Long-term relationships in your 20s

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Would love to hear people's experiences of being in long-term relationships (2years+) in their 20s. Whether they worked out or not

Did you travel much (solo or otherwise)? Did you/do you feel like being in a long-term relationship at a young age held you back?

If married, did you get married young/have a long engagement/short engagement/get married decade(s) later?

When did you move in together? If you own a property together, when did you start saving together?

Based on your experiences would you recommend a long-term relationship in your 20s?

No need to answer all of these questions! They just popped into my head when I was thinking about this topic.

 

[Meh]

Yep! Started my relationship just before my 20th birthday (partner 5 years older) and 13 years on, we’re still together.

We travel a lot together, always have. (Past year aside)

Not married yet, not sure why really. We know we want to marry and will just go away, get married and come back. No wedding or party, no engagement etc. No kids, both of us know we don’t want to have kids and discussed this early on. If either one had wanted a family that would have been it really. It’s the one thing people can’t snd shouldn’t compromise on.

We own our house, bought after 7 years together; 6 years renting together.

Yeah, I had a few boyfriends in my teens and it was fun but I’ve never been a hook up type person (genuinely no judgement to anyone who goes out on the ride; be safe and get it ) I love my partner and plan on being with him for the remainder of my days and I trust him on this. However, we never know what will happen round the corner, eh.

 

[Eureka]

Started dating at 18. Had a baby the following year. Bought a house at 25. Got married at 31 and had a second baby at 32. 43 now.

We were able to travel a lot ( I worked in aviation ). Had a pretty decent social life. No regrets here but it was lucky I was with someone who didn’t try and hold me back or who wanted things on his terms.

 

[Samr]

Been together since 20, now 28. It changed my life for the better, motivated me to get a better job so we could buy a house, further education, went on holidays I'd never have done alone, same with social events. I'm not very sociable or outgoing on my own. I sometimes worry about the future as I know long-term relationships can have rough patches but there's no point worrying about that really, that's just me.

 

[Welshgal]

Started dating when I was 19 and he was 22. We’re now together for almost 5 years.

Personally, I know that I have found “the one”, so I really don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything (plus I had my fair share of fun before I met him).

We travel mostly together, as we both love it and like to see/do the same things, but once it’s possible I do plan on going on a (few) girls trips and he occasionally does hiking trips with his mate.

We do not live together because we both still go to uni, which sucks but we have started talking about moving in together and starting to safe up together. In that regard we are moving quite slow due to certain circumstances and it is a bit meh, as it feels like our relationship has come to a bit of a halt, but it’s really just because of stupid law school

I don’t think there’s much advise to give on whether long term relationships are good or bad. It depends on you and your partner
I would however say it is nice if both had some experience before, just so you can avoid the whole “omg I can’t spend my life only having kissed one guy”- problem that quite a few of my friends had.

 

[Lovelife899]

Met my partner when I was 22, been together 8 years (not engaged or married) moved in after a year and a half together. We spent a a lot of time travelling around the world and moved abroad permanently last year!

 

[Sammysox10]

Met my husband when I was 17. Married at 18! 14 years later still together and very happy. Was told by most people it would only last 6 months! I think if you have found the person why worry about when you find them xx

 

[Jellybeansoup]

Met my partner at 24 and now I’m almost 30, we have travelled a bit but it’s not massively been on our radar. We got engaged after 2 years together but haven’t made solid plans to marry yet, no pressure really!

something really important for us is retaining our independence, I still go on holiday with my friends on my own and socialise a lot on weekends with just my friends without pressure or worrying that we’re not spending enough time together!

 

[Stimpii]

I was 25 and my partner was 21 when we started dating. Moved in together after about 18 months (renting) then pretty much fell pregnant straight away (it was planned). We bought a house together when out eldest was 3.

Neither of us were ever interested in going travelling.

We are engaged but I don’t want to get married

Have 3 children now Been together for just over 11 years.

 

[sarahboo]

I'm 29, have been with my fiance since I was 20. We moved in together about a year into our relationship & have been engaged 5 years now. No kids yet.

I have been asked if I worry that I've wasted my 20s because I've spent it in a relationship. I have had some in the past but tbh I think any worries I've had about how I spent my 20s I would have had regardless of my situation. For example if I'd spent my 20s travelling I'd probably questioned whether I should have settled down. I think these questions pop up for everyone the closer 30 becomes. But I'm content in the fact that I made the right choice for me. I'm happy & I don't feel like I've missed out.

One thing that surprises people is when I say I'm grateful that we aren't married yet. I was still quite young when we first got engaged & I am glad we have waited. Looking forward to getting married one day but it's not the be all & end all for me.

I'd recommend a long term relationship in your 20s. But my advice would be to accept that both of you are going to grow & develop as people. What we want & who we are is completely different to when we first got together but we have grown together. I think as well it is important to know who you are outside of your relationship & know that you could also make it on your own if it came to it.

I don't feel like a long term relationship has held me back, but then I was never one to want to go travelling, I'd always envisaged working towards a career & having a family.

 

[Barbie2020]

Met my boyfriend at 18 but we didn’t get together until we were 23. Bought a house together after two years and got engaged when we’d been together 5 years. We’ve been engaged for over a year and get married in June. Trying for a baby after the wedding.

I don’t regret been in a relationship all through my 20s (I’m 30) We’ve done loads of holidays and got to travel to places we wanted to go with hopes of many more in the future.

We both had relationships before, I’m not really one for going out drinking but we both spend time with friends and have plenty of mutual friends as well.

I know some people see 20s as too young to settle down but I think as long as you’re happy in life it doesn’t matter whether you’re single/married/in a relationship.

 

[jackolantern]

I am 28, nearly 29 and I met my boyfriend when I was 18, so nearly 10 years together. Not married, no house and no kids - which is all becoming quite a stress now tbh! We both want them all but it's all situational and it just hasn't been the right time (mainly money). But I'm starting to feel alot of pressure about it now.

• I have never travelled and I am desperate too! I wouldn't say my relationship has held me back from it at all, more the fact I'm skint
• Not married... keep dropping (extremely unsubtle) hints though
• We moved in together in 2012 and we don't own a house, really, really want to but as above lol
• I can't really say if I would recommend it, because everyone is different and it completely depends upon who you are with and what both of you want from life

One thing I will say is I have never felt I was missing out on anything. I was never interested in casual dating and I knew from the start he was 'the one'. So really, I'm just so grateful we found eachother. How lucky it is to find that.

 

[Flossy2019]

So , when I was 18 got with a dude who was 5 years older. I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. He was NOT. Incredibly manipulative and emotionally damaging. He proposed after 11 months. I was no where near ready but wen someone is down on their knee at you’re only 19 what do you do a year and a bit later just before I turned 21 I dumped him. We were literally applying for a mortgage. I couldn’t go through with it didn’t see a future with him. Spent 2 years single bought a horse. Not gonna sugar coat it shagged around A bit and spent every weekend drunk partly because I think was letting my hair down after being with someone so uptight. Got a new job met my now boyfriend at 23.. 3 and a bit years later still together and have a 2 year old didnt do any travelling as doesn’t interest me. Sorry for the essay

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I’m 25 and I’ve been with my partner for six years. I was 19 and he was 21 when we got together, we then bought a house two years in (we had been saving separately since we both started working) and then we got engaged last year. We are getting married next year.

We do holiday together a lot We both love America, especially Florida, but we’ve also done some parts of Europe together too. He also goes fishing once a year with his uncle, his cousin and his dad and I tend to go on holiday with my mum once a year too. I wouldn’t say either of us are into travelling, as in backpacking and such, but we do love to see other countries.

I can’t see me ever regretting spending all of my 20’s with him or all of my life with him. He’s by far the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m one of these people that had a crap childhood and I tend to have a lot of things go wrong for me, but the one thing I got so lucky with is my partner, he’s amazing and I make sure he knows it. He motivates me and makes me want to be a better person, he’s the reason I keep going when life gets tough.

 

[Flossy2019]

Met my partner when I was 22, been together 8 years (not engaged or married) moved in after a year and a half together. We spent a a lot of time travelling around the world and moved abroad permanently last year!

Can I ask does it bother you at all you aren’t married after so long. My boyfriend is divorced and he says he doesn’t want to get married again .. at first that did sting a bit but I’m not really bothered now as it’s expensive and also not sure I would like all eyes on me

 

[about.a.girl]

I’m 25 and I’ve been with my partner for six years. I was 19 and he was 21 when we got together, we then bought a house two years in (we had been saving separately since we both started working) and then we got engaged last year. We are getting married next year.

We do holiday together a lot We both love America, especially Florida, but we’ve also done some parts of Europe together too. He also goes fishing once a year with his uncle, his cousin and his dad and I tend to go on holiday with my mum once a year too. I wouldn’t say either of us are into travelling, as in backpacking and such, but we do love to see other countries.

I can’t see me ever regretting spending all of my 20’s with him or all of my life with him. He’s by far the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m one of these people that had a crap childhood and I tend to have a lot of things go wrong for me, but the one thing I got so lucky with is my partner, he’s amazing and I make sure he knows it. He motivates me and makes me want to be a better person, he’s the reason I keep going when life gets tough.

What a lovely story

 

[Lovelife899]

Can I ask does it bother you at all you aren’t married after so long. My boyfriend is divorced and he says he doesn’t want to get married again .. at first that did sting a bit but I’m not really bothered now as it’s expensive and also not sure I would like all eyes on me

not really... to be honest I would rather spend the money travelling than getting married

 

[atrendingtopic]

not really... to be honest I would rather spend the money travelling than getting married

If you were to get married, would you prefer a big wedding as opposed to just popping to your local town hall?

p.s. thanks for sharing your stories everyone!! I'm the only one of my friends in a long-term relationship atm so it's great to hear other people's experiences xxx

 

[lira]

So , when I was 18 got with a dude who was 5 years older. I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. He was NOT. Incredibly manipulative and emotionally damaging. He proposed after 11 months. I was no where near ready but wen someone is down on their knee at you’re only 19 what do you do a year and a bit later just before I turned 21 I dumped him. We were literally applying for a mortgage. I couldn’t go through with it didn’t see a future with him. Spent 2 years single bought a horse. Not gonna sugar coat it shagged around A bit and spent every weekend drunk partly because I think was letting my hair down after being with someone so uptight. Got a new job met my now boyfriend at 23.. 3 and a bit years later still together and have a 2 year old didnt do any travelling as doesn’t interest me. Sorry for the essay

Wait did you really buy a horse or did you mean house? Ngl I thought it was the horse that shagged around for a sec
Anyway I've been with my husband since I was 22 (now 29) and honestly it's just a repeat of a narc relationship like I had with my dad. I have 2 amazing little ones under 5 but otherwise I'm happy to put my 20s behind me and looking for a way out to have a fresh start for my 30s, no relationships included!

 

[Anonemxoxo]

I am 21, my partner is 26, we have been together for 3 years. We have a child together who is 8 months old. I don't feel like getting in a relationship young has affected my life experiences at all. I have enjoyed the uni experience, gone out partying, hung out with my friends, joined all the societies I wanted to. The only thing I haven't been able to do obviously is explore other people, but I have never wanted that anyway as I have been so invested with him. I also lived in halls for a while at the start of our relationship, and had the excitement of sneaking him in and spending time together and the freedom of being fully on my own. We moved in together after 1 year, and rented a one bedroom apartment. We have recently bought a 3 bedroom house as I work practically full time alongside university and he has a full time job so we were able to get a mortgage. We were both saving before we even met each other, but when we moved into our apartment and found out we were expecting our little girl, we both agreed to put whatever we had left every month aside into our joint savings account and ended up with a 5% deposit for our house, so went with the government help to buy loan scheme. If anything having my own family young has made me more mature and driven. I am determined to work hard and achieve my dreams for my little family.