New baby and post birth advice #16 Because I can birth a human quicker than my husband can poo

[I’mThankyou_]

Im still not Mr TYs friend. But I need to say this somewhere as I don't really have any one else really. We finally had our ultrasound this morning, I got an apologetic call last night. it was of wait for it Twin 2s brain. Doesn't end for her does it?
I've been concerned pretty much since she came home from NICU that she was different to her womb mate, everyone told me I was just being silly and it's so easy to compare twins. (It is, but mothers instinct was screaming at me). I took her to the GP a few weeks ago because I just couldn't let it go, I raised my concerns about her limbs and how I felt she was "different" he agreed arranged what we needed and sent us on our way. Anyway, today the hospital have confirmed they suspect cerebral palsy, and she's on a pathway for further tests MRIs etc to 1000% confirm.
We knew there was a chance one if not both would end up with it, it's a higher risk in multiple births then naturally increases because of preterm birth. I honestly hate the fact they were preemies, it just brings issue after issue.
I'm sorry all I do is have a pity party ladies, I just don't have many places or people to offload too, and I don't want the kids picking up on it

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

@Lulu Goss genuinely thank you for bringing up this topic, it has made me feel so much less alone (and I’m sure many others!)

My partner and I have had 3 kids in just over 3.5 years (1 not planned, 1 semi planned and 1 absolutely planned). It’s been absolute chaos. We’ve moved house and towns 3 times, he’s changed jobs and been promoted to a role that takes up 60 hours+ of his week, our middle has lots of health issues which are really difficult to discuss with people who don’t understand and he doesn’t sleep at all and we’ve lost some very close people to us sadly so the grief has been unwavering. We’ve had some really major major and quite unsettling and upsetting discussions recently about if this relationship is even going to withstand our current lifestyle, about if we’d just be better co-parenting rather than being “together” and to be really blunt if we even really like each other than much anymore. None of it even comes down to the parenting side or the domestic side, both of which he is fantastic with. It’s been rough. Similarly to a few of you we have willing babysitters but never take them up on offers because 1) I’m always too nervous and hate being away from my kids and 2) because we’re just too god damn tired/skint to treat ourselves. However, yesterday we went out just the 2 of us for the first time since my middle was born and it was bloody glorious. We didn’t discuss the kids much, we chatted about life, pissed about around London, had some dinner, saw a good show and had a good laugh. I had NO idea how much we truly needed it. We just caught up with each other. I could cry right now thinking about how lovely it was, we’ve had a really tough 2 years and I just needed to remember that I want this life with my best friend and we are genuinely a team - things that are extremely hard to remember when you’re in the pits of life with young children/a job that takes the piss out of you for hours/a pandemic. I really think it will get better, I really hope it will anyway.

Love to all of you. You genuinely all keep me sane. Thank you for making me feel less alone in life

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Spent the better part if my morning arguing with a hospital receptionist.
One twin had physio and a scan, had the other with me, I made sure last week they knew both babies would be with me, they were fine with it.
Nope not this receptionist, Spent 20 mins arguing with me and refused to book us in, so we lost our appointment.
There will be steam exiting my fingers when i complain later, she had me in tears begging her to let us in because this appointment was really (excuse my french), fucking important.
As I walked out, in walked a full family mum, dad & kids for a jolly ole day out she said feck all too them

 

[WhatABore]

I'm probably over emotional from being tired but..

I was sorting out photos to put in some new frames.
And I realised, I have no photos of me and all 3 kids. I have no photos of me and Everleigh.
I have 1 photo of me and the 2 eldest. And 1 photo from when my eldest was around 1.

That is all the photos I'm in. From 9 years of having kids.
The rest are of the kids or kids and my partner.

I always said the one thing I regretted when my Dad passed away was that I had hardly any photos with him/of him.
And it seems I've done the same.
Now I realise I can never go back in time and take those photos and it's something my kids will never see when I'm older/not here.

Please make sure you take photos, get your partners/friends/family members to take photos of you and your kids.

Your kids will never care how you look in the photos but they'll care if they don't have any of you

 

[LilyRose1234]

Thought that baby had some really bad cradle cap come up out of nowhere, on closer inspection it’s the icing from and M&S yumnut I was eating while feeding her

 

[Omnictionary]

Had a bath with baby earlier (I say bath, I sit and freeze my tits off in a few inches of water while she’s in a little bath seat). Was abit distracted as I used the Frida cradle cap comb (revolutionary! It’s pretty much gone!), used a jug to do a quick hair wash on me as it was dry shampoo day 3 and then got us out, thought to myself that the water was a funny colour but pulled the plug and didn’t think much more of it, dried baby and got her dressed (while I shivered and dripped all over the bathroom) and when I went back to the bath there was POO IN IT. and I have no idea if she did it before or after I washed my bloody hair in it. So fun.

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Completey agree with all the above re partners.
In all honesty I currently resent Mr Thankyou and I think I will for a while yet.
I know he's working away and I signed up for this life but I hate him for it, I'm sick of hearing how tired he is.
We've got a lot going on in the background for one twin which I've not particularly come to terms with and he's the only person who knows about it and in my head he's just swanning off having a grand old time, and he won't discuss it.
For example he was pissed last night, didn't rise from his pit till 9am judging by the time he messaged us. Must be amazing being able to live such a bachelor life on your time off.
It was great he came home for the weekend last week but it was just like a friend visiting.

I think men just see it as black and white and don't see all the in-between bits that a woman has to do and sacrifice.

 

[Hellofromtheotherside]

I hate cystic fibrosis. It's fucking shit it's affecting our lives so much, the baby (not so much baby 9 months this month) is such a bad sleeper her cough constantly wakes her up she's wheezy all the time, the constant medication, physio, everything is taking its toll. She was awake every 30mins last night because she's so chesty but there's nothing else I can give her she is always going to be like this.

Quite frankly I'm scared. I know medication has advanced massively but the thought my daughter is living with a life threatening condition and I could possibly out live her freaks me the eff out.

I'm tired so tired bleruhhh sorry for the rant just no body understands

 

[Definitelyme]

It’s the update that nobody asked for:

HE DRANK WATER

Must have been approx 1ml but he chose to drink it twice this week I’ve used a free flow and poured a bit in to his mouth. He always looks so confused, just kind of holds it there, and it usually dribbles out. I did it with a sippy cup tonight and he then went back in and actually sucked then swallowed. We all cheered
Also he will actually lift a jug in the bath and use it as a cup to properly drink bath water, so the little sod is perfectly capable when he wants to!

 

[Tally-O]

Absolutely mortified. Went to Dr's for Baby's 6wk check up. Forgot mask & the box they have at the front was empty. It's OK I'm sure I saw one in my car door. Go back to car with baby in 1 arm, changing bag in other so didn't look at mask just put it on.
Was there an hr in total, saw Dr, spoke to receptionist, walked past a queue of people as I left, took mask off ... it only had a big piece of dried up chewing gum stuck to the outside where I'd obviously not had a tissue in the car so put my gum in the mask.
FFS

 

[Walnutss]

Hi everyone I was on the pregnancy thread and I never updated my little one is now 8 weeks and I've spent 8 weeks feeling like someone is going to take her away like she's not really mine? I feel like her sister sometimes. I had a rough birth and things aren't great with my partner. I'm angry I feel robbed I should have enjoyed it more but I couldn't because of that. He keeps telling me its ppd but tbh I feel like I have a good reason to be depressed I spent most of the day alone doing the grunt work and nights trying to get a baby that will only sleep on me to bed. She's so advanced and everyone is obsessed with her and sometimes I can't even smile when she does something new. Am I a terrible person?

Sorry for the vent I guess it would just be nice to hear bother stories that aren't the picture perfect you see on insta

 

[Crazycatlady18]

Well the paediatric doctor has said cmpa and we’re going to a dietician and we’re weaning early. At least that’s something, and we have the feeding clinic Monday

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Little chunky chops here was 12 weeks yesterday can someone tell me why all babies other than your 1st seem to get SO OLD SO QUICK, is there a science to this?! He giggled for the first time today too…while I was pretending to be a dinosaur just sharing because feel like I never actually talk about my littlest sailor despite it being a newborn baby thread and well, who doesn’t love a wee smooshy face.

 

[Easilyannoyed]

Guys someone from
The pregnancy thread I have on Insta has had her baby and it’s made me well up feel like we have all been on a mad journey together sending love to everyone today as you really are a fucking awesome group

 

[Crazycatlady18]

Does anyone have any faith left in the nhs?
Now honestly and I need honesty am I going mad - or do I have a problem?
There is no tongue restriction, they had nothing to cut today so suggesting to call the gp and get a gastroenterologist apt.
I know babies get wind. But there is a huge difference between a bit of trapped wind and wind, all day every day. It’s from the minute I wake up, she wakes up groaning, her first feed of the day is the hardest, I’m literally spoon feeding it to her with purée. I then spend the rest of my day burping her, and bicycle legs to get her to fart, if I get enough out to make her comfortable enough to eat, shell eat, but usually after a few ounces the wind starts again, and repeat until the next feed, and the next. Then I put her to bed, and she’ll wake once in the night with wind, then go back to sleep and wake up with it still there waiting for me.
As I dared leave the house and try and have some sort of life, today I’ve only got 15oz in her. She’s on the floor moaning and groaning and I’m running out of energy to wind her. Tomorrow I’m going to make a log of burps I get out it’s got to be 20-30 between feeds. This isnt normal is it? Do I wait for her to grow out of it, is there a problem, an I just “an anxious FTM”???
im literally at rock bottom now, and I know there are more serious problems here but this is just destroying me. It’s 24/7. I don’t know what to do.

 

[Easilyannoyed]

It’s so sad to see them in discomfort. I’d give anything to give her an hour of being pain free. She’s 5mths 1 week and doesn’t laugh, just groans. It’s so unfair. I just hope we see some improvements. She’s got such an amazing temperament but it’s just unfair that all day every day she’s uncomfortable, she can’t eat with out pain, and all you’ve ever been told is she’ll grow out of it
how’s orange getting on? X

This is a picture of orange when we got to a and e the second is now, she was just under 5 months and the change in her skin and her tummy is phenomenal please stick with it I promise you it will get better I was beside myself she may lose a bit of weight at first but don’t worry she will put it back on if she does sending you loads of love I know it’s tough but orange is a much happier baby now

I hope this gives you some comfort as I wouldn’t usually post her face but I know you need to see improvements as I didn’t believe it when they discharged us x

 

[jackolantern]

Been so busy in the new baby bubble I totally forgot to graduate over to this thread! Little lantern is 6 weeks now (2 weeks since he came home from SCBU) and I don't know where the time has gone. Unfortunately that means we are getting closer to having to admit defeat and let our god awful families visit and I would rather lick a dirty nappy tbqh x

 

[Dipdab]

I really love this little community/sisterhood we’ve created on here Everyone is so supportive of each other and genuinely cares.

 

[Lulu Goss]

Been trying to write this post for the last week and have no idea how to word it so apologies in advance if it’s just a ramble!

Does anyone else feel like their relationship has changed since having a baby?

I feel like me and my partner are more like friends/housemates lately rather than a couple. He’s an excellent dad and dotes on baby Goss and helps out with her. But otherwise everything else comes down to me - looking after the baby while he works all day, cooking, cleaning, washing the clothes, food shopping, remembering things like bills etc which I’m sure you can all relate to. But there’s just no intimacy or affection, we bicker a lot but even when we don’t it just feels like hanging out with a mate.

I told him how I feel this morning and had a bit of a cry and he said he knows he needs to make more effort and that he feels bad about me being upset. We have these conversations every few months though and things improve briefly and then slip back again. Usually I put more effort in to compensate for him but this time I just feel like I couldn’t be bothered because nothing changes.

We’re getting married next year and I told him sometimes I’m scared of being one of those couples that is only together because they have kids. I’m 28 and I’m fed up of feeling like an old married couple that are basically just together because they always have been.

I hope this time he does make more effort and keeps it up but it just feels sad to even feel like this when I’ve got everything I wanted

 

[Crazycatlady18]

I really love this little community/sisterhood we’ve created on here Everyone is so supportive of each other and genuinely cares.

Genuinely got me through some of my darkest days. It’s a lovely page where some one always helps or supports.
I know I can’t always give advice but I always care about everyone’s posts. Strangers on a forum have been more support then friends and family to me x