Male Suicide - Potential trigger

[Countrybumpkingirl]

Hi all

Firstly thank you for taking time to read this.

This is an incredibly difficult conversation and sadly is impacting on more and more people. I have been impacted by this with my sadly now ex partner having tried a couple of times (once after I learnt about a rather painful mistake he made but for which I forgave straight away and have never ever punished him for).
The pain I still feel I don't think will ever go away but also that moment every time you read an article in the press and worry is it them having done it even though you know there is no way as they made a promise they would never be that low again.
I truly found the death of Mike from LI (who I had no idea who he was or ever watched the show) the most incredibly painful for me.

Enough is enough, male mental health needs something done about it. We cannot lose anymore. I have today just heard a friend lost her uncle today to suicide so I guess, i just can't sit by quietly any longer.

Strange post I know but I wanted somewhere for people, both male and female to talk and discuss without judgement.

Thank you for my ramble xx

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I’m so sorry for your loss x

 

[Definitelyme]

I lost my uncle to suicide earlier this year. He had never attempted before, and nobody saw it coming. He left a young family behind.

My husband read that London Ambulance services are attending 32 suicides per day at the minute, which is an appalling number.

 

[MaxieMoo]

It is such a huge problem but I don't see or hear many people discussing it so thank you for starting this thread x.

It so sad to know that people reach a point in their life where suicide feels like their only option. My colleague recently lost a close male friend in these circumstances and it's so heartbreaking.

 

[Countrybumpkingirl]

I don't even think it is always the stigma of suicide, I think it is just the stigma of appearing to be weak and not asking for help.
My ex partner whilst he is getting help and the military have been amazing for all this, still has not told his family about what happened. At the time I was the only person who knew and I probably still am. That feeling that if anything happened and I hadn't told them are away at me but I promised him I wouldn't and no matter what happens I will always keep my promises to him x

 

[Definitelyme]

I don't even think it is always the stigma of suicide, I think it is just the stigma of appearing to be weak and not asking for help.
My ex partner whilst he is getting help and the military have been amazing for all this, still has not told his family about what happened. At the time I was the only person who knew and I probably still am. That feeling that if anything happened and I hadn't told them are away at me but I promised him I wouldn't and no matter what happens I will always keep my promises to him x

Try not to feel guilt about any of it. My mum has attempted several times, and my family never told me (I’m the youngest) until things all came to a head at one point. I was never angry at them, and still wouldn’t have been if she had been successful. No matter how many people know and are helping, if a person is beyond that point there is nothing anyone can do. I know you said he promised he won’t attempt again, but with mental illness in play that may not be a promise he can keep.

After my uncle died I read an amazing piece about what happens in the run up to that moment, and it helped me so much. I’ll try and find it and link.

I found the explanations in this article so very interesting, they really helped put together what is happening in someone’s mind when they decide to commit suicide.

I Attempted Suicide. Here’s What I Want Suicide Loss Survivors to Know

If your loved one could reach you now, these are some of the things they would want you to know.

www.healthline.com

 

[Welsh1]

I work in a GP practice and we have had so many patient deaths by suicide especially since March when we went in to the first lockdown. From what I can remember, we've had 11 females and 19 males. The youngest being a 12 year old boy. I also found Mike's death hard to comprehend. So many people say that its more shocking because its so unexpected.

 

[Barbie2020]

I’ve had a lot of suicidal feelings this year as my depression has just got so much worse. Some days I literally don’t feel any sort of happiness. I don’t even get joy out of simple things anymore. I know I will get through it as I have done before but I can understand completely why there are so many suicides. It breaks my heart that people have to end their lives to escape the torment and pain they are feeling. You sound like a really caring person he is lucky that you care so much.

 

[Countrybumpkingirl]

I’ve had a lot of suicidal feelings this year as my depression has just got so much worse. Some days I literally don’t feel any sort of happiness. I don’t even get joy out of simple things anymore. I know I will get through it as I have done before but I can understand completely why there are so many suicides. It breaks my heart that people have to end their lives to escape the torment and pain they are feeling. You sound like a really caring person he is lucky that you care so much.

So sorry you hear, do you have people nearby who you can talk to? As much as it feels like suicide is the answer remember there are people who you matter to and who without you in their lives well to them it wouldn't be worth living either. Xxxxx

 

[1001 others]

I’ve had a lot of suicidal feelings this year as my depression has just got so much worse. Some days I literally don’t feel any sort of happiness. I don’t even get joy out of simple things anymore. I know I will get through it as I have done before but I can understand completely why there are so many suicides. It breaks my heart that people have to end their lives to escape the torment and pain they are feeling. You sound like a really caring person he is lucky that you care so much.

Barbie2020, if you ever need anyone to listen, please reach out to me. You don't have to handle this on your own, or feel alone. I am but an online stranger but I have a huge heart and understand how hard life can be.

One of the problems coming out of the lockdowns is that people feel they don't have anything to look forward to - such as seeing a live act, going to the movies, meeting up with friends for drinks ... even going to work in an office if they're told to work from home. Being social creatures, we're not used to living like this. It's as if all our freedoms are being taken away. Even in prisons (prior to Covid), prisoners were allowed more social interaction. We need to find it within ourselves to find new ways of looking forward to things that can be achieved during lockdowns. I'm not saying this is the reason for an increase in suicides, but I would not be surprised if it was part of the reason as it leads to a general feeling of hopelessness.

I had a friend take his life just recently. He decided that he was too damaged to ever meet someone (childhood trauma of losing his father at a young age, which he never had help dealing with); and that he was just a waste of space. It really hurts typing this as I just feel so, so sad that he reached that point. When I last spoke to him, which was via video call about three months ago, he was fine. He wasn't a great conversationalist but seemed okay in his manner. Other friends have said that he just seemed to put walls up around him which they could not break down. He will never know what a huge gap he has left in his friends' and family's lives.

 

[Definitelyme]

I’ve had a lot of suicidal feelings this year as my depression has just got so much worse. Some days I literally don’t feel any sort of happiness. I don’t even get joy out of simple things anymore. I know I will get through it as I have done before but I can understand completely why there are so many suicides. It breaks my heart that people have to end their lives to escape the torment and pain they are feeling. You sound like a really caring person he is lucky that you care so much.

I am sorry that things have been so bleak this year for you. Please reach out, please let those close to you, or your GP know how you feel. Nobody would want to lose you.

I work in a GP practice and we have had so many patient deaths by suicide especially since March when we went in to the first lockdown. From what I can remember, we've had 11 females and 19 males. The youngest being a 12 year old boy. I also found Mike's death hard to comprehend. So many people say that its more shocking because its so unexpected.

That’s what we found with my uncle. The total and absolute shock made it so hard to comprehend. We could have dealt with a heart attack or whatever, sad as it would have been. But this is just so unbelievable, so surreal.

 

[Barbie2020]

So sorry you hear, do you have people nearby who you can talk to? As much as it feels like suicide is the answer remember there are people who you matter to and who without you in their lives well to them it wouldn't be worth living either. Xxxxx

Thank you so much! I’m very lucky I live with my husband to be and got a good family I have it better than most who are suffering but I’ve been in a bad place for a while and I’m getting help from the doctor etc. I have the feelings but I’d never actually do it I couldn’t do that to the people who love me

Barbie2020, if you ever need anyone to listen, please reach out to me. You don't have to handle this on your own, or feel alone. I am but an online stranger but I have a huge heart and understand how hard life can be.

One of the problems coming out of the lockdowns is that people feel they don't have anything to look forward to - such as seeing a live act, going to the movies, meeting up with friends for drinks ... even going to work in an office if they're told to work from home. Being social creatures, we're not used to living like this. It's as if all our freedoms are being taken away. Even in prisons (prior to Covid), prisoners were allowed more social interaction. We need to find it within ourselves to find new ways of looking forward to things that can be achieved during lockdowns. I'm not saying this is the reason for an increase in suicides, but I would not be surprised if it was part of the reason as it leads to a general feeling of hopelessness.

I had a friend take his life just recently. He decided that he was too damaged to ever meet someone (childhood trauma of losing his father at a young age, which he never had help dealing with); and that he was just a waste of space. It really hurts typing this as I just feel so, so sad that he reached that point. When I last spoke to him, which was via video call about three months ago, he was fine. He wasn't a great conversationalist but seemed okay in his manner. Other friends have said that he just seemed to put walls up around him which they could not break down. He will never know what a huge gap he has left in his friends' and family's lives.

Thank you that’s really kind! I’m doing ok I am on anti depressants and going to be doing some counselling soon. I don’t think I could ever take my life and hurt my family it’s just the feelings are there and it’s soil destroying sometimes but I’ll get through it. I’m so sorry about your friend. It’s so sad that there’s so many in that much pain it really upsets me that there are people out there having to do this and think it’s their only option

I am sorry that things have been so bleak this year for you. Please reach out, please let those close to you, or your GP know how you feel. Nobody would want to lose you.



Thank you! I am getting help for it. Thank you everybody for being so nice. Even though it’s strangers on the internet sometimes it’s easier to let your feelings out to strangers rather than family. If anyone ever needs a chat I’m always here

 

[moglits]

Thank you for posting this.

Suicide is such a unique beast. It's grief, but flavoured so differently - the shock, the unanswered questions, the disbelief, the doubt, the sense of rejection and abandonment. So many layers of pain.

My Dad took his own life out of the blue when I was 14, and while I have learned to live with it, it has certainly shaped who I am now.

Another offer from an anonymous stranger on the net to be a willing ear should anyone on this thread need it x

 

[Sugarbee123]

I agree, and I’m so glad I’ve seen this post because this evening I’ve been to see my step dad at the funeral parlour who sadly took his life a couple of weeks ago. I’m really struggling to come to terms with it and I thought seeing his body tonight would give me closure, but it hasn’t. I have so many questions, I go through all different emotions, emotions I’ve never felt before. Mainly I’m angry, I’m so angry. I’m not saying it’s always the case, but in this case he was failed massively by the system so many things could have prevented this from happening. I just find it so annoying when mental health is such a big subject at the moment everyone bangs on about that ‘help is out there’ yet when someone is in those desperate moments they turn around and say ‘well we can make an appointment to see you next week’ well that was a week too late for my step dad. I’ve logged a huge complaint and it’s gone as a serious incident investigation and I just hope I can do something so another family doesn’t go what we’ve been through

 

[Definitelyme]

I agree, and I’m so glad I’ve seen this post because this evening I’ve been to see my step dad at the funeral parlour who sadly took his life a couple of weeks ago. I’m really struggling to come to terms with it and I thought seeing his body tonight would give me closure, but it hasn’t. I have so many questions, I go through all different emotions, emotions I’ve never felt before. Mainly I’m angry, I’m so angry. I’m not saying it’s always the case, but in this case he was failed massively by the system so many things could have prevented this from happening. I just find it so annoying when mental health is such a big subject at the moment everyone bangs on about that ‘help is out there’ yet when someone is in those desperate moments they turn around and say ‘well we can make an appointment to see you next week’ well that was a week too late for my step dad. I’ve logged a huge complaint and it’s gone as a serious incident investigation and I just hope I can do something so another family doesn’t go what we’ve been through

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[MaxieMoo]

I agree, and I’m so glad I’ve seen this post because this evening I’ve been to see my step dad at the funeral parlour who sadly took his life a couple of weeks ago. I’m really struggling to come to terms with it and I thought seeing his body tonight would give me closure, but it hasn’t. I have so many questions, I go through all different emotions, emotions I’ve never felt before. Mainly I’m angry, I’m so angry. I’m not saying it’s always the case, but in this case he was failed massively by the system so many things could have prevented this from happening. I just find it so annoying when mental health is such a big subject at the moment everyone bangs on about that ‘help is out there’ yet when someone is in those desperate moments they turn around and say ‘well we can make an appointment to see you next week’ well that was a week too late for my step dad. I’ve logged a huge complaint and it’s gone as a serious incident investigation and I just hope I can do something so another family doesn’t go what we’ve been through

So sorry for your loss

Just really glad Country Bumpkin made this thread. Such an emotive and difficult subject but we need the awareness out there. Sending love to everyone affected by this.

 

[Countrybumpkingirl]

So sorry for your loss

Just really glad Country Bumpkin made this thread. Such an emotive and difficult subject but we need the awareness out there. Sending love to everyone affected by this.

No problem at all. I just hate seeing this happening to others.

I have to admit until this affected me I had no idea about it all. I had no true understanding of MH. I felt ashamed of my behaviour in the past regarding it and now my life has been totally turned upside down by it. I suffered from PTSD after the initial trigger event and even now I am still suffering from anxiety but rebuilding my life.

Sending love and support to everyone on this chat. You ever need anything please message me. Xxx

 

[Say What]

Reading all your stories makes me feel very sorry for you all. I used to be an emergency services worker and the worst part of the job was going to someone’s house to tell them that their loved one had taken their own life. I can remember every person I’ve had to do that to and I often think about those people and where they are now. I think suicide is harder because it is preventable and for some, they don’t get the chance to ask why. The current situation and the increasing rate of suicide is so alarming because of the awful loneliness of continuous restrictions and lockdowns. I for one don’t think the government understands how much MH is escalating and for how many people. I would urge anyone who’s struggling to ask for help from anyone. It is a terrible thing to have to take that person to the morgue and go and tell the people they love.

 

[boatofbubbles]

My ex died by suicide, he was abusive towards me. I told him to leave after he nearly broke my arm. So he took our child and I was given the option of getting back with him and having our child or he'd take both children (one from a previous relationship that would end up in care) I decided I would fight. It was hard. Eventually he was arrested for * things* on his PC. Before it went to court he died. It was reported in local papers, I was demonised by commenter although it had nothing to do with me. Yet I still cannot get over it, if only I accepted the abuse that night then he'd still be here for our child yet other children have been potentially saved from being "shared". It's hard to work with.