Vlog 24th May 'We Don't Know What the Future Holds'
- She thought she'd have to import a mattress from America. Things started to escalate, it was getting expensive. It's still an expensive bed, but a wonderful bed. When Sleepeezee heard about her situation they reached out to her. She's had the best night's sleep of her life. If you love it so much...how about you hibernate there...until at least like next year.
- She thinks her shoulder and arm ache have been due to her old mattress all this time. So the new mattress was a blessing in disguise really. So I found this special medication to stop you moaning. It's called. Shut. The. duck. Up.
- She's anxious this morning as her diary is marked out for a surprise. She's really bad with surprises, as she has so much to think about before she leaves the house. Just so much to tick off the to do list - check tattle updates (and repeat), look in mirror (73 times), fake tan (37 layers and no less), brush hair (optional), make bed (make husband make bed). Just So. Much. To. I get it...totally. I get that you're a bleeping moron.
- She's ordered edible flowers to make ice cubes to take to her surprise day. Does she duck this up? Yes, yes she does. I'm not necessarily saying you're a moron again. But maybe you should pursue activities that don't require much intelligence. Like popping dried flowers into an ice cube tray. No wait. Scrap that. You're still a moron. Case closed.
- The brief for the day is to feel cute and amazing. So her get up is her Zimmerman white full length dress. You'd make a lovely bride corpse Lydia. Her hair is in a low bun. She's letting all her secrets out; if her hair is down she feels more glam, if her hair is up she feels cool. I wish I had your hair. Said no-one ever. The weather is bad. So bad that she thinks Ali's golfing will be rained off. So along with the white dress she's decided to wear sandals. I'm sorry you're an inept idiot. But I'm not sorry.
- She's enjoyed having the house to herself, but the animals have been demanding. She genuinely doesn't think she can have more than one child. She struggles with two animals by herself. She doesn't know how single mums do it. An ode to Alex. She's never been more in awe, as Alex never even moans. Lumi has been begging her for more food and wanted her to walk to her bowl to show her. Then Lumi meowed at the window to be let in. AND Porter has not wanted to leave her side. It's been a very demanding day. She feels she's experienced what it's like for some parents out there. On the matter of parenthood, I've come to the conclusion that you're such a moron that after you were born your mum changed her stance on swallowing. You are the youngest child birthed to your mum aren't you Lydia? And that's the story on that...
- It's a birthday party just for her. With her ass licking clown posse aka Cawwee and Depop Dee et al. She was talking to Cawwee about Porter's humping as she walked into the kitchen to find the others. She was just like so embarrassed. She hadn't clocked why the Greatest Showman soundtrack was playing as this is the soundtrack of her life. Yes, yes Lydia it is. Just switch out the 'Greatest' for 'Shadiest'. Then we good.
- She's been burning the candle at both ends. She's been to another friend's house. The tequila came out. She's been keeping hydrated though. She just loves a La Meerrrrr sheet mask. Oh what a real life multi-tasking hero you are. I only hope you didn't also have that big girl task of...yanno watching two pets for an hour...all by your limp noodle self.
- She's had a clear out of the greenhouse whilst Ali watches the Grand Prix. What. A. Time. To. Be. Alive. watching this riveting content. Next she'll collate a post on how to organise the under the sink self. No wait...
- She thought she'd give us a walk through of her forever digital home. People have forgotten that blogs are so important. She feels people need to start focusing on them instead of algorithms on other apps. Her main focus had been this the last year, to make it the most amazing destination. She's so proud to work with Chloé Digital to bring this space to the industry. A look-book, to link her outfits. 11,000 clicks to her own website. She was the person that drove that traffic. This is the mothership of her. She even has a very special section for her fashion reels. Even her underwear is linked. Someone messaged her to say they didn't need to ask her a question as they went on her blog and found the answer. Congratulations to you all for not slipping into a coma reading this tit.
- She's picked cow parsley for the tablescape as it keeps it's architecture well. Ali is making chicken and bean (minus the lily) enchiladas for dinner. That's her finishing doing anything around the house for the day. She's downloaded a new audio book. She just loves books. She likes to be transported. From reality? From the floor? From a world without spellcheck?
