Nicola Bulley #14

[reCAPTCHA]

Do you know why this case has hit home for me? Because regardless of why this happened, as a peri-menopausal Mother of 3 with a ‘good’ job and an apparently ‘good’ husband (I mean…he IS good, but also fucking irritating sometimes) honestly I struggle with my mental health EVERY FUCKING DAY.

Despite it being 2023, women still feel the expectation of being all things for all people don’t we?

And as much as I’m fine plodding along in my life….I mean things are fine (FINE!) I am also conscious that it wouldn’t take much to tip me over the edge yanno? I’m not saying this is what happened (don’t come for me) but I’m not sure it would take as much as we might think for a lot of us to calmly drop our kids to school, sit on a bench, neck a load of booze and wander off to stumble into a river. I really don’t.

I have never experienced those thoughts, but I’m not naive enough to think it would take much to tip me over to them.

There but for the grace of god go I.

Rest in peace lady.

 

[RJF]

I feel so sorry for Paul.

His wife was struggling with drink, to the point that the police were called to the house. The next thing she’s gone missing and he’s been accused of everything under the sun (from murder to domestic abuse) without a shred of evidence, all because a few strangers on the internet “just have a funny feeling”. His every facial expression scrutinised and even picked apart for the totally natural habit of viewing porn on the internet.

Now it looks as if they’ve found his wife’s body and he‘ll have 2 daughters to raise as a single dad.

Poor man.

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

I am sorry if this crosses the line of tone policing the thread but can we all agree, for today at least, to just keep this thread calm and respectful for Nicola?

Everyone here is going to be full of emotions. That will include anger alongside upset.

But this isn’t the time for finger-pointing or blame or speculation.

It’s the time to talk and come together with support and love.

 

[dodecahedron]

And if it arises that she took her own life, then please for gods sake - women out there. Women who are the be all and end all of their family, they do everything, carry everything, think of everything. The mental load gets too much, health issues or stress take hold, maybe the marriage isnt as sparky and happy as it once was. GET HELP. TALK TO SOMEBODY. You are so loved & needed, and there are so many people who can help you. Please dont think that ending it all is your only choice.

 

[BigMavis]

Paul has controlled the narrative.
Missing. Left. Abduction. Not in river.
Home life. Great.
Nicola. Menopause. Alcohol issues.
Social media. Hacked. Not him uploading pictures of tits.

 

[Squittel]

I hope when they do a toxicology report she’s got fuck all in her system to teach all these media outlets trying to paint her as a hysterical alcoholic.

 

[Sniffing Eggs]

I hope, whatever happens to this thread - that anyone who is struggling with their mental or physical health, their lives, or marriages, can find the strength from the love and support on here to go and get some professional health.

Personally, I've been seriously considering ending my own life. I'm up to my eyeballs in debt, I've bailiffs threatening me.

But the thought of leaving my children I can't do it to them.

Love and light to everyone - and to Nicola and her babies

 

[BigMavis]

If these threads have helped one single person they're a good thing.

 

[Yesweknowyouhavekids]

Someone on Twitter has posted a picture of the walkers finding something. The guy on the embankment seems to be carrying binoculars which doesn’t scream ‘out for a leisurely Sunday walk’ to me.

Loads of people carry binoculars for bird watching! Why are people determined to find a conspiracy in everything

 

[jackolantern]

RIP Nicola Bulley

A Mother, Daughter, Sister, and Friend

Not drunk menopausal woman who’s been tarnished to cover someone’s else’s dirty wondering eye.

Have some respect she’s not even announced dead yet ffs

 

[Dove88]

I was thinking earlier about why I'm so invested in this. Every morning when I wake up, I check for any developments that might have happened overnight. I care so much because it really could be any of us. So many have shared their mental health struggles or the impact menopause has had on your lives. Some of us (like myself) have pain and struggles we haven't told anyone, because of embarrassment or privacy, or just not being able to find the words. A lot of us have a face we present to the world and nobody knows what's going on inside our heads.

We take the children to school, we walk our dogs, we have Teams calls with our colleagues, we love our partners, we argue with our partners, we have a drink in celebration or to take the edge off shitty days. Nicola is all of us. That poor soul.

 

[Winterdaisy]

Hi
I’ve been reading these threads I lost my brother to suicide a few months ago. I’ve also been in a psychiatric hospital due to my mental health so this has really hit home. I’m so sorry for Nicola and her family.
reading about other peoples experiences of poor mental health has been really eye opening. I had t realised so many also suffered. I’ve always felt like a failure.
Take care of yourselves.

 

[Jwren]

New to this thread and hoping it’s locked soon. We live close by and drove by where she was last seen last night, still with hope that she would be found safely! Absolutely gutted for
the family with todays news like I say, here’s hoping this thread is locked soon. Her family and friends don’t need anymore speculation or gossiping.

I love how many newbies have come on this thread now a body has been found wanting it locked. When it’s been for the most part a very supportive and caring thread for many who have struggled in life, or are struggling and just shutting down like that without another thread being created could be very detrimental.
Had you bothered to take some time and read back you would perhaps realise that.

 

[reCAPTCHA]

I am uncomfortable with the narrative that Nicola was, on balance, blameless and a victim.

She may have been the victim of a very troubled and controlling partner. Potentially she drank to excess to cope with being gaslit and emotionally neglected. Maybe the call to their home on 10 Jan was orchestrated or manipulated by her partner, and perhaps she was driven to suicide by that partner, who made her feel worthless or unloved, and threatened that she would not have custody of their daughters if they split because of the documented concerns for her mental health.

But as much as people seem loathe to consider it, there is an alternative narrative that Nicola was an abusive partner herself, who drank to excess in the home and created situations that led a petrified husband to dial 999 in fear. A relationship where Nicola had made threats of self-harm and abandonment. A relationship where a boyfriend felt the need to cover up for a partner who desperately wanted to maintain the charade of everything being ok to the outside world. Maybe she was vile and abusive to him because she stopped taking her menopause medication due to the headaches it caused her. (she might have had wildly fluctuating hormones and been totally unstable though no fault of her own).

Rest in peace Nicola. I genuinely mean that. But often there aren’t always goodies or baddies, just humans who are flawed. I think there is probably a lot we will never know about this one, but I suppose my point is that you will never know the ins and outs of a marriage unless you’re in it. Sometimes the person left alive, who looks guilty, is protecting someone more than you will ever know.

 

[slingo16]

I don't think we can judge what people like to look at on the internet. How do you all know it's not normal? And even if it's "abnormal" its fucking boobs!

I honestly think people need to take a long hard look at themselves. It's 2023 not 1723. People on here acting like puritans come on now. Your children probably look at far worse things.

As a young geezer myself I’m 27 so full of testosterone lol
I’d say it’s somewhat normal to have a cheeky look at womens picture that you come across on your timeline, but to make a folder and title it hot and actively add stuff to it at his big age is pretty peculiar. I don’t think it makes him a killer. Just a bit of a dirty old bastard

 

[Ireckon]

I agree - I’m a bit younger than Nicola but can honestly relate. Stuck on this treadmill of life, the same old Groundhog Day it can feel like with young kids. Getting older, not feeling attractive and if everything we’ve found out lately about Paul is correct, feeling totally cast aside and of no importance.

The ‘significant problem with alcohol’ causing problems for the family - this is also worded strangely. Was it that she was having a couple of glasses of wine a night - but to *Paul* this was a significant problem, and he would attack her for it? Was the January 10th visit a culmination of arguments and accusations and again Paul had controlled the narrative?

I’m devastated for her, and for all women at that stage in their lives. We don’t have it easy and the scum media and stereotypes make it 100 times harder. I can’t help but feel this case has regressed women’s rights by a good few years.

It’s funny how when he’s working from home it’s “Working” and when she is working from home it’s :- get kids breakfast , load the car , take dog for walk ,drop kids of at school and do a zoom call all at the same time little wifey while I have a bit of peace and quiet and a cup of tea!

 

[Sir Lancelot]

I actually feel sorry for Lancashire Police trying to conduct proper searches with every armchair detective, conspiracy theorist and fuckin psychic sticking their two penneth

I saw someone on Twitter ask the Lancashire Police force account "Which one of your officers raped and killed her, then?"

I mean. What's wrong with people?!

 

[Ems_F55]

I’ve been an avid reader of these threads but never posted. I’m peri menopausal & until the start of the year I was having a few beers almost every night. (I’m now 7 weeks with no alcohol.) I’m in a crap marriage so the stories on here have really helped me. I came here when I saw the news. Just devastating and I had really hoped by some miracle she was alive.

 

[mRsKbRoOkS]

I honestly can’t get over how fucking thick so many people are Reading twitter is winding me up big time.

Police stated she is most likely in the river, three weeks later, she has likely been found in said river! Case fucking closed.

Why can’t they bloody grasp that it is not suspicious at all, this is just how river related accidents work!!! Yes some are found sooner but so many are not! I do think our dive expert has a lot to answer for fucking idiot that he is stating he didn’t believe her to be in the river

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

Wonder how long before Paul and Emma announce they are together. That’s all I’m saying

There’s a time and a place and right now they’re possibly recovering Nicola from the river.