My ex has found someone new

[BelleAmie]

My ex and I broke up last year after I found out he was cheating on me. We weren’t together a massively long time but he was my first love, I lost my virginity to him, he was my everything.

I unfriended him on fb, and Insta etc just before Christmas and I’ve been doing well with not online stalking him until today. I had some wine this evening and couldn’t resist the urge to have a peek at his fb. I then discovered that he is now officially ‘in a relationship’ with a new girl, as of august last year - 3 weeks after we broke up.

I feel so ridiculous because we broke up in august, I need to stop obsessing over this and move on, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. He never wanted to publicly acknowledge our relationship so now all I can think about is what is wrong with me and why he’s happy to be in a relationship with her, but he cheated on me and put me through hell.

I feel like I can’t really talk to my friends about this anymore because they supported me so much through the break up last year and they’re all sick of hearing about it.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for here but I guess any advice or anything that can help me through tonight while my emotions are so heightened would be so appreciated.

 

[HelloStereo]

You don't know about their relationship. If he cheated on you who is to say he's not cheating on her? People put on a front for social media I think and what you see is not necessarily the whole picture.

I used to date someone similar, who did not publicly acknowledge anything with me. He then used to move from relationship to relationship in quick succession. Always ending because of the same reasons. He used to cheat on all of them. There was something he needed to address but didn't and used a relationship to fill the void.

Anyway, there is nothing wrong with you. He was the one that was in a relationship with you but wanted to be sneaky about it and cheated on you. So his behaviour was wrong, not yours.

You deserve someone who treats you so much better than this, not someone who is still affecting your self esteem six months on xx

 

[Twirliegirlies]

Remind yourself of how good you are, he obviously wasn’t good enough for you, him not acknowledging your relationship is a good thing in a weird way, people are nosy and would get too invested if it was tagged as a relationship. The first break up is painful and the worst, but look at how far you’ve come, don’t be too hard on yourself . Move on from the curiosity, she’s welcome to him, imagine trying to trust him knowing what he did to you, talk to us if your real life friends are tired of listening, if they really wanted to help they would listen no matter how much you ever mentioned it. It happened to me and I was young, and things only got better when I allowed them to. Good luck, I hope that you have plenty of reasons to smile.

 

[LittleMy]

If he cheated on you, he will most likely cheat on her too. That is how cheats tend to operate. The onus is on him, not you. You didn’t do anything, he chose to go behind your back so you have to stop blaming yourself and see him for the scumbag that he is. I know it’s hard, I’ve been there, but you have to stop checking in on him and start focusing on you. Keep yourself busy, fill your time with things that make you feel good. When you do that, it becomes easier to move on. You have to change your outlook and stop blaming yourself.

 

[Brittle Honesty]

You are worth so much more than him. He cheated on you and it's his loss. It's hard but you will find and deserve someone so much better. Once a cheater - always one. Karma will bite him on the ass

 

[Pinkblush]

I wonder what he is getting up to behind her back. Look at it like ..he's her problem now not yours
Don't think what lucky girl she is. Think about unlucky she is to be with a disrespectful, unloyal cheater.
You deserve better

 

[Millyve]

I use to find social media was my downfall, you will always find something you don’t want to see, I’ve been off Facebook/Instagram for nearly 3 years and it’s done me the world of good, if you can contact people without the need of these then I would say take a break for a little while if you can it will do you the world of good, everything will get better xx

 

[Jennytea]

My ex and I broke up last year after I found out he was cheating on me. We weren’t together a massively long time but he was my first love, I lost my virginity to him, he was my everything.

I unfriended him on fb, and Insta etc just before Christmas and I’ve been doing well with not online stalking him until today. I had some wine this evening and couldn’t resist the urge to have a peek at his fb. I then discovered that he is now officially ‘in a relationship’ with a new girl, as of august last year - 3 weeks after we broke up.

I feel so ridiculous because we broke up in august, I need to stop obsessing over this and move on, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. He never wanted to publicly acknowledge our relationship so now all I can think about is what is wrong with me and why he’s happy to be in a relationship with her, but he cheated on me and put me through hell.

I feel like I can’t really talk to my friends about this anymore because they supported me so much through the break up last year and they’re all sick of hearing about it.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for here but I guess any advice or anything that can help me through tonight while my emotions are so heightened would be so appreciated.

I will tell you that first love and first heartbreak is the worst and it feels like it’s the end of the world and the pain is awful but one thing you need to remember is you do actually move on and at some point you hand on heart will not care! one day you will look back and laugh and it won’t matter. You’re allowed to be upset but after crying dry your tears and remind yourself of your worth and that you don’t want to be with a cheating little wick anyway. You’re better off without and by being single and away from that silly bleep means making way for someone decent to come into your life at some point. Don’t be in a massive rush to move on though, life is all about self love, enjoy being young

 

[Lady Macbeth]

Every time you think of this guy - replace his name with “ loser” ... that is what he is and you will find someone much much better.

 

[Caramel Latte]

Him cheating/not acknowledging the relationship is not your fault. The one who should be doubting himself and his decision is your ex.
Ofc it's important to be self aware as we're all imperfect but i know how we burden ourselves with guilt when people mistreat us. You deserve to be treated well. He wasn't good for you and thankfully he's out of your life now.
I tell u what i told myself, working on improving yourself and focusing on your future and the good relationships in your life is the best thing you can do to yourself.

 

[Londoncailín]

You’re worth a million of him. Please remind yourself of that, daily. The sooner you acknowledge your self-worth, the sooner he will fade from the forefront of your memory.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

You will meet someone amazing one day who truly values you and respects you and you will be happy, this idiot doesn’t deserve your energy, I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this.

it’s sort of a similar story to me, I was with my ex from being 14-18, he cheated on me and we spit up. I then started seeing this guy from uni. This guy did have a girlfriend before me and this was public on Facebook and he would post about her, but he always refused to post about me and he wouldn’t label us. I fell for him really hard and he was my first proper love. After a while of him keeping me at distance, I met my now fiancé and I moved on from uni guy. About a year later he went public on Facebook with a new girl he was with and he would post about her.

it always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and even though I was happy with my now fiancé, it still made me wonder what I did to deserve it.

they broke up anyway, probably because he was treating her like crap. Which is probably what will happen with your ex. He will probably cheat on his girlfriend too.

 

[Lalisa_mb]

I read this on Reddit, I hope you can benefit from it too:


There is no Dream Girl

Hear me out. Your brain will benefit from this if you’ve struggled with a man leaving you for his “dream girl”.

Back in college, I lived with my boyfriend and a friend in a two-story townhouse. It was all carpet and the floor used to get gross. We went to Target and bought one of those upright vacuums. Finally, clean floors! I was excited!

I ended up hating that thing. It was a pain to carry up the stairs. And eventually the suction wasn't so great. I didn't realize at the time that it was due to the fact that we never changed the bag. If I actually bothered the change the bag, it would have been a lot better. That still doesn't solve the stairs problem. We donated it.

My boyfriend and I moved to a new apartment and bought a canister vacuum instead. We really wanted a Miele, but settled for an inexpensive Eureka knockoff. I loved it at first. But the cord retraction thing wasn't reliable. I had it for many years, but donated when I moved out of state.

Eventually I had a new boyfriend who forced me into getting a shop vac. Because they were powerful and had a HEPA filter. And they're super cheap. I had never used such a powerful vacuum. It was great, but it was louder than a jet engine. And it was unwieldy. And the air outlet blew dust and crap everywhere.

A couple years after we broke up, I gave that shop vac away. I was finally gonna get a Miele. My DREAM VACUUM. It took forever to arrive, but finally it came the other week. Good suction, smartly located air outlet, HEPA filter. But it's a really weird color. And it is still a vacuum so it takes up a lot of space. If I could have a different color, I totally would. I'd love to have a lavender-colored Miele. Of course, I'd probably get sick of that eventually since my color preferences change over time.

Even though it cost me an arm and a leg, I definitely won't have this vacuum for the rest of my life. It's a vacuum, after all. If it breaks, I'll get a new one. If I want a prettier color, I'll get a prettier color (as long as I can afford it, of course). When I die, whatever vacuum I ended up with will simply be whatever the latest vacuum that I bought was. Plain and simple. It's just a vacuum, after all.

**NVM see women as objects. They do not see them as partners, equals, or full human beings. They seem them as objects. They see them the same way I see vacuums.**

*Should my old upright vacuum be sad that I got rid of it?*
No. I didn't even know how to use it. And it's not the vacuum's fault that my townhouse had stairs.

*Should my Eureka canister vacuum be said that I donated it? I loved it at first and had it for a long time...*
No. I used it until it didn't work as well anymore. And the novelty definitely wore off.

*Should my shop vac be sad that I got rid of it?*
No. I mainly got it because social expectations (boyfriend at the time). It wasn't the right tool for the job anyway, since I was using it in my house.

*Should any of those vacuums have felt threatened by knowing a Miele was my dream vacuum?*
No. The days are numbered on any vacuum I own. It's just a vacuum. If I want a different one, I'll get a different one. I might even get a different Miele. And if some hot new brand comes out, then I’ll want that one instead.

*Isn't the Miele an "upgrade"?*
For now it is, but only for my use case (an apartment). But if my situation changes, I'm sure I'll miss the shop vac. If I lose all my money, I'd definitely sell the Miele. Every vacuum was an upgrade compared to the one before it *by virtue of it being a new vacuum.* The whole upgrade thing doesn't really matter. It's an illusion, really. **I just love a new toy.** Anyone who lives in a consumerist society understands the appeal of a new toy.

*Isn't the Miele better than all the other vacuums you owned before?*
Not really. It's better at some things and worse at others. It takes up more space than the upright, cost 20 times as much as my Eureka canister, and is way less powerful than my shop vac. It'll wear out over time, too.

The moral of the story:
* You are not a vacuum.
* You should not aspire to be a vacuum.

**Find a man that sees you as a beloved partner and human being, not a replaceable object.**

There is no "Dream Girl". Because if there is, she's not a "girl", **she's a "thing" or an "object". And she’s replaceable. There's always a shiny new model out there — a new “dream”.** Don't envy your replacement. He sees them as replaceable utility objects. **He has rotten values that distort his perception of humanity.** Those same objectifying values will lead him to abandon his “dream” for someone “better” (read: newer), or abandon her if she “stops working” (gets sick). Furthermore, those rotten values are in the same family as those that propel people to grape, murder, and commit atrocities. You don’t want someone with those values. **You want someone with a heart who sees people as people and values you as a person, not an object.**

YOU ARE NOT A VACUUM.

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

So sorry you’re so hurt. It’s truly a horrible feeling. But there is nothing wrong with you. Him cheating on you is a reflection on him and if he’s done it once he will do it again. Speaking from experience, one day, you’ll find someone amazing and you’ll be glad that things worked out as they did. I’d be sure of that. Take some time out for you and focus on what it is you want, I know it sounds corny, but learn to live yourself because he clearly places no value on people. You should realise your worth. As women we always seem to shoulder the blame/guilt when we get cheated on and ask what it is we didn’t wrong. When in fact, it was down to them. All relationships have their problems, but cheating is never excusable. I can promise that time is your best friend and things do get better with time. Big hug x

 

[Milliehaha123]

I honestly went through the worst breakup when I was 21. He was my first love, we lost virginities together, honestly envisaged my life with him. He broke up with me as he wanted to be single but I have strong inklings he also cheated. I was actually distraught, lost so much weight, cried A LOT.. was a really tit time and when he was with someone new (less than a year after...) it made me feel bleeping tit.

I have no real words about whether or not he will cheat again, maybe he will, maybe he won’t. But I do know that if he cheated on you then you’re a million times better off without him, better to be single forever than with someone who has such little respect and regard for someone else.

It will get better and you will move on. I’m with someone else now (we met three years after this guy) and he is so much better for me and to me in every single way. Sometimes when I see my ex pop up on fb now it makes me laugh as I think he’s such a loser and I’ve had such an upgrade

Hang on in there, it will get better!! Xx

 

[Annie101]

It is normal to feel bad. I ended a relationship once because i didnt want to get married, and about 3 months later the guy was engaged to someone else. I felt bad that he was able to move on so quickly although i didnt want him. Your feelings are normal and you deserve better

 

[Lulu23]

She’s either gonna be his new victim, or the person he stays with forever. This says nothing about you and everything about him. I’m not a religious believer at all but I do believe things like this happen so you can fully move on. I’ve been in this situation so many times, I’m a serial SM stalker But it will go away, one day you’ll just think why do I care, that will be the best day ever until then do what you have to do. If it means looking at their page everyday then do so, if it means blocking them and never seeing them again then do so. Everyone heals differently. I hope you get the closure you’re looking for

 

[Inforapenny]

She’s either gonna be his new victim, or the person he stays with forever. This says nothing about you and everything about him. I’m not a religious believer at all but I do believe things like this happen so you can fully move on. I’ve been in this situation so many times, I’m a serial SM stalker But it will go away, one day you’ll just think why do I care, that will be the best day ever until then do what you have to do. If it means looking at their page everyday then do so, if it means blocking them and never seeing them again then do so. Everyone heals differently. I hope you get the closure you’re looking for

This

Everything happens for a reason and you dodged a bullet.
This happened to me. I was so In love and my ex pursued an old flame and cheated and to my know they're still together.
It made me sick. So I ditched social media and started running and working on myself. I was convinced he was my soul mate.
18 months later I met my now husband. My husband is such an up grade. He's hot, kind, actually has a job and utterly devoted to me.
Everything was difficult with my ex. He was a child.

 

[Base2019]

I wish I could give you a big big hug! It really does suck but I promise you it will get better. Two of my ex boyfriends actually cheated on me with the same girl... one of them ended up marrying her. To this day i still feel so insecure about it and about her. I always wonder what she had that I didn’t have and why she was so attractive to the both of them (not just in the looks sense lol). It really does damage your self confidence a lot. I did hear that he cheated on her before they got married and has done so a lot. Makes me feel a bit better as he obviously hasn’t changed at all. I just don’t know why people like that stay together sometimes I think they stayed together out of spite/was at that age when everyone was getting engaged, houses, married etc

Anyways, long story short lol I’m now happily married and wouldn’t swap my life for a second. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it just takes a while to understand that. I’d also stay off social media as it does no favours I used to wreck my happiness for so many years comparing myself to the other girl, when I look back now I can see I was just hurting myself.

Hope you feel better and more like yourself soon

 

[Milliehaha123]

I wish I could give you a big big hug! It really does suck but I promise you it will get better. Two of my ex boyfriends actually cheated on me with the same girl... one of them ended up marrying her. To this day i still feel so insecure about it and about her. I always wonder what she had that I didn’t have and why she was so attractive to the both of them (not just in the looks sense lol). It really does damage your self confidence a lot. I did hear that he cheated on her before they got married and has done so a lot. Makes me feel a bit better as he obviously hasn’t changed at all. I just don’t know why people like that stay together sometimes I think they stayed together out of spite/was at that age when everyone was getting engaged, houses, married etc

Anyways, long story short lol I’m now happily married and wouldn’t swap my life for a second. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it just takes a while to understand that. I’d also stay off social media as it does no favours I used to wreck my happiness for so many years comparing myself to the other girl, when I look back now I can see I was just hurting myself.

Hope you feel better and more like yourself soon

Sorry I hope you don't think I'm laughing at you but two exes with the same girl?!?! WHO IS SHE! The audacity of some people! Did you know her?