Online Boundaries Within Relationships

[totallytaz]

Have your online interactions with others ever upset your partner or have their’s ever bothered you?

Where do draw the line between what’s acceptable and not acceptable online activity when in a relationship?

Edit:
Maybe I need to give more context, I’m talking social media, private messaging, viewing sexy material online etc

 

[Pinkblush]

We're not on social media as in twitter, facebook and gram. We both like reddit and you tube but he's not the engaging type that leave comments or get into discussions. We also have whatsapp. Neither of us are that guarded about our phones either as the kids usually take turns on to watch stuff or play games so there have been opportunities where I could have had a sneaky peek but .. curiosity killed that cat as they say.

I think most men view sexy material - although I have a friend who is adamant her bloke never has and never will. According to her he doesn't masturbate either
I think some women see it as a normal harmless male need and others, maybe because of insecurities, view it as a betrayal and deceitful.

 

[watermelon sugar]

My partner has a code on his phone, I don't know it but that doesn't really bother me. I have just a swipe unlock on mine so he could easily get into it but he never bothers. He has a lot of girl friends, which i think bothered me a bit when we first got together but once I realised how serious he is about me & we had our baby and moved in together I started not to be bothered

When we first got together he used to like other girls pictures on FB. That used to annoy me only really because I had been cheated on in the past. To me, if you're in a relationship why are you liking pictures of girls with their bits hanging out posing all seductively? If it was a picture of one of his mates just smiling it didn't bother me, just the 'seductive' ones. Once he realised it got on my nerves he did stop.

He says he never masterbates and looks at porn. I don't believe him I guess it doesn't bother me. We don't have sex as much as we used to since we had the baby which is understandable. So if he needs to 'get his end away' that's fine by me

The only pleasure I need is a good night's sleep atm

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

We're not on social media as in twitter, facebook and gram. We both like reddit and you tube but he's not the engaging type that leave comments or get into discussions. We also have whatsapp. Neither of us are that guarded about our phones either as the kids usually take turns on to watch stuff or play games so there have been opportunities where I could have had a sneaky peek but .. curiosity killed that cat as they say.

I think most men view sexy material - although I have a friend who is adamant her bloke never has and never will. According to her he doesn't masturbate either
I think some women see it as a normal harmless male need and others, maybe because of insecurities, view it as a betrayal and deceitful.

To be fair, she might not be wrong. My partner doesn’t masturbate or look at porn or similar. He’s always said it doesn’t interest him and to be fair, I am with his 24/7 (since lockdown), and before lockdown the only time we weren’t together was when we were both at work (working the same hours), so I think I would know if he was lying and he has no reason to lie anyway!

 

[totallytaz]

I don’t mind porn but would be hurt if my partner felt the need to subscribe to OnlyFans or pay to interact with a cam model.

 

[Pinkblush]

To be fair, she might not be wrong. My partner doesn’t masturbate or look at porn or similar. He’s always said it doesn’t interest him and to be fair, I am with his 24/7 (since lockdown), and before lockdown the only time we weren’t together was when we were both at work (working the same hours), so I think I would know if he was lying and he has no reason to lie anyway!

No she's deluded. Its as natural as having a . Her partner is friends with mine and he drunkenly told him he's a shower and bath masturbator

I don’t mind porn but would be hurt if my partner felt the need to subscribe to OnlyFans or pay to interact with a cam model.

Yes that's a step too far

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

No she's deluded. Its as natural as having a . Her partner is friends with mine and he drunkenly told him he's a shower and bath masturbator

oh yeah it’s definitely natural, but not men all do it, that was my point. I asked mine loads of times when we first got together and he said he did it a bit in his teens, but never really enjoyed it. We have a great sex life though so maybe he doesn’t need to!

 

[Pixipoppy]

I know my boyfriend doesn’t look at dodgy stuff, and to be fair if he’s scrolling Reddit and there’s a post of a half naked girl or something he will usually show me anyway I’m not naive, we’ve spoken about porn and stuff and I genuinely don’t think he watches it Even if he does I don’t really care. He’s not the type to message anyone online or DM people and he doesn’t have social media anymore. He’s pretty unsociable to be fair, I can’t imagine he’d actively try and talk to girls online. I know the passcode for his phone but only go on there if I need to - I’ve never snooped on there. He did know mine for a while but I’ll be honest and say I did change it, I get quite defensive about my phone and it’s not because I do anything dodgy at all! I just wouldn’t want him to see I post on here, and some of the things I’ve looked up to do with mental health etc - purely for my own privacy. I don’t think he would mind I just want to keep it separate I guess.

 

[Pinkblush]

oh yeah it’s definitely natural, but not men all do it, that was my point. I asked mine loads of times when we first got together and he said he did it a bit in his teens, but never really enjoyed it. We have a great sex life though so maybe he doesn’t need to!

I think there might be quite a few people out there who have amazing sex lives and great sexual chemistry but still enjoy a little 'me time'.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I think there might be quite a few people out there who have amazing sex lives and great sexual chemistry but still enjoy a little 'me time'.

I’m not naive believe me, I know men do it, but honestly mine doesn’t, he would tell me if he did and I would know because he’s virtually never away from me.

 

[watermelon sugar]

I don’t mind porn but would be hurt if my partner felt the need to subscribe to OnlyFans or pay to interact with a cam model.

Yeah I find only fans different to porn. Bit weird if your partner was paying to see it

 

[mcfeez]

Husband and I are very open with our phones, laptops etc. I don't think he even thinks about what I look at online and I'm the same.

I know he doesn't tend to be hugely active in conventional social media (insta, facebook, twitter) but he does a lot of online gaming with groups of people and visits reddit, youtube and the like.

Personally for the me the line is just within secrecy. As I said, we're very open with each other so I'd want to know if and why he was keeping something from me.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

My phones, tablets, laptops, PCs, fablets are all locked with two-tier authentication. This is nothing against my g/f, but purely because they're mostly my work devices, and i have to make sure they're totally secure in case of theft etc.

However, my current g/f has never really bothered or asked questions about any of them, or what I store on them in terms of personal contacts. She doesn't even ask what kind of wallpapers I have on them (although to be honest, I do have lockscreen pics of her on my phones and tablets)

I never ask her about what she keeps on her devices either. We're pretty open with each other, rarely keep secrets because I said right from the outset that I won't put up with being messed around with anymore. My second-guessing days are hopefully over.

And despite being apart for getting on almost 2 months now, I have never looked at other women here in South Africa. Well, actually that's not strictly true because I have, thanks to the hot summer weather. But nothing more than looking and admiring.

Of course what my g/f has been doing during these 2 months I really don't know. If she has been playing away, then I guess I will never know that either, but if I ever found out I would end it there and then.

 

[totallytaz]

My partner has some media app that shows a lot of clips and videos or real accounts of sexy women. It’s by no means limited to that, it’s got sports and other things on it but a high amount of the prior.

I’m not going to lie and say that I’m thrilled by this.

 

[WilmaHun]

My other half and I are both really open, so there's not really any boundaries so to speak. He's only really active on his business page on instagram and Facebook and posts nothing personal. I never see him liking girls photos or anything (aside from the odd celeb woman but that doesn't bother me).

I think I'd definitely draw the line at an only fans subscription, I'd be really upset if he were spending money on looking at other women. Though regular porn wouldn't bother me as much.

I do sometimes tease him in a jokey way if he's scrolling through tik tok and a half dressed girl comes on the screen - I'll say "oh the algorithm has caught you out there" but he knows I'm joking. Most of the time he'll say "not really, she's not my type" then laugh it off.

 

[ChloChlo]

Me and my partner aren't guarded about our phones. He often leaves his laying around, as I do mine. Which I think is healthy, as we have nothing to hide.

He isn't particularly techy, so his social media is quite primitive. He has only ever used Facebook and usual texting, I have checked throughout our relationship out of my own nosiness, as he also has admittingly done too and he once, to my delight rejected another woman's advances, who he was only casually seeing when we met, telling her he had met somebody he really liked and doesn't want to duck it up, which I did find sweet. He doesn't really do anything interesting other than sharing the odd meme/joke or funny video. He does look at the odd bit of usual free porn, I don't see it as a problem at all, we sometimes watch it together. I would however take issue if he had a subscription for only fans or simular. I think it is offensive to splash money like that on another woman, especially when there is plenty of free porn around if he wants to bash his Bishop.

Liking pictures I would take issue but in that respect he has been quite respectful like that, he told me quite early on in our relationship he wouldn't like it I I was liking mens photos so respected that too.

There was a time last year, we had a row and he went off to the pub, he got very drunk and was chatting up another woman, that we both knew and a relative of his had to intervene, which I had mentioned in another thread. It hurt and made me so insecure, for weeks afterwards I would constantly check his phone to see if they had been messaging eachother. It was a spur of the moment incident which happened in the flesh rather than anything from online flirting. It was very unhealthy of me, our relationship became a little toxic for a while, but we ended up having a lengthy discussion about clear boundaries after I knew I was becoming slightly obsessive over it all and it gave us an opportunity to air out any niggling concerns surrounding social media too, that we would have probably otherwise kept to ourselves.

 

[bolimepipi]

my phone and laptop are always accessible to my boyfriend, the one thing i wouldn't show him is tattle

 

[BettyCrocker]

Anyone - male or female - who say they never masturbate are LIARS!!!!!!!!! It’s perfectly natural, perfectly normal and why in the heck are people lying about this?!!!!!

 

[bolimepipi]

Anyone - male or female - who say they never masturbate are LIARS!!!!!!!!! It’s perfectly natural, perfectly normal and why in the heck are people lying about this?!!!!!

i don't - honestly i hate it!
i know my bf does tho, we talk about it loads and sometimes i even encourage him when i'm not in the mood for sex
he also didn't believe me i never do it until we started living together tbf

 

[JoeBloggs]

We leave our phones around, know each other’s codes and regularise each others phone for its calculator or google.

My husband has mastubated in the past but like others have said he says he’s not interested and doesn’t watch porn. I wouldn’t be bothered if he did, I do but I know he doesn’t. He’s not got a high sex drive due to medication.

I have snooped on his phone for my own curiosity and found nothing. I’ve been cheated on previously and is still worried me slightly.