Money related - Home Deposit - Bank of Mum and Dad/ self-earned/ inheritance

[Giddyasaschoolgirl]

I've never told anyone this (IRL)- but here's my story.
I bought my detached house in 2015. On my own.
It was £153k.
I paid in cash.
All my own money- I didn't have (and refused) a penny from anyone. If that makes me sound smug and superior, read on.....

I'd lived all my life at home with my mother. She had chronic post-natal depression with me, so much so that my dad walked out, she had blamed me for it and since that age I had been the "man of the house" (I'm male BTW). I was never "allowed" to go on a holiday, buy clothes, even buy food for myself as it would send her into a depressed state. But I put up with it as it was all I'd ever known.
Had my first nervous breakdown at 17. Went to Uni (local as I wasn't "allowed" to move out) and got a job. After a few years I had a decent salary (£45k at one point, less now). I literally had no life though- no friends, nothing to spend money on (I remember buying a £4 kebab one night on my way back from work and mum crying as I had "no idea about money"- I was paying her rent and food costs, didn't sped any other money).
If I wanted clothes I was expected to buy them from a charity shop. I was a manager at work and expected to wear suits/ smart clothes.

Anyway- after having another breakdown in 2015 (a bad one- I ended up in A&E after seriously suicidal thoughts and exhaustion) I decided that I would move out. It had never been discussed, and I was 36 at this point. My entire life was about what my mother wanted. The counsellors I had after my breakdown described it as domestic/emotional abuse.

So long story short- yes, I saved enough money over 10 years to buy a house outright, but my God it cost me a lot. And I wish I'd have moved out 20 years earlier and struggled.

 

[Aliceinherpalace]

I was very lucky in that my Dad gifted me (and my brothers) £40k each for our deposits, otherwise I’d never have been able to buy as I’m awful with money. However this was out of my mums life insurance after she died from a brain tumour - I’d much rather have my mum than my house!

 

[Travelmehomee]

I did it by myself with no inheritance and I only earn £27,000. I bought a £150,000 with a £18,000 deposit. I sold my soul to save for the deposit. And because of my job the mortgage I could get was really rubbish. I slogged day and night for 2 years and I've managed it, it's not been easy however I'm really proud of myself. I had to compromise but I know I made the right choice

 

[Kthxbye]

We were renting and had no savings, but when i lost my mum, she left me her house which I sold and we used the money for a 40k deposit on a 5 bed semi (we live up north) and the rest went towards doing it up, new carpets etc, paid off debts and i have some left over.
It was a horrible way to get the money, and I'd give it all up in a heartbeat to have my mum back, but I think I did the right thing with my inheritance.

 

[Mickybrowneyes]

I do think a lot more people have help from parents than let on! My parents are great and help us out in so many ways but I would never have expected them to gift us a house deposit! Their money is theirs and they need it to enjoy their retirement

there is nothing wrong with parents helping their children though, not like they can take the money with them and if they’re in a position to do so why not! Just feels rubbish when you feel like you’re not getting anywhere with saving and all you see on insta is people’s perfect new builds they’ve bought...

couldn’t agree more with this... I struggle very much to be happy for my friends who were given everything from their parents... I know it’s not their fault but they truly need to put their hands together and thank the lord that they had such a helping hand

 

[Mickybrowneyes]

I haven’t bought my own house as I’m a solo so will need at least a $80k deposit (I’m Australian) most of my friends have rich parents and I laugh at them when they say they bought their own house. Actually their mum and dad did

 

[Freebies_come2me]

It just fascinates me, the houses in my area cost 550k at least, a 10% deposit is 55k and that is without stamp duty etc. How do people afford it, and how much do they actually need to earn per month.

We are earning 90k annually combined, I don't see how we can ever save up 55k at least

This is not realistic (i know), on insta, I constantly see people buy a house, reno, host wedding and go honeymoon, in the span of 2 years, how the fuck do you afford that. I need some tips haha!

The future is bleak

 

[Gembo]

I've never told anyone this (IRL)- but here's my story.
I bought my detached house in 2015. On my own.
It was £153k.
I paid in cash.
All my own money- I didn't have (and refused) a penny from anyone. If that makes me sound smug and superior, read on.....

I'd lived all my life at home with my mother. She had chronic post-natal depression with me, so much so that my dad walked out, she had blamed me for it and since that age I had been the "man of the house" (I'm male BTW). I was never "allowed" to go on a holiday, buy clothes, even buy food for myself as it would send her into a depressed state. But I put up with it as it was all I'd ever known.
Had my first nervous breakdown at 17. Went to Uni (local as I wasn't "allowed" to move out) and got a job. After a few years I had a decent salary (£45k at one point, less now). I literally had no life though- no friends, nothing to spend money on (I remember buying a £4 kebab one night on my way back from work and mum crying as I had "no idea about money"- I was paying her rent and food costs, didn't sped any other money).
If I wanted clothes I was expected to buy them from a charity shop. I was a manager at work and expected to wear suits/ smart clothes.

Anyway- after having another breakdown in 2015 (a bad one- I ended up in A&E after seriously suicidal thoughts and exhaustion) I decided that I would move out. It had never been discussed, and I was 36 at this point. My entire life was about what my mother wanted. The counsellors I had after my breakdown described it as domestic/emotional abuse.

So long story short- yes, I saved enough money over 10 years to buy a house outright, but my God it cost me a lot. And I wish I'd have moved out 20 years earlier and struggled.

That is so sad to read, I’m really sorry that so much of your life was spent that way. But I’m really happy for you that you now have your own space that you own. I bet it feels amazing now to be free of that and able to do what you want to do, although I’m sure there are still scars. I hope your life going forward is much much happier x

 

[hnoz]

It just fascinates me, the houses in my area cost 550k at least, a 10% deposit is 55k and that is without stamp duty etc. How do people afford it, and how much do they actually need to earn per month.

We are earning 90k annually combined, I don't see how we can ever save up 55k at least

This is not realistic (i know), on insta, I constantly see people buy a house, reno, host wedding and go honeymoon, in the span of 2 years, how the fuck do you afford that. I need some tips haha!

The future is bleak

Not to be patronising at all, but on 90k combined you really should be able to save 55k in 2-3 years. You need to sit down and look at your outgoings, move when your lease is up and live in a small shitty one bed with a longer commute. Give yourselves a strict budget for "fun". If you both saved £750 a month you would have 55k in 3 years and I think on your income there is actually room to save more.

Start by looking through your bank statements and literally count up everything you spent and categorise it. Then look at what can be reduced, when is your phone contract up, switch to a sim only, cut the fancy gym and go running.
The easiest way is to split things into NEEDS, SAVINGS, and WANTS. 50% 30% 20% is a good ratio. If you don't live in london your needs might not need to be that high. Needs is rent, food (not alcohol or eating out just groceries), bills etc, wants are eating out, phones, gym, clothes etc. Set up a new bank account and have all your bills coming out of that, only keep the 20% fun spending money in your day to day account and have your savings go out via direct debit the day after pay day. You can't spend it if it literally isn't there.

 

[Sosig]

Rented since I was 18, over 9 years.
Never been in the position to buy and I don't have any inheritance from grandparents, my mum and dad aren't around either so no handouts.

I missed out on a lot in my early 20s as my friends lived at home and were not paying keep etc and I've had to prioritise at least half my wages on rent and bills before I could even think about socialising depending on the job I had I'd end up with nothing left after payday.

Been in a good job for a couple of years now. My boyfriend and I are steadily saving to buy however this isnt going to happen overnight as he lives at home and his parents aren't in the position to be gifting money so probably going to take around 3-5 years for us to get a solid deposit.

It's hard not to feel a little jealous of my friends who have been gifted deposits but we're using our journey as an adventure and it'll all be worth it in the end! The house that I rent is nice but I now understand why people want somewhere to call their OWN and I cant wait for the day we get a set of keys to a forever home! (We're on rightmove like every other day manifesting )

 

[Gembo]

I consider us very lucky, my father in law purchased our first house cash, it was £86k and an absolute wreck. He bought it to renovate and sell but then let us do that, once we finished we took out a mortgage to pay off the cost of renovation and to pay him back. We sold it a few years later and made about £100k which then went towards the next house. Like I say we were very lucky and we never asked him to do this, he was just happy for us to take over the renovation and let us move into it. I am always grateful I think we may have struggled otherwise

 

[DCICassieStuart]

We bought our four bed semi in 2000 for £100,000. It was a new build at the time. We saved £10,000 for the deposit, but literally couldn't afford to put anything in it. Neither family offered to help, even though both of them could have afforded something.

My husband is close to his aunt and she lent us £5000 to buy furniture. She said there was no hurry to pay it back and we weren't to tell anyone. She's quite well off and knew we would pay her back, but other extended family members would see her as a soft touch and would never repay her, so she didn't want anyone to know. Obviously we paid her back in full over a few years. Her money bought us kitchen white goods, our bed, sofa, table & chairs and some other bits and pieces in the house.

Our neighbour's (identical) house recently sold for £325,000. I'd love to sell ours and move for various reasons, but my husband won't because his mother is only about 10 minutes away. One of the reasons I want to move

We'd be quite friendly with three of our neighbours and they all saved themselves too. Another one got £50,000 from her father though. Not a loan, a gift.

 

[Platypusfattypus]

I bought my house outright after losing my parents. Whilst it's nice to be mortgage free it's a shitty way to get it and id rather not have lost my parents when I was a teenager and would happily pay a mortgage so I could see them. But I've made the best out of a crap situation.

We are going to remortgage soon so we can extend the house.

 

[Fourcandles]

I’m lucky enough to have parents living on the outskirts of London. I moved back in with them after university at 21 when I started my graduate job in the city and paid them £500 a month for rent and keep as agreed and saving circa £300 a month. After three years I had just over £10k saved from my own money and my parents told me they had held the rent I’d been paying them in a separate account and had always planned to return it to me as part of my deposit. Bought a one bed shoebox sized flat in an ‘up and coming’ (ie very dodgy but on the edge of a good area) bit of London in Zone 2 and lived there for 11 years. It was a horrible flat but I never really cared!

Thanks to gentrification and years of repairs and love I sold it three years ago for nearly double what I paid for it. Now live in a lovely big flat in a suburb 10 minutes from my parents and am forever grateful to them for their generosity!

 

[Gggshh]

I do think a lot more people have help from parents than let on! My parents are great and help us out in so many ways but I would never have expected them to gift us a house deposit! Their money is theirs and they need it to enjoy their retirement

there is nothing wrong with parents helping their children though, not like they can take the money with them and if they’re in a position to do so why not! Just feels rubbish when you feel like you’re not getting anywhere with saving and all you see on insta is people’s perfect new builds they’ve bought...

 

[ThePowderMonkey]

I have one friend whose parents gave her £150,000 and two others whose parents bought their houses outright (imagine having £250k just knocking around in your bank)!!

My partner and I saved about £30k. I genuinely have no idea how we did it. We bought a project.

 

[Ups27]

My boyfriend and I saved 35k for a deposit for our house. We lived with his parents (paying them rent) and were very disciplined. Im really proud that we saved every penny

 

[LT31514]

My husband was given his inheritance from his parents early (they’re still alive) so we used that for our deposit. Live in Belgium and house prices are crazy. We have a one bed ground floor apartment which I LOVE but we could easily get a 3 bed detached back up north where I’m from. People are constantly asking us when we are going on to bigger and better things but these are the people who have literally been gifted homes. It’s quite common over here for families to have multiple homes for rental income and then when their child turns 25 or so they just get given the house and have to pay a nominal amount of rent, or mortgage it for way below market value. I’m not bashing these people but don’t expect everyone to feel the need to move house every few years to keep up with the joneses. When we moved in we had all old furniture, a second hand kitchen that we fitted and no curtains up. We got married really cheaply and have saved saved saved for the past 7 years so we now have a relatively small mortgage (around £50k) and money in the bank. If anything, corona has made me realise that you need to be living comfortably and not mortgaged to high heaven because everything can change overnight.

 

[btw]

I did it by myself with no inheritance and I only earn £27,000. I bought a £150,000 with a £18,000 deposit. I sold my soul to save for the deposit. And because of my job the mortgage I could get was really rubbish. I slogged day and night for 2 years and I've managed it, it's not been easy however I'm really proud of myself. I had to compromise but I know I made the right choice

That’s amazing! You should be really proud, it’s definitely hard as a single applicant when house prices are so high

 

[Freebies_come2me]

couldn’t agree more with this... I struggle very much to be happy for my friends who were given everything from their parents... I know it’s not their fault but they truly need to put their hands together and thank the lord that they had such a helping hand

I get what you mean. I think is okay when people get help from their parents. The issue I have is when people think the rest of us did not work as 'hard' or as 'aspired' as them.
A 10k help is still massive, I know people are saying quit the avocado/ fancy coffee but that is such a tiny proportion of spending VS what we needed to save