My partner cheated

Greysanatomyfan · Sep 19, 2022

This is off topic but tattle this last 2 days had helped keep me sane my partner off 11 years cheated on me with someone at work and left yesterday after me giving him a second chance 6 months ago for the same thing (I know I’m an idiot) and he threw it back in my face but he’s wanting to make it work but is still txting & calling the girl he slept with and stayed at hers as he’s nowhere to go… I’m broken can’t eat or sleep and I’m trying to keep going for my son but he’s only 6 and too young to understand and his dad was hardly there so he’s not asked much yet but when and how can I make this better? I’ve hardly any family and I’m back at work tomorrow and I can’t stop crying can any of you lovely people offer me some advice?

jxhx · Sep 19, 2022

Allow yourself time to grieve as the end of a relationship can feel like a death. Scream into a pillow, don't feel you need to keep a brave face. Take time to heal. Make a list of little goals you would like to achieve for yourself. Look on it as an exciting new chapter in your life. Most of all, take care of yourself as a lot of women can focuse too much on their children to the detriment of their own health. And don't put any pressure on yourself. You will get through this and you will enjoy your lucky escape. You don't need to ever worry about him treating you like this again.

Its-all-about-me! · Sep 19, 2022

Oh hunni you can do so much better than him!! I know it doesn't feel it now but you and your son will be ok and are better off without him. Give it time you will start to glow and be happy. Your son is lucky to have such a caring mother. You just need to get use to the new normal (without a waste of space like your ex) sending so much love

Telly Fanatic · Sep 19, 2022

Stay strong and try and act normal for your son's sake and you are better of without him please don't take him back and in a few week you will hopefully feel better about things and you will get someone else in future when the times right ..xx

And chat in here with us it's a good wee community

ChubClubThug · Sep 19, 2022

Can you take an emergency sick day when your child goes to school to get some rest? You need sleep or you won't be able to think straight. Don't be hard on yourself. You're allowed to cry. It's the most destroying thing that can happen. What a horrible man to treat you both like this.

Please remember that it's NOT your fault he's a cheat! He's a scumbag who's taken advantage of your good and caring nature by the sounds of it. As hard as it is, you have to start blocking out what HE wants and what suits him from now on. He's made his choices. Start putting yourself and your child first. He's let you down and used up all of his chances.

When you've got a chance I would contact the benefits people to see if you'll be entitled to anything and if you can claim maintenance from the child's father. It doesn't sound like you can rely on him at all for anything. There is no quick fix to a situation like this, you just have to give yourself time to adjust to new routines. It'll take a few months but honestly you'll get better and stronger

Frenchie · Sep 19, 2022

It won’t feel like it now but it will get better, I’m always here for you if you need a chat x

Cooper123 · Sep 19, 2022

I'm so sorry for what you're going through,I can't even begin to imagine

must be so much harder when you've a kid in the mix. I don't know what I would do in that situation, I would want things to work, but given he's done this before I wouldn't want to risk getting hurt again. You will get stronger, your son will keep you going. Another thing, know your worth. You deserve better than someone who treats you like that. I really hope you're OK, just take it one day at a time. Sending hugs

heidilouxx · Sep 19, 2022

Oh darling im so sorry to hear this

what you’re going through is awful but by the sounds of it you were way too good for him and you deserve so much better. Take time to heal & all your son wants is to see his mummy happy. Hold your head up high & know that he’s not worth any more of your time or effort. Get lots of sleep, watch some trash tv, take some time off work & focus on yourself xxxx

And_that's_okay! · Sep 19, 2022

You're certainly not an 'idiot' for giving him a second chance.

It's bound to hurt. I've been cheated on and my god it absolutely rips your heart in two doesn't it.

Firstly, this isn't anything to do with you. It's nothing you did or didn't do. It's him and his problem. You didn't cause this. You couldn't prevent it. Secondly, you deserve so much better. No matter what he says, you do. I broke up with my ex when we had a new baby (I found naked photos and hundreds of messages). I never thought I'd recover. Granted, I've been single since but in my 37 years; I've never been happier. You'll find happiness. Freedom (there's nothing quite like it). You'll smile again. Feel good emotion. Strive.

You're going to be okay xxxx

Telly Fanatic · Sep 19, 2022

I see this is a new thread , we will support you x

Greysanatomyfan · Sep 19, 2022

I’m sat here crying at all of your lovely messages I’m broken now and I keep telling myself let yourself be free otherwise I’ll be here again down the line the hardest part is feeling like I’ve let myself and my son down and to top it off it’s my mum’s birthday today she passed away 6 years ago and he didn’t even realise that when he walked out yesterday… I can’t even sleep in my room I’ve slept on the couch well if you can call 3 hours sleep

Telly Fanatic · Sep 19, 2022

I no this will be hard but I think the best thing is to get back in your own bed , and you haven't let yourself or your son down it's not your fault what has happened.. and happy heavenly birthday to your mum x

ChubClubThug · Sep 19, 2022

Your ex has let YOU down and your son down. You gave him a chance when he didn't deserve one and he still screwed you over. That makes you a better person than he will ever be. I know it sounds stupid but have you got tiktok? There are some absolutely brilliant accounts on there that give advice about cheaters and how to deal with them and recovering from emotional trauma. You can save the videos and watch them when you need to. Because that's exactly what you're experiencing right now - trauma and probably PTSD. It's deffo a thing when a long relationship ends.

Your first priority is to get some sleep. Then you can think about what you want and how you can get it. I know how you feel, I also lost mum 6 years ago in 2016. It is horrible having to be without your mum when you need her most. Think about what she'd say if she was here. She'd tell you to duck him off and never look back no doubt. The only think you can thank him for is your son, nothing else. You can do this

And_that's_okay! · Sep 19, 2022

You absolutely have not let anyone down. Your brain is in a state of heightened emotion. It's not thinking straight and is lying too you. They're just thoughts in response to what's happened. Don't believe the thoughts, they're not true. It's a cliché but you need time. Do whatever you need to do right now to look after yourself. Indulge in some chocolate, sweets, ice-cream. Watch a comedy. Ring a helpline if you need to vent and get this off your chest.

My advice is block him. Even in the short term. Can someone mediate? A friend or family member?

I'm so sorry about your mum.

You could try some grounding and self-soothing techniques. There are an abundance of videos on YouTube.

Also, please try and speak to yourself in a compassionate voice (versus berating yourself). What would you say to a friend if they were going through this (because I know for a fact you wouldn't say 'you've let your son down' to them).

I have a son a similar age. You can do this!!! Life is going to be okay.

MRSgs · Sep 19, 2022

Do you need a break up buddy?! Although my partner hasn't cheated (at least I don't think) he's decided after 5 years he no longer loves or wants me. He is selling the house ect, what a bloody mess! I hope you're OK, it's horrible isn't it. We will be OK

Greysanatomyfan · Sep 19, 2022

A break up buddy sounds exactly what I need right now

🥹.. that’s horrible have you got anywhere to go? Hope you’re okay we’ll get through this 1 day at a time

MRSgs · Sep 19, 2022

No I haven't really got anywhere to go, looking at places to rent but everything is so expensive and I'm on minimum wage while he earns about 60k a year

I'm also not on the mortgage so that's a bleeper. However bad we've been treated it's hard to imagine a life/home without them isn't it. I suppose we just need to find 'us' again instead of being mum, partner ect x

Greysanatomyfan · Sep 19, 2022

I’m so sorry please don’t worry even try your local council im with HA and was thinking of moving closer to family but he said if I done that he’d move in here but I’d be taking everything with me - here’s me worrying about the sky as it’s in his name and I can’t downgrade it don’t know how I’m going to manage I don’t even know how to be on my own after so long the house is quite and lonely when my sons in bed x

CoffeeMamma · Sep 19, 2022

Ring them up and tell them he’s left

They were lovely to my fella when he did that with his ex (we were mates for ages before we got together so I saw all that) and my advice for the evenings is- a new hobby, or something you did as a kid and loved. Like colouring in, or crafts, or reading, making pom poms… literally something for YOU that has duck all to do with him. Because you are a queen, so you straighten that crown and hold that head high because you deserve the world.

Contact the local council, they will help you, especially if you have a child. Even if the initial placement isn’t ideal, it’s easier to swap properties once you’re in one and you likely don’t need a deposit (or like, a week’s rent rather than a month). You are also a queen who deserves better

And_that's_okay! · Sep 19, 2022

Hope you're okay xxxxx