Neighbours child keeps asking me for food. Advice.

[justhavinganosie]

My son and neighbours little one have befriended one another (6 years old) which is lovely and the other day she knocked and asked if she can come over and play. I said of course, so she and my son both played in the garden. She came into the house on her own and asked if she can have food (I'd already given her a drink and an ice lolly), so I gave her something to eat. Next day, same thing again, and then the next day. At this point we've literally got no food in as we're going holiday next week so I've had to give her poxy cereal... How great of me! Her parents and family seem to be happy and looked after so I'm not sure why she keeps asking for food.

She doesn't even play anymore (only sometimes) she just comes in, plays for a bit, then asks for food and then sits down in the front room and watches the TV while my son has to entertain himself cos he wants to play, not sit and watch TV all day.

I can't really do my own things around the house, and I had to send her away this morning as I was leaving for work and my husband is also working from home so he wouldn't be able to watch them both. Yesterday I had to send her away again at 8pm cos we was about to get settled in for the evening.

I am at loss now at what to do. I'm worried about getting on the wrong side of the neighbours if I mention anything as they do come across lovely but is it normal for her to keep asking to be fed?

 

[Medusah80]

this has made me feel a bit sad for the little girl, perhaps she is not getting fed properly at home neither is she getting any attention .
if this was happening at mine,I wouldn’t say anything about the food but ask when her parents want her in.

 

[justhavinganosie]

this has made me feel a bit sad for the little girl, perhaps she is not getting fed properly at home neither is she getting any attention .
if this was happening at mine,I wouldn’t say anything about the food but ask when her parents want her in.

That's what I mean I feel guilty that I haven't really been able to give her anything because the house is pretty much empty. I'm doing a huge shop after I come back from holiday and will stock extras for when she comes back over again. It is sad and it reminds me of my childhood when I was not being fed properly (had a really tit childhood) and I was relying on my friends and other family members to feed me instead. I was constantly ravenous, even at school on free meals I would ask for more food.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

When my daughter was younger other kids that came to play always begged and begged me for food. I’d send them straight home because I knew they were just being greedy. They weren’t invited over, just knocked so I felt no guilt. Sometimes they would knock just to ask me for crisps/pop/ice cream.

Send her home every time she asks or stops playing. You aren’t free childcare.

 

[justhavinganosie]

When my daughter was younger other kids that came to play always begged and begged me for food. I’d send them straight home because I knew they were just being greedy. They weren’t invited over, just knocked so I felt no guilt. Sometimes they would knock just to ask me for crisps/pop/ice cream.

Send her home every time she asks or stops playing. You aren’t free childcare.

Do you think that's what I should do then? I honestly don't know the situation at all. She asked for an ice lolly the other day and when I gave her it she said she didn't like that one so I said well that's all I've got so i put it back then she came back in and said can she have it.

 

[eyeballs]

Say something to the parents. I’m sure they aren’t really hungry, kids eat like wild animals in the school holidays don’t they. My food shopping has gone through the roof

 

[DaimIt]

You are sure everything is ok with her parents? Maybe go over and say hi with muffins or something when you are back from vacation . In mean time dont feel bad if you dont have it to give.

 

[Scragbags]

You could speak to the parents and say you don't mind giving her food when she's over (aslong as you don't mind having to give out the extra and can easily do so) just check they are OK with it?
They might be able to find out if she's actually hungry and if so give her extra themselves or if she's just doing it 'cause she can.
The parents might not want her having any extra food and also a long shot but she might have allergies you don't know about and you feed her something unsuitable.
I'd definitely just have a casual chat with them and mention it.
I don't think they can get angry for you showing they daughter kindness.

 

[Ottilie]

I think this is a difficult situation really.

You obviously don't want to upset the little girl or send her away hungry. However how would you feel if your child was asking other people for food like that? You probably wouldn't like it.

The other thing you have to think about is allergies? How would you feel if you gave her something she was allergic to or suddenly reacted to?

Instead of all the expensive snacks. Could you not give her toast or other cheap and filling things like that. If she is really hungry she will eat it.

I think you should talk to her parents or if the girl goes to your sons school another option could be to talk to someone there. They would definitely help you.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Do you think that's what I should do then? I honestly don't know the situation at all. She asked for an ice lolly the other day and when I gave her it she said she didn't like that one so I said well that's all I've got so i put it back then she came back in and said can she have it.

Definitely.
8pm is too late for her to still be at your house too. She should have been fed at home and off to bed by that time.

 

[lexiloo]

It's a hard one because its a toss up between worrying if she's being fed enough or wondering if she's just liking your snacks and the fact she can get them so easily, we've got some lovely people over the back from us but they're feeders, every time my son is out near their house he has food in his hands, im not meaning to sound ungrateful as they cook wonderful things (he gives me full details lol) and the waft of the BBQ is always delish but my son is in no way deprived of food, he's just got hollow legs so will say yes to anything, he won't ask though so I 100% know it's not that, i've thanked her for passing out BBQ food to him and she always says he's a pleasure to feed as her kids are so fussy but i'd dislike her to think we aren't feeding him.....he out eats me!

Funnily enough we also have a kid on the street who thinks nothing of asking for food and to come look in our snack box as she's hungry but I know her mum and know she's being well fed, she just says we have better snacks, i'll occasionally let her but other times I tell her to go ask her mum first as i'd hate to be feeding her right before she was getting a meal at her own house, also as a parent i'd like to know if my child was being fed to keep track of what they eat, my son thinks the whole world is a buffet and will happily eat all day so if anyone else is feeding him I need to know so he's not ending up with way too much.

I would have a casual chat with the parents and just drop into convo how much she likes to eat, make a little joke of it and judge their reaction from there, if they are struggling or if she's just a chancer who likes your food bless her you'll be able to tell hopefully. Please let us know the outcome as im intrigued.

 

[2xblended]

I just want to echo the comments about allergies; it's a serious concern! Also, she could have type 1 diabetes and be eating things she's not supposed to/can't get at home due to her condition.
I would drop it into a conversation with the parents, just mentioning that you've been giving her snacks when she requests but it's suddenly occurred to you that you don't know if she has any allergies, so you'd like to ask them a) if it's okay to give her snacks when she comes over, and b) if she has dietary restrictions you should be aware of.
That's enough to let them know what's happening because they're probably unaware, without offending them, but most importantly, you will know if there's anything that kid shouldn't be eating whilst in your care.

 

[Kim Mild]

When my oldest was little, the kids from next door used to always ask me for food cost they didn't get enough at home (the family were squatting in that house) so I understand how you feel.
Maybe only offer boring food?
See what it's like when the schools go back, they may be struggling for food if the kids aren't getting their school meals

 

[HockyRorror]

Yep, I came to say the allergies too. And guess what? If anything *touch wood* happened, it wouldn’t be “this neighbour accidentally gave our daughter something they weren’t supposed to eat, but neighbour has been very kindly looking after our little one and mistakes can happen”, it’ll probably be more like “this neighbour POISONED our child”

 

[justhavinganosie]

Well now it has gone bad to bloody worse. The neighbours sibling has decided to invite himself over as well. The one opposite to us is asking to come over and is trying to climb over the fence... I'm getting a bit uncomfortable to be honest I know I am such a boring so and so. My husband's buggered off to the garden centre leaving me with them lol.
I completely get the allergy and diabetes concern too. I'm not used to any of this at all and feel a bit overwhelmed. Is that even normal?

 

[Kim Mild]

Well now it has gone bad to bloody worse. The neighbours sibling has decided to invite himself over as well. The one opposite to us is asking to come over and is trying to climb over the fence... I'm getting a bit uncomfortable to be honest I know I am such a boring so and so. My husband's buggered off to the garden centre leaving me with them lol.
I completely get the allergy and diabetes concern too. I'm not used to any of this at all and feel a bit overwhelmed. Is that even normal?

Tell them you are going out

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I really wouldn’t be feeding anyone else’s children, for the same reason I wouldn’t feed anyone else’s pets, because you don’t know their dietary requirements. I have coeliac disease myself, so I know how horrible it is when I’ve reacted to food that I shouldn’t eat.

honestly I’d just have said, “no sorry, if you’re hungry then you need to go and speak to your mum or dad”. And if the child persists then id speak to their parents to try and figure out what’s going on. The child could just be greedy and a bit cheeky.

I used to have a friend who when she went round to her friend’s houses, she would always ask for food and lots of it. Obviously there could be a sadder reason behind it, but there might not be.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Tbh I find it concerning that a 6 year old is still at your house at 8pm without a concerned parent in sight. The parents might seem nice but to me this seems very neglectful. I would have a word with her parents about her curfew etc

 

[thegirlscout]

The other thing you have to think about is allergies? How would you feel if you gave her something she was allergic to or suddenly reacted to?

This is an important point and a good way to broach the subject without them feeling that you are judging them or being rude. You could say she comes around and says she’s hungry a lot, does she have any allergies? Then you can scope out the parents or guardians a bit and see what your gut tells you.

 

[grumpycat]

Well now it has gone bad to bloody worse. The neighbours sibling has decided to invite himself over as well. The one opposite to us is asking to come over and is trying to climb over the fence... I'm getting a bit uncomfortable to be honest I know I am such a boring so and so. My husband's buggered off to the garden centre leaving me with them lol.
I completely get the allergy and diabetes concern too. I'm not used to any of this at all and feel a bit overwhelmed. Is that even normal?

i would feel very uncomfortable too. One child but three you don’t even know is not really fair. I would try to be a bit firm, say your child has to have a bath/book/video call grandparents or some excuse and ask them to leave. I would then broach the other parents (of the two) echoing everyone else’s concerns. I feel for you though, it must be incredibly uncomfortable.