes in the water before going all in straight away? Would you consider trying a threesome first, for example, to suss out how you both feel about being with another person together before you start seeing other people apart?

That is a good idea. I know a lot of folk like to think they could be chill, calm, mature, no jealousy etc. But I do believe one can never truly know that until they are in that situation.

I’m not an overly jealous person; my man and I talk about good looking folk (males and females) we are very comfortable with ourselves as individuals and as a “unit” However, I know I’ve got zero interest in an open relationship. Just doesn’t tickle my fancy.

One misconception I think is common about open relationships in the mainstream population is that people who do it don’t respect their partners. I have always viewed it as the opposite; it must take a lot of respect, security and love for a partner to have a proper open relationship.


If couples can make it work for them, it’s joint and mutual and no one gets hurt. Then crack on with it

 

[caitlinbullen]

Only know one couple who tried it and they divorced within 18 months as he fell in love with someone he was seeing and left wifey for the new bird.

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

I was in a open relationship when younger (early 20's) it was great fun at the time then I discovered he was sleeping with escorts etc not just randoms and was hiding it, just not coming home some nights, no text or nothing. Sex just became a thing rather than something special.

I've been with my husband 10 years, our sex life is dull and I would love the thrill of sleeping with another but I couldn't imagine losing that intimacy with my husband.

Good luck with whatever you decide though, my only advice is to communicate with each other and review it regularly.

 

[Wishing1990]

One of my friends had (kind of) an open marriage... they were swingers.

They would meet other couples online (apparently there’s loads of websites for swingers, similar to Facebook where you post a pic of yourselves and write a bit about yourselves and state your “rules”)
Their rules were:
They had to be in the same room as each other at all times.
She was open to sex with men and women, whereas he only wanted to have sex with other women.
Im sure there were other more detailed rules than that, but they’re some of the ones she told me about!

Anyway, it all seemed to go quite well for a few years... and then she fell in love with a woman and left him!

 

[Youngmum29]

When you say We do you mean that or that he decided?

I mean we. It was a joint decision. In fact it was my idea lol

 

[KayTay]

I don't have personal experience of this so can only speak from my point of view. And assuming that open here means just in a sexual sense?

If you're happy and confident it will work, then why not? But I would just like to say that remember there will always be an element of risk involved.

Sex is such a personal, emotional moment between two people. My biggest worry, if it was me trying an open relationship, would be my hubby finding someone he connects with just that little bit more than he does with me. We have fantastic sex, but what if he slept with someone else and had even better sex? What if that lead to feelings? What if you connect with someone amazingly well and wonder "what if"? Don't forget this will be new for both of you, unchartered waters, so it will feel even more exciting and 'naughty'. Will you be happy going back to bed with your 'normal' husband afterwards?

Maybe dip your toes in the unknown a little bit and try something different like a threesome first? They can be really fun, you're both there and involved so the risk of developing feelings for other people will be less.

Whatever happens, you do you! And bloody well enjoy it, you only get one life

 

[Youngmum29]

If you want to open up your marriage to try new things, would it maybe be worth dipping your toes in the water before going all in straight away? Would you consider trying a threesome first, for example, to suss out how you both feel about being with another person together before you start seeing other people apart?

I quite like the sound of that tbh. I don’t want to ruin what we have and I Definitely appreciate the risk involved in opening up our marriage. Maybe dipping toes in first would be a lot more beneficial. food for thought and discussion with the husband. Thank you x

 

[Youngmum29]

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 2 with 2 daughters. We’re incredibly happy with our relationship. Strong, stable foundation, lots of trust etc. No jealousy, great sex.
We recently decided to try an open marriage, and consequently have had a lot of discussions about how it might work for us. I realise some people might wonder why we want to do this if we’re so happy, but I think we’ve reached a point where we want to try new things and this is something that came up.

Theres no “one rule fits all” in this but I’m wondering if anyone on here has done it, how they made it work, if it didn’t work, why and any advice you might be able to offer.

 

[JD-Morgan]

I've never been in a non-monogamous relationship myself, but I don't think that a monogamy is a prerequisite for being in a marriage. Does that mean that cultures practising polygamy/polyandry should just do away with marriage completely?

I don't think there is a set blueprint which every couple needs to comply with - we're all different and have different needs. As long as you're both happy in your relationship, how you live out your sex lives shouldn't matter.

I just don’t agree with it/would never do it, my man’s mine, others can do as they please.

Open relationships are not the same as polyamorous relationships or polyandry. That’s a whole different conversation.

 

[VomitCulture]

I know plenty of people in happy long term relationships and marriages that are open, it definitely can work. However opening up a marriage that was previously monogamous for so long can be a bit more challenging.

There are a lot of books and blogs out there that really go into depths about polyamory that can help you to figure out exactly what it is you're looking for & how you should approach things. I'd definitely recommend you and your partner do a lot of research & reading around the subject to make sure it's the right thing for you and you're on the same page before jumping into anything!

 

[Platypusfattypus]

I have no personal experience but we have had two couples close to us that both tried open marriages and it broke them up. But that was because one of them was getting more sex then the other and it caused jealousy. I think if you are able to address that then you should be ok

 

[Raininvain]

When you say We do you mean that or that he decided?

 

[JoeBloggs]

A close friend of mine had one, they both dated for a few months then she decided she didn’t want to open anymore. He refused to end things on his side with a work colleague. They were divorced within a year.

To add (not that this helps the OP) but he’s still with his work colleague and has had a child.

I think dipping your toe in is a good idea, but I’d think carefully about it all and it cannot be undone.

 

[rememberwayne]

I have no experience with it but they do say once you open up a marriage there's never any going back on it. It's done.
I personally would say why risk ruining a great thing?

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