Lydia Millen #85 House transformation's 50 shades of puke, latest collabs are just a fluke

[Miscanthus]

Thank you to our mistress of the one liner @Dobs for yet another great thread title.
Welcome to this crazy, fast moving thread. Newbies please check out The WIKI (red button at top of page) for all things Lidl.

Quick recap....Lidl is shopping on Amazon, but wearing £2k frocks to buy a loaf at Daylesford farm shop and have a BBQ with Josie. Ali is excited about a strimmer that came quickly and has now been allowed in the Greedhouse. Poor little Porter is crying and barking in the background and his plight is attracting negative comments.

Meanwhile, plans are well underway for our summer event...

Don't miss out...put your name down with event planner @Oops...

DOWNTONBURY FESTIVAL - 2021 - MORE NEWS - MORE VIP’s

We have more Acts in our line up...

Oblivious Neutron Bomb will be appearing in the Alitex Greenhouse
Clifford Rich-Ard is booked to appear to duet with ONB (Xanadu, We Don’t Talk Anymore)
The Cocker-Spaniel Sniffer Dog Posse ft Ja Vis

DJ Market Garden will play a 2 hour set on the @Miscanthus RHS Stage

An unexpected phenomenon appears to be taking place inasmuch as Brands are hearing about our Festival. I am happy to announce a new listing which I hope a member will kindly keep a record of and publish from time to time. OG Volunteer Required please for recording...

KINDLY GIFTED.

Top of the range Alitex Greenhouse
Massive ‘Friends Type‘ Water Fountain - Secret Benefactor
Free Raised Bed to all Attendees - Harrod Horticulture
The Government - Free rail travel to DOWNTONBURY FESTIVALplus Fleece-on-a-Seat goody bag
4 Marble Tables and 1 Marquee courtesy of @Lady Chat

It has been recommended that we should have Awards at the end. It is to be hoped that some talented member may wish to design some awards.

The Design a ‘T’ Shirt Competition is flourishing with members submitting their hilarious designs. @Miscanthus is keeping a record of the T shirts and the number of votes they receive. The prize for the winner is a -HAIRNETS- ‘Goody’ Bag.

Those with a birthday in June may like to announce this and join @Margo Polo in our ‘Queen For A Month Celebrations’ by wearing a gilded Crown supplied by Garrard and a silk sash supplied by Sacha Mentii from our Wardrobe Department. A dropped curtsy every time we pass a Queen at DOWNTONBURY is of course mandatory since it is only good manners.

Most Recent VIP Members include.

@Stefano - Utterly Butterly...Unplugged - Pearl Clutcher’s Tent
@becky bloomwood - How to Belt Up - Styling Workshop - Dog Safety Tent
@Allexie01 - Here’s Me Head...Me Broken Ankles Are Following - First Aid Stomp Tent
@misshydrangea - Cor! Value Diary Management - INFJ Tent
@Lionessarising - Herbs To Hide Under Ketchup - The Basil Tent
@Al Fresco - ESPAragus Tips - Veggie Meets Beauty Tent
@FlorrieB - Prizes for Deciphering F&B Black Panels - Black Tent
@yucklydia - Too Tight To Breathe - Belt Trilogy Tent
@Tinytur - Treatment of Husbands in Vlogging - Condescension Tent
@munchie - Eye-Rolling in A Yurt - Projection Tent
@Fionaelf13 - The Small Big Jobs - Big Small Job Tent
@Glóbylydl - How To Wear Black Vegan Leather With a ZIP - Monogrammed Fastener Tent
@Miss KW - Great Philosophy...Living Your Truth - Better Than Aristotle Tent

This list is not exhaustive of course and there will be more to come.

To be continued...

 

[DandyTandy]

can the spankin new strimmer be used on Lydia's caterpillar brows? asking for my Downtonbury tent

 

[Hunevoque2]

Don’t forget to lock the previous thread, going back and forth will be too hard !

 

[Miscanthus]

Don’t forget to lock the previous thread, going back and forth will be too hard !

I always report it immediately but Mods don't always see it straight away.

Did anybody else get this advert in the last thread? I forgot to post it! It seems very appropriate

 

[Dobs]

Thank you to our absolutely incredible @Miscanthus for taking the time to create the thread! Thank you all again for the love on my thread suggestions, I think this is my 8th one now . I find them so amusing to come up with! -- To celebrate I'm off to neck a bottle of Moet order a Dominos all whilst keeping my Prada boots on

P.S I'll be attending DOWNTONBURY FESTIVAL

 

[Elle Belle]

Better late than never @SteffiM. Although I'm still verging on never.

- She cleans the camera by breathing on the lens and wiping it with her dress sleeve. So here's the problem. You're nasty. And not in the good way.

- She says you're not going to believe the sounds coming from the house. There are no workmen today. She has silence apart from Porter, but animals don't count. How they can pack that much stupid in one body is a medical mystery to me.

- Lauren has asked her when she wants to kick start phase two. She honestly said she needs to put it off until early next year. She needs to save some more pennies. These people are boring. I'm bored. This is boring.

- She's shows us her PR H&M dress that she's wearing. The one she wiped her lens with. More floral for spring. Groundbreaking. She's not opened her order as these are fulfilling her so much. She thinks hands down this is the best thing H&M have done since her collection. They're so align with her. She sent it over saying guys I want it all. At this juncture, you're actually lower than a worm's tit.

- She says it's quiet apart from Porter crying for his mummy. He's locked in the kitchen. Standard.

- Another birthday present - the joy. Bored, bored. No wait something is coming through. A gifted magnolia tree. Nope bored, bored. She's going to plant it and buy a bench so it's a focal point.

- She lists the names of the flowers for her new flower beds. She can pronounce none. Now I'm not necessarily saying you're stupid, but maybe you should take up an activity that doesn't require any intellect. Like colouring.

- She's gone on a shopping spree on Amazon. She kept making order after order after order. Just like beautiful gift cards in bulk that you can add your own message. I imagine 'I'm sorry Nicky for unleashing the red dragon' still awaits to be written.

- She's booked a private puppy trainer as Porter keeps barking at the sound of her voice. She moans to Ali when he returns that she can't vlog. Firstly, where has Ali gone? JK. Rhetorical question. The car park obviously. But he's normally like the Olympic torch - never allowed to go out. Secondly, dogs bark for attention. I want to be nice to you Lydia, I really do, but you're just so stupid.

- She's very self-aware and has realised the reason she didn't do well at school is she should have had her own tutor. Tutor Lesson one. You can't fix stupid. She thrives off person to person praise. Her mind wanders when people talk to her. Porter continues to bark and she fangs 'alright alright' and let's him into the living room. He's trying to get her attention by pulling on her dress, but she ignores him. She's distracted. She's opening another birthday gift. Obviously. She puts him back in the kitchen because he's going to ruin her haul and ruin mummy's makeup. Scenario Nightmare - If I was stranded on an deserted island with you, I'd be making a canoe out of you.

- She's bought a rollneck jumper. Only one. She says she buys in bulk usually. Socks. They're not right. Thongs next. For gardening. Too many stupid people. Too few bullets.

- She tells Ali to come hither. She's treated him to a USB cable. First kinky gardening thongs now cable to tie him up in the greenhouse. Be still my beating heart. Said no-one ever.

- She's been walking around the house saying I cannot find my camera in an Iranian accent. She loves how Iranians say cammm-er-aaaa. Congratulations on not making it through another vlog without saying something overtly racist. Black lives m...WHAT?!

- The cake stand arrived broken. She feels it's such a faff sending things back. That's because you order so much tit that Cawwee would be able to claim squatter's rights at the post office.

- She wishes she could command Porter not to pull on mummy's clothes. Her puppy lesson was cancelled as she used the wrong link. May I never run out of Tattle moderator approved ways to tell you you're stupid.

- Ali is singing Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? to Lumi. But definitely not in French. She tells Ali he looks very sexy in his pinny. Sexy is not the condition he has. Definitely not. It's commonly known as 'being whipped'.

-She thinks the general theme of the vlog has been practicality. It's not. It's stupidity. But great vlog Lydia. It was the end for me.

 

[Miscanthus]

Better late than never @SteffiM. Although I'm still verging on never.

- She cleans the camera by breathing on the lens and wiping it with her dress sleeve. So here's the problem. You're nasty. And not in the good way.

- She says you're not going to believe the sounds coming from the house. There are no workmen today. She has silence apart from Porter, but animals don't count. How they can pack that much stupid in one body is a medical mystery to me.

- Lauren has asked her when she wants to kick start phase two. She honestly said she needs to put it off until early next year. She needs to save some more pennies. These people are boring. I'm bored. This is boring.

- She's shows us her PR H&M dress that she's wearing. The one she wiped her lens with. More floral for spring. Groundbreaking. She's not opened her order as these are fulfilling her so much. She thinks hands down this is the best thing H&M have done since her collection. They're so align with her. She sent it over saying guys I want it all. At this juncture, you're actually lower than a worm's tit.

- She says it's quiet apart from Porter crying for his mummy. He's locked in the kitchen. Standard.

- Another birthday present - the joy. Bored, bored. No wait something is coming through. A gifted magnolia tree. Nope bored, bored. She's going to plant it and buy a bench so it's a focal point.

- She lists the names of the flowers for her new flower beds. She can pronounce none. Now I'm not necessarily saying you're stupid, but maybe you should take up an activity that doesn't require any intellect. Like colouring.

- She's gone on a shopping spree on Amazon. She kept making order after order after order. Just like beautiful gift cards in bulk that you can add your own message. I imagine 'I'm sorry Nicky for unleashing the red dragon' still awaits to be written.

- She's booked a private puppy trainer as Porter keeps barking at the sound of her voice. She moans to Ali when he returns that she can't vlog. Firstly, where has Ali gone? JK. Rhetorical question. The car park obviously. But he's normally like the Olympic torch - never allowed to go out. Secondly, dogs bark for attention. I want to be nice to you Lydia, I really do, but you're just so stupid.

- She's very self-aware and has realised the reason she didn't do well at school is she should have had her own tutor. Tutor Lesson one. You can't fix stupid. She thrives off person to person praise. Her mind wanders when people talk to her. Porter continues to bark and she fangs 'alright alright' and let's him into the living room. He's trying to get her attention by pulling on her dress, but she ignores him. She's distracted. She's opening another birthday gift. Obviously. She puts him back in the kitchen because he's going to ruin her haul and ruin mummy's makeup. Scenario Nightmare - If I was stranded on an deserted island with you, I'd be making a canoe out of you.

- She's bought a rollneck jumper. Only one. She says she buys in bulk usually. Socks. They're not right. Thongs next. For gardening. Too many stupid people. Too few bullets.

- She tells Ali to come hither. She's treated him to a USB cable. First kinky gardening thongs now cable to tie him up in the greenhouse. Be still my beating heart. Said no-one ever.

- She's been walking around the house saying I cannot find my camera in an Iranian accent. She loves how Iranians say cammm-er-aaaa. Congratulations on not making it through another vlog without saying something overtly racist. Black lives m...WHAT?!

- The cake stand arrived broken. She feels it's such a faff sending things back. That's because you order so much tit that Cawwee would be able to claim squatter's rights at the post office.

- She wishes she could command Porter not to pull on mummy's clothes. Her puppy lesson was cancelled as she used the wrong link. May I never run out of Tattle moderator approved ways to tell you you're stupid.

- Ali is singing Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? to Lumi. But definitely not in French. She tells Ali he looks very sexy in his pinny. Sexy is not the condition he has. Definitely not. It's commonly known as 'being whipped'.

-She thinks the general theme of the vlog has been practicality. It's not. It's stupidity. But great vlog Lydia. It was the end for me.

Thank you @Elle Belle for a fantastic summary. So grateful that you wade through the 'content' that Lidl pushes out
Love your sassy avatar!

 

[Milking Keynes]

Don’t forget to lock the previous thread, going back and forth will be too hard !

Thread got locked so quick update- Snoopy and Muffin are registered to join the Boundary Protection Services Unit - a specially designated unit of guard dogs patrolling the periphery of our venue at Downtonbury so that influencers cannot infiltrate, film and copy for their (lack of) content.

I seem to recall from Fur Babies that Muffin is an excellent digger (I think he dug up my long lost Christmas ornaments for Gem to bring home) - and a big barker so I think this honoured role will suit both Muffin and Snoopy. Welcome to both and good luck with your mission.

 

[Sofie]

Firstly, where has Ali gone? JK. Rhetorical question. The car park obviously. But he's normally like the Olympic torch - never allowed to go out.

Hilarious @Elle Belle, you always make me chuckle

 

[Oops...]

Thank you yet again @Miscanthus for yet another shiny new thread!

Thank you @Dobs again for yet another shiny new thread title!

Thank you @Elle Belle for the much needed recap. DON’T leave us! It’s not the end - NOOOOOOO!

Thank you @Milking Keynes for inviting DOGS back into our threads! I am besides myself! It’s made me SO happy to see some old favourites again and to meet some new ones. In fact it’s made me SO happy that I actually enjoyed Ali’s vlog...and I stayed awake.

I love our community I really do

 

[SteffiM]

Better late than never @SteffiM. Although I'm still verging on never.

- She cleans the camera by breathing on the lens and wiping it with her dress sleeve. So here's the problem. You're nasty. And not in the good way.

- She says you're not going to believe the sounds coming from the house. There are no workmen today. She has silence apart from Porter, but animals don't count. How they can pack that much stupid in one body is a medical mystery to me.

- Lauren has asked her when she wants to kick start phase two. She honestly said she needs to put it off until early next year. She needs to save some more pennies. These people are boring. I'm bored. This is boring.

- She's shows us her PR H&M dress that she's wearing. The one she wiped her lens with. More floral for spring. Groundbreaking. She's not opened her order as these are fulfilling her so much. She thinks hands down this is the best thing H&M have done since her collection. They're so align with her. She sent it over saying guys I want it all. At this juncture, you're actually lower than a worm's tit.

- She says it's quiet apart from Porter crying for his mummy. He's locked in the kitchen. Standard.

- Another birthday present - the joy. Bored, bored. No wait something is coming through. A gifted magnolia tree. Nope bored, bored. She's going to plant it and buy a bench so it's a focal point.

- She lists the names of the flowers for her new flower beds. She can pronounce none. Now I'm not necessarily saying you're stupid, but maybe you should take up an activity that doesn't require any intellect. Like colouring.

- She's gone on a shopping spree on Amazon. She kept making order after order after order. Just like beautiful gift cards in bulk that you can add your own message. I imagine 'I'm sorry Nicky for unleashing the red dragon' still awaits to be written.

- She's booked a private puppy trainer as Porter keeps barking at the sound of her voice. She moans to Ali when he returns that she can't vlog. Firstly, where has Ali gone? JK. Rhetorical question. The car park obviously. But he's normally like the Olympic torch - never allowed to go out. Secondly, dogs bark for attention. I want to be nice to you Lydia, I really do, but you're just so stupid.

- She's very self-aware and has realised the reason she didn't do well at school is she should have had her own tutor. Tutor Lesson one. You can't fix stupid. She thrives off person to person praise. Her mind wanders when people talk to her. Porter continues to bark and she fangs 'alright alright' and let's him into the living room. He's trying to get her attention by pulling on her dress, but she ignores him. She's distracted. She's opening another birthday gift. Obviously. She puts him back in the kitchen because he's going to ruin her haul and ruin mummy's makeup. Scenario Nightmare - If I was stranded on an deserted island with you, I'd be making a canoe out of you.

- She's bought a rollneck jumper. Only one. She says she buys in bulk usually. Socks. They're not right. Thongs next. For gardening. Too many stupid people. Too few bullets.

- She tells Ali to come hither. She's treated him to a USB cable. First kinky gardening thongs now cable to tie him up in the greenhouse. Be still my beating heart. Said no-one ever.

- She's been walking around the house saying I cannot find my camera in an Iranian accent. She loves how Iranians say cammm-er-aaaa. Congratulations on not making it through another vlog without saying something overtly racist. Black lives m...WHAT?!

- The cake stand arrived broken. She feels it's such a faff sending things back. That's because you order so much tit that Cawwee would be able to claim squatter's rights at the post office.

- She wishes she could command Porter not to pull on mummy's clothes. Her puppy lesson was cancelled as she used the wrong link. May I never run out of Tattle moderator approved ways to tell you you're stupid.

- Ali is singing Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? to Lumi. But definitely not in French. She tells Ali he looks very sexy in his pinny. Sexy is not the condition he has. Definitely not. It's commonly known as 'being whipped'.

-She thinks the general theme of the vlog has been practicality. It's not. It's stupidity. But great vlog Lydia. It was the end for me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for responding to my shameless beg (I wonder where I learned that). Your recaps always make my day

 

[Milking Keynes]

Better late than never @SteffiM. Although I'm still verging on never.

- She cleans the camera by breathing on the lens and wiping it with her dress sleeve. So here's the problem. You're nasty. And not in the good way.

- She says you're not going to believe the sounds coming from the house. There are no workmen today. She has silence apart from Porter, but animals don't count. How they can pack that much stupid in one body is a medical mystery to me.

- Lauren has asked her when she wants to kick start phase two. She honestly said she needs to put it off until early next year. She needs to save some more pennies. These people are boring. I'm bored. This is boring.

- She's shows us her PR H&M dress that she's wearing. The one she wiped her lens with. More floral for spring. Groundbreaking. She's not opened her order as these are fulfilling her so much. She thinks hands down this is the best thing H&M have done since her collection. They're so align with her. She sent it over saying guys I want it all. At this juncture, you're actually lower than a worm's tit.

- She says it's quiet apart from Porter crying for his mummy. He's locked in the kitchen. Standard.

- Another birthday present - the joy. Bored, bored. No wait something is coming through. A gifted magnolia tree. Nope bored, bored. She's going to plant it and buy a bench so it's a focal point.

- She lists the names of the flowers for her new flower beds. She can pronounce none. Now I'm not necessarily saying you're stupid, but maybe you should take up an activity that doesn't require any intellect. Like colouring.

- She's gone on a shopping spree on Amazon. She kept making order after order after order. Just like beautiful gift cards in bulk that you can add your own message. I imagine 'I'm sorry Nicky for unleashing the red dragon' still awaits to be written.

- She's booked a private puppy trainer as Porter keeps barking at the sound of her voice. She moans to Ali when he returns that she can't vlog. Firstly, where has Ali gone? JK. Rhetorical question. The car park obviously. But he's normally like the Olympic torch - never allowed to go out. Secondly, dogs bark for attention. I want to be nice to you Lydia, I really do, but you're just so stupid.

- She's very self-aware and has realised the reason she didn't do well at school is she should have had her own tutor. Tutor Lesson one. You can't fix stupid. She thrives off person to person praise. Her mind wanders when people talk to her. Porter continues to bark and she fangs 'alright alright' and let's him into the living room. He's trying to get her attention by pulling on her dress, but she ignores him. She's distracted. She's opening another birthday gift. Obviously. She puts him back in the kitchen because he's going to ruin her haul and ruin mummy's makeup. Scenario Nightmare - If I was stranded on an deserted island with you, I'd be making a canoe out of you.

- She's bought a rollneck jumper. Only one. She says she buys in bulk usually. Socks. They're not right. Thongs next. For gardening. Too many stupid people. Too few bullets.

- She tells Ali to come hither. She's treated him to a USB cable. First kinky gardening thongs now cable to tie him up in the greenhouse. Be still my beating heart. Said no-one ever.

- She's been walking around the house saying I cannot find my camera in an Iranian accent. She loves how Iranians say cammm-er-aaaa. Congratulations on not making it through another vlog without saying something overtly racist. Black lives m...WHAT?!

- The cake stand arrived broken. She feels it's such a faff sending things back. That's because you order so much tit that Cawwee would be able to claim squatter's rights at the post office.

- She wishes she could command Porter not to pull on mummy's clothes. Her puppy lesson was cancelled as she used the wrong link. May I never run out of Tattle moderator approved ways to tell you you're stupid.

- Ali is singing Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? to Lumi. But definitely not in French. She tells Ali he looks very sexy in his pinny. Sexy is not the condition he has. Definitely not. It's commonly known as 'being whipped'.

-She thinks the general theme of the vlog has been practicality. It's not. It's stupidity. But great vlog Lydia. It was the end for me.

Brilliant, @Elle Belle, thank you!!

 

[AmaliaLana]

Thread got locked so quick

And here i am waiting for the Emma Hill thread getting locked since 9.30pm Emma's thread is very low on the priorities list compared to Lydl's I mean i get it, we had no new comment since Monday.
The most exciting was that Emma came out as bi, but it was the wrong Emma.
Thanks @Elle Belle, loved the canoe comment. Also, how can you use the wrong link and get your appointment cancelled like this?

 

[Hunevoque2]

Thread got locked so quick update- Snoopy and Muffin are registered to join the Boundary Protection Services Unit - a specially designated unit of guard dogs patrolling the periphery of our venue at Downtonbury so that influencers cannot infiltrate, film and copy for their (lack of) content.

I seem to recall from Fur Babies that Muffin is an excellent digger (I think he dug up my long lost Christmas ornaments for Gem to bring home) - and a big barker so I think this honoured role will suit both Muffin and Snoopy. Welcome to both and good luck with your mission.

Muffin , although she acts like a man is a very pretty girl!! But she will be an excellent BPSU!

 

[Jeana J]

Merlin the whippet also reporting for boundary ‘paw-trol’ . He has the obvious advantage of speed but also the cinched in waist of dreams and fur the colour of sunny flash, for camouflage purposes. One other attribute, which he doesn’t like to brag about, is his head cunningly disguises as a spin bike saddle.

#stealthhound

 

[Milking Keynes]

Muffin , although she acts like a man is a very pretty girl!! But she will be an excellent BPSU!

Humblest apologies to pretty Muffin - this is even better news, though, because she is a perfect undercover patrol dog - a pretty little thing with a belter of a bark to signal warnings. I think she will do the unit proud. Grumpy Snoopy sounds just right for a no-nonsense approach. Look forward to reuniting them with some of the old guard - Teddy Bear, Lana, Gem and Roo and our new recruits, Milo and Tádé.

 

[coconochanel]

Evening my lovelies, What a day its been, I was pottering about in some of my 50 aches of land wearing my Valentino dress, Hermes sandals and HERMES head scarf around my head (got to keep my hair out of my face while I'm bent over my vegetable beds) when Rishi came home and said Boris secretary had received a call from a very EXCITED and manic woman in a fake posh accent saying she had seen the flat he had recently decorated and it was just the style she was looking for and would they put her in touch with the Interior designer. Apparently she's an very well know Influencer who lives in Buckinghamshire and had recently bumped into a former PM while she was browsing in Dayleford garden Centre. I said Hold on a minute I think I know who it is.......

 

[Geranium]

Merlin the whippet also reporting for boundary ‘paw-trol’ . He has the obvious advantage of speed but also the cinched in waist of dreams and fur the colour of sunny flash, for camouflage purposes. One other attribute, which he doesn’t like to brag about, is his head cunningly disguises as a spin bike saddle. View attachment 550724 #stealthhound

I love whippets. They always look so endearingly worried, bless them.

I watched Ali’s vlog at warp speed but was glad to hear his blood pressure is back to normal! But I spotted the poor abandoned bike that Lydia forgot in the background when he was filming in the shed. Looked like it was crammed in near the ceiling .

 

[Milking Keynes]

Merlin the whippet also reporting for boundary ‘paw-trol’ . He has the obvious advantage of speed but also the cinched in waist of dreams and fur the colour of sunny flash, for camouflage purposes. One other attribute, which he doesn’t like to brag about, is his head cunningly disguises as a spin bike saddle. View attachment 550724 #stealthhound

Another new recruit reporting for duty! Merlin the Whippet - a multi-talented and speedy addition to the Boundary Protection Services Unit - what an enviable physique - to defend our Venue. Woe betide an influencer trying to get past him. See you at training camp, Merlin.

 

[AmaliaLana]

I love whippets. They always look so endearingly worried, bless them.

Drama Queens! I love them.
The two of my former landlords.