Northern Ireland #12 Subjugation and Strap Ons

[Wee Nora]

As some of you know I’m a Derry supporter, I won’t be at the match on Sunday because I couldn’t get tickets but this has upset me greatly. Derry supporters stand with Nicola Gallagher. I don’t think it’s fair at all to vilify anyone going to the match, they’re going to support their county and watch the players and the Derry team is full of young men who are fantastic athletes and excellent role models who train hard all year round. This is not their fault. The blame should be directed where it belongs and that’s with Rory Gallagher.

 

[Rarabecca]

Long time lurker, first time poster. I think it was the final straw. He has weasled his way out of a lot of stuff and I think frustration took over.

As someone who knew both of them I can hand on heart say she was terrified of him. The fear I’ve seen on her face a few times when he has came in. She was a shadow of the person when we first met.

 

[BANRÍON]

I'm so consistently sick of the "i dont know whether to believe her or not" narrative that plays out every single time something like this happens.
We KNOW that its almost impossible to prove abuse, SA etc we know how many perpetrators actually get punished for what they do. We know that only 1 in 10 cases of abuse ends with punishment, and that even includes 9 cases with evidence.
We know that there has been sportsmen, business men, actors, presidents etc etc who have gone on to have fantastic careers AFTER abusing women. We should know at this stage how badly the system is against women who are victims.
We also know the absolute hell that comes down on women who speak out against their abusers in the news and on SM - we've seen it all time and time again. Even in this particular case, my full twitter is full of people saying that they were aware that he has been abusive in the past, that they are aware that he is a 'woman beater' and has been for a long time and there are still people dangling on the fence about whether to believe her or not.
I believe her. She. has. no. reason. to. lie.

ETA - This damages her far more than it could ever damage him.

 

[Et tu Brute?]

Sorry if all of this has been covered already but I’m just catching up.

For context, I’ve been a victim of domestic abuse and have a lot of experience in working with victims and perpetrators of domestic abuse, by no means makes me an authority on it though.

Close family of mine are involved in GAA and her posts were shared in our group chat yesterday. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s telling the truth, I read her posts very carefully and they are the words of a woman who has been denied a voice. Whilst I don’t necessarily agree with matters being shared on social media and much prefer the relevant authorities taking action, I think it’s got to the point where she knows there won’t be justice and can’t bear him being held in high regard any longer when he has caused her so much suffering. His statement was almost cleverly constructed but clear that he was still continuing to try gaslight everyone by referencing that he had full custody and not her. Cheap shot and I think we all see through it. I think Derry will let the dust settle and there will be a “sugar coated” sacking behind closed doors. When there’s no conviction, it’s a difficult situation. The whole thing troubles me greatly.

 

[sparklemotion]

It's not even close to the color of what Nicola went through, but I went out with a controlling narcissist for 8 long years. I thought I was losing my mind, he messed with me so much I had no idea what was real or imaginary anymore. The fact is it was all real he had just gaslit me so incessantly that I didn't trust my own mind. I believe her and after reading various women's stories and comments over the last couple of days I think every woman who has experienced emotional or physical abuse can see through his statement a mile off and believes her too. Sending her and every woman going through the same so much love, if something doesn't feel right tell someone, ideally someone you can trust.

ps, I hope there are plenty of 'I believe her' banners in Clones on Sunday.

 

[Wee Nora]

I notice he didn’t actually deny it or say the allegations were false, just that they’d been investigated by the relevant authorities I mean if I was accused of those things and they weren’t true I’d have much more to say, a categoric denial for starters. Seems he’s using the fact he has custody as a way of discrediting her.

 

[beeswing101]

I find it really worrying that an accident like this that required 6 ambulances, emergency services, doctors and nurses at the royal etc happened on a day when budget cuts are being announced. What if this happens again and the resources just aren’t there or there’s nothing left in the pot to fix the infrastructure because something has definitely gone wrong with that stretch of road?

Yea it’s scary, Craigavon a&e was cleared out this morning as they didn’t know the severity and needed to be totally available for whatever was to come. 3 dead and 4 seriously injured all travelling home from the airport after being in England at a funeral. My granny always used to say when you put your shoes on that morning you don’t know who will be taking them off that night be mindful always. Really sad times that’s obviously a family/close friends that has been hit with this tragedy if they were travelling together

 

[Et tu Brute?]

Sorry to hear about your experience @Et tu Brute. Well done for using your experience to help others, that’s not easy

Thank you. I was a lot younger and was able to get away from the abuse eventually (which I’m eternally grateful for). I received amazing support and then found working in that area extremely rewarding.

My abuser would try to discredit me to everyone around in ways that were so calculated so I can’t bear when alleged abusers automatically zone in on the victims faults or weaknesses. For example, if I wouldn’t answer my phone cause I was at work or had been bombarded with abusive phone calls or texts so switched my phone off, my abuser would contact my friends and family and pretend to be concerned about me, saying things like “I think she’s on the drink” etc. I was unaware of this until a friend told me one night and it was terrifying to realise they were trying to plant seeds so nobody would believe me if I spoke of the abuse. That’s a very mild example but touches on what I believe Rory Gallagher is attempting. I’m still very uncomfortable with her use of social media posts though. Doesn’t sit well with me at all.

 

[fedupfatty]

I’ve not been posting as I have nothing new to add to the RG conversation and agree totally with the sentiments expressed above in support of NG

However that statement where he’s stepping aside citing avoidance of further turmoil for the kids has wound me up no end. Even now he’s playing the victim and doting dad. Absolute gaslighting , narc behaviour

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

When I was a student I was an ex who was older and was financially controlling. I was quite naive with no confidence and he had basically convinced me that if I stayed over at his house that I should be contributing to electric costs which at the time I knew no better. (These days I happily pay my way and am the main breadwinner in my current relationship but can’t believe I fell for this)
I moved in with him while just out of uni and in debt and was working and he still controlled the finances. I didn’t have money for ‘nice’ things and we never had so much as a weekend away never mind a holiday as I had become isolated from friends. He wasn’t physically abusive but was quite smart in that he threw glasses of water at me without warning because he could (the water not the glass).
Thankfully one day I woke up and realised it wasn’t working and I left. Literally my friend moved me out one day, no questions asked. Everyone of my friends after said they didn’t like him.
it was the best decision I ever made. He emailed me and texted me threatening suicide and I just changed both my email and phone number.

it was only years later I recognised that his behaviour was coercive. I’m fortunate it was never actually physical.

 

[BigMavis]

Sadly we only care about abuse when the woman is silenced permanently.

 

[BigMavis]

There probably wasn't evidence, DV DA is a secretive shameful thing. Victims of abuse don't report and if they need medical treatment a lot deny the reasons for needing it. She says some terrible incidents happened before she married him, his solicitor probably asked how is that logical. That's just what domestic abuse victims face this why didn't you leave message. I've no doubt those dealing with this case felt she was scorned, lashing out and boozing as a result of the marriage breakdown and the timing of her fb post will support their views.
There is nothing the GAA can do about this, in the eyes of the law he's an innocent man. If he loses his position he could sue her for libel and he might do that anyway.
It's a man's world and some of the most misogynistic people I've ever met have been female.

 

[Wee Nora]

Michelle sitting in Westminster Abbey knowing that Arlene will have to settle for commentating on it on GB News


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Does any one follow tanistry on isntagram? He had a lot to say about Michelle attending the coronation - i can see his side and i can understand why a lot of people are angry but i also think shes playing the role right and as someone else said, shes outsmarted the dinosaurs.
Unity will only happen if unionists are included in the conversation and shes doing a good job of including them in it so far.

I had a look there. I take his point but I think if a case of damned if you damned if you don’t. People are saying she’s a hypocrite for wanting Britain out of Ireland while accepting an invitation from the British Monarch but then if she didn’t go she’d be a hypocrite for claiming to be a FM for all I think sometimes we all have to do things we don’t particularly want to do in life. She’s put herself in an uncomfortable position to show that she wants to represent everyone. I’ve no doubt she’ll alienate some SF voters with this move but I still think it’s the right thing to do.

 

[Wee Nora]

A chairde,

I hope I’ve done this properly There were no other thread suggestions that I could see so I’m going with subjugation and strap ons because it’s alliteration and quite frankly because I like it

Carry on chatting.

*Helpful tip, if talking about the event next month where King Charles gets a crown plonked on his head be aware that Tattle will automatically stick a crown on your post whether you like it or not. Will the oppression ever end?

 

[Shimmering]

There probably wasn't evidence, DV DA is a secretive shameful thing. Victims of abuse don't report and if they need medical treatment a lot deny the reasons for needing it. She says some terrible incidents happened before she married him, his solicitor probably asked how is that logical. That's just what domestic abuse victims face this why didn't you leave message. I've no doubt those dealing with this case felt she was scorned, lashing out and boozing as a result of the marriage breakdown and the timing of her fb post will support their views.
There is nothing the GAA can do about this, in the eyes of the law he's an innocent man. If he loses his position he could sue her for libel and he might do that anyway.
It's a man's world and some of the most misogynistic people I've ever met have been female.

So true. I have been really shocked to hear some of the misogynistic attitudes expressed by women who I think are otherwise very intelligent, compassionate people.

One was that a woman deserved a traumatic birth experience (with serious injuries) because she hadn't let the father in to the delivery room (they weren't together).

 

[BigMavis]

Never forget The King pretended not to remember wee Jeff and then gave the stamp of approval on the Windsor framework. The tricolour was accidentally shown at the jubilee to represent NI, The Queen appeared in bright green on the balcony.
Wait to you see sometime in the near future the SOS is going to say conditions have been met for a BP, optics of course but it'll put wind up a lot of people and they'll only have themselves to blame.

 

[BigMavis]

I don’t know them so I can’t say either way. I don’t believe in trial by SM tbh .

Yes its unpleasant. I believe her, I believe she's hurting and wanted to hurt him. The fb post was that. Like revenge.....people should know what he did to me type thing. I've a bit of a problem with that. But I understand it.

 

[sparklemotion]

The children will always be my priority, except when your wife was carrying them. Incidentally isn't it interesting that despite working at the highest level with three counties, not a single player or coach came out and said a word in his defense
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Well, they do doubt, thats the bones of it.
I don't give a fuck anymore I'm going to post this. I remember a similar situation and one of the professionals was so taken with the man they became involved with him. He literally charmed the pants off her.

Tell.Us. More!!!!

 

[sue22]

Fair play to her. Coming from ‘mixed house’ here, SF have outsmarted the dinosaurs and are progressive. Far from perfect but at the same time move with it and lets get on. Cost of living etc, I don’t care for orange/green. Get back and allocate budgets help the ppl here that need help!

Can anything be changed here if we don’t have a sitting government?? If not bring joint/direct rule!

 

[KG93]

It’s local to me. They are all family who were travelling home from attending another relatives funeral in England. 3 died at the scene, 2 taken to craigavon and 2 taken to Belfast. The community is completely dumb with shock. I have heard the 2 who were in craigavon have been discharged. A picture is being sent around and it is truest sickening. One of the females in the picture seems to be decapitated. It’s just awful why anyone would think to take a photo of something so brutal. There is a vigil tomorrow for them all