Long-term relationships in your 20s

[Flossy2019]

Wait did you really buy a horse or did you mean house? Ngl I thought it was the horse that shagged around for a sec
Anyway I've been with my husband since I was 22 (now 29) and honestly it's just a repeat of a narc relationship like I had with my dad. I have 2 amazing little ones under 5 but otherwise I'm happy to put my 20s behind me and looking for a way out to have a fresh start for my 30s, no relationships included!

Hahaha no I bought a horse !! sadly he passed away last year but he got me through my single years and I loved him more than any boyfriend and wow really ?

 

[Eureka]

Can I ask does it bother you at all you aren’t married after so long. My boyfriend is divorced and he says he doesn’t want to get married again .. at first that did sting a bit but I’m not really bothered now as it’s expensive and also not sure I would like all eyes on me

We were 13 years together before we got married. We only really did it for tax reasons. I don’t think marriage is important anymore, it’s not a sign of commitment when so many people divorce. I think getting together so young helped me see that a ring isn’t a guarantee, we saw couples who met after we did marry and split up. Why change something that works? In the end we did marry but did it on the quiet with no fuss.

 

[Lovelife899]

If you were to get married, would you prefer a big wedding as opposed to just popping to your local town hall?

p.s. thanks for sharing your stories everyone!! I'm the only one of my friends in a long-term relationship atm so it's great to hear other people's experiences xxx

If we ever do get married I can see us running away to Vegas or something definitely don’t want a big wedding.

 

[Flossy2019]

If we ever do get married I can see us running away to Vegas or something definitely don’t want a big wedding.

Someone I know went abroad I can’t remember where somewhere like the Seychelles or something and got married with 2 strangers as their witnesses.

 

[disneys]

I’ve been with my husband since I was 20 and he was 22 , we are now 31 and 32 and are married with a son

Lots of people judged me at uni for having a boyfriend and people Said I’d miss out by settling down young but I don’t feel that way at all

in our early twenties we travelled a lot , sometimes together sometimes with friends .. when we got to 25/26 we stopped that and just started to travel together

we moved in together when I graduated so we could afford to rent a flat together , so we would’ve been 22 and 23 .. we saved up really hard and had some help from family and were able to buy a property together when we were 27 and 28. My husband proposed not long before we completed on our house ..

we then had a lovely surprised , we fell accidentally pregnant when I was 28 and less than a year into our engagement which derailed wedding plans completely.. my son was born in July 2019 and we eventually had a pandemic wedding in Sept 2020 !

All in all , I couldn’t recommend a long term relationship in your twenties enough ! I am so happy and never felt like being committed held me back , only enchanced my experiences ! Of course everyone is different and I know some of my friends would’ve have hated it

jn my opinion there is no correct timescale , when you find the right person you just have to go with it

 

[Platypusfattypus]

Got together when I was 23 and he was 20. Moved i together 2 months after we met. I went travelling a few months after, he came out to join me. Got back a few months after that. Decided to try for a baby 4 years later, by the time I was 29 I was pregnant with our second.

Fast forward almost 20.years still together, but with a third child. Still my best mate, still fancy the arses of each other. Getting together at that age never held either of us back.

 

[Platformcrocs]

I've had two. First relationship was when I was 20, together for 5.5 years then split up when I was 25. I think we just drifted apart (that's the short explanation anyway) and probably should have ended it a few years earlier.

I don't regret it as such but I do regret putting so much time and energy into the relationship because my friendships suffered as a result. I didn't really experience student life (lived in halls, then moved in with my ex in my second year) because he was a couple of years older and graduated already. I leaned on him way too much for everything.

Second was about a year after that when I was 26, I'm 30 now and we do not live together. We both own our flats and I don't want to buy a property with someone I don't have legal ties to. I've also got a bit more money saved than he does and would rather the deposit for the next place was 50/50. Sounds a bit dramatic but I've worked hard to get to where I am and I don't want to give that up!

 

[lira]

Hahaha no I bought a horse !! sadly he passed away last year but he got me through my single years and I loved him more than any boyfriend and wow really ?

Aw no, I'm so sorry to hear that, I have zero experiences with horses but they are pretty magnificent looking, better than any boyfriend for sure
I think your 20s can be the make or break with plenty of things, and despite coming out of it much worse in lot of ways, I've learnt how to be independent in every aspect of my life, so I guess it wasn't a complete waste I do recommend a long term relationship in your twenties as long as it's a healthy one, because there'll be a lot of growing and changing, and you need to be able to communicate and compromise to stay strong together.

 

[Holidaybobs]

I recently turned 26 and my partner is my first true and only love (I know it sounds cheesy). I had a boyfriend when I was 17 but, realised I wasn’t interested and enjoyed spending time with my friends more. I’ve always been fiercely independent so didn’t see the need for a partner. I bought my first house at 22.5 then went travelling on my own at 23. I met my partner later that year and fell head over heels for him. He moved up North to be with me which was a massive deal as he has a very successful business which was based in London. But, I couldn’t live away from my immediate family and he decided he couldn’t live away from me so up he came. I sold my house and we bought a place together. We got engaged at the end of 2019, it was absolutely perfect. We haven’t made any wedding plans due to COVID but, plan on something intimate in Italy. Currently, we are in the middle of selling our home and building our dream house which is further in the country.

Before I met him, I never thought I needed anyone as I’d been let down by men for so long, I genuinely expected to stay single all my life. Since meeting him I’ve become more affectionate and forthcoming with my emotions. I enjoyed my early 20s extensively and I’m so glad I travelled and enjoyed myself before I decided to settle down. I think you know when you’ve met the right one, I did, something just clicked. He makes me happier than anyone else and he’s the only person I don’t mind spending everyday with! I think your 20s are great for exploring yourself and being slightly selfish as you are still figuring things out.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I met my husband when we were both 19. We moved cities and moved in together after 8 months. We’ve been together for 11 years now.

We do go on holiday but neither is us has much desire for travel. We have a few things in our dreams (pyramids, Route 66).

I don’t feel it held me back, I wasn’t a big party goer and I am very shy. I possibly missed out at uni, but it wasn’t really my scene anyway.

I’m my only friend who has stayed in their long term relationship. Two that have had them parted in 2019.

We bought our house four years ago after renting for 7. I had savings and have jointly managed our money for over 10 years so we always saved together. We do have our own savings and I have inheritance.

If a relationships works it works. I never thought he would be long term as all my other boyfriends have cheated on me and I always thought he would too. I’ve had past relationships and did have one or two one night stands.

The idea of dating now gives me nightmares!

 

[Definitelyme]

I haven’t read all the replies but here is my two pence!

You ask would you recommend it - only if you feel that it’s someone worth your time. That’s the same at any age. No matter what age you shouldn’t waste your days, weeks or months on someone if it isn’t going to last. Conversely, if you feel they could be the one for you then age doesn’t matter.

I met my husband at 20, we started going out at 21. At 22 we graduated uni and went travelling together (although I wish we had done more of that!)
At 23 he moved to live in my country, and we bought our house at 24 and got married a few months later (I was just turned 25, he was still 24)
At 26 we had our first baby, second arrived at 29.

We’ve been married just shy of 10years now, and have 3 kids, and another arriving imminently.

We are both old sods, we aren’t the sort who ever enjoyed going out drinking or clubbing, we were always happy sitting on our bums scoffing snacks So I have never once felt like we missed anything in our 20s. I watched friends do the dating scenes, clubs etc and always thanked my lucky stars I had found someone as boring as me to stay in with!!

I don’t think any of our “success” in our relationship has to do with our ages then, or now. Just the fact we are the right people for the job, so to speak! I honestly can’t fathom what I’d have been doing without him since I turned 20, and we have the very happiest (if not possibly slightly boring to many I’m sure!) of lives.

Maybe I should also add he was my first proper boyfriend, so I haven’t ever known a relationship other than this. But after 14yrs, I think it’s safe to say it’s going ok

 

[rlouisep9]

I met my boyfriend when I was 21, in October of that year. In June I had left my final year of university then immediately went to America to work at a summer camp over there and travel with friends afterwards until September. Because I'd done a lot by the time we met, I've never felt I've missed out on anything! Except maybe swiping on Tinder because we met before that took off so I'd help my friends out on their swipes instead

We've been to quite a few places together (including pretty far away destinations!) and I've also been on holidays with friends without him since we've been together. We've got some other exciting plans of places we want to go too.

We moved into together after 3.5 years, to be honest it would have been longer but I was renting and the landlord was selling (he was living at home) so it made the most sense to get a place to rent together. We've been saving to buy the whole time we've lived together which will be 4 years next month! We are aiming to buy somewhere this year.

Been together nearly 7 and a half years, not engaged and not sure when that will be. We aren't fussed about marriage or a wedding, it won't change anything for us but I think once we are settled in (hopefully) our new home later this year that'll be the next step. I think he knows I'll be annoyed if he spent money on an engagement ring and not towards our house deposit

We are both very independent and have our own friends, hobbies etc so I think because we've never lived in each others pockets it's always meant I've just carried on living my life and doing what I want, so definitely don't have anything negative to say about being in a relationship for pretty much my entire 20s!

 

[atrendingtopic]

We both own our flats and I don't want to buy a property with someone I don't have legal ties to. I've also got a bit more money saved than he does and would rather the deposit for the next place was 50/50. Sounds a bit dramatic but I've worked hard to get to where I am and I don't want to give that up!

Not dramatic at all, you're very wise!

Can I ask why you don't want to buy with someone you don't have legal ties to? Is it just personal preference?
Would an agreement drawn up stating that you've both put £X in not protect you if anything went wrong?

 

[Polkadot123]

Met in 2015 - I was 23 and he was 20.
Engaged and bought a house in 2019.
Meant to be married in 2020 and now moved to 2022. Neither of us feel like we missed out. Been to New York, florida, Copenhagen, Paris and all over the UK. And many plans coming soon hopefully. Also starting to think about a family. I worried because he was younger that he would not want to settle down. But we are happier than ever. He truly is my best friend and we enjoying doing everything together. But still nice that we have our own friends to do this with. I have traveled with my friends and he has gone with his as well.
May sounds cheesy but if you do meet the 'one' then it just feels right and I never miss being single and always have honest conversations about our goals etc. We have so much more to come, more travel, bigger house, starting our family.

 

[mRu]

I got together with my fella when I was 20 and he was 18. I was in my 2nd yeAr of uni and he was a new addition to my friendship group back home. We are both each other's first love.
The distance actually solidified our relationship as we got to know each other before rushing it all as we spoke almost every day. And being in the same friendship group meant we were always socialising together so one didn't get left at home. We don't really travel but we bought our home at 26, married at 29, first kid at 32 And 2nd kid at 35.
I don't really feel I missed out on much, only moving to London after uni for work but I love my job at home and I love this part of the country so only difference is my career would've advanced quicker in the city. But I wouldn't change any of it.

 

[Platformcrocs]

Not dramatic at all, you're very wise!

Can I ask why you don't want to buy with someone you don't have legal ties to? Is it just personal preference?
Would an agreement drawn up stating that you've both put £X in not protect you if anything went wrong?

Yeah, just my personal preference! It works well for some relationships so if you want to move in with a partner you absolutely should. I moved in with my ex very early on in the relationship and think it made us quite complacent with each other. I feel like I've done the cohabitation stuff already and I don't want to be a "live-in girlfriend" again. But ultimately I'd like us to split the deposit so neither of us feel resentment, we earn almost the same amount so it's doable.

 

[mcfeez]

My husband and I started dating when we were only 18. I don't feel like it affected my life experiences. We didn't officially live together in our own rented place until we were around 22 - he started a full time job while I continued my education. Once we were both in full time employment we were able to buy own home which was we were 25.

In terms of travel, we've done loads of it - all together. It helps that we are actually very similar with quite similar interests and passion is a huge passion for both of us. This would have been a real deal breaker for I think.

 

[Kim Mild]

I was with my ex during my 20s for about 6 and a half years. Had a child when I was 21.
We weren't interested in travelling. In hindsight, I wouldn't have stayed with him so long but I still would have had a relationship. I don't think I would have listened to advice to the contrary. Life is about learning from experience.
I also think relationships just happen, they can't be planned so much . If the opportunity for a relationship is there, don't push it away cos there may be potential yo do something else

Not dramatic at all, you're very wise!

Can I ask why you don't want to buy with someone you don't have legal ties to? Is it just personal preference?
Would an agreement drawn up stating that you've both put £X in not protect you if anything went wrong?

You will have legal ties if you buy a property together.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I was with my ex 16-28. I knew I didn’t love him years before I ended it but for whatever reason I just stayed, I knew deep down I intended to leave before 30. It was the best thing I ever did.

 

[Lulu Goss]

I met my partner when I was 19 and he was 23. He already had plans to go travelling with his friends, which happened when we were about 8 months in. He went for four months and while I found it hard, we spoke every day and he said he knew he was in love with me because when his friends talked about continuing on elsewhere afterwards, he knew he wanted to come home to be with me!

We’ve travelled together, city breaks and holidays in new places. I had always wanted to work abroad for a summer when I was a teenager and didn’t because I was in a relationship so that would be the only thing he changed - but in the grand scheme of things we’ve had so many amazing experiences that I don’t feel I’ve missed out as such.

We’ve been together 8 years now. Bought our first home and moved in together after 4 years, got engaged and moved into our next home last year. We now have a baby on the way so wedding plans are on hold for now but I don’t mind, it’ll happen when it happens.

I don’t regret spending my 20s in a relationship at all. Sometimes people say they feel like they’ve missed out - I was a bit of a wild child as a teenager so I had plenty of single experiences We’ve always still had nights out both together and separately with friends and it’s exciting planning things to do together too, whether it’s a full on holiday or just a day out for boozy brunch!

I think the most important thing is a partner has to enhance your life, not hold you back. Mine is genuinely my best friend, we’ve had ups and downs over the years but overall I’m happy we’re spending our lives together