New baby and post birth advice #43 no title needed, no suggestions made

[Jellybean093]

I’m really beginning to think of chucking the towel in and becoming a single parent. At least I’d get a bloody break
I’m so sick of being here. On my own. I may as well be a single parents to be honest
I don’t get a break. I’m overdoing it and no one gives a shit.
I am honestly so resentful of Mr B. But of course ‘I have to work!!’ Well, so do I, but apparently my work isn’t as important.
I’ve been nearly in tears about 20x today because everything is always left down to me.
i am at breaking point.

 

[Neo2021]

After a rough few days I’m now a single mum and terrified. I feel like I’ve failed her

 

[I’mThankyou_]

The best piece of advice I can give any mum, with a new baby.
Babies aren't designed to sleep through. Infact, no one is.
As an adult you wake several times a night, you just don't remember it because it's usually mid sleep cycle. How many times have you woken thirsty? From a bad dream? Or needed the toilet?

Babies wake up as a prehistoric survival technique and it's stayed with them.
Any book that tells you by a certain age a baby should be sleeping 7-7 is lying and has been produced solely to take you of your money, make you feel like shit and condition you into buying their expensive sleep training programme.

Sleep when your baby sleeps, other children permitting.

Go to bed at the same time as your baby, as shit as it is and you have no time for you, it doesn't last forever.

There's always a reason for a baby waking, be it hunger, they're uncomfortable, they're unwell.

If you woke in the middle of the night and your duvet and pillow were missing, would you go back to sleep, or would you wake to look for them?

It's the same for babies.
I know its rough, the exhaustion is endless, but it does end one day.

 

[jackolantern]

Little munchkin is one a week today A year ago today I was hospitalised and I just can’t believe where the time has gone. I think now is the perfect time to officially graduate to big boi threads because I don’t have a new baby now 🥲

Thank you to all the angels here who have held my hand, kept me sane and rooted for my little munchkin this past year, I would have been fully lost without you. Love you to infinity and beyond

Good luck to the new mamas joining! Best journey you’ll ever go on honestly you’ll boss it

 

[I’mThankyou_]

I was in baby group the other day and one of the girls said that2 babies from where I live died days after their injections and that it was linked to SIDS. I haven’t done any research as I didn’t want to scare myself I’d rather other mums give their experience/ opinions and I’ll Google later on. I really hope that it isn’t linked as I would like him to have them! Just so hard knowing what to do as I worry somuch More than I ever thought I would

Having your child vaccinated protects not only your child, but my medically complex child and many others from catching an unnecessary childhood illness that has been irradicated and saves their life.

 

[Definitelyme]

There are lots of people to reply to so I won’t tag everyone, but I would really urge you all to remember that what you see online, or what someone says to you, is just a highlight reel. Just because they are posting pics and updates about how much they are loving maternity life doesn’t mean they aren’t going through tough times themselves. Please do not compare yourself to what you see online as so much of it is fake.

 

[calmyourritas]

 

[xoxo GG]

Baby has started giving kisses, the mouth wide open soggy ones and it is my favourite thing in the world

 

[Definitelyme]

I’m probably going to regret this question but has anyone not had their kids vaccinated and why? I don’t know what to do, I want him to have them but I’m so scared that it apparently has links to cot death! Not sure what to do so would like peoples opinions on both sides! No right or wrong answer x

If you can find any scientific research which shows a link to SIDS, then take that seriously. Not the word of two mums at a baby group. Vaccines save millions of children around the world each year. The only negative press was the supposed link to autism which has been thoroughly debunked. Science says they are safe and knows a fuck ton more than two random scaremongers at a baby group.
I honestly can not understand why anyone would take the risk and not get their children vaccinated. When we are lucky to have access to life saving care for FREE we should be so grateful.
And anecdotal evidence of what happens with vaccines shouldn’t be taken in to account, when millions (billions?) of babies round the world have had them and are safe each year, that scientific evidence is not overridden by one person saying something may have happened because of vaccines.

 

[Central Intelligence]

Hi Ladies

Can I join in?

I have 18 month old boy girl twins and I have 8 week old boy boy twins.

Life is bloody hectic with 4 under 17 months old.

Twin 2 of the newborns is a Cryer until I pick him up. Which doesn't happen as I'm too busy with all the other twinlets.

 

[Daisydunn15]

Soooo I've been worried for a few weeks about white bits in baby's poo now and then. Google told me it could be all sorts but white poo was like liver related and see a Dr ASAP but she's fine so I just assumed it was food, even asked on here.
Anyways, turns out the white poo is just where I've put sudocrem on her bum the previous change and some had transfered most inattentive parent award goes to me and thank god I didn't go to the Dr's- altho I probably should have if I was worried for a few weeks

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Just need a vent

I'm sick of people using motherhood as a competition.
It's not trauma bingo.

That is all.

 

[Borntorun]

I’m probably going to regret this question but has anyone not had their kids vaccinated and why? I don’t know what to do, I want him to have them but I’m so scared that it apparently has links to cot death! Not sure what to do so would like peoples opinions on both sides! No right or wrong answer x

There is no known link to SIDS. There is a link between children dying of preventable illnesses if they’re not vaccinated. The lullaby trust are very clear that vaccinating your child is a good idea

 

[jackolantern]

I think honestly trauma is so subjective and 500 people could go through the same thing and feel it differently. Arguably there are clearly some things that are more life altering like having your bonce chopped off, but we aren’t really talking about that here are we. Everyone should feel it’s a safe space to offload be it no NICU, 2 days or 20. Or even bad colic, sleepless nights or reflux. Being a mum is hard full stop and words like competition, win or lose shouldn’t come in to it as far as I’m concerned.

I know from my own experience even a year down the line I still beat myself up and think gosh Lantern get a grip, people had it so much worse than you, you could have been an inpatient longer, he could have came earlier, we could have been sicker. All that is true but it doesn’t change anything really because it was still fucking awful. All you have is how you feel and if your awful is a straight forward birth but an angry, teething baby, that’s still bloody awful to go through.

Trauma = trauma no matter what it looks like.

 

[anything at all]

Hi all, recently graduated from the pregnancy thread with my first baby and just making my mark here

My little man turns 6 days old today (where has the time gone??). It’s mad to think it was just last Thursday my waters had broken! He was born on Saturday when I was only just 37 weeks. I thought I still had another 2-3 weeks left of pregnancy so it’s been a little bit of a shock.

I don’t have any questions or answers, just making my mark on the thread

 

[Neo2021]

Thanks for all being there, I’m not sure why I posted I just needed to tell someone x

 

[LongishCat]

I was in baby group the other day and one of the girls said that2 babies from where I live died days after their injections and that it was linked to SIDS. I haven’t done any research as I didn’t want to scare myself I’d rather other mums give their experience/ opinions and I’ll Google later on. I really hope that it isn’t linked as I would like him to have them! Just so hard knowing what to do as I worry somuch More than I ever thought I would

Vaccines have been scientifically proven to prevent serious illnesses and death in children. Please don't listen to people who are just trying to make you scared and are actively trying to make the world an unsafer place for children.
Kitten had all her vaccines and is still very much alive and kicking.

 

[jackolantern]

I’m not sure if there’s any advice to be had or if anyone has any tips.

My baby was born at 37weeks and my waters broke at 36+5, so I never got round to even trying to harvest colostrum and never leaked the whole pregnancy. when he was born we had skin to skin and tried him on breast but he was unable to feed and also tried to manually express and nothing came out.

My breasts didn’t start leaking until around 2 or 3 days after birth and I try offer him breast nearly every feed but he gets so frustrated and upset with it. I feel like he’s too used to how easy he gets his feed from a bottle. He does have a tongue tie which midwives have said it could be part of why he struggles with it.

I’m just told by my midwives to just stick with it, keep trying, try pumping, keep offering breast to baby.. when I’ve tried pumping barely anything comes out. 9 days postpartum I’m just so upset that I feel like it isnt going to work. Part of me wants to give up now but that upsets me even more. I’ve cried so much over it and it makes me feel like a failure if I give up. I didn’t expect it to be easy but didn’t expect it to be this hard and stressful

I will preface this with im not telling you to keep trying above all else, if you choose to stop that is *completely* understandable. I just wanted to offer a glimmer of hope should you find it useful.

Little Lantern was 2 months premature and absolutely didn’t have the energy to breastfeed. He wanted to bless him but his little body couldn’t keep up. I pumped while he was in SCBU and on discharge they told me if I didn’t get him established with breastfeeding before we left I never would. The main thing for me was getting him home so I wasn’t willing to keep pushing it there and potentially extend his stay. I said ok, chose to keep pumping and bottle feeding. I continued to pump exclusively once home and constantly kept trying to offer him feeds (because I’m not one to be told what to do and I had nothing to lose by trying!) and one day it just clicked. It took 6 months and EVERYONE told me it was unachievable after so long on the bottle, but it wasn’t. Was it hard? Absolutely, I wouldn’t sugar coat it. Pumping is gruelling and we had a lot of issues at the start with him not latching properly and it was painful honestly.

However, I just wanted to say if it is something you do want to keep trying, don’t let anyone tell you it’a completely Impossible because that’s not always true. That being said, I do think as hard as you work, there is an element of luck and many mamas aren’t as fortunate (I just don’t want to sound like I’m tooting my own horn, I did work hard but that doesn’t mean those who aren’t as lucky didn’t). Little Lantern is a gannet and I’m sure that helped!

If you do choose to continue, my tips would be keep a regular pumping schedule, I found 6 times during 24 hours was enough for me (including 1 during the night I’m sorry that one is awful), but experiment and find what works for you to get the yield you need. LOTS of snacks and hydration. Try out different pumps till you find one that suits because we respond differently. A good hands free pumping bra is life changing. Also I cannot stress enough *flange size*, they never tell you about this but most pumps come with flanges waaaaaayy bigger than most mamas nips and it causes so much pain and diminished milk production. If you self measure you can buy inserts to reduce the size online. Also LOTS of coconut oil on your nips to avoid friction. I’m between pumps things like cool packs or metallic nipple shields really help if you have any discomfort.

As for the feeds, I honestly just kept offering every day, even if they last a minute or so that’s progress. Choose times you can offer lots of skin to skin, bath times I found really great for that. There’s loads of videos online to help with latch too that make a big difference. If you do manage to achieve a few feeds then nothing for a while don’t take that as a negative, it can still turn around If you do manage to establish some feeds, just keep gradually increasing them until you transition over - this probably took me a month.

It sounds daunting and it is BUT if it’s what you want it is worth it IMO. But again I stress, please don’t feel you have to or are a failure in any way if you chose not to/can’t. You are a rockstar for even contemplating it mama

Sorry this is so long, I just really wanted to help

 

[tarquin16]

Hi everyone, tentatively pulling up a chair, baby Tarquin is three weeks old and I just don't feel that bond I was expecting to. She is a lovely, relatively easy baby and I just don't know why I haven't felt that huge rush of love yet. I sat and sobbed earlier because I saw a old school friend post a gushing post about her maternity leave being the best year of her life and I just can't imagine feeling like that, I'm even missing the job I used to hate. My husband has gone back to work and I feel so jealous of him.

 

[Nayalove96]

Thank you to all of your replies about the vaccines I did some research last night and will be getting him vaccinated, I was so worried that I’d make the decision to vaccinate him and then something would happen but after reading up on it I’m no longer concerned. I knew being a mam would be hard but I didn’t realise how worked up I’d get over every single decision that comes with being a parent!