I read an interesting article about this. The incredible passionate intoxicating feelings you have at the beginning - the 'I need to be with this person at all costs' feelings are a basic biological function to ensure you get with your chosen mate and hopefully reproduce, or be with a life companion. Those feelings will naturally change into a different love - a secure and calmer phase where you concentrate on your children and your home and the rest of your life - the beginning exciting bit was a stepping stone purposely designed to get you to the next, more important bit. There is no way normal life could carry on at that intensity.Together for 10 years. Married for 5 . I've just watched a romcom and wish I still had those same feelings.
Is it normal to not feel as in love with your husband/partner or is that a bad sign?
Kids change things right? The pressure. The exhaustion. The no alone time. The lack of sex and intomacy. The weight gain and physical appearance change... I doubt many couple look and feel the same as those first few 'honeymoon period' months together....
This is spot on! This is also the reason I always say that love is a choice. Not at first, but ultimately once you’ve passed the “honeymoon phase”, you choose to stick it out despite difficult times, times when they annoy or disappoint you. It might not be as “exciting” as it first was - not all the time anyway. But as Jelly Bean said, in my experience it becomes a different type of love.I read an interesting article about this. The incredible passionate intoxicating feelings you have at the beginning - the 'I need to be with this person at all costs' feelings are a basic biological function to ensure you get with your chosen mate and hopefully reproduce, or be with a life companion. Those feelings will naturally change into a different love - a secure and calmer phase where you concentrate on your children and your home and the rest of your life - the beginning exciting bit was a stepping stone purposely designed to get you to the next, more important bit. There is no way normal life could carry on at that intensity.
So it is entirely normal. Just because the exciting bit films concentrate on has passed doesn't mean you are with the wrong person.
I think a lot of people keep searching for that 'in love' phase when times get tough with their present partners, because when it fades they think it signifies they are with the wrong person, but it just is not biologically designed to last. It morphs into something else. A different but equally as important kind of love. Because those intense feelings have changed into something else is not a judgment on your relationship.
agree with this! We’ve been married 3 1/2, together for 10. one child together.This is spot on! This is also the reason I always say that love is a choice. Not at first, but ultimately once you’ve passed the “honeymoon phase”, you choose to stick it out despite difficult times, times when they annoy or disappoint you. It might not be as “exciting” as it first was - not all the time anyway. But as Jelly Bean said, in my experience it becomes a different type of love.
Absolutely agree with having to make sure you have time for each other. We try & go out just by ourselves now & then (we have 2 children) but obviously recently that’s not been possible, so we try to make the most of evenings together. I agree it’s definitely harder since having children, but for me it makes me even more determined to work on things.agree with this! We’ve been married 3 1/2, together for 10. one child together.
We get on quite well, though since having a baby things have gotten harder. harder in the sense that we have to be mindful to work on having time together, and giving each other space and not letting emotion such as lack of sleep or the like get in the way.
I fully see him as my best friend, and it’s a kind of love I can’t really describe, like a hard wearing love, one that I don’t really ever think about, like it’s company and a safe place if that makes sense?
it’s so hard to make time, even though it sounds so stupid. Once the toddler is in bed sometimes I just wanna crawl into bed and read or go workout to get my head straight so it’s finding that balance where you can have your own space but also time together too. I feel like it’s a constant work in progress, and I feel like it’s ok to realise marriage takes work. Complacency is when things start to get rocky!Absolutely agree with having to make sure you have time for each other. We try & go out just by ourselves now & then (we have 2 children) but obviously recently that’s not been possible, so we try to make the most of evenings together. I agree it’s definitely harder since having children, but for me it makes me even more determined to work on things.
Totally understand what you say about your partner being your best friend, I’m the same. I know that no matter how much I might annoy him at times (not intentionally...) he’s not going to go anywhere. I can’t ever imagine someone else knowing me in the same way.
I can’t even fathom what an incredibly hard time you must have gone through both together and alone at the same part.My relationship didn’t last but for us it wasn’t kids- it was what came with our kids. My oldest was sick for a year and his sister was born two months after he died. We shouldn’t have had another baby so soon. We shouldn’t have gotten pregnant while he was sick. It wasn’t planned, but having a baby so soon after is what killed it for us. That was 4 years ago. Took us 3 and a half years and another baby to realise. Well, it took him less time and he went to other women... which is when I realised.
It’s true that making time for each other is SO important. That’s one thing we never really did. We were so excited to be parents that our lives just revolves around them which is fine but we neglected our relationship completely. From when our oldest was born. We had the excuse for it when he was sick, because obviously he was everything then, but even before then we messed up.
Fully agree with you and jelly bean. Weve been together nearly 10 years and I no longer want to jump his bones at every opportunity but I still love him, just in a different way. I absolutely couldnt be without him at all, I just couldnt imagine living with, being in a relationship, even sleeping with anyone else. It's still love, it's just love with less hormones I think.This is spot on! This is also the reason I always say that love is a choice. Not at first, but ultimately once you’ve passed the “honeymoon phase”, you choose to stick it out despite difficult times, times when they annoy or disappoint you. It might not be as “exciting” as it first was - not all the time anyway. But as Jelly Bean said, in my experience it becomes a different type of love.
Exactly and that is why you can 'fall in love' with more than one person. That is the easy bit - it is what you chose to do, and who you chose to do it with after that counts. When I was younger sometimes after that honeymoon feeling went there wasn't much left with some boyfriends.This is spot on! This is also the reason I always say that love is a choice. Not at first, but ultimately once you’ve passed the “honeymoon phase”, you choose to stick it out despite difficult times, times when they annoy or disappoint you.
I don’t think the length of the “honeymoon period” matters tbh, it’ll vary for everyone. We had kids after about 3 years but I think that period was pretty much over before we had our first. We still love each other, way more than during that period, but we just have to make more of a conscious effort. I think it’s pretty normal!I feel what you guys are saying except we don't have kids.. We're together over 5 years but I started feeling like this within 1.5 years, is that bad?Everyone talks about this stage kicking in after kids or after years and years of being with each other but no one talks about it happening so soon
Thanks for that! It used to be something I was extremely insecure about, I nearly ended things because I though it wasn't normal but so glad I stuck through as he's one of the good ones! And I do feel that different kind of love for himI don’t think the length of the “honeymoon period” matters tbh, it’ll vary for everyone. We had kids after about 3 years but I think that period was pretty much over before we had our first. We still love each other, way more than during that period, but we just have to make more of a conscious effort. I think it’s pretty normal!
Good on you for following your gut! I really do think it’s normal, tbh I prefer this stage than the honeymoon period. I feel so much more comfortable, I don’t feel like I have to prove myself or impress anyone.Thanks for that! It used to be something I was extremely insecure about, I nearly ended things because I though it wasn't normal but so glad I stuck through as he's one of the good ones! And I do feel that different kind of love for him
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