My friend offered me to pay for the food and then didn’t pay me back

[Scorpihoe]

This is a bit of a weird situation and I’m not sure what to make of it really. So my friends and I went to a different city recently for shopping, food etc.

We sat to have lunch and I mentioned I get a discount at this place. My friend Jess (not her real name), turned to me and said “ it’s probably easier if you pay on your card then, and we can transfer you”. I asked about the discount and they didn’t offer it on that day, but anyway, I still paid for everyone. In my mind I thought, surely it’s easier just to tap your card on the machine now? Than work out what you had later and transfer it? But whatever, it wasn’t an issue

Later we had dinner and drinks, and afterwards Jess said “it’s easier to do it all on the same card and then send it all at once”, implying I should pay on my card again. It made sense, instead of transferring different people or working out individual costs there, so I paid and everyone took pics of the receipt to work out their share later. The next day, the girls sent the receipt pics in the chat, they all transferred me the money and told me they had sent it over, except Jess. She read the messages and didn’t say anything and still hasn’t paid me back, about a month later.

I had totally forgotten about it until today, and I’m really not bothered about the money, I just find it a bit strange that she offered me to pay and then didn’t pay me back…I hate confrontation and feel a bit awkward to bring it up so long after. My boyfriend thinks she just didn’t want to pay for the food. It’s one thing to forget which I totally understand, but when people send messages saying they’ve transferred the money, surely that would remind her?

I’m not really sure what to make of it tbh so thought I’d just ask you guys!

 

[Clickbait]

This is a bit of a weird situation and I’m not sure what to make of it really. So my friends and I went to a different city recently for shopping, food etc.

We sat to have lunch and I mentioned I get a discount at this place. My friend Jess (not her real name), turned to me and said “ it’s probably easier if you pay on your card then, and we can transfer you”. I asked about the discount and they didn’t offer it on that day, but anyway, I still paid for everyone. In my mind I thought, surely it’s easier just to tap your card on the machine now? Than work out what you had later and transfer it? But whatever, it wasn’t an issue

Later we had dinner and drinks, and afterwards Jess said “it’s easier to do it all on the same card and then send it all at once”, implying I should pay on my card again. It made sense, instead of transferring different people or working out individual costs there, so I paid and everyone took pics of the receipt to work out their share later. The next day, the girls sent the receipt pics in the chat, they all transferred me the money and told me they had sent it over, except Jess. She read the messages and didn’t say anything and still hasn’t paid me back, about a month later.

I had totally forgotten about it until today, and I’m really not bothered about the money, I just find it a bit strange that she offered me to pay and then didn’t pay me back…I hate confrontation and feel a bit awkward to bring it up so long after. My boyfriend thinks she just didn’t want to pay for the food. It’s one thing to forget which I totally understand, but when people send messages saying they’ve transferred the money, surely that would remind her?

I’m not really sure what to make of it tbh so thought I’d just ask you guys!

I was just having a very similar conversation with a friend about someone we both know. I asked this person if they wanted to attend an event I thought they’d be interested in and let them know the price for a ticket. They confirmed and I went ahead and paid for tickets for the people who wanted to come along. I let everyone know in a group chat they were bought and asked they transfer me the £ providing my bank details. This was in September 2021.

One friend paid the same day, one friend told me they’d pay me 2 days later (on a Friday) when they got paid, one friend didn’t acknowledge it at all.

I chased it up earlier this month. Person who’d not acknowledged apologised, said they’d completely forgotten and transferred the money straight away.

Said to other friend who’d said they’d pay and hadn’t that I could get someone along in their place if they no longer could make it, but if they wanted to come could they transfer me the £. Got told yes they still wanted to come and were looking forward to it and they’d pay me on Friday and had set reminders on their phone to do so. That was 2 weeks ago tomorrow and still no cash but in the meantime they’d booked and allegedly paid for accommodation for them and invited guests to go away for their birthday.

I’ve also been in a quandary because I don’t really want to have to chase again. I think I may wait until the end of April and then find someone else to take the ticket.

In your case, you’ve paid for something your friend has already consumed so not paying up is doubly cheeky. I can totally understand you don’t want to make it into a big issue or confrontation, but likewise it’s completely unacceptable for you to be out of pocket at this person’s suggestion that you put it on your card and they’ll pay you later.

I can’t think there are many of us with spare cash burning a hole in our pockets! I would just message her again and say sorry if you’ve not noticed it coming into your account, but it doesn’t appear that she has paid for the meal/drinks from that night out and you’d be grateful if she could send you the £ when she gets a moment.

If she’s struggling for cash she could always ask for an extension until pay day. If you hear nothing I’d wait until you’re next out and then suggest she picks up your share of the bill as you did it for her last time.

 

[Scorpihoe]

I was just having a very similar conversation with a friend about someone we both know. I asked this person if they wanted to attend an event I thought they’d be interested in and let them know the price for a ticket. They confirmed and I went ahead and paid for tickets for the people who wanted to come along. I let everyone know in a group chat they were bought and asked they transfer me the £ providing my bank details. This was in September 2021.

One friend paid the same day, one friend told me they’d pay me 2 days later (on a Friday) when they got paid, one friend didn’t acknowledge it at all.

I chased it up earlier this month. Person who’d not acknowledged apologised, said they’d completely forgotten and transferred the money straight away.

Said to other friend who’d said they’d pay and hadn’t that I could get someone along in their place if they no longer could make it, but if they wanted to come could they transfer me the £. Got told yes they still wanted to come and were looking forward to it and they’d pay me on Friday and had set reminders on their phone to do so. That was 2 weeks ago tomorrow and still no cash but in the meantime they’d booked and allegedly paid for accommodation for them and invited guests to go away for their birthday.

I’ve also been in a quandary because I don’t really want to have to chase again. I think I may wait until the end of April and then find someone else to take the ticket.

In your case, you’ve paid for something your friend has already consumed so not paying up is doubly cheeky. I can totally understand you don’t want to make it into a big issue or confrontation, but likewise it’s completely unacceptable for you to be out of pocket at this person’s suggestion that you put it on your card and they’ll pay you later.

I can’t think there are many of us with spare cash burning a hole in our pockets! I would just message her again and say sorry if you’ve not noticed it coming into your account, but it doesn’t appear that she has paid for the meal/drinks from that night out and you’d be grateful if she could send you the £ when she gets a moment.

If she’s struggling for cash she could always ask for an extension until pay day. If you hear nothing I’d wait until you’re next out and then suggest she picks up your share of the bill as you did it for her last time.

Thank you for your reply! So I don’t think she’s struggling for cash, she recently purchased £800 boots, which obviously is none of my concern, but I can’t imagine someone who would do that if they don’t have the money or they’re struggling.

In your case, you could sell the ticket and recoup the money, but I can’t sell her eaten food weirdly, she recently bought me a gift for starting a new job, and it’s something I would never wear or use really. My bf suggested I sell it and consider it “payment” for her food/drinks. But I just feel really mean… I’m not the kind of person to bring up money either. I think maybe I could say something like “That meal at X was so yummy! Very pricy though”. And see if she says anything, but I do feel quite shy bringing up these topics

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

I always feel very awkward in these situations but I think a breezy light hearted text saying you noticed you hadn't been paid back and you just wanted to give a gentle reminder in case they've forgotten. Hopefully, if you do it in the group chat they will be shamed into paying up

 

[LennyBriscoe]

It’s awkward, I hate stuff like this. Tomorrow will be payday at the latest so maybe give her until the weekend and if she hasn’t transferred it, maybe message her and ask if there’s any chance of the money back. You’re doing nothing wrong asking for it back! The alternative is you write it off and make a note not to do it but I don’t see why you should.

The first one made sense (for the discount) but it’s so easy to split bills and transfer funds now, I think she was taking advantage by getting you to pay the second time if I’m honest.

I think you’ll be annoyed at yourself if you let it slide.

 

[Clickbait]

weirdly, she recently bought me a gift for starting a new job, and it’s something I would never wear or use really. My bf suggested I sell it and consider it “payment” for her food/drinks. But I just feel really mean… I’m not the kind of person to bring up money either. I think maybe I could say something like “That meal at X was so yummy! Very pricy though”. And see if she says anything, but I do feel quite shy bringing up these topics

Honestly, I’d think the line about the meal being pricey might be construed as being more passive aggressive than just reminding her she hasn’t paid. It sounds like it could just be an oversight like it was with one of my friends, rather than a deliberate avoidance tactic like I think it is for the other. Good luck.

 

[Saddlesoap]

My memory is awful especially if I read a message and don't action it straight away. Personally would really appreciate a reminder for stuff like this! I'd be really upset knowing i'd not paid someone just cos my memory is tit.

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

This is a bit of a weird situation and I’m not sure what to make of it really. So my friends and I went to a different city recently for shopping, food etc.

We sat to have lunch and I mentioned I get a discount at this place. My friend Jess (not her real name), turned to me and said “ it’s probably easier if you pay on your card then, and we can transfer you”. I asked about the discount and they didn’t offer it on that day, but anyway, I still paid for everyone. In my mind I thought, surely it’s easier just to tap your card on the machine now? Than work out what you had later and transfer it? But whatever, it wasn’t an issue

Later we had dinner and drinks, and afterwards Jess said “it’s easier to do it all on the same card and then send it all at once”, implying I should pay on my card again. It made sense, instead of transferring different people or working out individual costs there, so I paid and everyone took pics of the receipt to work out their share later. The next day, the girls sent the receipt pics in the chat, they all transferred me the money and told me they had sent it over, except Jess. She read the messages and didn’t say anything and still hasn’t paid me back, about a month later.

I had totally forgotten about it until today, and I’m really not bothered about the money, I just find it a bit strange that she offered me to pay and then didn’t pay me back…I hate confrontation and feel a bit awkward to bring it up so long after. My boyfriend thinks she just didn’t want to pay for the food. It’s one thing to forget which I totally understand, but when people send messages saying they’ve transferred the money, surely that would remind her?

I’m not really sure what to make of it tbh so thought I’d just ask you guys!

i would probably bring it up as it’s the principle. I don’t like confrontation but this is out of order. Politely message her separately from the group chat and say
Sorry to have to ask but I have some bills due and realise I’m missing your share of the food bills from our day out. Is it ok if you transfer it over to me now so that my direct debits don’t bounce
Hope you get it sorted x

 

[lurkingaround123]

I have one friend who always always does stuff like this! It annoys me more because I know she knows what she is doing. She was laughing the other day about how she had been out for food for someone's birthday and they all got up and left the bill to this girls boyfriend because he's really rich.

If ever we go for drinks she will sit in a bar and not get a drink until you suggest it, so if you don't you're just both sat with nothing which is really weird. Then when it comes to the final round, I buy one, then for her turn she always says she can't have another and has to go I always end up getting an extra round in, if ever I pay for anything its always a good 2/3 reminders before she transfers the money over. Sooo irritating.

My boyfriend has a really good job and we have started going out in our couples and I have briefed him on how she does this and that we don't pay extra for her. She keeps mentioning the things me and him do together and trips we have planned in a jokey way, but I feel a bit weird about it because she then tells me how she commits these heists on other people and myself.

I have learnt to have no shame with her asking for money back, I message daily until she does potentially going forward you could carry cash, and then when it comes to paying say ah well I have enough for mine here and give it to whoever is paying on their card.

 

[Clickbait]

I have one friend who always always does stuff like this! It annoys me more because I know she knows what she is doing. She was laughing the other day about how she had been out for food for someone's birthday and they all got up and left the bill to this girls boyfriend because he's really rich.

If ever we go for drinks she will sit in a bar and not get a drink until you suggest it, so if you don't you're just both sat with nothing which is really weird. Then when it comes to the final round, I buy one, then for her turn she always says she can't have another and has to go I always end up getting an extra round in, if ever I pay for anything its always a good 2/3 reminders before she transfers the money over. Sooo irritating.

My boyfriend has a really good job and we have started going out in our couples and I have briefed him on how she does this and that we don't pay extra for her. She keeps mentioning the things me and him do together and trips we have planned in a jokey way, but I feel a bit weird about it because she then tells me how she commits these heists on other people and myself.

I have learnt to have no shame with her asking for money back, I message daily until she does potentially going forward you could carry cash, and then when it comes to paying say ah well I have enough for mine here and give it to whoever is paying on their card.

She sounds ghastly. I’m guessing she has some other redeeming features though!

I had a friend who would always wait to buy a round last and would actually keep a record of when she’d bought a drink for someone and they hadn’t reciprocated. Then she’d say “you owe me a drink because last Thursday I bought you a pint and you left before you bought me one back” - people would always be stunned and just cough up.

I’m the complete opposite, always the first to buy a round and never keep track. It spoils the enjoyment of an evening to be that pedantic, although a pet hate of mine is freeloaders or people who choose to do things they know they can’t afford and then expect others to subsidise them. If you’re skint then suggest a night in with a bottle of wine and a film rather than a night out for cocktails and dinner!

 

[lurkingaround123]

She sounds ghastly. I’m guessing she has some other redeeming features though!

I had a friend who would always wait to buy a round last and would actually keep a record of when she’d bought a drink for someone and they hadn’t reciprocated. Then she’d say “you owe me a drink because last Thursday I bought you a pint and you left before you bought me one back” - people would always be stunned and just cough up.

I’m the complete opposite, always the first to buy a round and never keep track. It spoils the enjoyment of an evening to be that pedantic, although a pet hate of mine is freeloaders or people who choose to do things they know they can’t afford and then expect others to subsidise them. If you’re skint then suggest a night in with a bottle of wine and a film rather than a night out for cocktails and dinner!

Yeah she is nice in other circumstances luckily

The rounds thing is noticeable because it is every single time, but you can't really say anything without sounding ridiculous. Even more annoying thing about it is that she's on about £10k more than I am, so making me spend extra to fund her night out feels just that little bit more irritating

When it comes to transferring and expecting though I have had enough of that, you have to put your foot down don't you otherwise it gets wildly out of hand, like her friends birthday

 

[gummy-bear]

I had this recently. I just messaged into my friends group @jess did you manage to pay me back for the food btw? My bank app has been a bit funny recently so just checking!

Was honestly paid in about 5 mins later

 

[Pepsimaxmax]

Probably forgot. Just message and say' hey, your part of the lunch was X amount'

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

My partner used to have a colleague who was on the same wages as him and she lived with her partner who also worked, they owned the house outright and had no rent or mortgage to pay but whenever she came out with us she had no money. She never bought herself a drink or a meal. My partner is generous to a fault and he always contributed to paying for her, either outright or along with a few other male colleagues. It all came to a head when we were planning a trip away and she couldn't afford to pay for a hotel room, my partner said to me, could she share with me while he shared a room with one of the other men, which he did not want to do and neither did I want to share with her so I said point blank "no" in the group chat, I said I don't like sharing rooms with people. She was very eager to go on this trip until she realised she'd have to pay for herself. She never came out with us all again after that

 

[judgejohndeed]

I would definitely mention it in the group chat tbh. Just reply to the original message and say oh Jess I haven't got a payment from you could you check or whatever. I hate this kind of thing though. I'm not stingy with money at meals, will always just split rather than sit counting what I had etc but something sits really badly with me about this girl asking you to pay for both meals and not paying you back, normally I'd give a friend the benefit of the doubt but that seems kinda intentional to me

 

[candyland_]

I’d probably wrote it off this time but never pay for anyone like that again.

 

[ohtoodles]

I have a friend who done this a lot. Then when he did pay he goes last and just says "whatevers left over" when the rest of the group have overpaid their share to allow for a tip, meaning we've all paid our share plus some of his and then the waiting staff loose out

If I'm going out with him I now take cash and pay my part once they've all tapped their cards, so he has to pay a few of the others have clicked what I've done and have started doing the same. It's awful as we've been friends for about 8 years, but he's always out and about socialising, buying designer things so he has the money to pay for a tip!

 

[candyland_]

I can’t abide tight people. My ex would ALWAYS want to go to the most expensive places and rack the bill up and then hover his hand over his wallet back pocket but he wouldn’t take it out and use it so there would be an awkward pause while someone else picked up the bill. Usually me who earned about 35k less and was a single parent. He would even do it over the sake of two drinks and once complained that I stood back and let him pay for our cinema tickets - I ‘went to the toilet’ and fucked off.

Little rant there but I no longer socialise with people like this.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Some people are always wary to pay. Like they aren’t skint they are just tight and would do anything to get out of paying. I’d ask her, there’s nothing awkward about it cos she owes you. And definitely write it off as the last time you pay for something for her!

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

I’m aware this post won’t be of interest to anyone except me but I’ve been reading everyone else’s experiences with tight bastards and I feel like it’s going to be cathartic for me to rant about a colleague of mine who is one of the tightest people I’ve ever met in my life.

A few examples:

• If we ever go on a work night out, she will deliberately migrate towards people who she can see are about to finish a drink, will therefore be going to the bar shortly and will of course offer to buy her one along with their own. Someone who’s worked with her a lot longer than me pointed it out once and now I can’t stop noticing it.

• She will buy things for herself like hair products or electrical items, use them a few times herself and then give them to friends and family members for Christmas and birthdays when the novelty has worn off. I hope to Christ she never gets me for Secret Santa.

• She wears clothes out with the tags still on them and then returns them, worn, to the shop.

• Our Team Leader once bought us all a chocolate Santa each from Thornton’s and she helped herself to a bit of everyone else’s, wrapped hers up in Christmas paper and gave it to her boyfriend as though she’d bought it for him.

• She takes little bits of food people have left in the work kitchen when she thinks no one is looking.

• If I’ve ever been out with her socially (a handful of times) she will suddenly decide at various points in the night that she’s had enough of paying for her own drinks and will start inserting herself into random groups of men who are out on stag do’s and the like, knowing full well that they’ll be lapping up a bit of attention from an attractive girl and will buy her drinks for as long as she entertains them. She has a boyfriend of 6 years who is apparently “fine” with this behaviour. ‍

I’ll stop now because I’m taking over the thread but I really could go on for at least 10 more bullet points. Long story short OP, get your money back ASAP and don’t pay a penny more for your friend ever again. And if she ever gives you a bottle of Olaplex that looks like it’s had a bit taken out, we clearly both know the same person.